Chapter 4
Cloud looked at his mobile phone. He'd forgotten that Tifa rang the day before yesterday. He scrolled through the different menus before realising he'd a voice message.
"Hi Cloud, Tifa here. Reno has a job for you-"
"No way am I taking another job from Reno," Cloud muttered to himself. "Not after the mess he got me into last time…"
"-Anyway, I haven't heard from you. How are you?"
Cloud shook his head. You don't want to know Tifa, trust me.
"Tifa! Denzel's gotten really sick!" There was a pause. "Who are you talking to?"
The voice mail ended. Despite everything, Cloud smiled. It was nice to hear their voices again. He adjusted his sunglasses and looked around. This was the place where Zack had saved his life. No longer green and thriving with flowers, instead, taken over by decay and was now as barren as the dusty red cliffs around Cosmo Canyon. He had come back here after Meteor had been destroyed to see if he could find anything left of his friend. All he found was an old belt buckle he used always wear. He buried it up on the cliff and marked it with three sticks. This time, he was going to leave a much clearer marker. He brandished the Buster Sword and plunged it into the earth.
"I came to give back what's rightfully yours," he said to the sword. "Thank you for letting me use it, but I won't be needing it anymore." He turned away.
"Take care Zack. See you soon."
The first person you couldn't bury.
"Shut up," he told his demon angrily.
The second you just dropped in water.
"I don't need this now," Cloud snapped.
When you couldn't do your job right. Some bodyguard.
"When I die, you're dying with me," he said quietly. "We'll see who has the last laugh."
The voice went quiet. Satisfied, Cloud went back to his motorcycle and sat on it, absorbed in thought.
"Aeris, two years ago, I decided to live for you. But now, I've broken yet another promise, because I'm dying."
Reality hit there.
"I'm dying…" Soon, he wasn't going to be around. He wasn't going to see the orphans grow up, he wasn't going to be there to talk to his old friends about silly things that didn't matter. Not that he saw them much anymore, it was still nice to have the option. They had all moved on from their experiences two years ago. Cloud hadn't. He felt like… he was stuck in the past, and now he was just drifting aimlessly through life. Could you even call that a life? Was he really living for her, like he promised, or was it just trying to find the strength to get through each day?
He sank from Fenrir onto the dusty, barren ground, lost in himself, not caring if he dirtied his clothes doing so.
"Come on Cloud, cheer up." Cloud raised his bowed head slowly to look at her, his illusion, what his heart desired most.
"I don't know if I can, Aeris," he said.
"You're dying, so why don't you make these days count?"
"You're going to disappear soon," he said, more to himself than her. "And I'm going to get another wave of pain to my arm. That's depressing."
Anyone looking at this scene from the outside would have thought Cloud was a very crazy man, talking to air like he was.
"I see you've covered your left arm," she noted, looking at the long black material that started at his shoulder and finished at his wrist. "What are you covering, the wound, or my ribbon?"
"I think you know the answer to that," he replied. "I've never forgotten you, never will." He cast his head down, looking at the dust particles and swirling the shape of his name with his index finger.
"But you're not really her now, are you? You're Jenova, playing tricks on my mind. You're a disease, a bad thing, so why take the shape of Aeris?"
"Cloud," she said softly, kneeling down and poking her head underneath his so she could see his eyes. "I can be as real as anyone. All you have to do, is believe it."
Cloud lifted his right arm and hesitantly reached out to her. She took his hand in hers and guided it to her face. Cloud's hand felt everything, from the soft, delicate touch of her skin to the sharp fingernails that were perfectly rounded off. A manicurist couldn't have done a better job.
"I believe," he whispered. Aeris smiled.
"Good. Maybe we can talk about something different next time." And with that she vanished.
Cloud took a deep breath and holding it, he lay back to take the agony once more. He didn't clutch his arm anymore, even though it felt like it was on fire, and he didn't cry out either. Even though the pain was all over, attacking his immune system, he felt sort of… numb. No, numb wasn't a good word, because numb would mean his was feeling nothing. Cloud felt far from feeling nothing, he felt positively euphoric after what he had just seen, what he'd just been able to do, what he hadn't done in a long time.
She touched me. I was able to touch her.
Cloud lay there, long after the pain had passed, thinking about this new development. If these were just illusions, how come it all felt so real? Could she really be back, or was it just wishful thinking?
He looked under the sleeve of his jacket to reveal the bandage. He'd been given a few, and they really couldn't do much for the wound. He'd discarded one in the church as he hated the sight of it; black and flaky. It looked rotten, like what his body was doing, rotting away until he couldn't do anything anymore.
It was a beautiful day; the sky was a deep blue, almost as blue as the sea around Costa Del Sol and there wasn't a puff of wind or a cloud to be seen. The sun was now high in the sky, directly above him. He'd been here all morning, so it was about time for him to go back. Cloud sprung himself up, a simple act that was becoming harder and harder to do, started up Fenrir and kicked off, heading for home, the Midgar church.
