A/N: A massive thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far, and anyone has still reading this after my, err, long delay in updating. Wait 4 years and you get 3 chapters in a few weeks. I hope to update soon.
Chapter 41
"Sirius," James said urgently, shaking his friend. "Mate, come on."
"He's unconscious, James," Remus said, as he lifted his wand. He hovered his wand over Sirius' bleeding arm, watching it heal instantaneously. "Should I get Madam Pomphey?"
James shook his head. "He's not in any immediate danger?"
"Not can I tell, but I'm not a healer. What happened last time?"
"He collapsed. He was out of it for hours."
"Has it happened before?"
James ran a hand through his dishevelled hair. "I wasn't there when he destroyed the first horcrux."
Remus frowned. "How many has he destroyed?"
"As of today?" James replied, as he looked down at his fallen friend. "Four. The two we just destroyed. Sirius and I destroyed Slytherin's locket a couple of months ago, and he destroyed Voldemort's Hogwarts' acceptance letter last year."
"How was he after destroying them?" Remus questioned.
"He seemed like he was just under the weather for a couple of days after destroying the letter, but I wasn't there when he actually destroyed it. He scared me when he destroyed the locket."
"What happened?"
"He collapsed. He barely seemed like he was breathing."
"What did you do?"
"I, I grabbed him and apparition out of there. Before we destroyed it, he told me it would put up a fight. We were on the island of Foula. A remote island off the Shetland Isles," James added, seeing Remus' confused expression. "Sirius said we needed somewhere remote, but we needed to leave immediately after we had destroyed it. We didn't have the time to set up the wards Hogwarts has."
"He didn't tell you?"
James raised an eyebrow. "Moony, this is Padfoot we are talking about. You know he's a closed book with many things." He watched Remus nodded understandingly. "No, he didn't. He felt rough for a few days. Well, that's what I thought. With Padfoot, who knows."
Remus nodded again. "You can stay here as long as you need. No one will know."
"Thanks, Moony," James replied tiredly. "Shall we get him on the sofa?"
"Probably best," Remus replied, as they lifted the unconscious figure onto the sofa.
Remus walked to his desk and pulled out a bottle and two glasses. Pouring the amber liquid, he handed one to James. "To friendship," he said, raising his glass.
"To friendship," James repeated, raising his glass before taking a sip. He sunk, tiredly, into a nearby armchair.
"James?" Remus asked, as he too sank down into an armchair.
"Yeah."
"This war will claim his life, won't it?"
"I can't say," James replied, shaking his head, as he stared at his feet.
Remus nodded. "I understand. It was always you and Sirius. Peter and I were good friends, but we never connected like you two did. You two connected on a soul level."
James bit his lip. "I lost him for thirteen years, because I couldn't keep my family safe."
"James, you can't blame yourself," Remus started.
"He is my family! I lost him for thirteen years, we nearly lost him when he was sixteen and now-"
"You don't know that Prongs."
James looked sadly and still figure on the sofa. "He has done so much. He has sacrificed so much. He's going to have to sacrifice everything."
"It's why the horcrux affect him, isn't it?"
"Moony, I can't..."
"I know," Remus replied. "You don't have to say anything. But if you need any help, you know you know you just have to ask."
"Thanks," James replied thickly. He looked over his best friend. Why? He thought. Why Sirius? Hadn't he done enough? Hadn't he sacrificed enough?
"Reg?" Remus questioned. "He was Sirius' brother, wasn't he?"
James nodded. "Younger brother."
"And the reason we know about the horcrux."
"Yeah," James replied.
"It's pretty ironic," Remus started.
"What's ironic?" James asked.
"Well, if you let me finish you would know," Remus replied lightly, with a smile. "It's ironic because Voldemort basically worships people like the Blacks. They are everything he wants to be; pure blood, hold extreme pure blood values, have a high standing in the wizarding world, rich and a member of the sacred twenty-eight."
"Moony?"
"It's ironic because it's the Black dynasty who are doing the utmost to destroy him. Not because they see him as a direct threat to their claim to power, but because they don't believe in his values."
