G'day, mates! The name's Bruce. Gran Bruce. But uh…just call me Bruce, okay? What was I doin' again? Oh, right! Uh…
That…um…the kid, whuzzhisname…Nick! Right, Nick! Heh heh…huh? Or right, Nick! He's uh…gonna be in my territory soon and…well, er…I was kinda…uh…what was I told?
Right, I remember! To rip him "limb from freaking limb" I think. The leader's kinda…what's the word…um…angry! Yeah!
So uh…the kid's shark bait, just he wait! Hey, that uh…rhymes! I've got other rhymes too, I made them uh…up for my girlfriend, Rosy! Listen to this one: Roses are red, poor Charley is dead, Hulk and Flinty have bought it, Doc's sick in the head! The sergeant is fuel, and I'm feeling cruel, and I'm gonna go kill that kid dead! The end. Whaddya think, mate? Not too bad huh? What? "It sucks out loud"? Why you little no-good, cockney, sodding wanker! I'll bite ya blooming head off, ya bloody- (The rest of his words were unsuitable for print.)
"Attention world! I'm…bored. God, I'm so mind-bogglingly bored."
Indeed.
Nick had taken Flinty's advice, and had decided to head across the great ocean that led to a strange, wild part of Movieland…the New Continent. Nobody had really been over there, and few knew what lay in it…but they knew one thing: It wasn't good, whatever was there.
Nick had decided to take 6 Machine over the ocean, and had been flying for about half and hour, enjoying the flight immensely. The jet had had been playing a kicking soundtrack, and the last song he had heard was "Help!" by The Beatles.
Help! I need somebody! Help! Not just anybody! Help! You know I need someone…HEEELLLP!
Back when I was younger, so much younger than today…I never needed anybody's help in any way! But now those days are gone, I'm no so self assured…I know that I just need you like I never did before!
Help me if you can, I'm feeling doooown! And I do appreciate you being rooound! Help me get my feet back on the grooound! Won't you please, please help me?
And now my life has changed in oh, so many ways…my independence seems to vanish in the haze! But every now and then I feel so insecure…I know that I just need you like I've never done before!
Help me if you can, I'm feeling doooown! And I do appreciate you being rooound! Help me get my feet back on the grooound! Won't you please, please help me?
Back when I was younger, so much younger than today…I never needed anybody's help in any way…but now these days are gone, I'm no so self assured…and now I find I've changed my mind… I'll open up the doors!
Help me if you can, I'm feeling doooown! And I do appreciate you being rooound! Help me get my feet back on the grooound! Won't you please, please help me?
Help me! Help meee…ooooh…
Nick happily sang along, completely unaware of the world around him, caring only about the tunes.
It was a peaceful flight, to be sure…before a missile shot the jet down.
The missile hadn't been followed up…in fact, NOTHING had happened within the last FOUR HOURS. Nick had been drifting in the ocean for that long, and after the first hour of panicking and calling for help (Which had been in vain, the communications had been fried) he'd drifted off into a comatose-like state of boredom.
Drool now hung from his mouth, and his hair had become VERY frazzled. It wasn't hot out, but it WAS humid, and it really annoyed him. He felt so unhappy, and miserable, and alone and angry and annoyed! Why, he was almost on the verge of making a facial expression! (Much like some actors who don't do their job quite well, but I'm not pointing fingers.)
"Ugghhhh…"
Or not.
Inside his head, he wasn't that much better than he was outside. He'd made up a rhyme to pass the time: "I'm…so bored, I'm...so bored, and so tired of being ignored. It's been a bad day, nothing's going my waaaaaaaaaa-aaaay…God help me, I'm so freaking bored!" But he kept repeating it in his head, and was slowly drifting into unconsciousness.
Then something happened…6 Machine suddenly "pinged" and Nick quickly came back to life, looking down at the controls and the display. "What the?" It was the radar…something was coming from…below the ship?
Oh…my…God…
"HOLY CRAP!" Nick had seen the film "Jaws" and he'd fought against Gran Bruce in the Viewtiful Joe game. He knew what was probably gonna come next. Gran would jump out of the water, jaws a-snapping…and no more Nick. DUCK AND COVER!
Sure enough, a face popped out of the water, grinning cheekily…but that was about it. Nick cautiously peeked over the side of 6 Machine to get a better look. What stared back was the face of a large great white shark, who had on scuba gear, complete with red gloves and even diver's fins. He was picking his nose with great enthusiasm. He had beady black "doll" eyes, and his mouth was ENORMOUS. Filled with large, sharp teeth and a large, fat red tongue. He also had on a black belt, which had a few strange buttons on them. His diver's tank was orange. A dorky-looking orange.
Nick wanted to laugh, but suppressed it.
"G'day mate!"
Okay, now he couldn't.
Tank, nose picking, and funny Australian accent combined, making the moment comedy gold for Nick. He started laughing fit to burst.
