A/N: Yeah, okay, this one is pretty high on the silly scale. Guess when I took a nap this afternoon, my improbability drive engaged and put this thought into my head. If nothing else, perhaps it will give you a chuckle for the day.
Malfunctioning
"Yes?"
"We're here to collect your droid, ma'am."
Jyn eyed the two official-looking men. She had heard the government was doing a roundup to meet the shortage until more were manufactured. There was always the chance they'd come here, despite their remote location.
"Sorry, you can't have him. He's a piece of junk. Malfunctioning. Beyond repair – my husband's tried several times, but it doesn't hold. His programming is faulty. Yesterday he tried to teach my daughter that two plus two equalled red." K stood a mere ten feet away in the kitchen. She could only hope he would keep silent.
The two men looked uncertainly at one another. "We were told—"
"To collect functional droids. Yes, I know. I read about it. That doesn't change the fact that this droid is practically useless. If we could afford it, and there were any to be had, we'd scrap him and get something that worked. But we're stuck with him for the time being. A week ago I gave him some dishes to put away and found him in the yard standing over them with a watering can. How is that any more helpful to you than it is to us?" She put on her most exasperated expression.
"Yes, well, then sign here, please." One held out a datapad.
"What's this?" she asked, peering at it.
"You're acknowledging that you have no working droids for recycling. If and when the supply shortage ends, the government fully intends to return the borrowed droids to their owners."
Jyn glanced quickly over the short statement, making sure it said what they were telling her, and then signed it. "Good luck. I'll be glad when the shortage ends so we can do something about ours."
"If I may ask, ma'am, how did you end up with a KX unit? Those were Imperial droids."
Jyn shrugged. "You take what you can get from the junk dealers when credits are short. This was the best they had and we needed something, though lately I've been thinking we might have been better off keeping the credits and doing without."
The two smiled sympathetically and told her 'good day', then returned to their vehicle and departed. Jyn watched until they were completely out of sight before closing the door.
"You said that I was malfunctioning."
"Yes, K, I did."
"I am not aware of any malfunctions. I ran diagnostics last night. You said I told Lyra that two plus two was red. That is absurd."
"K—"
"Everyone knows that two plus two equals yellow."
Jyn froze, her mouth open, forgetting what she had been about to say. After a moment, she swallowed and asked, "Who told you that?"
"Lyra did. Yesterday when I was teaching her that two plus two equals FOUR. She seemed to find her answer quite amusing, but she was most adamant about it. The lesson ended at that point as I no longer had her attention."
Jyn chuckled. "Ah. Well, you did the best you could despite your 'faulty programming'. But, no, K, I don't think you're malfunctioning. I just had no intention of letting them take you. So I lied through my teeth. And I'll do it again if anyone else comes. The government isn't taking anyone from this family for any reason."
She turned away and went back into the kitchen.
K stood watching her then muttered, "Good."
The End