James sat back for a moment. He had never thought of it that way. Voldemort's values were sadist and immoral. He never really thought about what Sirius had come from. He, of course, knew Sirius had runway from his family. He knew they were cruel. But he had never really explored Voldemort's objectives. "I guess," he started, as he looked at his unconscious friend again. "It's, I don't know mate. He's just Sirius."
"He's head of the Black family. The most influential family in the magical world. He's rich. His family's motto is 'totally pure'. He's everything Voldemort wants to be."
"But he isn't."
"But he is Prongs. He may have turned his back on their values, but he does come from that background."
James let out a chuckle and smiled. "I don't know why I am laughing but, yeah, I never thought of it that way. I guess I never really thought of what he actually did."
"James?"
"I never really thought of how much of a big deal it was for him to be sorted into Gryffindor. Sure, I knew how crazy his parents were about it, but I didn't really think. When he ran away, he was-" James paused for a moment, as he thought back. "My parents were really worried about him. He barely spoke for over a week. I had an idea they were, well not the nicest of people, but I never thought they would hurt their own son. But again, I didn't ever really think of what it actually meant in the wider context."
"James?" Remus questioned again.
"I've never thought of it, but as you say Sirius comes from, the decisions he made has had a huge influence on this war. And Regulus, he took the mark but-"
"Turned his back on Voldemort," Remus finished. "I never really knew Regulus, and Sirius never really spoke about him. I know Sirius hated his family, but he never really seemed to speak ill of his brother."
"He had a complicated relationship with him. He could never understand why he was following their parent's beliefs but at the same time he doesn't blame him. He loved him."
Remus stood, and looked out the window. "But why did he mention him now? I know Regulus discovered Voldemort was creating horcruxes, but why did Sirius mention him?"
"I don't know," James replied. "Maybe Regulus is somehow linked to them."
"But Sirius?"
James looked at his friend, before quickly looking away. "I don't know, maybe it's to do with some weird pureblood value thing," James replied with half a lie. In truth he didn't know why Sirius was affected by the horcruxes. He'd guessed it was because he had a horcrux imbedded in him, he thought darkly.
"They are dark magic."
"It's Voldemort, so what do you expect? He's murdered six people to create them," James replied darkly. He closed his eyes for a moment, and yawned.
"James, why don't you try and sleep?"
"I can't, I need to make sure Sirius is okay," James said, staring at his friend's unmoving form.
"Prongs you're not on the road. Let me help. You're going to be of no use to Sirius if you pass out."
James sighed, and let his head fall into his hands. "I'm sorry, it's just," He took a breath and paused for a moment. "It's been so long, just Sirius and me. But not like school, it's been, I don't know."
Remus nodded. "The connection you share," he started with a smile. "Was, is unique. It pissed off the teachers."
James found a smile. "Would we have pissed you off if we were your students?"
Remus raised an eyebrow. "What two students who could finish each other's sentences? Automatically cover each other with a single look? Yes, that would pose a challenge."
"Yeah, that. It's just, I lost him for thirteen years and now, you would have thought I would have loved to spend the time I am with him, but not like this. Not with what is go-"
"James?"
"I'm sorry, I can't. I promised Padfoot."
Remus nodded. "Of course. James, get some rest mate. I'll keep an eye on him. You are safe here. I don't know what yours, what Sirius' endgame is but I know he will need you. And you are not going to be able to help him if you are half dead."
"Thanks, Moony," James replied thickly.
—-
Remus sat quietly, quill in hand, making a vague attempt to mark the latest 3rd year essays. But he had barely read a word that had been written. If someone had asked him, four months ago, what he would have thought to have his greatest friends sharing his school apartment he would have laughed and shared a drink with his friends. If someone had asked him three years ago, he would have sobbed and told them to sod off. But then again, that had been a very different time. A time when if people had known about his condition he would have been ostracised by the vast majority of the magical community. And a time when he thought his friend was dead. But now, now he didn't know. He knew he should be grateful to see his friends again, part of him was. However, there was a pang of sadness as he looked over at Sirius. He knew before James had confirmed it, he knew Sirius wouldn't see the end of the war. Maybe it would claim James' life as well. Then it would just be him. The sole survivor of their gang. Their brotherhood.
