Santana – 25th December 2016
My heart melts when I look at her. She looks so happy in our kitchen. Together with my mom she bakes cookies for my relatives. The food is ready. After we had breakfast, we went downstairs to my parents. Both pulled Britt into a long group hug. And then my dad started singing along to a Christmas song from the radio, so everyone started laughing. The ice was broken, and we could start the day.
This day is different from our usual Christmas Day. Normally we exchange presents, have breakfast while watching the Grinch. After that we drive to my grandma, where the rest of the family meets. Sometimes we're there till late in the night, so I just fall to bed after we are home. This time we celebrate here, because of my grandmas wish. She isn't the youngest anymore and here she can leave whenever she wants and doesn't need to throw out everyone. She didn't do it once, but so many hours with a full house are too much for her.
My mom is happy, that she will get the honor of being responsible for family parties. I bet my ass off, that Thanksgiving will be a big party next year.
"Do you want to take a picture of us? Because it's weird that you look at us like that", my mom breaks me away from my thoughts and Britt and I start laughing.
"Yeah, stand together and I take a pic", I grab my phone and they go in position. Arm in arm they grin at me. Now I know, what it looks like, when Britt and I pose for photos, the height difference is hilarious.
"And now I take one of you two. I need more pictures for the house", my mom takes the phone out of my hands, and we switch positions.
Like always, Britt wraps her arm around my shoulder and smiles down at me.
"Everything okay?", I ask and wrap my arm around her body.
"Thank you for everything."
"You don't need to thank me, it's a pleasure."
"It's not", she silences me with a kiss and then looks at my mom, who took probably 100 pics, 90 of them blurred and out of focus.
"You are a gorgeous couple", my mom hands me the phone with a smile and I take a look at the photos.
"Yes, we are really gorgeous", Britt agrees with my mom, kisses my head, and continues her work in the kitchen.
/
The house is full. Like really full. Overcrowded. We had to pick up two tables from the basement, so everyone fit in. Mom didn't think this through, but she is still learning. Grandma is amused and I chuckle, too because there is no structure today. This day is really different than usual. There is a little bit of silence, when everyone sits down at the table and looks at my mom for a speech. Because the host always gives a speech.
"Normally I would do the speech, but I want to change this tonight. Britt, would you do us the honor of saying a few words?"
Surprised Brittany looks between me and my mom. I lay my hand on her thigh and nod.
"Alright, ehm…I didn't prepare anything, but I'll try."
"No problem, just speak from your heart", my dad encourages her.
She clears her throat and puts her hand above mine.
"I was raised in a Christian house and normally it's about the love to God and how he makes our lives complete. But tonight, I realized, it's not God, but the people around us who make Christmas special."
She's got me hooked from the first second. To be fair, Britt could tell me something about flying pigs and I would be excited.
"I'm not used to speak in front of so many people, and if I act a little shy, it's just that I am really shy, although I know you from when I was younger."
I hear the chuckles from my relatives, but my eyes never leave my girlfriend.
"Christmas is the holiday of love and I think I never felt so much love than right now in this moment. So I want to thank everyone here, who welcomed me with so much love and that you spend the day with me, if you want or not."
Another laughter makes its round and I'm pretty sure I have this special smile on my face.
"Thanks to Felipe and Dana, that you always welcome me in your house and give me the feeling of being home. And of course, thank you for your daughter, who shows me every day, that every human can be loved and not only by God."
Her index finger draws circles on my hand, she calms down like that.
"Ahh and before I forget it, grandma I want a rematch. You can't go home before I won fair and honest."
Yeah, grandma beats her ass in backgammon all day long.
"I hope you're not busy for the next years, we'll have a lot to do", Granny replies and for the first time I look away from my girlfriend. Grandma and she look at each other with a serious face, until both of them start laughing.
"Feliz Navidad y gracias por todo", Britt thanks everyone and wishes a Merry Christmas. We applaud and then everyone starts eating.
"Your Spanish sounds nice, you practiced?", I ask quietly. I know what she sounded like in the past, it was clear, that she didn't have any clue what she is talking about. Now it sounds better, but I don't know how many times she practiced this sentence.
"Who knows", she shrugs with a wink at me.
/
After lunch we build little groups everywhere in the house. Brittany disappeared, probably she plays with grandma again.
I try to be with everyone from time to time. Most of them I haven't seen since New Year's Eve, and like always I feel guilty about it.
Hours pass by and it seems like Britt and I always walk past each other without knowing, even after I walk in the basement, I don't see her, just grandma and abuela.
