So sorry for the huge delay in updating; work, travelling, life etc. But I've handwritten a lot, do I'm hoping to update more regularly.
As always a huge thank you has to go to Ambush99 for her continued amazing betaing skills.
Chapter 38
James grimaced as he swallowed the last remaining mouthful of the bitter-tasting blood replenishing potion. He sighed and let his head fall into his arms. Yes, he had felt like shit. Yes, he had been groggy and as confused as hell, but to go off on Padfoot like that, in this house, what the hell had he been thinking?! The answer was, he hadn't been thinking, that much was evident. He got up and started pacing the room, testing his aching limbs. Padfoot had now pissed off to fuck-knows where, in a highly emotional state, whilst he was on the top of Voldemort and the Ministry's hit list. He had pretty much signed his best friend's death warrant. But what could he do right now? He didn't know the area, having only once taken public transport there, and at that time he had been too concerned Sirius would pass out to take in the route. The other times he had apparated. He knew what Sirius had said made sense - the place had countless wards. He doubted Hogwarts was much safer.
"Fuck!" he swore to the empty room. "Fuck you're such a stupid prick, James!"
He kicked the heavy case in frustration, and swore again. Raking his hands wildly through his untamed hair, he tried to come up with a plan. He needed to make himself useful whilst Sirius was out blowing off steam. But what to do? It was pointless cleaning the place, it would take an army of house elves at least a week. He couldn't cook, well there was no food, so he saved himself that excuse. He could. He stopped and bit his lip. He knew he would be stepping on very dangerous, emotional territory if he did, but if it was for the greater good... he sighed again. Regulus, Sirius' younger brother, had lived here until his untimely death. He had lived here when he had turned against Voldemort. He knew Sirius' relationship with his brother was complicated to say the least. There was still lots of unresolved anger, pain and guilt there, but he had to try.
A little while later he found himself standing in the space between Sirius and Regulus' rooms on the top floor. He'd never been to Grimmauld Place when they were kids, Sirius always coming to his house each holiday. Even recently, when Sirius had briefly lived here, he'd only been a handful of times, and in that time had only been to a couple of rooms. Regulus' room was not one of them. He placed his hand on the door handle and paused for a moment. Was this worth his friend's infamous temper? If it helped them destroy Voldemort, anything was worth it. He took a step back as his breath caught in his throat. If he destroyed Voldemort, Sirius would be dead. He knew Sirius claimed he had dealt with it, that he was okay with it, but he, James Potter, most certainly wasn't okay it. But what choice did they have? Sirius was a horcrux. He had a part of the bastard's soul embedded into his own. In order to destroy the horcrux, Sirius would have to die, and it would have to be by Voldemort's hand. He ran his hands through his wild, untamed hair and stepped back towards the door. He knew Sirius would be mad, but he could deal with that. They had destroyed two horcruxes, they had made an educated guess on three others, so one remained and with every passing day, Voldemort was growing in strength. Time wasn't on their side. They needed more information. With that thought in mind, James pushed forward and stepped into Regulus Black's room.
The room couldn't have been more different from his friend's. Whilst his friend's room was bright, messy and celebrated muggles, his brother's stood in stark contrast. It was dark, the heavy, deep green drapes hung elegantly around the bed. Slytherin posters and banners adorned the walls. The family crest stood out, stark and celebrated, unlike Sirius', where he highly suspected it was hidden behind the poster of the semi-naked Muggle women draped over a motorbike. The other thing he noticed was how clean and tidy it was, almost as though he had stepped into a shrine. It was evident who had been the favourite son. Regulus celebrated, Sirius forgotten. But in the end, both Black brothers would play key and prominent parts in Voldemort's downfall. Whilst the wizarding world would celebrate and honour them, their family would not.