"Sirius?" he whispered, as saw the other man stirring.
Sirius grimaced and rubbed his temples as his head throbbed. He felt a hand on his shoulder and gentle voice. "James?" he tried.
"No mate, it's Remus."
"Remus?" Sirius asked, feeling confused.
"Yeah mate."
"How?"
"We're in Hogwarts, remember?"
"Oh yeah. Horcruxes," Sirius replied softly. "You destroyed them, right?"
"Yeah, we did."
Sirius nodded. "Are you okay?"
"Sirius?"
"Are you and James okay?" Sirius asked again.
"Yeah, we're fine. We're more worried about you to be honest."
"I'm fine."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "You passed out and look like hell."
"Moony, it's nothing. Horcruxes just have a bit of an effect on me, that's all."
"A bit of an affect," Remus reasoned.
"Moony," Sirius replied, waving his hand dismissively. "I'm fine."
Remus rolled his eyes. "Of course, you are," he said, as he stood up and walked towards his desk. "Drink this," he added, thrusting a goblet into his friend's hands.
"What is it?" Sirius questioned.
"Something to knock some sense into you."
Sirius frowned. "I doubt it'll work."
"It's just a potion with vitamins etc," Remus replied, watching his friend grimace. "I doubt you have been eating healthy."
"What are you, my mum?" Sirius replied, eyeing his friend.
Remus sighed. "Just drink it Padfoot." He watched his friend drain the goblet. "Sirius?"
"Yes," Sirius choked, grimacing as he drained the remaining liquid.
"How did you survive?"
"You know. I don't know, life? How did you survive being a prisoner?" Remus asked carefully.
Sirius looked at his friend for a moment, before looking down. "To be honest with you Moony I don't know. I told James it was because I had a job to do. I was his secret keeper, but I really don't know. I don't know if it was that, or because I hated Voldemort, or because maybe I wanted to piss off my parents. Or maybe I just didn't want to die. There were many times I accepted death, but yet I fought it with every fibre of my body. I don't know Moony; I don't know mate. Maybe, I did. Did you ever feel, umm, err, well."
"That I was better off dead?"
"No Moony?!"
"No Padfoot, it's okay," Remus replied, smiling. He had never really spoken about this. "At times, yes I sometimes thought it would be better if I was dead. Then I went to Hogwarts and met you lot. Life was great, but I was so scared you would find out what I was. But you did and, and well you didn't care. I loved my time at Hogwarts, Full Moons weren't something to fear anymore, they were a time for adventure. After we left Hogwarts, we managed to have fun."
"But then-"
"Padfoot it wasn't your fault. You spent thirteen years as that monster's hostage. I still had James, but yes it was tough. With everything he had going on, it was tough on him. He did manage to spend most Full Moons with me."
Sirius rubbed his face. "The world is so screwed up. How can someone like you? Someone as kind and as gentle as you go through what you do every month?! You were barely more than a baby when it happened!"
"I would ask the same of you," Remus replied gently.
"What?"
"If you followed your family's lead, then you should have killed me, James and Peter, hell Lily and the vast majority of our house mates. But you didn't. You befriended them. You defended Muggle borns. You are Harry's godfather."
"Remus, Moony-"
"I don't get it either. If rights be served, I should want to kill you. I should want to kill my students, but I don't want to. My first instinct is to throw myself in front of them if something happened." Remus stopped as he watched Sirius' smirk. "What?"
"Why the fuck do you think I pressured Dumbledore to give you the job!"
"Because I am a werewolf, and I will be a danger on full moons?"
"No, you fuckwit! Because you are kind and would do anything for your students. Yes, for a few hours a month you lose control but how many times have you seen James and I lose our rag?!"
"Sirius, it's different!"
"How?!"
"I'm a werewolf!"
"Old news mate. I knew that when I was twelve. Yes, you are. And sure, measures are taken so you don't meet anyone for those few hours then you lose some control. But with the wards and wolfsbane. Really? What's the problem?" Sirius replied, with a slight smile and simple shrug.
