So, it been, what nearly four years…. If anyone is still reading. Here's an update!

Chapter 39

James took a long, careful drink from the bottle, carefully eyeing his friend, wondering how he was going to broach his question. "So," he started slowly.

"What James?" Sirius replied, with raised eyebrows.

"Where did a young Sirius Black hang out during the holidays?"

"You know where," Sirius replied, with a slightly frown.

"No, where did you go before Hogwarts?"

"James, for someone who was an Auror, you are really crap at indirect questions," Sirius replied tensely.

"Fine," James replied equally as tensely. "Where did your brother and you play Musketeers?"

"South of France," Sirius replied darkly, as he fought back memories of the dark house.

"Sirius?"

"What?"

James sighed. He could understand why Sirius was being so closed off; with the pressures of the present, knowing his future and reliving the past. "Well, I guess it will be change from the shitty British weather," James replied lightly, trying to keep the peace.

Sirius ranked his hands through his hair, as he tried to clear his thoughts. He knew James was just trying to help, but he struggled to shift the dark cloud that sat over him. "Yeah, I love camping in the rain," Sirius retorted, forcing a grin.

"You're bloody impossible!"

"Ha! You'd be lost without me."

Yeah, I would, James replied silently. "So, horcrux hunting, camping or find that place of yours?"

"See if the old place is still around and not infested with Death Eaters?" Sirius suggested.

"Good suggest, oh heir of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black," James drawled, sweeping his arms forward, bowing slightly.

"You're such a twat," Sirius joked. He paused, as though deep in thought. "Now where is the old place?"

"You don't know?"

"Mate, it's protected by blood wards, it's unplottable and other crazy protective stuff. My family were, are paranoid. My father went a little crazy in his old age," Sirius explained, as he tapped his wand against his head.

"Why? You're their heir. You're the head of the Black family. If you can't find it, who can?" James asked curiously.

"Mate, my family is crazy. I'm sure I was only left Grimmauld Place because they forgot to write me out of the Will," Sirius replied distantly

"I doubt it mate."

"You weren't there. It was pretty final. She burnt me off the tapestry."

"You never said what happened."

"I don't want to talk about it," Sirius replied with an edge to his voice.

"Okay," James replied quietly. "Maybe your parents didn't have the authority to disinherit you. Your father wasn't head of the family at the time, was he?"

"He was, but, well it's complicated. They disinherited me after I ran away and made Reg their Heir, but then he died." Sirius paused for a moment as he thought of his brother. As though he could sense James' thoughts he continued. "James, you didn't know Reg like I did, maybe I didn't. It's, well sorry to say it again, it's complicated. My parents, my family were obsessed with pure blood and the rest of that dark art crap. For fuck's sake my family moto was toujours pur, French for totally pure. And believe me they took it very seriously. My parents were second cousins, they took it that seriously. It wouldn't surprise me if there were a few first cousins' marriages down the line. But, well as I said it was, difficult. Maybe I should have just shut up and kept my head down, but I couldn't. As much as I hate it, I did inherit the headstrong trait from my mother. Then I was sorted into Gryffindor and you saw the letters. But Reg was more like my father, he was quiet, but he was also a very gentle person. He didn't have school to escape to and when I left, he was the Heir. He did try and listen, but he was just not strong enough."

"But he was a death eater?!"

"I know James, but you should know better than anyone else nothing is simple as black and white but in reality, the world is shades of greys."

"I do agree with some of that, but when it comes to Voldemort it's pretty black and white!"

"Is it James, is it?" Sirius replied leaning against the heavy oak panelling. "You were brought up with two." He paused and took a moment shaking his head as he thought of the elder Potters. "Two of the most wonderful, kind and balanced people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting but not everyone has that. You brought Harry up to know that not all werewolves are bad, they are a witch or wizard who has a serious medical condition that affects them one night, once a month. He's known Remus since he was a baby, so he's got the evidence to back it up. But what if you had told him werewolves were evil and murdered people the whole time. It's hard mate, it's hard."

"I get where you are coming from but this Voldemort mate!"

"I am aware of whom we are discussing," Sirius replied coolly. "When I got onto that train on the 6th September 1971, I thought I knew right from wrong. I thought the world was black and white, but in the back of my mind my parents', my family's education was trying to drown it out. I wanted to be open minded, but I was confused. I had been told for eleven years muggles were dirt, werewolves were half breeds and the rest. There was part of me that thought I was just doing it to piss off my parents, but then, well I got to Hogwarts. Peter, bless him, a pure blood was useless and Lily, who had only just been introduced to magic was one of the best of our year. The more I spent in Hogwarts only reinforced my opinion. But James, I'm me and I had the Marauders and Gryffindor. Reg didn't have that. He didn't have someone to ask if the pure blood mania was right or wrong. And... and."

"Sirius?"

"I abandoned him James." Sirius held up his hand has he saw James tried to interject. "This was before I ran away. I just didn't get why he didn't see why he didn't see why parent's values were evil."

"You were a kid!"

"I know that know James. There were two years between us, I didn't understand why he didn't see what I saw, but then I didn't see what he saw. At Hogwarts I was free, he wasn't. He was surrounded by potential Death Eaters, I was surrounded by muggles, half-bloods, pure bloods, blood traitors and a werewolf." Sirius took a breath and shook his head. "So, so don't blame my brother. He was barely at age when he became a Death Eater, it wasn't his fault. You didn't know him like I did. He was so sweet, gentle and a fantastic artist. Part of him remained me of Moony, how he could sit and read a book with chaos happening around him."

James sighed, and took off his glasses for a moment. "I'm sorry mate, as soon as someone says Death Eaters or Voldemort, well I, I get pretty one dimensional. People have choices but sometimes they are not as clear as they seem, or sometimes in reality they don't have choices. Do you really think your brother was killed by Voldemort?"

