A huge thank you to Ambush99 for doing a such a great job betaing this chapter.

Chapter 27

"What?" James managed to stagger out. "Sirius?" He watched his friend's silent and still figure for a moment. "How long have you known?"

"A few months," came the quiet reply.

"What? Why?" James managed again, his thoughts and emotions swirling like a dangerous storm. "Moody?" He finally concluded. He watched his friend slowly nod. "But, I, I don't understand. How? Why?"

"I, look it doesn't matter," Sirius said distantly.

"Doesn't matter?!" James exploded. "What the fuck?! Like the hell it doesn't matter!"

"Please James, just let me go. Just accept it, please," Sirius pleaded, as he started to walk away.

"NO! No, I won't bloody accept it. You're not going to fucking die, I won't allow it!"

"If I'm alive, then we cannot destroy Voldemort. You know what he's like, you know what he will do. We, I can't allow that to happen. James, there are innocent people out there. Innocent people who do not deserve to be tortured and murdered by that bastard. We must stop him, and I am standing in the way. I have to go, I have to die."

"No Sirius," James said desperately, blinking as the wind stung his eyes. "No mate, there has to be another way."

"Do you think I fucking like it?! Do you think I fucking like having a bit of that bastard's soul embedded in me?" Sirius half yelled, half sobbed. "Do you think I want to die? I, I, please James, it's hard enough as it is. I just, I can't cope with anything else right now. Please let it be."

"Come on, let's go."

"James," Sirius said trailing off.

"Mate, if two old friends can't enjoy a beer or two together, then, well then we are truly fucked," James said with a smile. "Come on, let's go back to mine. Lily's at a friend's so we have the place to ourselves. We can have a beer and you can laugh at me cooking."

"We'll starve."

"You wound me, you wound me greatly," James joked, as he leant back, placing his hand over his heart. "I'll have you know I can cook now."

"Really? You burn pasta!"

"No, I can cook now!"

"What, you've graduated from serving it vaguely cooked."

"Well, yes that's about the sense of it," James said as he patted his friend's shoulder, wincing slightly when he felt the tension. "Come on, let's go."

"James-"

"We'll figure it out Padfoot, we'll figure it out with a beer or two. It's going to be okay." The two friends walked in silence as they made their way off the gorse-covered headland into the dimly lit village. A place that held so many memories, so many happy ones and now, it held one of the darkest of memories. James wanted to yell. He wanted to shout and smash stuff, but he knew he couldn't. Sirius was holding it together for everyone else, he needed to hold it together for Sirius.

"Beer?" James said as they walked into the house. He watched Sirius slowly nod before his friend returned his eyes to the ground. Quickly grabbing two cool beers from the fridge, he stepped back into the living room. Leaning against the door frame, he took a moment to collect his thoughts. In the flickering light from the fire, he could visibly see the strain on his friend's face. He could see the tension in his body, as he stood, wound tighter than a coiled spring.

"Hey," he said softly, handing a beer to his friend.

"What, sorry thanks," Sirius managed, taking the beer with a shaking hand.

"You okay mate?"

"Yeah, fine. I'm fine mate," Sirius replied. The beer slipped from his shaking hand, smashing on the floor around them. "Shit! Sorry James. I'm so sorry."

"Sirius it's just a stupid beer, don't worry about it," James reassured. "Why don't you sit? I'll sort this out."

"James, I'm"

"It's just a beer Sirius, don't worry about it. Now sit down before you fall down." He shook his head as he watched his friend collapse onto the sofa, letting his head fall into his hands. Quickly he cast the incantation to clean up the smashed beer and summoned another. "Want to talk about it?"

"What's that going to do?" Sirius replied, his voice muffled from behind his hands.

"I don't know, but it can't be any worse than this."

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't mind, what do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know."

"How about," James started. He sighed and rested his hand on the back of his friend's neck. "I don't know, how about how you became a horcrux?"

Sirius rubbed his face with shaky hands. "When Voldemort tried to kill me." He stopped and took a hesitant breath. "When he cast the killing curse at me and it rebounded, well. Well, our, the theory is his soul was so unstable from creating the other horcruxes that, when the killing curse rebounded, the last remaining part of his fragmented soul latched onto the nearest living thing available."

"You," James interjected. He watched his friend nod. "How did you find out you were..." He stopped and shook his head. "No, you are not a horcrux, you're still Sirius, you just happen to have a horcrux in you."

"Like Moony happens to have a furry problem each month?"

"Precisely."

"No, I have a part of Voldemort's fucking soul in me! And I." Sirius stopped and looked down again.

"And what mate?"

"I, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I'm sorry James, I just can't," Sirius said in a near whisper.