"So, you didn't want me here because of my condition?" Remus asked dangerously.
Sirius sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. "Yes, that was a tiny part of it. For a few hours, once a month because of a medical condition you are a danger to people. But you are far, far more than that. Because of our stupid society you can't get a job. Someone like you, with your intelligence, kindness, and everything etc. We need people like you."
"So, you weren't scared I would be taken in by death eaters and released on a full moon?" Remus challenged.
"Taken in? No. Taken hostage? Yes. I never wanted that for you Moony. But that's the minor details. I thought the school needed another teacher who could defeat Hogwarts, and you can more than do that. I thought someone who was approachable, so if any of the students had a problem, they could come to someone."
Remus bit his fingernails for a moment. "But it scares me."
"You lose control?" Sirius finished with raised eyebrows. "You never have and it's not in your nature."
"But Padfoot?"
"Yes, for a couple of hours you are a werewolf, but the rest of the time you are Remus, or should I say Professor Lupin?"
"Sirius"
"You need this job, because, well you care about the students, you are a great teacher and if it came down to it, you would defeat Hogwarts and her students with your life."
Remus swallowed, as he took a moment to take in Sirius' words. But they weren't old, or even new, they were his words. He would defeat Hogwarts and her students to his dying breath.
Sirius nodded. "Mate, I hope it doesn't come to that, but you are a great teacher, although I hear you give detentions…"
"Piss off Padfoot."
Sirius took a breath and learnt back against the sofa. "Remus, we need you. If it comes to it, and Voldemort attacks Hogwarts, we need you"
"I'm not an auror-"
Sirius waved his hand. "You've not because it's bullshit. You should be an auror, or sod something else important. It's not your fault the rest of the wizarding world is brain dead."
"Thanks mate, but-"
"The hat sorted you into Gryffindor didn't it? I bet it considered Ravenclaw," Sirius replied with a simple smile.
"Sirius, are you really okay?"
"I'm fine Moony, I just feel a little under the weather when we destroy Horcruxes that's all."
"Do you know why?"
"No," Sirius lied, shaking his head. "I guess it's all this dark magic stuff and having to offer my blood to it."
Remus nodded. "I don't know how Lily can stand it."
"What?" Sirius questioned, not catching his friend's sudden change in topic.
"The snorting," Remus replied, pointing to James.
"That!" Sirius replied with a bark like laugh. "Mate, at least she can put up a silencing charm. I'm not so lucky. With Voldemort, Death Eaters and the Ministry hunting us, it's not exactly safe to put them up and I have to share a tent with him."
"Mate, you know the Ministry isn't hunting you."
"Moony?"
"The aurors and hit wizards are loyal to you."
Sirius found a small smile as he thought of his colleagues. "It's hard to keep track of stuff on the road."
"There is a growing sense of discontent within the Ministry," Remus continued. "People are finally waking up to what you were trying to do. They are finally seeing through Fudge's lies. If you reached out-"
"No," Sirius replied, shaking his head. "No, it's easier if I keep a low profile. But if James-"
"Really?" Remus replied, with a sigh and small smile. "Do you think James would leave you?! Mate, he will go with you to the end."
"I can't ask him to do that."
"You didn't. Like he never asked you do what you did for him, Lily and Harry."
Sirius made a face and sighed. "Don't get me wrong, it's nice having him there. I just, well worry. He's got a family."
"And he's a grown man who can make his own decisions."
Sirius rubbed his face. "I guess. Bloody Voldemort."
"I would have had more to say."
"James?" Sirius asked, looking up seeing his friend awake.
"Scumbag. Murdering shit. Sadist bastard. And those are the polite words," James replied, as he walked over to his friends. "Are you alright? And don't say you're fine."
"If you already know the answer, why ask?"
"Sirius, seriously."
Sirius raised an eyebrow and tried not to laugh. "Mate, saying my name twice doesn't make it any more effective."
"You are impossible!"
"You started it."
