Brittany – 24th December 2016
"I'm happy. Yo estoy feliz."
"Yo estoy feliz", I repeat loud and clear for the app and then I get the acoustic signal, that I said it right and it moves on to the next sentence.
Yes, I'm starting to learn Spanish. For a few weeks now. It's a surprise for San, better said a part of my Christmas gift. Rachel, Finn and Santana took a flight home two days ago, meanwhile I'm on the road since yesterday, spent the night in a motel. On one hand I needed to work and on the other hand I won't leave my beloved car in New York.
After a long debate, I convinced Santana, that I'm perfectly fine with driving. She wasn't happy about it, but I didn't care. So I can learn Spanish without her knowing.
With that time flies by fast, so I'm arriving in front of the church right before the service starts. It's a family tradition, that we go to church on the 24th. They wouldn't accept a 'no', so I enter the church tired. I see a lot of familiar faces, who greet me and ask a lot of questions until I see my parents and my brother.
The three of them are happy to see me. We don't have the best parents-kid-relationship, but after half a year I missed my parents, well my mom and of course Jesse.
I haven't seen my brother in a while now. Mostly we facetime or just talk on the phone, so it's nice to hug him. With him this evening is more fun, because Jesse isn't a perfect Christian either.
We're both a little less Christian. I don't want to be like my parents, just living after faith and religion. Santana helped me realizing this. The love for God will never be as big as my love for Santana. It's a wonder I'm not already burst into flames when I entered the church.
After the service and some talks, we are in the living room at home. They want to know a lot about NY. It's hard to talk about New York and not mentioning Santana. I'm scared of their reaction, especially my fathers.
"Did you hear the rumor about the daughter of Reverend Miller?", my mom asks Jesse and me, and we shake our heads unknowingly.
"It is said that she brought her fiancée with her. Poor guy nearly passed out", dad tells us.
"I think it was a hard time for him, but he was professional as usual tonight", my mom joins in.
"He can't do anything for his daughters' sins. That she's not ashamed to expose him like that, I mean where is her respect?"
"Calm down dad, you're overreacting", Jesse says, and I hug him tightly in my thoughts.
"I'm overreacting? No, this woman is an embarrassment for her whole family. God didn't say that two women should love each other. There will be no future generations, or can two woman make babies?"
I can't listen to this any longer. With every word which leaves my parents mouths I get angrier.
"I love a woman", I interrupt their conversation and there is absolute silence for a few seconds.
"What are you talking about?", is my mom the first one to talk.
"Santana and I are a couple. We live happily in New York and I love her."
"Not again the Lopez girl. Haven't you learned anything, Brittany?", my dad gets up from the chair, looks at me with anger.
"I learned a lot, and nothing is wrong with it", I support myself when he comes closer.
"I warn you. You won't hit me, I will defend myself and after that you won't get up easily", I stand up too.
"Oh really? You will defend yourself?", he asks and before I can react, he slaps me in the face.
"Dad!", Jessie shouts, but gets silent as soon as my father looks at him. Mom is silent, too, as always when there are problems.
"You are a disgrace for the family and I'm ashamed of you. I thought the army will show you the right way, but I looks like you hit the wrong road again", he slaps me again. I'm like petrified. I want to do something against him, but I can't, I'm not making a move. It's my father, I can't hurt him.
"Go to hell, Brittany, we don't want you here anymore", he grabs me by the collar of my sweater and pushes me through the hallway until we reach the front door. He opens it and shoves me out of the house, so I fall down the stairs in the snow. Shortly after my travel bag and winter jacket lie next to me.
"Don't you dare coming back again, or I'll call the police", are his last words and I think it's over until something hard hits my head.
"Maybe you should start reading from the start, so you know what sin you live."
He slams the door shut and I sit there like a piece of misery on the ground. Around me are the bible, my jacket and travel bag. I'm sitting still until I see blood dripping on my sweater. I touch my forehead, immediately feel pain and see my bloody finger.
This is when I start moving. I grab all my things, put them in my pickup, before I take care of the wound with my first aid kit.
After everything is done, I start driving. No destination. My head hurts and my right cheek burns like fire because of his slaps. My jeans is wet because of the snow just like my jacket, but I have no strength in changing my clothes. So I just driving circles for hours, always avoiding my parents house.
It's 3am when I can't take it anymore. I'm cold and tired and I just want to go home. So I call Santana. I hate waking her up, but I won't survive this night without her.