Casting the thought out of his mind, he started to search through the room. He didn't know how long he'd been searching when he felt something click under his worn shoes. Frowning, he stepped back and stared at the dark green rug, Slytherin's snake staring back at him. Carefully pulling it back, he stared at the floorboards. Bending down, he tapped each one with his wand until he came to the loose one. He paused for a moment, wondering if it was safe, wondering if it was a trap. He shook his head, it was just a loose floorboard where a teenaged Regulus had hidden whatever teenaged Slytherins hid. Taking a hesitant breath, he pulled back the floorboard, as he slightly closed his eyes. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't what lay before him. Amongst the balled up, yellowing Daily Prophets was a plain photo frame, standing out in stark contrast to the heavily ornate and silver frames in the rest of the house. The other marked difference were the two unmoving boys in the photo. One, with his wide grin and equally wild hair, his arm slung around the younger boy's shoulders, was unmistakably Sirius, probably when he was twelve James thought, if he had to hasten a guess. The other with an equally wide grin had to be Regulus, looking unlike he had ever seen him. He had only ever seen Regulus looking perfectly posed and groomed, but this Regulus looked as wild as his brother. He couldn't help but smile looking at the two brothers at a happier, less complicated time in their lives. It was a time before all the hatred had poisoned their minds, but he knew Sirius had never stopped loving his brother and now James knew the feeling had been mutual. He carefully turned the frame around, frowning when he noted the slight bulge. With slightly trembling fingers, he released the catches and opened the back, revealing a neatly folded, yellowing parchment. 'Sirius', it was addressed in a familiar, neat, cursive handwriting. He wondered for a moment if he should read it, when it was undoubtedly a deeply personal letter from one brother to the other. But then, did he risk losing a potentially vital piece of information about Voldemort, when Sirius refused to read it? Fearing the latter, he carefully unfolded the parchment.
Sirius,
If you are reading this, then I am dead. You were right, you were right about everything. I guess I was sucked in by mother and father's influence, and Bella's wild lies. I could blame it on the Slytherin Common Room chat, but I should have known better. You were and still are my hero. Growing up, you were always there for me, alway taking the blame for things I did so I wouldn't get hurt. When you ran away I was angry, but I now know it was the right choice, in fact the only choice you had. You were brave to stand up to the family for your beliefs, but I was not. I understood what you were saying, I started to believe it before I was forced to join the Dark Lord. Mother and father forced me to take the mark when I was sixteen. I know what you are going to do, you are going to blame yourself, but don't Sirius. I wasn't ready to leave home when you did, and I needed to make my own choices. Yes, they were the wrong ones but at least they were mine, especially at the end.
Enclosed is Voldemort's list of items he dropped at Borgin and Burkes. He dropped them there whilst I worked there. He seemed particularly cagey and protective over one item; a clock (it looks like the one from the Slytherin Common Room). Anyway, once I realised who he truly was and what the item could be (I think it's a Horcrux), I took it and hid it in the place we used to play Musketeers. Brother, words cannot express how much I love you and how sorry I am. You're my brother, my hero, my knight in shining armour and my fellow Musketeer.
All for one, and one for all.
Love Reggie.
James slowly folded the parchment, and leant his head against his hands. He expected personal, but this, well this was far more than he was expecting. What did he do now? He couldn't very well refold the letter and pretend he'd never read it. He knew Sirius would be angry, it didn't take a lot recently, but he didn't blame his friend. If the circumstances were reversed he doubted he would be reacting better, and that was with his perfect childhood, and the fact he hadn't been held in Voldemort's hellhole for thirteen years. He knew Sirius was slightly unhinged by it. Looking back on their lives, Sirius, as much as he tried to hide it, had been traumatised by his family. He had never got out of his friend what exactly happened when he had run away, but whatever had happened had scared his ballsy friend to the core.
He tensed slightly when he heard the door open. He knew it was Sirius, but his paranoid, war torn mind made him reach for his wand. With his wand in one hand and the photo frame in the other, he made it carefully downstairs.
"Sirius?" he called out cautiously.
"Yeah," a voice replied from the darkness. "Who did you think it would be, Voldemort?"
"What prank did we pull at the beginning of the fourth year?" James said, slamming him against the heavily oak-panelled wall.
"What the fuck?!"
"What prank did we do?" James demanded, his wand pressed into his friend's throat.
"We turned their clothes and table pink," Sirius replied tensely. Feeling the pressure release, he bit back another reply. "What the hell, Prongs?"
"We can't be too careful. What if you were a death eater?"
"In this hellhole?! It's my house, no one can enter apart from me and you. For fuck's sake mate!"
"I don't know how fucked up your family are. I don't know if there's a clause allowing that bitch of a cousin of yours in,"James replied tensely.
Sirius sighed and ran a tired hand through his hair. "Yeah. Sorry mate, I should have thought of that. And sorry about earlier, I know you were just trying to look out for me."