"Hee-haaa! Ha ha ha ha! HAA! HA HA HA…"
He began laughing so hard that his chest hurt, and Gran Bruce just kept picking his nose. The Australian accent was incredibly thick.
"What's so funny, kid?"
"YOU! HA HA HAAAA!"
Gran just blinked. Nick calmed down a few minutes later, and the laughs dissolved into giggles, then into wheezes. "Okay…hahh…hoo…you're...hoo-hah...Gran Bruce, right?" "Right, mate, I…uh…yeah, I am." "You want to kill me, right?" "Yeah, so would you um…er…uh…hmm. I knew this…" "Would I mind getting out of my jet so that you can eat me alive?" "Something like that, mate." "Uh, no." "Blimey!"
The shark stopped picking his nose.
"Well then, mate…I-uh…I…er…um, I…I guess I'd better uh…chew your jet up or something…yeah! That works."
The shark launched itself at 6 Machine, jaws open, snapping wildly. Nick ducked back inside as Gran Bruce's jaws sank into 6 Machine…
And then Gran Bruce let go, howling. His teeth had been severely banged up, and some were now falling out.
"Oh, I forgot! 6 Machine's armor can handle missile hits, machine gun fire and large crashes, so I'm sure it can handle a shark's bite. Wanna try another tactic, "mate"?"
Gran Bruce fought back involuntary tears and spat out a tooth. "You're DEAD mate, you got that? You bloody cockney prick!" Suddenly, theme music began to play…
BGM: Aquatic Terror (Mysterious White Shark Gran Bruce's Theme)
"Say what?" Nick just sat there, stunned. The shark redoubled his efforts to attack, but this time just RAMMED the drifting jet, and Nick was banged around like a kid being rammed repeatedly on a bumber car. Ouch!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
The jet was fine…Nick was not. He was jigging around in the jet something awful, yelling "CUT-IT-OUT-CUT-IT-OUT!" and Gran Bruce kept swearing and cursing in Australian.
Nick looked like he was going to give first, and he was beginning to lose his hold on consciousness. How was he gonna survive THIS?
Suddenly Gran stopped. Nick took a small peek over…and saw that the shark was wheezing like heck.
HOO…HOO…HEEEE…HEEEE…
And then he started up again.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
"YEAAAAARRRGHH!"
"YOU BLOODY, NO GOOD-COCKNEY, SON OF A BITCHING-"
"QUIIIIIIITTTTT IIIIITTTT!"
BANG, BANG, BANG!
Then he had a brainstorm. He remembered what had worked against "Jaws" in the movie, and quickly began rummaging through 6 Machine's trunk, located near the end of the jet. Gran Bruce had stopped to catch his breath, he was wheezing like an old man on life support.
Teddy bear…no. Cheeseburger? No. How about-nah. AH HA! A gas tank! All reason went out the window, and Nick promptly leaned over to Gran Bruce and tapped him on the nose. "WHAT?" the shark was pissed, and his mouth was open wide…Nick shoved the small gas tank right in. Gran let out a muffled grunt of surprise, and his doll eyes widened in fear when he saw what Nick had planned. Nick aimed a flare gun he had right at Gran Bruce and said "Come on, you son of a-"
BLAM! KA-FLOOOOM!
A terrific explosion sent both jet, boy and shark flying dozens of yards through the air, and each landed hard against the water. Nick barely managed to make it to the top of an overturned 6 Machine, and flopped down. He slowly drifted into sleep…
(Stop the music!)
Alastor floated down from the sky, and looked at the kid. He was knocked out cold…but where was Gran Bruce?
He looked to the left…and saw that Gran Bruce had been blown apart, practically in half…but he was still, just barely alive.
He was…trying to pick his nose…
Alastor looked away as the great white shark let out a final gasp and a death rattle. He shook his head. Sheesh, the kid could be violent!
But would the kid survive being adrift at sea? Probably not…so what to do?
Then he noticed the kid wasn't asleep yet…he was still awake, but just barely. More importantly, he was looking at Alastor.
"Hey…Alastor, could you…uh…help me turn this over?"
Alastor just hovered in the air, stunned. But he nodded. He and Nick pushed 6 Machine upright in the water, and Nick climbed back in. The chair was wet, but at least it was soft. Nick smiled and shook Alastor's hand saying: "Thaaaaanks…" before he drifted into sleep. Alastor frowned a bit. "What's the deal with this crazy teenager? He's at all what I thought he'd be…perhaps I should talk with the prisoners about him."
Far away, bright yellow eyes that bulged stared over the sea…a red dot on the horizon caught his eye. 6 Machine. The being that possessed those eyes grinned a little. At last…
He'd followed a run-away robot here, and no found BOTH of his prey…the teenage rebel Nick…
And the traitorous Bloody Rachel.
(Wow! Shortest chapter yet.)