James laughed, before his expression turned serious. "And mate, I don't regret what I am doing. I've made the decision. I wouldn't be any safer at home with Lily. Voldemort will hunt me down regardless. He will hunt Harry down. The safest place is with you."
"Mate, that makes no sense. Voldemort wants to kill me personally! Then there's my cousin and a few other family members."
"Well yes," James replied, wincing. "Still life would be boring without a light bit of Voldemort hunting."
"You are nuts Prongs," Sirius replied laughing.
"Sirius," James started carefully. "Err mate, when we, err, Moony?"
Remus exchanged looks with his friend, before swallowing carefully. "Sirius."
Sirius watched his friends exchange glances. "Guys, what's going on?"
"Sirius, when, well when-"
"For fuck's sake, just spit it out will you!"
"Okay, mate. When we destroyed the horcrux," James started nervously. "It, it was like you had a fit or something and then. And then, just before you passed out you said your brother's name."
Sirius tensed and looked away. "And?"
"Well, I know you had a complicated relationship with your brother, and-"
"And what, you're a therapist now?"
"Oh, for fuck's sake Padfoot. You don't make this easy!"
"And it's fucking easy for me?! Do you think I liked seeing how my brother, my baby brother was murdered?!" Sirius bit back, his eyes growing bright.
"Sirius?" Remus said calmly, as he lay a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder. "No, we didn't know that mate. I'm so sorry."
"Do you know what it's like? Do you know what it's like to see someone you love die?" Sirius replied in an emotion filled voice. "Do you know what it's like? Because I can tell you, you don't want to see it. Is that what you wanted to hear?!"
"No," Remus replied gently. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"He's an inferi, neither living, nor dead," Sirius replied bitterly.
"What?" James said, speaking up for the first time.
"You heard me James!" Sirius spat. "My baby brother is an inferi."
Without a further word Remus stepped in and hugged his friend. "I'm so sorry, Padfoot. Regulus didn't deserve that."
"I should have done something," Sirius sobbed.
"What could you have done," James replied quietly.
"I don't know something. If I hadn't runway, then maybe-"
"No Sirius, you didn't have a choice," James replied firmly. "You had no choice, you had to leave. I don't understand brother, it must have been tough for both of you. But you both made your choices."
"I had Gryffindor, Reggie didn't. He was trapped with our cousins and other Death Eaters. He didn't have a choice!"
"Nor did you," James replied fiercely. "You were damn near catatonic for about a week after you ran away. I'm so sorry about what happened to Regulus, but you would have died if you had spent any longer in that house."
"But-"
"No Padfoot. You did the only thing you could do. You tried to save Regulus, but you had to save yourself," James replied, placing his hand on his friend's shoulder forcing him to look at him. "You had to save yourself, or they would have killed you."
James paced up and down platform 1 at Paddington station. He and Sirius had devised a plan when they were at Hogwarts. He knew it was getting worse and worse for his friend at home. The constant talk of pure blood mania was making Sirius mad, and he didn't know how much more he could take. So, at the end of time he had packed most of Sirius' things in his trunk, whilst Sirius had packed a few rocks to make up the weight, and then some old cloaks on top just in case his parents checked. The next part of the plan hadn't been planned. It was Sirius' escape. He had received an owl a couple of days ago, in handwriting unlike anything he had seen from Sirius. Usually Sirius had such neat handwriting, but he could barely make the words out, it seemed as though the writer had lost control of their functions. All it had said was, 'Can't stand it any longer Prongs. Need to leave.' Which was why he was here, pacing up and down platform 1 of Paddington station, next to the Paddington bear statue in the muggle world, waiting for his friend.
He glanced down at his watch. It was ten to two, and the return train was at 4 o'clock. He thought it would have given them tonnes of time to catch the train, maybe even wander around and explore muggle London before they headed back to the Westcountry. But then again, he was supposed to have met Sirius at 1 o'clock and he was nearly an hour late. Maybe they should have thought about this more. Maybe they should have flown back, but it was mid-summer, they would have had to wait until ten at night. Actually, longer as he would have flown up to London to pick up Sirius. He doubted they would have time for him to fly up to London, and return to his house, just off the Exmoor moors in less than six hours. They couldn't apparited, hence the use of muggle transport. But was it the right idea? He barely understood muggle transport, having never used it before. He knew Sirius understood it to some degree. Afterall, Sirius lived in central London with numerous muggle transport options. He lived in the middle of the countryside, where there was about one muggle bus a week and the train station was miles away.
