Yo yo yo yo yo! What up? What up, homies? I'm Hulk Davidson, and I was born to raise hell, boy!
I'm all that, kid. I ain't no perpetrator, I'm a soul survivor! A high roller! A gangsta. Anyone who says otherwise ain't gonna MATTER much longer, got that!
I've been watchin' that kid Nick's moves for a while now. He took out Charley and Johnny, but he hasn't done much of anything else since then. Wanna know WHYYY?
Cuz he's currently paralyzed! He got himself caught in that shock-wave that he himself set off, and he's stuck in a hospital bed! Perfect target.
I'm gonna ice that bitch, and he'll be LUCKY if he's in only two pieces when I'm through! See ya'll later, fools! But ya'll know I'm gonna win, right? Am I right? Am I RIGHT?
Course I'm right.
Thoughts…even his thoughts were slightly paralyzed. This really sucked.
Sucked…sucked…sucked…sucked…sucked…
The word echoed through his head, reverberating over and over. He'd saved the city TWICE now, and god they were grateful. He'd gotten a room with a view, the biggest bed they could place him in, and his meals were home-cooked and great. The best part though, the part that made life worth living in the hospital, was that the hospital had 400 channels! And DVR! Somebody kill me, they had DVR.
Why doesn't somebody kill me? He had originally thought. Living as a paraplegic was not an option to him…but he'd gotten over that selfish hump. Paralyzed from the chest down or not, he was still a hero, and he'd just treat his paralysis as another obstacle to overcome.
He'd been in the bed for five days now, and although he didn't know it, two big things were happening.
1…Hulk Davidson was already close to the city, only one day away.
2…his foot was falling asleep.
But WAIT! His foot was paralyzed, his foot shouldn't feel AYNTHING. His foot wasn't really falling asleep…it was waking up! His legs were getting better!
He wiggled his toes to test it…yes! Both feet had finally shaken off the shackles of paralysis! He ran for the nurse, and in a few hours a large crowd of well-wishers, Joe and company included, swarmed into the room, saying how happy they were that he was getting better.
Nick grinned painfully at Joe and the others. "Hello guys. I guess I overdid it a little on that last fight…"
Joe stuck out the thumb and pink finger of his right hand, wiggling it a bit. "Dude, what you did was MAJOR sweet." "Ugh…Cotton Candy Sweet or Caramel Apple Sweet?" "Total CCS, dude." "Sweet!" "I don't understand it, Daddy. What's CCS and CAS?" "It's a modern, hip thing." Joe rolled his eyes. "Dude…nobody says "hip" much. Not anymore." "Really? Dang." Nick nodded sympathetically. "Don't worry. It's cool. I'm still kinda learning how to talk cool myself."
Nick wiggled his feet a bit and smiled. "So my feet are back up…soon my legs will be too, right Doctor?" The doctor by his bedside nodded. "If you give them a little bit more time, yes, but what you need right now is REST." "Okay, doc. Hey Joe…can I have all your autographs NOW?" The three viewtiful allies laughed, and Nick held out a piece of paper. They all signed it, and Nick grinned happily, eyes lighting up like a kid at Christmas.
"This is so cool! I have some many questions I wanna ask you all." "Like what?" "Well, Joe…what's it like knowing you're a superstar, but also knowing that people don't think you exist?" "It's kinda strange dude. People think I'm cool, but they think of me only as something fake that's cool. It's like I'm real…but in a way I'm not. I can't explain it."
Silvia wrapped her arms around her fiancée and smiled happily. "But he doesn't really care about it. None of us do. We're perfectly content where we are. Who cares if we're "real" or not. We're real to each other...and THAT'S what really matters, if you're real to the ones you love." "Syvlia, that is...sniff..." Joe was crying a little. "That is so beautiful!" He hugged her. Nick nodded. He could feel the love too. "A few more questions, guys. Capt. Blue, where's your wife?" "Vacation. She wanted to catch a tan." "And where's Goldie?" "Hmm…we haven't heard from Goldie recently. She's been missing for a while now. Maybe we better go check up on her…"
"Can you tell me about this, uh…this organization GEDOW?"
Blue sighed and sat down on a nearby chair.
"Well…it's a long story…"
(I'm not about to give away the story behind Viewtiful Joe 2. You want to know what it's like, get the game and/or Wikipedia it! Now!)
One long, gripping, story later…
"That's heavy man." "Yeah." "How's Jet doing now?" "He's cool, he's cool. Catching some rays at the beach, probably."
The doctor then shooed everyone out of the room, saying Nick needed quiet rest. Nick sighed, and drifted off into a nap.
In the elevator of the hospital, a single occupant was coming up to the top. He wielded a very large black axe and had a sort of smug grin on his big, reptilian face. The 7th floor was coming up in five, four, three, two…
DING! The doors to the elevator opened, and it's occupant leisurely stepped out, walking down the hall towards the room Nick was currently in.