"It's alright mate, we'll figure it out," James reassured him as he draped an arm around Sirius' shaking shoulders. "It'll be okay."

Sirius nodded. "I know, I may not like the endgame, but I know it has to happen."

"No, we'll find a way to remove the horcrux. We are already looking into dealing with the snake. I'll talk to Remus."

"No!"

"What? Mate, Moony is good. He's working with us, not against us. He would never betray us, you can trust him."

"I know," Sirius said slowly. He ran a shaky hand through his hair. "I do trust him, I just." He sighed, and took a hesitant breath. "I just feel, I don't know but, just sick knowing the bastard's soul is embedded in me. I just don't want people to know."

James nodded. "I understand. We can still ask him about removing the horcrux from the snake. The theory and method has to be similar."

"That's if it's possible. Do you think, well, I don't want to hurt Moony's feelings, I don't want him to think we don't trust him, because that's not the case," Sirius said, as he picked a loose thread on his shirt.

"He'll understand. I'm sure he'll feel a bit hurt but, at the end of all of it, he'll understand." James watched his friend's sunken form for a moment. "Many years ago there was a man, fighting in a terrible war. The warlord threatened his family, he was terrified, he couldn't see the wood for the trees. Then his best friend sat him down and told him what he needed to do. Mate, it's about time I repaid that favour."

"James, you don't-"

"Yes I do. It's what friends do for each other. It's what family does for each other."

"Okay."

"Right. Do you enjoy working at the auror's office? Do you enjoy being the boss?" James said determinedly.

"Scares the crap out of me, but yes I do."

"Well, good because you're bloody good at it. So, we can strike that one off the list."

"What list?" Sirius said frowning.

"Quiet now young Sirius."

"I'm older than you."

"Fine," James replied with a slight grin. "Do you enjoy working with and heading up the Order?"

"I wish I didn't have to, but then I wish we weren't at war. I like being able to take action and doing everything I can to defeat the bastard!"

"Again, you're bloody fantastic at it. So, we'll strike that one off the list. See, we're getting somewhere," James said grinning.

"Mate, I've no idea where you're going with this," Sirius said, leaning back against the sofa.

"Wait, I'm getting there. Now Fudge. If I thought beating the crap out of him would help, believe me I would have done it months ago. Unfortunately, with your job, you cannot avoid him. We just need to figure out how to minimise his impact on you. So, no more martyrdom," James said, looking Sirius in the eye.

"But we need to distract him from the Order. If he attacks me, then he'll remain blinded to the Order," Sirius countered.

"No, that's bullshit," James swore. "Fudge will just have to find some other person to attack. You have enough to contend with without Fudge attacking you."

"Fine," Sirius replied, letting his head fall into his hands again. "What else do you have on your list?"

"Your living arrangements."

"What?"

"You need to move out of there. It isolates you, and in times like these with what's happening, that's, well it's a shit idea. Then you have all of those memories that dump has, add in your mother's bloody portrait and that damn house elf. Mate, I'm worried about you."

"What do you suggest?" Sirius said in a near whisper.

"Move out. I know you don't want to sell the place because you think the Order could use it, and I agree with you." James stopped for a moment and sighed. "Moony has gone through the Will with a fine toothed comb and it's rock solid. You don't have to live there. You won't be renouncing your title if you move out, it will still be yours."

"Then where do I go?"

"You can stay at mine," James started, quickly holding his hands up as he saw Sirius about to interject. "And I know you won't and I know you want privacy, and I respect that. So, how about we look into houses around here? Lily, Harry and I are here. Mum and dad are. You've got friends here."

"Sure, whatever you say."

"Good," James said nodding. He leant back against the sofa and sighed. "I don't know about you, but I really cannot be arsed to cook right now. Shall we go to the pub?"

"Good, because I don't fancy being poisoned," Sirius said with a sly grin.

"Piss off you idiot, I'm telling you, I can cook," James said as he walked towards the door.

"Sure you can," Sirius laughed, following his friend out of the house.

"Busy for Thursday night," James observed as they pushed their way into the pub. "Grab a table if you can mate, I'll grab the drinks."

Sirius made his way through the crowd and miraculously found a free table. Sitting down he let his hair fall over his face, and pulled out a book, hoping no one would recognise him. He didn't want or need the questions right now. He didn't mind background chatter; in fact it was quite comforting. He looked down as he felt something nudge his thigh. "Hello boy," he said as he patted the large, black deerhound's head. "What are you doing here? Where's your owner?"

"Cheers mate," James said as he tucked two menus under his arm, and carefully manoeuvred through the crowd. He frowned as he approached the table. Was his friend really that stupid?! "Padfoot," he growled. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

"What?" Sirius said, sitting up. "Mate, I was just picking up a pen from the floor." He watched his friend's eyes slide from him to the dog, and then back to him. "What? Wait, this is what I look like when I transform?"