When I was a child, I was lost, because I had two grandmas. Ever since I call my dad's parents abuelo and abuela and my mom's grandma and grandpa.
"Hello little one, you honor us with your presence?", Granny grins and she taps on the empty couch side next to her.
"Well yeah, kind of. I look for Britt, I thought you're still playing."
"We did, but she needed a break", she replies, when I sit down next to her.
"She hasn't won yet? I think you really can't leave the house before, she's ambitious."
"She won't win tonight, she isn't paying enough attention", abuela answers and immediately I'm worried. I knew that the thing, that happened with her family is still in her head.
"She is really busy these days, don't be mad at her."
"She thinks about you. Every conversation leads to you and then she doesn't concentrate anymore."
I blush a little bit, when I hear those words. Britt talks more openly about us than I thought, but she was always good with grandma.
"She makes you happy?", abuela asks and pats my leg, meanwhile I just nod my head like crazy.
Nobody made me that happy. It feels like we just continue with everything, where we stopped a few years ago.
"Young love is beautiful."
Grandma puts her arm around me and probably she starts crying in a few seconds. She met Grandpa in college, and they were inseparable ever since. He died 10 years ago and with him something inside her died, too. She always tried to be her goofy self with me, but I knew better and right now I can understand her so much more than in the past.
If something would ever happen to Britt, a part of me would die, too.
Abuela and I try our best to comfort her and after we had few tears in our eyes, too, I leave them alone and start looking for Brittany again.
I finally find her, when I look through the kitchen window.
She builds a snowman with Jonathan. He's the son of my cousin Diego and his wife Lucia.
I put on my boots and coat and join them outside.
"Sanny. Sanny! Look, it's Olaf", Jonathan sees me first and runs towards me.
"He is really cute", I lift John up in my arms and with a proud grin he looks at his work. Olaf already has a body, head, arms, and hair.
"I go grab his face, be right back", Britt says with a smile as she walks past us.
"Your girlfriend is pretty", his fingers start playing with my necklace.
"Mhh, maybe you should tell her. Girls like it, when boys tell them nice things", I start cuddling, because he is as hot as a heating. With one hand I start scratching his neck.
"You tickle me, Sanny", the little one starts laughing and tries to wiggle himself out of my arms, but he has no chance against me. So I continue tickling him, until he's breathing heavy because of the laughter.
"Britty, help. Help!", he yells and then she is in front of us. Jonathan stretches his hands out and she helps him 'escaping'.
"Is San allowed to help us with Olaf?", she asks him and when he nods, I follow them to their snowman.
A carrot acts as a nose while we use buttons for the eyes and mouth.
When he's finished, we take a step back and take a look at the snowman.
"I think I've never seen Olaf being this pretty", Britt says.
"You are very pretty, too", John answers and I see her blush.
"Thank you, cutie pie", the blonde presses a kiss to his forehead and then she lets him down.
"I tell mom and dad about the snowman", he starts running into the house, so we are alone outside.
"I didn't know that a compliment from a 4-year-old could make you blush like that", I make fun of her and place myself in front of her. Britt rolls her eyes with a chuckle.
"It's your family. You are my weakness, gender and age don't matter."
"Usually, he is shy with new people, but you have this effect on everyone in my family."
"I like Frozen, I think this was all it took to be his new best friend. I promised him, that we're watching the movie together."
"Uhh, I don't want to interrupt your date."
"You can watch with us."
"Oh no no no, I saw this movie 30 times at least, I know absolutely everything about it."
"So? You always watched 27 Dresses with me, and you didn't even like it."
"I wanted to spend time with you, no matter how, even if I needed to watch this stupid movie over and over again."
Shocked she puts her hand on her chest.
"You did it to win me over? I'm disappointed."
"I thought you knew that?", I reply as serious as she and we lock eyes, until Britt loses it and starts laughing.
"You are an ass", she shakes her head and bends down for a second, so before I know it, I have snow in my face.
"You did not throw snow in my face right now", I try to get rid of the snow, but immediately she throws some more in my face.
"You'll regret this", I jump at her and because she is so surprised, we fall down into the snow, I'm above her.
I grab some snow and rub it in her face, careful not to land on her wound. Her hands have a tough grip on my waist and so she turns us around, now I'm under her.
She takes my wrists and holds them together above my head. Britt is stronger than me, so I don't try to escape.
"You want to say something?", she pushes the remaining snow out of her face with one hand, the other one still holding my hands.