Speaking of Nick…
Nick moaned a little. His feet had fallen asleep again, and now his legs were sore. Wait…sore? That meant they weren't paralyzed anymore! He grabbed the little lever by his bed and pulled down on it, the intercom snapped on. "Yes?" the doctor's voice said through it. "My legs are working, doc!" "Oh really? Interesting…well they won't be working very long." "Huh?" The intercom shut off right then, and Nick blinked in confusion. What the? Wouldn't be working lo-uh oh.
Suddenly a dozen images of the doctor flashed back to Nick. The doctor had ALWAYS had glasses and a mask on, and was always cloaked up in a big white coat. You could barely see his pale…white…skin…
He didn't have white gloves on…those had been his hands! And the doctor's voice had been kinda irritating at times, like a…like a BIANKY'S VOICE! Oh crap, oh crap! Nick thought, and looked around. His watch had been taken off, and was currently on the table next to him. He had to get it!
He reached out…and reached…and reached…
"ROOM SERVICE." A big booming voice called out. The door was then smashed in two by a good punch, and a big, hulking green form stepped into the room. "Aw, crap! It's you, Hulk Davidson!"
Hulk Davidson had on a motorcycle jacket that didn't cover up his big chest and bigger belly. He had three large and clawed fingers, and his left hand was gripping a freakishly large black axe that had a skull painted on its side. He was wearing black pants that looked fit to burst, and biker boots to match. He had yellow eyes and a reptilian/rhino-like face, (With a black biker helmet adorning the top, horned and all) with a few teeth that were curved up and sticking out of the back of his large mouth. He grinned ferociously, and stomped on the ground a bit like a sumo wrestler, flexing his muscles.
"Yeah, that's right! I'm Hulk Davidson, and I was born to be wiiiild!" (Now, it's kind of hard to write accents all the time, so when Hulk talks, imagine that he's talking in a deep, African-American accent…and he sounds a bit like Mr. T.)
"Just don't start singing. I'm sick enough." "WHAT? You better not be insulting my songs, boy! Are you saying I can't carry a tune at all?"
Nick grinned wickedly. The big jerk was SO asking for it. "Oh no, oh nooo…it's just that I like listening to MUSIC, not cats getting squashed." "WHY YOU…GRRR…I was gonna try to make this quick boy, but just for that, I'm gonna slice you into so many pieces they'll need a pair of tweezers to pick up your remains!"
Hmm…Hulk wasn't the smartest member of JAGOW according to Joe and Sylvia…so maybe…
"You can't beat me up without…ah, you wouldn't be interested." "Huh? Without WHAT?" "Without the proper paperwork, duh." "What paperwork?" "There's forms you gotta fill out if you want to drag me out and beat me up." "Oh right…I guess I do need to sign something if I want you out of this room." "Yeah, so go do the paperwork. Ask the nurse, for starters. She'll help you out." "Okay, thanks!"
Hulk wandered off, singing a little piece by Vanilla Ice, which made Nick squirm uncomfortably.
Hulk found the nurse and asked where he could find the form that would remove Nick from the room, and she told him to go to the reception desk and ask for form 5-1. He walked down the LONG, LONG, stairs…and waddled up to the desk.
"I want the form that removes patients from their rooms, form 5-1." "No, no! You need form 5-1A! You have to find the main office of Dr. Slandofsky. He's on the third floor, take the elevator, and then he'll be on the third door on your left." "Okay…"
Unfortunately, Hulk weighed so much, that the elevator BARELY dragged him to the third floor, and by the time he got off and made for the office, Nick had already sprung his plan into motion.
Nick knew he was really in for it when Hulk came back, so he sprang into action, and wrenched himself off the bed, legs first, praying that they'd work…
YES! His legs twisted like he'd hoped they would, and he walked over to the table, putting on his v-watch.
"Let's do it then…TIME TO ROCK! HENSHIN!" The miraculous transformation took place once more, and Nick was fully clothed in his viewtiful attire. He knew there was only one place he might be able to fight more freely…on the roof. He carefully made his way to the window, and looked out…the roof was slanted on his end, but only slightly. The very top was quite flat, and large. Nevertheless, he'd have to be careful.
Meanwhile, Hulk had FINALLY gotten the form, but now he needed three doctor's signatures and the reception desk had to fill it out as well. He'd walked all over the hospital, and had gotten the signatures, and was now taking the elevator down to the reception desk…
Bad idea. It practically free-fell, and it slammed nastily into the ground, causing a very sore and unhappy Hulk to stagger out, mumbling something about "giving him props" and "icing that bitch". When he finally got his head together, he walked over to the reception desk, and placed it down. "Sign there, lady." "I TOLD you, the port is by the seaside-oh! It's you. Right, hold on…"
She took FOREVER to sign, but once she had, Hulk took off, going up the stairs as fast as he could. He made it back to the room, and drew his axe. Hulk pressed a button on his big, golden belt, and theme music began playing. He looked around, and saw that Nick had vanished…
Then he saw the window was open. He grumbled. This was taking FOREVER!