"Yeah," Sirius said sadly.

"Why?"

"I don't know, I don't know. Maybe he got cold feet, he was only eighteen when he died. Or maybe, I don't know."

"What?" James asked, eyeing his tense friend.

"I don't know. Reg and I had a connection when we were young, as we got older, we sort of lost it, but I don't know."

"Sirius?"

"James, this is going to sound, I don't know, strange? But I think Voldemort killed him because he defied him."

"What? Sirius, I don't understand, defied him?"

"As I said, I don't get it, but I think I still, I think knew Reg and deep down he knew good from evil. I think he was pressured into joining the Death Eaters and he so desperately wanted to please his parents, sorry our parents he joined them without knowing what he had got himself into. Once he knew what Voldemort was about, he wanted to get out, but I, I don't know, I don't know," Sirius finished shaking his head.

"You think he realised what Voldemort was going to do and tried to stop it?"

"Yeah," Sirius replied simply. "He thought that clock was a Horcrux, and he stole it. He hid it from Voldemort. He was trying to right his wrongs. If I had, I hadn't been so far up my arse he would have come to me. But I was, I don't know James, I don't know."

James ran a hand through his messy hand. "Padfoot, I don't know. I think. Well, I think between growing up, Hogwarts, the war, the, well the time between the wars, I never. I did think about the shades of grey but when it's something so close to home I struggle."

Sirius nodded his head. "I get it mate. Unfortunately, I had a long time to think about these things." He held his hand up again as he sensed James wanted to interrupt. "Believe you mate, I do struggle with it. Especially when it comes to Peter."

James found his jaw tensing. He rubbed his face and took a breath. "I don't know Padfoot, your brother I can get but Peter, he was, shit we were going to name him our secret keeper. It's just, it's just, I guess too raw."

"I get it, Prongs I really get it. But in the graveyard, he was just that scared kid we protected at school. I think he joined thinking he could protect us and got over his head."

James nodded. "I always thought that. I know when you were have supposed to kill those muggles and Peter, just nothing sat right with me. Firstly, I knew you would never do that. Secondly, if Peter was somehow was involved it was through fear or some dim-witted attempt to protect us."

Sirius found a tight smile. "If only we had talked more in those final weeks. If only I had taken Moody. But you cannot live in the past. We have all made mistakes." He stopped and lowered his head for a moment. "I just wish we hadn't, because the four of us together were unstoppable."

James found a small smile. "We were all the more reason we work so the current Hogwarts kids don't have to go what we went thought." He looked away for a moment. "Sirius, I'm sorry mate I know think I'm naïve but I'm not I'm just, I'm not in over my head. Okay maybe I am. I fought in the first war, you thought I would be used to this."

Sirius nodded sadly. "Mate, if you think I have all the ideas then think again. I'm sorry but I don't. I know everyone thinks I hold all the cards, but I don't. I'm figuring this out as I go along. I really don't think know what I am doing!"

"But the plans?!"

"It's very easy to write them when you are sitting at home with a fire, a beer in hand and your dog at your feet, it's very different to act upon."

"Sirius, why us?"

"What?"

"Why us? Why isn't anyone else coming forward?"

"Please it's war, James because they are scared. Or maybe, I don't know they don't-"

"They don't think there is going to be a war," James said, completing Sirius' sentence. "But it's." He paused and took a breath, his shoulders dropped. "It's like last time." He watched his friend nod. "Fuck," he swore. "We swore we would be in a better position than last time, but we are not. Sirius, I don't think I would ever find myself saying this, but we need to get ourselves to one of your family homes. We need to rest and eat well. We cannot continue to do what we are doing." He watched Sirius nod. "Do you remember where it is?"

"It's between Nice and Monaco"

"Can you remember where?"

"Up in the hills"

"When was the last you went there?"

Sirius sighed. "Before I went to Hogwarts, so when I was about ten."

"Why wouldn't you be able to find it?" James asked, his brow furrowed. "Remus checked the Will; you are the true heir to the House of Black."

"I don't know, I just don't trust my family not to have done something, well dark."

"Come on," James said putting his hand on Sirius' shoulder. "The sooner we get there, the sooner we can rest, and I really want to get out of this place."

Without a further word, they apparited.

"Wow, like thank fuck, it's actually stopped raining and there's daylight!" James exclaimed, as stepped forward after appariting. "Mate, there's daylight. I can see the sun!"

Sirius smiled and rolled his eyes. "Yes Prongs, it's the sun. You've seen it before."

"Piss off Padfoot, you know how shitty the winter's been."

"Yeah," Sirius replied darkly. Despite the warm day, he could feel the familiar coldness creep around his shoulders. A coldness that never seemed to leave him. Without another word he started up the dusty and overgrown track.

James paused for a moment before following his friend. "So," he started and stopped again. Maybe this wasn't the time. "Do you need any help?" he finally asked.

"No," Sirius replied simply, forcing the conversation to a close. After a couple of hours Sirius finally stood back with a slight smile on his face. "Ah, I think I've got it!"

Slowly, large, elegant towers stretched into clouds. Each window adorned with delicate designs around the frames.

"Wow mate," James exclaimed, taking a step backwards. "Your family sure own some impressive houses."

Sirius simply shrugged, as he took a cautious step forward. He looked around and appeared to sniff the air like his Animagus form, Padfoot. "I think we're alone and I think I'm the only one who can access it, but I can't be sure."

James nodded. He pulled out his wand and stood alongside his friend. "What's the plan?"

"Do you have my back?"

James gave Sirius a curious look, as to say, 'do you really need to ask that question?'. "Always," he finally settled on.

Sirius nodded and took another step forward. "Okay then," he said, and stepped forward into the house.