"It's alright mate, it was me who was the dick. Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I just needed some air."
James nodded. "And I see some shopping."
"Yup, a couple of frozen pizzas and some beers. Even you and I can't screw these up."
"Don't tempt fate Padfoot," James replied, swinging his arm around Sirius' shoulders. "Come on, let's see if anything works in that crappy kitchen of yours."
"What? You thought I was going to let you near anything involving cooking? I may hate the place, but that doesn't mean I want to see it burn to the ground. Nah, the most responsibility I'm going to give you is to open the beers. Do you think you can do that without breaking anything?" Sirius asked with a grin.
"Piss off, Padfoot," James replied with an equally broad grin, as he slapped his friend around the back of the head.
"What were you doing upstairs anyway?" Sirius asked casually.
"I'll explain in a bit."
"James?"
"Do you promise not to tell or go off on one?"
"That depends on the nature of the information," Sirius replied, attempting to keep his voice casual.
"I went into your brother's room," James said carefully, as he started to unpack the shopping bags, handing Sirius the flat cardboard boxes.
"Why?" Sirius replied with an edge to his voice.
"Well," James started slowly. "I thought with your brother's background..."
"He made a mistake okay! He wasn't always a bad person!" Sirius exclaimed.
"I know that and I don't think he ever was a bad person. Just a young person who was unfairly influenced," James cut in.
"I tried my best," Sirius countered.
"I know you did. But while you had the safe haven of Gryffindor, he didn't."
"He should have been in Ravenclaw," Sirius replied quietly. "He was super bright, but always quiet. Did you know he was a brilliant artist?"
"No," James replied, taking a small breath, allowing his friend to continue.
"Yeah, he could draw or paint anything, but our parents didn't like it. They thought it wasn't something a 'strong' person did. I tried to encourage him, but after I was sorted into Gryffindor and he saw what happened to me, he stopped. He was such a soft, gentle, almost fragile person and the family tore away at that," Sirius said in a lost, almost monotonous voice.
James swallowed tightly, as he pulled out the photo frame. "When I was in his room I found this," he said carefully, as he handed over the photo.
Despite his almost overwhelming emotions, Sirius found a smile as he took the photo and looked at it fondly. "Ha, I remember this! It was in the first summer holidays."
"Yeah?" James replied, trying to keep the tension from his voice.
"Yeah, Reggie had seen posters for a muggle funfair. He didn't know what it was, but the explosion of colours on the posters was enough to influence him. So, I got some money converted into muggle money and we went."
"But mother and father?" An excited yet scared Regulus Black asked.
"They're at a 'sacred twenty eight' dinner party, they won't be back until after midnight," Sirius replied, handing his brother some muggle clothes. "Here, wear these."
"Why?"
"Muggles don't tend to wear cloaks and robes. Wear these and no one will notice us."
"How do you know so much about muggles?"
"Andy?"
"But she's been disowned."
"Because she fell in love with a Muggle-born wizard. It's stupid."
"But Sirius, we're pure-bloods."
"I know, but I'm at Hogwarts and some of the brightest people are Muggle-born, whilst some of the most stupid are pure-bloods."
"But mother and father."
"Reggie, I don't know what to say apart from they are wrong. But come on. Let's forget about them for tonight. Let's fly!"
"Muggles can fly?"
"Yeah!" Sirius said enthusiastically. "They have made these things called planes. They can fly hundreds of muggles at one time all across the world."
"Wow!" Regulus replied, full of awe. "So muggles aren't stupid."
"Yes Reggie, muggles can't do magic like us but they perform their own magic," Sirius said with a smile. "They have radios like we do, but they also have televisions. They are kind of like our photos, but continuous and show plays etc. Reggie, please don't believe what mother and father say. I know being in Gryffindor has made it difficult for me but I don't regret it for a second. The hat looks at you but it also considers your thoughts."
"You're a Black. You are the heir to the title, but you've always been the brave one. That's why you're in Gryffindor," Regulus replied with a huge smile.
"You're super bright."
What if...?"
"What if you're sorted into Slytherin?"
"Yeah."
"Reggie, whatever house you are sorted into, even if it is Slytherin, you are still my brother. Obviously, I'd love you to be sorted into Gryffindor, but if you're not, Reggie I don't care. I may hate the Slytherins but I don't hate you."
"But Sirius?"