Cloud has always loved the door leading into the church. Now, he never liked staring at architecture, he probably saw more fun in watching paint drying on a wall but this place… there was something about it. Something he couldn't quite place his finger on. Perhaps it was the beautiful stone goddesses, meticulously carved from the rock that was the stone door, or the way that each figure seemed to leap out at him. Or maybe it was the two staves crossed over one another, barring entry to an ill-fated demon. He had always wondered were these staves the inspiration for Aeris' choice of weapon. He'd probably never know.
These were the last thoughts entering Cloud's mind as he looked at the door, slightly ajar. Slightly ajar meant someone was here. Nobody visited the church; in the four months that Cloud had been there he'd never seen anyone. Someone probably wanted a fight. It happened from time to time; Some cocky teenager or tough guy wanted to prove themselves to their shallow buddies. Cloud had never even used his sword, a few well placed punches shot them down quickly enough. Nevertheless he unsheathed it quickly and pushed the door fully open, his senses high on alert. He entered the church cautiously, his feet making no sound at all on the wooden floor. Cloud knew now with a long time which floorboards creaked, and which didn't. Checking behind the door (for it was usually the main point of ambush) and seeing nothing, Cloud walked up the centre isle. There were flower petals everywhere, lying dejected; scattered and torn like unwanted gift-wrapping.
What went on here? Cloud thought angrily. Was someone doing this to the flowers on purpose? I swear, if I find out who did this I'll…
He stopped; something was lying in the flowerbed. Brown hair, slim but muscular frame…
"Tifa!" he exclaimed, sheathing his sword and rushing up to his fallen comrade. He raised her head and shoulders onto the crook of his arm, before giving her a gentle shake.
"Tifa!" he said again, panic starting to rise in his voice. He put two fingers to her slender neck. Relief flooded through him as he felt the slow, steady pulse. He picked her up and carried her out of the church.
As Tifa broke out of unconsciousness the first thing her bleary, unfocused eyes saw was not the roof of the Sector Five church, but a big fuzzy chocobo. Confused, Tifa half sat up and waited for her eyes to focus. She soon realised that it was a blonde haired man sitting on a wooden chair next to her bed. The man she hadn't seen in over four months. And the man she now knew was dying. He hadn't noticed her, too busy staring at his hands, lost in thought.
"Cloud?" she asked, as if trying to confirm the name and the face. He looked over and smiled.
"Tifa, I'm glad you're awake."
Tifa wasn't so happy in their reunion. Feelings she'd been trying to shut out for months now, hurt, sadness, loneliness, all came flooding back. But she shut them out and let only one be felt; anger.
"You've got geostigma, haven't you?" she accused, fire almost burning in her eyes. Cloud looked away, he'd forgotten he'd left plain evidence of his disease with that bandage in the church. He hadn't wanted her to know.
"...there's no cure for it."
"'It's fine if I'm gonna just die like this', is that what you're thinking? ...It is...isn't it? You think by doing this you'll see her again?"
Which was exactly what he thought, but he could never admit that to her.
Tifa got up from where she was lying and crossed the wooden floors to take Cloud's battle-worn hands in hers. Cloud looked up slowly to stare into her unwavering burgundy eyes, filled with concern.
"Cloud," she said in a much softer tone. "Denzel's fighting it, and everyone's here for you, so why not you, too? Why aren't you trying to save yourself?"
Cloud's hand moved up to hold his wound. His fingers curled around the material that was covering it, gripping the clothing tightly as if to relieve the hollow ache of something inside him, causing more pain than any flesh wound ever could.
"I don't think I can save anyone. Neither my family, nor my friends…" He sighed.
"No one."
"Oh there you go again," she sighed angrily, breaking away from him to pace around the room, all the while rubbing her poor, pounding temples. That guy had really given her a beating…
"You're so damn afraid, that when things get tough you just close yourself off from everyone and expect them to pick up the pieces."
"I didn't ask you to," Cloud replied, and the look on Tifa's face made it very clear that he'd said the wrong thing; she turned away, her eyes overly bright.
"Do you ever stop to think about anyone, Cloud? What about my feelings?" she asked, pointing to herself for emphasis. "I would be very sad if you… died." Her voice cracked on the last word, and she broke down. Ashamed of her tears, she put a gloved hand over her face to hide her emotion. Cloud, realising how hurtful he'd been walked over and pulled her into an embrace. Tifa wrenched out of it.
"I don't want your pity," she snapped, but her violent words sounded even pathetic to her. Cloud didn't attempt to hug her again, something Tifa thought he was certain to do. Instead he walked to the other end of the room, taking sudden interest in a map of Gaia. Tifa closed her eyes and crossed her arms, as if hugging herself. Even though she was still very angry, she couldn't help but feel exasperated at the way Cloud was reacting to her outburst. It seemed like the time when she had seen his very soul had never happened. Now, she felt more closed off from him than ever before.
"Don't ever think no one cares, Cloud," she whispered, turning to look at his back. She wiped the tears from her face before crossing her arms again. "Because I do."
There was a pause, before Cloud replied.
"Tifa, you know I love you, don't you?" he asked. He found he couldn't look back at her. "You know I care."
"I know. But that's not enough," she muttered.
Cloud nodded. Tifa looked at him wearily.