BGM: Iron Ogre (Mysterious Herculean Being Hulk Davidson's Theme)
Hulk sort of waddled over, and tried to fit through, only to find he was stuck…and Nick was right in front of him, looking very smug.
He squatted down in front of Hulk and grinned. "Ever seen a Rockette dance?" Nick asked. "No…" "I think it goes something like THIS!" He promptly began doing a kicking routine that was unmistakably the Can-Can, and kicking Hulk's face every time his foot went up or down.
Bam bam, ba-ba-ba-ba bam bam! Ba-ba-ba-ba bam bam! Ba-ba-ba-ba bam, ba-ba-ba bam, bam!
Poor Hulk was taking a nasty beating, but he suddenly snarled and with a mighty HEAVE broke through the window, shattering it and some of the wall around it into pieces that fell down to the street below. Nick looked down at the remains.
"Uh…I ain't paying for that." Hulk swung his axe down, and Nick jumped up to the top of the roof with a mighty double jump. Hulk waddled up the roof, and the fight really took off.
Hulk began swinging his axe left and right, attempting to cut Nick in half. Nick simply ducked or jumped, and Hulk decided for a change in tactics. He snorted, and then charged at Nick! Nick ran like hell, but when he reached the edge of the roof, he realized he couldn't really run away! So he jumped over the charging Hulk, who seemed to fall off the roof with a scream. Nick breathed a sigh of relief, and began walking back towards his window…when Hulk suddenly jumped back onto the roof!
Nick whirled around, looking very cheated. "Hey…I thought you were a pavement pancake!" "As if! No perpetrator like you could ever beat me, boy!" "If there's any perpetrators on this roof, they're the ones wearing black." Hulk wasn't amused, and he simply TOSSED his axe in a broad arc. Nick didn't see this coming, and was slashed in the chest. He screamed in pain, and grabbed it. Blood seeped down from the wound as the axe circled back to Hulk. "Now hold still again, kid."
Nick was pretty angry now, but his need for a snappy retort took precedence over being furious. "You may have been born to be wild, but I was born to run! MACH SPEED!" Hulk gasped. Oh no…this was bad.
He readied his axe again, but Nick was faster than him, running right up to him and then giving him a mighty SLOW punch right underneath his big face, yelling out "YOU ASSHOLE!"
Hulk went flying into the air, and Nick jumped up, looking very angry. "This time when I knock you down, stay down!" He slammed both his hands into Hulk's gut, and the Iron ogre went flying down to the roof, making a large crater. He groaned in pain, and Nick dusted himself off. "Serves you right." He began walking off when Hulk suddenly called out, saying "Not so fast…"
Nick turned again and a mighty punch sent him flying across the roof. He slammed into a power generator that was on the top and groaned. Hulk waddled over and chuckled in a deep voice. "Now…YOU stay dead." Nick rubbed his sore head, then whacked his elbow against the generator. Wait…a generator…and the axe was made up of solid iron. Painted black, but still iron…
Nick had learned that touching the delicate equipment of a generator was dangerous if you weren't protected safely. Sticking a metal screwdriver into the generator's mainframe while the machine was running would give you a shock that could kill you. Iron was a great conductor of electricity too; he'd learned that in a book on chemistry…
Nick positioned himself, and when Hulk brought the axe down, he rolled out of the way. Hulk's axe was embedded in the generator, and he only had time to raise one eyebrow before he reaped the repercussions.
Ouch. Ever seen a guy get electrocuted? It's not pretty. The smell alone almost caused Nick to vomit, but he walked over to the smoking, barely alive Hulk. "I know this comes as a SHOCK to you…but you're not street. Got it?" Hulk nodded. "Daaaannnggg…" he managed to get out, and then his eyes glazed over in death.
(Stop the music)
Nick let out a sigh of relief, and made his way back to his room. He plopped down in his bed, and drifted off into a nap just as Joe, Blue and Sylvia entered the room. They had heard the sounds of the fight, and had come to help, but they were a little late…and Nick, triumphant, was snoozing on the bed…
And his pants had been ripped…right on the butt. Sylvia started giggling, and Joe goggled at the sight. Blue averted his eyes as he placed a towel over the bared ass.
And many miles away, in an ancient temple underneath the ground, a gigantic figure was sleeping…soon to be awakened. A familiar demon in purple armor was walking towards the figure…
