My heart raced as I stood frozen, watching the man in front of me. His twist body's grotesque and deformed features sent spikes of guilt through me as his eyes bore into mine. His eyes the only thing untouched, and undoubtedly his, I would never forget those eyes.
Especially as they watched me in fear.
But now nothing but hatred and disgust shone threw them as he swayed in front of me pointed a bloodied, broken finger in my direction as my body began to tremble with the sobs of my tears. "You did this to me, Rose."
I choked on my words, nothing was coming out; I wanted to plead with him; beg him to stop, I wanted to tell him I loved him and would always feel guilt for everything that happened, but nothing came from my lips.
"It should have been you", he gasped, slowly shuffling closer to me as I tiptoed back "you left me. I needed you, and you left" my sobs drew louder as his breaths heaved louder, sounding more painful with every step.
Suddenly he bolted forward with a snarl as I crouched and lifted my arms over my head for protection, screaming loudly, "Owen! No!".
Bolting up, I gasped, placing a hand over my chest as it moved rapidly along with the wet tears I could feel falling down my cheek as I tried not to alert anyone to my state of being. The nightmares were getting worse, but it was to be expected on the one year anniversary of the events leading me back to my family.
A whole year since I saw the man I used to call my brother falling from a plane, his eyes terrified as he fell from me, I could still feel the scream in the back of my throat as if I had only just called out for him with an outstretched arm.
Hearing laughter, I pulled back my bedsheets and walked over to the window; pushing the curtain back, I looked down to see my family in the back yard; Mia and Letty were fawning over little Jack while Dom and Brian worked on something to the side of them with grins on their faces.
Sighing, I let go of the curtain and sat on the edge of my bed, rubbing my face free of any leftover tears as I picked up my phone—No New Messages. Lifting my laptop onto my thigh, I quickly began typing, hoping to find any new information.
'Owen Shaw' No Results.
'Deckard Shaw' No Results.
'Lusitania Heist Deaths' No Results.
A knock at the door made me jump as Letty slowly tilted her head around the door with a smile when she saw me awake "Afternoon", she grinned as I quickly closed the laptop and giving a fake smile when her eyebrow raised in suspicion.
"Hey," I greeted, sliding the computer back in it's place and standing, things between us weren't awkward, but I knew she missed the bond we once supposedly had; I could see it in her eyes every time I skipped out on a hug or didn't understand an inside joke.
"Dom's ordered takeout", The older woman said as her eyes followed my laptop before smiling at me when I crossed my arms.
I always wondered if she knew how much being here made me feel, but I still couldn't bring myself to tell them, "Get showered and dressed, Mija, because you smell like a grease monkey".
I laughed at her words as her brown eyes shone for a moment "Okay, I'll meet you downstairs?" I said, seeing her eyes stray once again as I slowly coerced her back to my bedroom door and holding onto it as she nodded, walking away.
"Be careful on the stairs!" She called over her shoulder as I frowned, wondering why she was so concerned about the stairs. Doing exactly as Letty had told me to do, I showered and changed, hearing the others make their way into the house as it filled with talking and Jack's crying.
Drying the ends of my hair, I picked up my phone again and texting some numbers, all these contacts, and nobody knows a damn thing.
R: Anything?
Unknown: Nah, girl, it's like you're tracking a ghost. You sure they're real?
R: Go fuck yourself.
Rolling my eyes, I threw the cell phone over my shoulder on the bed as I rubbed my face roughly with my hands. It was the not knowing that was killing me; I could deal with my scars and nightmares, but the not knowing was the worst, and it was festering inside of me.
Every day was the same, it was monotonous, and yet it was that in which I beginning to lose my mind, the fact that I couldn't remember anything, and everyone was expecting me to bounce back like nothing had changed.
My fake smile could only work for so long when I felt so disconnected from this world.
Tugging at my clothes, I made my way downstairs, trying to avoid the house occupants for a few moments longer before I had to go back to my act.
Pushing open the garage doors, I walked into the room where the Charger sat along with my 1970 Plymouth Barracuda that Letty had bought me as 'coming home' present. Home such a big word for it only having four letters.
"I know she needs some TLC again," Dom laughed, walking up behind me as I schooled my expression; he must have mistaken my look as something about his car.
"Again?" I questioned, glancing back at the damaged muscle car; it looked like it had been rammed by something hard, and compared to the barracuda I had been fixing up, it looked more than a little worse for wear. "Who fixed it last time?".
Dom's eyes softened as the tall man glanced between me and the car "You did." he answered in his lower baritone voice as my eyes moved back towards the beautiful black car "it belonged to our dad before he passed".
I just nodded at his words and listened intently to his story, but I ultimately felt nothing. I wasn't moved, nor did anything pop up into my damaged brain.
"Food's here", Dom said softly after a moment's silence as we both stared at the cars in front of us.
It was apparent I had inherited his and our father's race gene but other than that, I was beginning to think there was nothing else between Dom, Mia, and I – despite what I had been told by everyone since I came back.
Watching Dom close the door garage, I follow behind him silently as we walked into the loud, homely building as Letty, Brian, and Mia are sitting around the table laughing.
Pressing a kiss to the top of the little boy's head, I smiled softly at Jack, he's maybe the only person I can say that I've genuinely bonded with.
Grabbing some of the Chinese food, I sit down at the table, glancing at the others as they talk animatedly before pulling Dom and me into their conversations, but I stayed silent, giving Jack bits of his food as the others interacted like a typical family.
I only tuned back in during the middle of the memory of Brian's childhood dog who had bitten a teenage Roman on the butt "Oh god, we had this hideous dog that used to scare Rosalie to death and Dom had to give it away" Mia's face lit up as she spoke before turning to face us.
My sister giggled as Dom chuckled, nodding his head as my eyebrows furrowed when Letty snorted. "Man, that thing was disgusting," she said, poking her food with her fork "remember, Mija?".
"No," the room went silent at my tone, and awkwardness began to seep into the silence "sorry," I mumbled half-heartily as they glanced at each other, trying to find a way to fix the situation until Jack started screaming. My sister jumped to her feet to pick up the small boy.
Letty touched my hand before I pulled it away "Fuck" she hissed as I stood picking up my plate "I'm sorry, I-i didn't mean-" she started as I moved towards the kitchen, the divide between us clear as I placed my plate in the sink.
"It's fine," I told her with a shrug "I don't remember, there's nothing I can do about it, but you can't stop talking about old memories just to make me feel more at ease that's not fair on any of you" I explained picking up the keys to my car "I'm going for a drive".
Leaving Letty behind fumbling with her words as my brother stared at me in concern, I got into the barracuda with only one place in mind that weirdly clears my head and brings me a weird sense of peace.
My grave.
