A/N: So, I've been writing this off and on since 2017. Wow that's a scary thought. But now I've got a chapter-by-chapter plan. Including this chapter there's 8 more to go. Thanks to everyone who continues to review!
Chapter 42
It was a cool, cloudless night. The moon high in the sky. Not the best night to go unnoticed, but the three men were careful. They were experienced. Not due to the reaches of war, but because of happier, less complicated times.
Remus rubbed his face and eyed his friends carefully. He knew this was the last time he would see one of them alive, maybe the war would claim both of their lives. He had never been a man of action, preferring books over sport and duelling. So, it seemed fitting how their roles played out in this war.
"So," Remus started, and trailed off.
"Yeah," Sirius added.
James nodded. "I guess we should get going."
"I guess," Sirius replied quietly. He watched Remus for a moment. One of his oldest friends. He wondered how he would survive this war. What would become of him if they failed. He looked down and bit his lip. He didn't want to think of that. Moony was too good of a person for that to happen to him. That's why he could not fail. He wasn't scared of death, having seen many of her faces. He was fully prepared to die in order to end this war. It didn't mean he had to like it.
"Moony, umm thank you," James finally managed, holding his hand out awkwardly. Before pulling his friend into a bear-like hug. "Thank you so much!"
"It was nothing," Remus replied, thickly accepting the hug. "I was glad for the company."
"Sorry, we can't be around for the next moon."
"It's okay," Remus replied with a smile. "It would be a little hard now I'm a teacher."
"Of course, but still," James said, slightly trailing off. "We still have the holidays."
"Sure," Remus replied quietly, avoiding eye contact with their other friend. He knew he would never spend another moon with Padfoot. Maybe he would never spend another moon with Prongs. He remembered like it was yesterday when Dumbledore had visited his family home telling him he had been accepted into Hogwarts. That all the precautions were in place to manage his condition. Then he had met Peter. A quiet, nervous boy, but finally someone his own age to speak to. Then he had met James and Sirius. Two wild, loud characters, and obviously rich judging by the quality of their robes. Somehow, and was never sure why, he became fast friends. Yet, he harboured a dark, deep secret. A secret no one could ever know. But his friends did find out and they didn't care. They promised they would find a way to help him. He found a small smile when he remembered when they had first transformed in front of him. Not only had they accepted him for what he was, they actually wanted to be with him when he turned into a monster. They had spent over three years working out how they were going to help him. And now that was coming to an end. Peter had betrayed them and now was dead. Sirius was going to die. And James, where he was going, could well die as well.
"Moony, mate," Sirius said, approaching his friend slowly.
"Hey Padfoot," Remus replied, pulling his friend into a hug.
"Thanks for the last couple of days, and well, everything else."
"Not a problem old friend," Remus replied, grinning. "It's a small token gesture."
"Yeah," Sirius replied, returning the smile. "Well, I guess we should get going. I doubt it will do any of us any good being seen together."
"Yeah," Remus said, nodding. As much as he wanted his friends to stay, he knew what Sirius was saying made sense. "And I, well I've got lessons to plan."
"Of course." Sirius stopped and took a breath. "Well, I'll be seeing you around, I guess."
"Yeah, I guess so," Remus replied sadly. He patted Sirius on the shoulder. "I'll see you soon then." Not wanting to say goodbye, as it seemed so final. So, like he had accepted Sirius' death. Maybe there was a way out of it. He didn't know why Sirius was going to die, but maybe he didn't have to.
The three old friends paused for a moment. Each knowing it was probably the last time they would be together. The memories they held; good and bad, would stay with them forever. But now, it was time for them to go their separate ways.
"Come on James," Sirius said, swinging an arm around his friend's shoulder. "We better get going, we don't want to be caught with Moony and the poor man has lessons to plan… for Slytherin." He gave a slight shudder and wicked smile.
"They are not that bad," Remus half protested.
"You kill me," James replied, mocking holding his hand over his heart.
Sirius laughed. "Sorry Moony, I've got to agree with Prongs. My family are evil gits, and they were all Slytherin."
Remus laughed and waved a hand. "Your family aside, they are not evil."
"I guess I'll have to pretend to believe you," Sirius replied, still laughing. He stopped for a moment and looked down. "Seriously. Oh, for fuck's sake," he exclaimed watching his friend's expressions. "James, we better get going. For Moony's sake, we don't want to be caught with him."
Remus nodded. "See you soon," he said, still not wanting to say those words than seemed so fateful to him. 'Goodbye'. Seemed so final. A word he didn't want to associate with his friends. He knew he was naive in his thoughts. He knew they wouldn't come out of this war unscathed. Selfishly wanted them to survive so he wasn't alone during a full moon. But it was more than that. It was a friendship that has a scared, scarred five-year-old, he thought he would never have.
James and Sirius awkwardly nodded and waved. As they slipped on the invisibility cloak and turned leaving Hogwarts behind them.
Remus stood for a moment, watching the space his friends had previously occupied. He took a moment to compose himself and looked to the east to take in the sunrise. The start of a new day. He had even impressed himself the way he had kept his friends concealed over the last five days. Sirius had insisted they moved on immediately, but he and James had overruled their friend. Sirius had wanted to push on immediately after James had woken up. But he had looked so terrible, Remus was surprised he was even conscious let alone considering going back on the road. But in the last two years, they had got used to this version of Sirius. At school, he had been impulsive and sometimes downright reckless. After school, he had become less reckless but still impulsive. Now, now he didn't know. Now he supposed Sirius was cautious and controlled about everyone, apart from himself. It seemed, at times, he had little consideration for his health and wellbeing. He didn't know if that was because of what he had been through as a hostage, with his parents, the war or all of those things combined. He just knew they had sometimes protected Sirius from himself. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. He supposed he better make his way to the castle and make an attempt on a lesson plan. With a sad smile, he made his way slowly up to the castle.