Sighing he sat down and pulled out a battered book and started reading. He couldn't really focus on the words, they all seemed to blur into one but he found himself turning the pages. He looked down at his watch. It had gone 3 o'clock but there was still no Sirius. Why? Had he decided he didn't want to come? He shook his head, the way the letter had been written, he dismissed the thought. Were his parents holding him hostage? Was he hurt? More panic grew as more dark thoughts entered his mind. Why hadn't he told his parents?! He thought he was old enough that he could handle this situation, but in reality, he was a lost, scared kid. But his dad was a lawyer, and his mum was a retired healer. He really needed them now, not because of their jobs, but because he needed his mum and dad. "Shit Sirius, where are you mate?" he muttered into his hands.
He didn't know how much time had passed when he looked up to see a figure that seemed familiar yet was equally foreign to him. The tall figure was hunched, seemingly trying to curl into themselves. The moments were slow and hesitant but there was something. Something he knew because he knew this person better than he knew himself. "Sirius!" he called out. He found himself frowning when the figure didn't respond, just continuing forward shuffling forward to the statue. "Sirius!" he tried again.
He felt as though he was under an ocean. All sounds seemed muffled and distanced. He vaguely looked up at the trains, at the fast-food joints. He knew he should have smelt something, but he didn't. He knew the lights and signs should be bright, but they seemed dull to his eyes. The only thing he felt was cold. Everything else was numb. He couldn't remember why he had to meet at the statue, just that he had to. He slowly managed to put one foot in front of the other. That's all he had to do. Just keep going. He didn't know why. He just knew he couldn't go back. He vaguely heard a voice break out from the mist. He couldn't place it. He had to keep going, but the statue, which seemed as though he could touch it, felt it was a million miles away. He felt a set of hands on his shoulders and the same voice, more urgent now. But he had to keep going. He had to get to the statue, he just didn't know why. He just knew he couldn't go back to that dark place. He couldn't remember what that dark place was, just he couldn't go back.
"Sirius! Padfoot!" James practically yelled, shaking his friend's unresponsive shoulders. But he got no response. Sirius kept walking. He felt his breath catch in his throat. He wasn't ready for this. Sirius was freezing cold and didn't seem as though he knew he was there, despite yelling at him. Why hadn't he told his parents? They would know what to do. But he thought he was old enough. Strong enough. Intelligent enough. To deal with it. But he wasn't, he was just a child, fighting a darkest he didn't know or understand.
"James."
James found himself slow spinning around to face his father. "Dad?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yes," James replied slowly. "How?"
"I saw the train timetable in your room," Fleamont Potter replied, eyeing both his son and his son's friend.
"Dad, I'm-"
"James, it's okay," Fleamont replied, patting his son's shoulder, yet his eyes remained on the slow-moving child. "It's not your fault, you did what you thought was best."
"Dad, Sirius, he's, I don't know," James replied in a small, panicked voice, as he gave into his fears.
Fleamont nodded. "We will help Sirius. Can you stay here for a moment?" He watched his son slowly nod. As much as he wanted to help his son, he knew he attention elsewhere. "Sirius," he called out gently to the slow, mechanical moving figure. "Sirius, it's Mr. Potter, James' father." He frowned as Sirius seemed not to notice him, let alone knowledge him. Even with his limited medical knowledge it was clear to him Sirius was in some form for serious shock.
"Need to get to the statue," Sirius replied mechanically.
Fleamont nodded. "Okay, let's get to the statue. Why do you need to go to the statue?" he asked, feeling relieved he got some form of response.
"I need to get there."
"Of course," Fleamont replied with a tense smile. He took Sirius' elbows and slowly lowered him down. "Sirius, I think we need to go somewhere else. I think we need somewhere safe."
