AN: The song quoted is called "Challengers" by New Pornographers. It's the one Tegan sang on tiktok for Valentine's/Lover's Day. Remember, reviews get updates faster!
A shift in the mattress brought consciousness to Aura. She reached out to bring Tegan back in to cuddle, but her arm fell to something shaped more like a leg than a torso. With a furrowed brow, her eyes peeked open to see both twins sitting cross-legged on the mattress, staring at her.
"Oh, fuck all that," she grumbled, rolling over to sleep more.
She heard a pair of giggles behind her, then a hand rested on her shoulder.
"Aura wake up. We have coffee," Tegan's voice cooed.
Aura tried to whine, but it came out deep, somewhere between a groan and a growl. There was another giggle, likely Sara as it didn't stop when Tegan spoke again.
"And you think you're unpleasant before coffee," she said.
Aura turned back over to glare at Tegan. Sitting up cross-legged, she took the coffee cup offered by Sara without removing her dirty look from Tegan, only closing her eyes upon taking the first sip. Looking at Sara, she pointed to the mug.
"Coffee," she started, then pointed at Tegan but kept her eyes on Sara. "Then words."
Understanding both the importance of coffee and having to deal with Tegan before coffee, Sara nodded and bit her lips to hide her grin. Tegan crossed her arms and pouted but also had to hold back her grin. As grumpy as Aura could be in the morning, Tegan just found it adorable.
Looking at the time, Aura realized she slept most of the morning away, but that wasn't too surprising. They had stayed at Jeremy's hours past midnight, partying inside with the other guests who didn't have to work early in the morning. She only had one glass of wine after dinner, so she drove them back to Tegan's apartment where they all crashed. It was more surprising that she was the last one up; neither sister had gotten particularly smashed, but both had kept a good buzz for several hours from the evening until they left.
With over half of her coffee in her stomach, Aura cautiously asked, "So, uh, what's up?"
"We wanted to talk," Tegan said. "About the last couple days. And the last several days..."
"If you're, uh, still up for it, that 'rules and boundaries' chat is probably a good plan," Sara added.
"Still up for it," Aura nodded and drank more of her coffee, wishing the pot was closer for a refill.
"Tegan and I... We've been...selfish messes...for the last few days. Do you want to start? Say something? Ask something?" Sara asked.
"Maybe when I have more coffee," Aura shook her head and slightly raised the empty mug.
Tegan picked up another full mug from the nightstand on her side of the bed that Aura had entirely missed, and she traded it with the one in Aura's hands, setting the empty one where the full had been waiting.
"Good fuck, I love you," Aura said with wonder dripping from her words.
"Is that to me or the coffee?" Tegan grinned.
"Can it be both?" Aura smiled back.
They all looked at each other while Aura had a couple sips. Taking a deep breath, Tegan took the initiative.
"We're sorry for putting you on the spot yesterday," she spoke for both sisters. "Sara told me what you said, but, like... We don't ever want to make you feel like you have to do something. And we don't ever want to put you on the spot like that again."
Tenderness wrote itself on Aura's face as she reached for one of Tegan's hands, squeezing it.
"'Whatever the mess you are, you're mine, okay. If that is the custom, I'm down,'" Aura quoted Tegan's favorite line from her favorite love song. Sara tried to avert her gaze from the intimate moment in front of her, but Aura simply put her mug on the nightstand to take one of Sara's hands, giving it a squeeze, too. "And that includes you, too," she said, tilting her head down to catch Sara's eyes.
Sara nodded and smiled weakly while Tegan glanced between them with strong affection and in mild awe. The sweet moment between her partner and her sister was like a sledgehammer to the foundation of all the bad inside her. Although the crack had been rippling through the wall with each passing day, pieces were now crumbling to the floor, threatening to let bits of light break through. The look on Sara's face showed Tegan that a sledgehammer was working inside her the same.
"This isn't...normal...mess or custom, Aura. Are you sure?" Tegan wanted nothing more than to believe and trust every word out of Aura's mouth, which she imagined was how Aura had felt every time Tegan had reassured her this past week.
"I don't believe in 'normal'," Aura shrugged. "Some stuff is just more or less common than other stuff, but, like, everyone has their own stuff. It was just a hickey." A slight blush crept to both twins' cheeks. "You had to learn the only two safe ways to wake me up within hit or kick reach. That's one of my stuffs."
Sara cocked an eyebrow, not just at the idea of Aura being dangerous to wake, but also trying to come up with a second thing beyond coffee. The growing blush on Tegan's cheeks and Aura's quick wink betrayed the answer.
"Aura," Tegan chided quietly.
"Pretty sure Sara knows we have sex, Tee," Aura pointed out. "Since, like, the first time."
Sara silently laughed to herself as Tegan groaned and hid her face in her hands, always the one more uncomfortable discussing her own sex life of the two.