Ooo
"So, you're sure it's in Little Hangleton?" James asked, as he pulled the steaming kettle off the fire, as they sat in their tent in the Peak District.
"As sure as I can be," Sirius replied, leaning back against the bed.
"And it's a ring?"
"Yes, it's hidden in a shack just off the main road."
"And you know this because of the visions?"
"Yes," Sirius replied quietly.
"What if Voldemort is doing it deliberately? What if he's using legitimacy?" James pushed, pouring the boiling water into two mugs.
"I'm pretty good at occlumency, so I don't think so," Sirius reasoned.
"I don't know," James replied, carefully taking the tea bags out and tossing them to one side.
"Don't know what?" Sirius replied, a slight edge to his voice.
"Mate, I don't doubt your occlumency skills. It's just we are dealing with Voldemort and horcruxes, proper evil shit," James replied, calmly as he pushed a mug of steaming tea into his friend's hands.
Sirius sighed and took a careful sip of the scolding liquid. "Sorry mate, I know you just trying to help."
"Don't worry about it," James replied, waving his hand dismissively. "As I said we're dealing with some proper evil shit and." He paused for a moment, eyeing his friend carefully. "And that doesn't include you. You are not evil. You just, unfortunately, have a stupid horcrux embedded in you."
"James," Sirius started.
"No, you're not evil. I want to kill that thing in you, not you. You are not evil. That thing in you is, but it doesn't make you evil."
Sirius looked away for a moment. That was it. He didn't know how this horcrux was affecting his soul. When it came to it, would be able to lie down his life in front of Voldemort? Would the horcrux compel him to join Voldemort? Would he even have the guts to walk out there and allow himself to be killed? "James, it's just," he started, and then stopped.
"Padfoot, talk to me."
"It's just, it. It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does matter. What's bothering you?"
"Nothing."
"Bullshit," James exclaimed, grabbing Sirius' chin forcing him to look at him. "I know you. We've been best friends since we were eleven. You officially became my brother when you were sixteen, although I considered you my brother way before then. I know you. So, I'll say again. What's bothering you?"
Sirius wrenched James' hand off him and looked away for a moment. "It's going to sound, I don't know. Stupid? Weird? Fucking insane?"
"What is?" James pressed.
"What if I can't do it?"
"Do what?"
"Allow Voldemort to kill me?"
"I don't know mate," James replied sadly. "But that's not weird, stupid or insane. It's bloody normal. Not many people want to be murdered, mate. But it's something else, isn't it?"
Sirius paused for a moment, not quite knowing how to phrase his next thoughts. But this was James. His oldest and closest friend. "Mate. Prongs, what if the horcrux, I don't know tries to get me to join Voldemort?"
"Padfoot, do you think? Umm, Sirius are there times you can't remember doing something?"
Sirius frowned for a moment. "Umm, I don't remember a lot after you and Moony destroyed those two horcruxes."
"You were unconscious, so that doesn't count."
Sirius shook his head. "There's bits I can't remember but the healers said it was normal because of, well you know."
James nodded understandingly. "So, no I don't think you are possessed. Are the horcruxes linked somehow? I don't know. Maybe, it would explain why you have those visions when a horcrux is destroyed. What's your gut telling you?"
"I don't know," Sirius replied nervously.
"Mate, trust yourself."
"I think they are linked. As you said it would make sense why I have those visions after a horcrux is destroyed. I'm just worried that it. That when the time comes it'll turn on me."
James put his arm around Sirius' shoulders. "I won't let it."
"And what if I can't do it? What if I can't stand in front of Voldemort and allow him to kill me?"
"Sirius, honestly mate, I don't know. Because I don't want that to happen, but I know it must. But anyway, it might-"
"Prongs, we are clutching at straws. That potion is experimental at best. I doubt it'll work."
"But there's a chance. If it slows your heart rate enough, it might fool the killing curse into thinking you are already dead and attack the horcrux."
Sirius looked at his friend for a moment. At the bright smile. The dishevelled hair. The friend who had always been there for him. The friend who always made him feel welcome at his home, when had never returned the favour. The friend who had welcomed him with open arms and willingly shared his parents with him when ran away. The friend who had sat silently with him, shoulder to shoulder, as he tried to figure out what he had done wrong for his parents to hate him as much as they did. The friend who had sat there night after night, either reassuring him he was safe, or just sitting talking to him, listening to him after he had escaped that hellhole. The friend who had taken the full brunt of his anger when had been frustrated with the Ministry and terrified of what the consequences may be. The friend who spent the whole time when hunting horcruxes, had listened to his rants, to his fears and had made him laugh.
"I guess," he finally managed.
"I know it's not perfect but at least it's something," James said desperately. "When this is all over, we need to set you up with someone."
"James?"
"The wizarding world's most eligible bachelor. War hero. Voldemort slayer. You'll have them queuing up."
"James," Sirius started, and then stopped. Seeing how happy his friend seemed. Thinking of the future. Thinking of a future he would exist in, even though he knew the truth. "Sure mate, but you know I have standards," he said, adding a smile for good measure.
"Excellent," James replied with a grin. "Well there's Amelia Bones, she's been single for a bit and is still totally into you. There's Ellie Buxton, you know Lily's friend. I'm pretty sure she's single, and she's really nice."
Sirius closed his eyes as he let James witter on about a future, he knew he didn't have. But if his friend could draw comfort from it, then who was he to deny that, especially with what he had done for him over the years.