"Baby, why are you calling? You started your baking sessions already? You are crazy, I hope you know that."
"Can I come to you? Please", I barely get these words out of my mouth.
"Yes. Yes, of course. Where are you? Shall I pick you up? What happened?"
"I'm there in 20", I don't answer her questions, end the call and start driving again.
When I reach her house, I see Santana in the doorframe. She looks so tired and I'm sorry, that I disturbed her. I park the car and take my bag before I walk to her.
"What happened?", she asks with a look to my face. I bet you can see my father's hand on my cheek.
"Can we just go to bed and cuddle? I don't want to talk."
"Of course, come in", she takes my bag and walks slowly in front of me. Her injury gets better every day, her walk looks better. I take off my shoes and follow her upstairs in her old room. It looks the same as ever. My room is a guest room, while Jesse still has his room.
"There are towels and a toothbrush in the bathroom. You can take my shower gel, put your clothes in the dryer…just make yourself a home."
I take some underwear and sleeping clothes out of my bag before I go to the bathroom. I hurry up, because I don't want Santana to wait any longer. I look terrible. Good, that S only sees me in the dark.
Santana lies in bed when I come back. Only the dimmed glow of her bedside lamp lights me the way.
"Is this my lost sweater?", she asks confused and I look down on me. I haven't realized that I wear it.
"You want to cuddle and sleep, we can talk about it later, come here", she opens her arms for me, and I lie down. It doesn't take 10 seconds before I start crying. Santana holds me until I finally fall asleep and don't feel the pain anymore.
/
When I wake up, I still feel her tight hug. I look up and we lock eyes with each other
"Hey", she mumbles.
"I love you", I reply and slide upwards so our noses touch.
"I love you, too, baby", she caresses my cheek, "Are you hungry? I can make breakfast."
"I told my parents about us, and they threw me out", I start talking about it. Santana accepts my silence and always waits until I'm ready to talk.
"And the laceration?"
"My dad isn't happy with the way I live my life", I paraphrase it generously.
"He hit you?", her eyes go wide.
"It's nothing new. Just the throw with the bible was new."
"And your mom? Or Jesse? No one did something?"
"My dad is a tyrant, one word against him and they would have sat beside me in the snow."
Santana pulls me up, so I'm above her and she puts her hands tightly around my body.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there with you, to help you. You are perfect, Brittany, just the way you are. And you are safe here, nothing will happen."
I never thought that she will be the strong part in our relationship, but God it feels good to just let go and be comforted.
"You are worth being loved and my love for you is so big, it goes to the moon and back, don't you ever think differently about it."
Her words are like an ointment that heals my wounds. Every scar disappears.
"I took the sweater when I visited you the first time, your birthday. He was the only one, who fitted me and I wanted something as a reminder."
"I don't know if it's cute or creepy", she chuckles.
"I think it's cute."
"Okay, it's very cute."
She takes my face in her hands and kisses me.
"Do you think I could use your kitchen? I have everything in my car to bake cookies."
"Of course, like I said, make yourself a home."
And again, I ask myself, why do I deserve this woman?
"Breakfast? Then you get some color in your face, you're paler than usual."
"Sounds good", I roll off of her and want to get up, but she holds me back.
"Stay here, I bring us something."
She wants do protect me and warn her parents, so they don't act shocked when they see me with my wound on my forehead.
Meanwhile I take a look at my phone, my brother sent me a message.
Good morning, I hope you could sleep at least a little bit. Where are you? I'm worried. I thought all night long about what I could write to you, but I'm clueless. I'm sorry, Britt. I wanted to take your side, really, but you know dad and I think I would have made everything worse. I love you, no matter you into men or women and I would love to see you again, before you go back to NY.
I'm not mad at Jesse. He's a victim like I am. But I don't know what to write now, so I lay my phone away and wait for Santana.
She comes back a few minutes later with a tray full of food.
"You should have seen my dads' eyes. They lit up because he saw your car in front of the house. I think you can't say no to him, when he asks if you want to work on it."
Her words let me smile. Felipe is a sweetheart. Her whole family is a blessing, just like Santana.
"I will make time for him. It's okay that I stay here, right?"
"Of course, they love you. You can bake with my mom and work on cars with my dad and you treat me like an angel, so you are their dream daughter in-law."
"They are my dream parents' in-law, because they made the perfect person and I have to thank them every day."
Parents in-law. Daughter in-law. Yeah, I could get used to these words.