"Safe?" Sirius replied in a distant voice.
"Yes, somewhere you will be safe. I think we need to go to my house," Fleamont replied hesitantly.
"But I need to get the statue, I can't go back."
"Sirius, you made it to the statue. You completed that task. Now let me help you."
Sirius looked up vaguely. He could make out vague shapes and colours, but nothing he could place. He could hear voices but couldn't recognise them, nor make out the words. "I'm cold," he finally managed.
Fleamont nodded. "I can take you somewhere warm," he offered.
'Warm' Sirius heard. The voice was familiar, it was kind, gentle but there was so much fog in his mind, he couldn't figure it out. He just knew he couldn't go back to that cold place. He couldn't go back to London. "Is it in London?"
"No Sirius, it's not in London. We live in Somerset. You've been there before. I'll make sure your room is warm, with a fire and lots of quilts. There will be all the food you can ever want." He watched the boy for a moment. There was no movement. No acknowledgement. Just the same blank expression and laboured breathing. The cool, pale, damp skin. "Sirius, do you know where you are?" He waited. No response. The boy continued to stare blankly at the ground. "Sirius, I am going to take you to my house. Okay?" He waited again for a response but got none. "James," he said, calling his son over. "Hold on, we are going home." Without another word, they apparited.
"Sirius see you couldn't have stayed there any longer. Mate, they would have killed you if you did," James said tensely, as bit his lip at the memory. "You scared the hell out of me. I thought you were going to die there. I thought, I don't know mate. I thought we were going to explore London. Go to a muggle pub and get drunk. But then you turned up like you did, and I was so scared. I thought you were going to die. You scared me, our parents as well."
"James," Sirius started quietly, looking down, avoiding eye contact. "But, maybe, if-"
"No Padfoot, you didn't have a choice. You did the only thing you could have done in that situation and survive. I know it sounds harsh, but Regulus made his decision. I know, shit I don't know mate. You both choose what side of the war you wanted to be on. Maybe you could have spoken later, but to be honest mate, I doubt. None of us knew who to trust. Look what happened with Pete!" James stopped for a moment and took a breath. He rubbed his tired face. "You can't help him now, but we will help him. We will find where he is and help him. Then we will give him the burial he deserves. I am sure we can get a full Ministry one if you want, or just a private family affair. We could bury him in our graveyard, with our family. We will make sure everyone knows what he did. What a critical role he played in the war. How brave he was."
"James," Sirius replied thickly. "I-"
"He's your brother. You are my brother. So, he's my brother as well. He brings honour to Black family. You both do."
"He was a true Gryffindor," Remus added.
"Thanks," Sirius replied tightly, as tears threatened. He allowed himself to be pulled into a hug by his oldest friend. "And about earlier I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap like that."
"Seriously," James replied with a smile. He waited a moment, and grinned when his friend returned the gesture. "Mate with all of the shite you are dealing with and then you find out that! It's understandable. You need to share some of the burden."
"Some people deal with more," Sirius started.
"Yeah, Voldemort and look what it's done to him. He's a pissy, angry, murdering git. That image doesn't suit you. Sure, you are sometimes pissy. You are sometimes a git. And yeah, I've been on the receiving end of your temper. But you are never all three at the same time, and you're definitely not a murderer," James replied, eyeing his friend carefully. "Now, are you going to sit down calmly and chill out for a while, or am I going to have to stun you?"
Sirius sank, tiredly into the nearby armchair, and let his head fall into his hands. He was tired. No, he was more than that. The tiredness was beyond his bones. He felt decades older than his thirty-six years. "Fuck, I'm hungry." Was all he could utter.
Remus snorted. "About time you bloody said that. I'll get some food sent up from the kitchen. As much as I would love to sneak into the kitchen, it's not the best of images for a professor, even less so sneaking in with a couple of fugitives."
Sirius and James exchanged glances before dissolving into laughter. "Gone soft in your old age Professor Lupin?" James joked.
"Piss of you two," Remus retorted, as he walked to his desk and summoned a house elf. IT was going to be a long couple of days. Fun. But long.