"Actually, that does remind me of a thing I'd like to make a rule," Aura said, bringing the conversation back to what they had originally intended it to be. "I still don't need reports or details or anything like that, and that's all still fine if anyone wants to give them," she said, mostly for Tegan. "But as a like, uh, general knowledge, statement of fact, 'just needs to be said once' kind of thing... I think I'd like to know if anything happens that, like, could potentially, um, affect my health." Her rambling words tried to explain her logic for the request, but she also wanted to avoid being so blunt that either of the other women got too overwhelmed by the discussion – again, mostly for Tegan.
"Your health?" Sara asked, her tone showing as much confusion as Tegan's expression.
"Yeah, like, uh... Pretend you start dating that one girl. Stacy was it?" Aura began.
"Yes, and I like this idea already," Sara grinned.
"Ha! So, pretend you start dating Stacy, and pretend she has...a cold. Then you and she... Then you and Tegan... Then me and Tegan..." Aura tried to explain a bit more suggestively. "But, like...not a cold."
"Oh," was all Sara could muster for a moment. "But we haven't... you know."
"Like I said, I don't need details. I just like to know when anyone is added to any...chain?... that I'm in," Aura explained.
"Because Chelsea?" Tegan's question came out as more of a hostile statement.
Aura would have been surprised by Tegan's lack of awkwardness about the conversation if she had said anything else, but she hadn't.
"Who's Chelsea?" Sara timidly asked, noting Tegan's tone.
"My ex," Aura sighed, picking at a stray string on the blanket. "We were together for three years, and she, um, hooked up with a bunch of women for the last, like, few months. Like, a bunch."
"Oh, Aura," Sara said, placing a hand on her knee.
"It's fine – " Aura was cut off.
"It's not," Tegan sternly interjected, reminding Aura of a handful of previous conversations they'd had on those words; Aura met her eyes and nodded, acknowledging Tegan's meaning.
"I wasn't, like, madly in love with her or anything," she continued. "The hurt was less, uh, romantic? I guess... It just showed me how little she cared about me at all, even as a friend, that she'd risk my health like that. Like, I did the math and sometimes it was hours between. I mean, I didn't get anything from her in the end."
"How the fuck did you not stab me?" Sara asked, shaking her head.
"Ha!" Aura looked up at the ceiling for a moment, took a deep breath, then looked back at Sara. "I told you: I thought about it, but that's not me. And, besides... Tegan had a much higher chance of stabbage," she teased with a grin.
"I..." Tegan paused then nodded. "I really can't argue. I would have just been like, 'yup, understandable'."
Meeting her girlfriend's eyes, Aura brought Tegan's hand to her mouth, kissing the back of it. Remembering she still had a full mug of coffee, she set her hand down to pick the mug back up. By now it had gotten cold, so she just chugged the rest of it like she was at a college party. When she lowered the mug, Tegan was staring at her with amused fondness, having seen her do this before, but Sara's eyes were wide.
"I'm...actually impressed," Sara said.
"I don't waste coffee," Aura smiled.
"Oh yeah, how did we not get hit when we woke you?" Sara asked.
"It's not every time," Aura laughed, but Tegan was nodding to Sara, mouthing the words 'every time'.
"She smelled the coffee," Tegan grinned.
"Oh, shit," Aura stopped laughing, earning two concerned looks. "I just remembered something from the party. After the, uh, whole hickey thing, I went for a smoke, and Jeremy came to talk to me." Her eyes darted between the sisters' face. "He said, um, he said he loves you...and that he knows."
The color drained from both of their faces, and Aura reached out to hold their hands.
"What," Sara gulped. "How... What exactly did, uh, he..." she trailed off, unable to complete a thought, much less a sentence.
"He just started talking," Aura began to nervously ramble. "He came up to me and just said, 'it was Sara', and that he, um, saw what I did. He was kind of vague. I didn't answer him, so he said that what I did meant I love you guys like he does, and that it means I know. He doesn't know what he knows, he just...knows. But he's too scared to tell you himself, but he asked me to tell you that he loves you and knows."
Sara stared at her lap, unmoving, while Tegan moved back as far as she could go. The headboard stopped her, and she pulled up her knees to hide her face in them.
"What did you say?" Sara whispered.
"I didn't say anything," Aura shook her head. "He just said all that and then left. I think... I think he felt the most important part was that he loves you, and I think that's the most important part, too."
Aura squeezed Sara's hand. Although Tegan had distanced herself, she had not let go of her hand, instead clenching it tighter.
"How much? How much does he know?" Tegan's voice was muffled by her sweatpants, but the fear in it was clear.
"I don't know, but not much, I think?" Aura said. "He said I probably know more than him. I could, uh, I could ask him?"
Four eyes were on her.
"What do you mean?" Tegan asked hesitantly.
"Well, I'd have to know what you guys would be okay or not okay with me saying, but I could, like, talk to him? Test the waters? He was, uh, really worried about talking to you himself. He doesn't want to upset you." Aura bit her lip.
"That's... that's so much. Too much," Sara shook her head.
"Hey, like I said, 'whatever mess'," Aura rubbed the back of Sara's hand with her thumb. "I mean it. If it will help...soften...the blow. This week has not been easy, and I think it'd be, uh, good for you to have more...support? I mean, I don't really know him well yet, but I know that kind of friendship that's, like, decades long. He just loves you."