"Yeah," James said, as he slowly sat down, still eyeing the dog and his best friend. "It's fucking creepy. The dog is like; well it's like Padfoot's twin."

"And I thought I was the one who was supposed to have gone round the bend!" Sirius joked, taking the beer from his friend. The dog's head remained resting in his lap,as its tail wagged.

"I still can't believe your animagus form is a bloody deerhound!"

"What?"

"Deerhound! Padfoot, what's my animagus form?"

"Oh, well it could be worse; I could be a wolfhound."

"Ha! Better if you were a Chihuahua."

"Really?! With this body," Sirius exclaimed, waving his hands over his body. "Anyway, what bloody use would a Chihuahua be against a werewolf?"

"Still, a deerhound?"

"Get over it mate," Sirius laughed. "Anyway mate, why is it so busy on a Thursday night?"

"Mr and Mrs Clarke are leaving for Peru," James informed.

"Clarke? Why does that name ring a bell?" Sirius asked.

"Their son Ben was murdered along with his wife Nancy and two year old son, Josh," James explained.

"Fuck," Sirius exclaimed. "I remember now, it had all the indications of a death eater attack. My department isn't dealing with the case. We have offered the hit wizards our support, but they haven't taken it as of yet. It's so fucking sick. I know he was rumoured to be an unspeakable, but to murder his family, to kill a defenceless child! I fucking hate these bastards!"

"Lancelot!" A voice broke through the crowd.

Sirius watched the dog raise an ear and cock its head. "Mate, I think that's you," he said, grinning at the dog.

"Mrs. Clarke," James said standing up. "Great turnout. You remember my friend Sirius."

"Of course," Mrs. Clarke said smiling, taking Sirius' hand. "I see you have met my dog. I hope he didn't bother you."

"Not at all," Sirius said, as he shook her hand. "I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," Mrs. Clarke said. She looked Sirius up and down and smiled. "I haven't seen Lancelot this happy and relaxed in, well since Ben was murdered. I work with magical creatures and well, ordinary animals. I've tried everything I could for him, but he seemed, well depressed. He was there when Ben was murdered, I think. I know this sounds stupid but I think he blames himself for what happened to Ben, Nancy and Josh. But he seems to love you."

Sirius looked down and smiled, as he scratched the dog's ears. "He's a beautiful dog."

"He is," Mrs. Clarke said slowly. "I could never bond with Lancelot, in any case he's a young person's dog."

"Mrs. Clarke what are you doing with your cottage?" James interjected.

"We are going to shut it up. Ideally we'll find a house sitter but, I'm sorry, I'm a bit particular about who lives there."

"Well, Sirius is looking for somewhere to live around here," James added nervously.

"James," Sirius said quietly, holding his hand up.

"Sirius, is this true?"

"Yes, but I apologise that James has placed you in this imposition."

"A son of Fleamont and Euphemia, a man who runs the Auror department, a man who has consciously stood against you-know-who and a man who Lancelot instantly bonded with, well, Sirius it is yours if you want it."

"Mrs. Clarke, please there are many considerations to take into account," Sirius said slowly. "Legal ramifications. Contract law. Umm, I don't know. But this is your house."

"Sirius, I am well aware of that. How about you come round tomorrow and if you like it, it's yours."

"That would be great," James said quickly before Sirius had a chance to respond. "He'll owl you tomorrow with a time."

"I look forward to it. I'm sorry, it seems my absence has been noticed. It has been nice chatting to you boys and I look forward to your owl Sirius," Mrs. Clarke said, as she turned from the table and headed back to the party. "Come on Lancelot, let's leave these gentlemen in peace."

Sirius watched her and the reluctant dog walk away before he spoke. "James, what the fuck was that about?" he hissed.

"She wanted a house-sitter. You need a house. I merely brokered the deal," James said with a shrug.

"I can't do tomorrow."

"Why not?" James said airily, as he started to read through the menu.

"I don't know, maybe work!"

"Sirius, when was the last time you took a day off?" James asked, putting down the menu.

"I don't know, I don't-"

"You don't know because I don't think you have taken a day off. Do you ensure your subordinates take days off?"

"Of course."

"Then I think it's high time you started to follow your own advice. Take the day off, I'm going to do the same. We'll look at the house. If you like it, I'll help you move in. If not, I'll help you look at other properties."

"James…"

"No, don't give me that crap. Things need to change for you and we worked out the one thing we could change easily was your living arrangements. Now shut up and bloody choose what you're going to eat, I'm starving."

"You always are," Sirius joked. "How about the venison pie?"

"You are a sick individual Sirius Black."