"The hat reads your mind but it also listens to you. Reggie, whether you follow mother and father or not, it's your choice. Obviously I would want you to follow me, but you are still my brother. You will always be my brother," Sirius reassured him with a smile. "Now let's get to that fair before Kreacher notices we are gone."
"What was the fair like?" James asked.
"Bloody brilliant!" Sirius replied, grinning. "Seriously mate, when this is all over, you've got to take Harry to one. You'll both love it. It's the closest muggles get to Quidditch!"
"Yeah," James replied distantly, as he considered his friend's words. 'When this is all over', meaning when he was dead. He knew he should be happy knowing they wouldn't be at war, but he couldn't be. Not when he knew his friend would be dead. "So," he tried speaking but failed.
"So?" Sirius questioned, as he fiddled with the oven. "Well make yourself useful and open the beers would you?"
"So… in the back of the photo frame there was a letter," James started slowly, igroning the beers for a moment.
"A letter?" Sirius replied tensely, the edge returning to his voice.
"Yeah," James replied hesitantly, handing the letter over.
"And you read it?!" Sirius replied, his voice rising dangerously.
"Yeah."
"Can I ask why?"
"Because I thought it could be important and I thought you wouldn't read it."
"So, you thought you had the right to read a private letter from my brother!"
"Yeah, I did!" James retorted, taking a step front. "Yeah I did. Because I thought you bloody won't read it and we would missing out on the biggest chance we have of taking down Voldemort!"
"I can't fucking believe you. Fucking hell mate. You fucking crossed the line there."
"Okay, sure I may have but would you have read it?!"
"Piss off James!" Sirius growled dangerously, as he reached forward and snatched the letter off his friend.
"No!" James growled back, grabbing Sirius' arm. "When will you get it into your thick skull I am working with you, not against you!"
"It's fucking private James. Reggie, he's, he was a good person!"
"I know!" James yelled back. "Fucking listen to me Padfoot! I know Reggie was a good person. I know you don't deserve everything you could to help him. Just, just," he sighed, and ran a hand over his tired face. "Mate, just read the letter, please."
"Okay," Sirius replied tensely. He twirled the letter between his slightly trembling fingers. He caught his friend's eye for a moment, before turning on his heel and walking out the door. He sunk down against the wall and opened the letter. His eyes flickered over the words, tears glistened as he took the words in. If only. If only he had just reached out then maybe Reggie would still be alive. He rest his head on his knees for a moment. Taking a shaky breath, he stood and wandered back to the kitchen.
"James, I'm, well I'm sorry" Sirius said quietly.
"It's alright mate," James replied tiredly.
"It's just, well," Sirius started and then stopped. "Well you were right. If Reggie thought he found a horcrux."
"What's this place Reggie was talking about?" James asked as he carefully handed Sirius a beer.
"It's a cave in the South of France. We used to go there as children. The family have, or had a house down there."
"Do you want to go there?"
"Of course! If Reggie hid what he thought was a horcrux there, we have to try," Sirius replied slightly anxiously, his attention leaving the cooking pizzas as he turned serious for a moment. "Mate, when all of this is over, can you make sure people know what Reggie did. I don't want his sacrifice to be forgotten. I don't want him to be remembered for some stupid mistake he made when he was a scared, misguided sixteen year old."
"Of course mate, that goes without saying," James replied resolutely. "And-" he stopped, unable to continue, still unwilling to accept his friend's impending sacrifice. "I'll ensure no one's sacrifice is ever forgotten."
"Thank you," Sirius replied quietly, pulling his attention back to the oven. "I guess, shit I forgot to ask, are you feeling alright now?"
"Fine, well nothing a decent meal and sleep won't fix."
"Good, well. Well I was just wondering, well maybe it's too soon," Sirius said hesitantly as he quickly pulled the piping hot pizzas from the oven.
"I think we should go to France tomorrow," James replied, answering Sirius' unspoken question.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, let's destroy this thing before the bastard cotton's on to what we are doing," James replied, watching with mild fascination as Sirius cut the pizzas with his wand.
"Okay then, we go to France.
"To brothers," James said, raising his bottle.
"To brothers," Sirius repeated with a sad smile. He took a moment, before draining some of the amber liquid. Oh Reggie, why didn't you come to me, he thought. He fixed a look. Screw you Voldemort, I'm coming after you and I'm going to destroy you.