"It's okay," she said. She knew she'd lost her chance years ago, and she'd long resigned to the fact that it wasn't going to happen. "I know who your heart belongs to. I, just wish I'd seen it when we were kids. Who knows? Maybe things would have been… different."
Cloud smiled sadly. "Yeah, maybe." He turned to look her up and down.
"Who did this to you?" he asked. She shook her head.
"I don't know, but…" she trailed off.
"Tell me," Cloud encouraged.
"He, he looked like Sephiroth."
"What?" Cloud exclaimed, taken very aback. "A clone, maybe?" Tifa shook her head again.
"No, he seemed too… human, to be a clone, but the silver hair, and his strength…" she squeezed her eyes shut at the memory of fighting him. "I was completely outmatched."
Cloud hadn't even heard her utter those words against Sephiroth.
"Was it him who took the children?" he asked gently.
"Yeah…" Tifa replied. "Denzel… Marlene…"
"I'll get Reno and Rude to check it out," Cloud said, reaching for his phone.
"No need," a voice came from behind them. Both heads snapped over to see Reno and Rude standing in the doorframe. Neither had changed in the past two years, except maybe swapping their blue suits for black ones. Reno was still as overconfident and insolent as ever, and Rude was… well, Rude.
"Long time no see, Strife," the fiery red head greeted. "Why didn't you get back to me on that job?" Cloud looked at him for a second, eyebrow raised.
"Reno, the last time I took a job of yours I ended up coated head to toe in mako and got attacked by a colony of cactuars."
Reno smirked. "I remember that!" he said laughing "Who knew that cactuars were attracted to mako?"
"Reno…" Rude warned. Cloud was turning an alarming shade of red.
"Or maybe it was your natural scent…"
"Don't say another word Reno," Cloud threatened, his hand curling into a fist.
"I got my money's worth though," he continued. "You were picking needles out of your ass for days…"
"Oh that's IT!" Cloud yelled, jumping up and making a lunge at the former Turk. Tifa however easily knocked the unsuspecting Cloud onto the bed with a quick push.
"Enough!" she exclaimed. "You boys can settle this on another date but I don't have time for this. Do you know where this guy went?"
Reno's face turned serious. "It wasn't one guy, it was three. And the person you were attacked by was named Loz. The other two are called Yazoo, a guy with long silver hair, and Kadaj, the leader. They're looking for their mother."
"Their mother?" Cloud asked, his anger dissipating. "Surely they don't mean…" Reno shook his head.
"I don't know for sure. But this Kadaj guy seemed obsessed with some 'Reunion' thing."
No way, Cloud thought. Tifa gripped Cloud's shoulder subconsciously.
"Where did they go?" she asked.
Reno hesitated. He looked over a Cloud, then looked away.
"The Forgotten Capital," Rude said.
Cloud's breath caught in his throat. He hadn't visited that place since…
"Cloud?" Tifa asked. "I can't go like this, you'll have to do it."
"I-" Cloud started. "I don't…know if…" How could he face even being in that place again? The last time he was there failed to save one person, what if this time he couldn't…
"I understand," Tifa said comfortingly, looking at Cloud. He bowed his head, refusing to return her gaze. "Even if we find the children we might not be able to do anything, we might not even be able to get them back. That's what you're afraid of right?" Tifa put a hand on his face and turned it to look at her. Cloud slowly met her eyes.
"Were we overcome by our memories?" she asked, staring into his mako enhanced, azure eyes. They were completely unreadable. When would he realise that she was there for him, instead of making her feel completely alienated like this?
But… I let her die.
Cloud hesitated, then shook his head.
"That's good to hear." Cloud slowly rose from the bed and walked over to Rude and an unusually silent Reno.
"Let's go," he said. The two former Turks nodded and exited the room. Cloud made to follow.
"Cloud," Tifa called. He turned around. She had the most serious look he'd ever seen on her face.
"Don't give in to it."
Cloud said nothing. He turned around and left.
Authors Note:
I am so so SO sorry for the delay! I really am! I didn't mean to take this long, but I did and I apologise again! I swear the next chapter will be up much faster than this one!
I'll say it now. I do not hate Tifa, even though I'm obliged to as a Cleris fan! I think she was a majorly important character in the ff7 love triangle and should not be dismissed completely on the spot. I wanted to let her down with Cloud's rejection in as dignified a way as possible, and I think I succeeded in that. I also think that Cloud really cares for her too, though not in that way, and it's another thing that Cleris fans don't write enough about.
A big thanks goes to Daenis Tooshy for helping me with this chapter. There were parts that were really, "do you want some wine with this cheese?" and she helped me out loads so first of all big hugs and second, if you haven't read her fics yet then what are you waiting for?
Anyway, this note is getting longer than the chapter itself! I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter. I was terribly difficult to write; I was stuck on it for ages and I wanted it to really work. Thanks once again for reading, drop a review if you feel like it, they're always welcomed. (even if you wanna bitch about Tifa, I won't mind too much! XD)
To my wonderful reviewer asga!
asga: Well, I didn't update soon, soz about that. Please forgive me! Are you a complete Cleris nut too? There's so little of us around… (sniff) Thanks for reviewing (again! You're so nice to do that! hugs)