"I like laying under you", I reply, and she bends down, so her face is inches away from mine.
"I like having control over you", she whispers against my lips before she kisses me.
I kiss her back, try to free my hands so I can touch her, but it's impossible.
She lets me go when we hear voices. We break the kiss, but she still sits on my thighs.
"Can we help you?", Diego asks with a chuckle and both of us shake our head.
Soon Johnathan and Lucia join us in the garden, so Brittany stands up and helps me get up, too.
"My face is freezing."
"I think I have snow in my pants", the blonde replies and then we start laughing together.
"You sure I can't help you?", Diego asks again.
"No, everything is fine. We should go changing our clothes", I take Brittany's hand and we walk inside.
We put off our shoes and then run up the stairs, giggling like little kids. I look like a fool because of my injured leg, but it gets better everyday. We stop in my old bathroom, looking at each other through the mirror.
"Why are we like this?", I ask while shaking my head and take off Britts beanie. When I see the wound, her father caused I get angry. I hate him!
"I don't know, but it's nice to know, that I'm not alone", she opens my coat and then we dry our faces with a towel.
One piece after the other one leaves our body and soon we stand in front of each other in underwear.
"Of course you wear black when I wear white", I take one of her bra strings between my fingers.
"We need to match, even when it is our underwear", she closes the distance between us with a kiss. Automatically my hands find their way to her neck and I pull her down to me. Meanwhile her hands travel around my body until they grab my ass. She lifts me up and seconds later I'm sitting on the washing machine.
Britt stops the kiss. Her lips move to my left cheek, my chin until they reach my neck. I watch us through the mirror on the other side of the room.
"Stop sucking on my neck, you aren't a vampire", I giggle, put my legs around her. The blonde doesn't stop, only sucks harder.
In the end she presses a kiss to my sensitive skin and licks it.
"And why have you done this?", my question isn't as serious as it should be. I'm used to being covered in her hickeys.
"I like to see what's mine", she kisses the hickey again and then her lips are on mine, and I forget everything.
We are in our own world until someone knocks at the door like crazy.
"Frozen, Britty. Frozen!", Jonathan shouts through the door.
"I'm ready in five", she answers with a sigh and her head falls on my shoulder.
"Aren't you excited for your date?", I tease her, start playing with a string of her hair.
"Fuck me", she grumbles against my skin.
"Hmmm, maybe tonight. But after you gave me a fucking hickey, I'm not so sure it will happen", I complain with a chuckle and she lifts her head up, so we can look at each other.
"It's a love bite, as a sign of love", she gives me a cheeky grin and tries to calm me down with a kiss.
"I think I already know that you love me, but thanks", I roll my eyes and give her one last kiss, before she leaves me in the bathroom to put on some clothes in my room.
In the meantime, I take a look at the hickey through the mirror. He is big and red; I don't think make- up alone will do its work.
"Sometimes I could really punch you. Now I need to wear a turtleneck just because you can't control yourself."
"I'm sorry baby. It just happened", she stands behind me, fully clothed with a pout.
"It just happened? I see your eyes and I know you enjoy every second of it."
"I need to watch frozen", she changes the subject, kisses my cheek and then she's gone.
Later that day I sit in the garden with my dad and abuelo. Far away from the snowman, because of the little fire we made so it's not too cold outside.
They talk about football. I just listen to them, smoking my cigar. Rachel would kill me if she would see me.
I like this tradition. Since I'm 17 I'm an official member. After my family found out that I'm smoking casually, my abuelo introduced me to 'the cigarette of older people' as he said it.
Ever since I like sitting with them, smoking.
It hasn't snowed all day long, so I can see the print Britt and I made in the snow earlier today. Immediately I get a smile on my face.
"And by that you recognize that my daughter is dreaming again", I hear my father's voice, so I look at him.
"What?", I ask, because both smile at me.
"Buenos pensamientos?" (Nice thoughts?)
"Papí!", I whine. He has been making fun of me since I arrived, that I'm constantly daydreaming about Britt.
Who can blame me? These are the best dreams ever.
"What? I just told abuelo what's going on with you."
"Eres feliz y eso es hermoso, mi rayo de sol." (You're happy and that's beautiful, my sunshine.)
Abuelo always calls me sunshine. Pictures of the two of us are the evidence, because I smiled like crazy, whenever I was with him. He's the best.
When I came out to my family, he had the best reaction: "I understand you. Women are beautiful, I prefer them, too."
I don't take that for granted, especially when I think about Brittany and her family. But with my family she has a big support system.
If she can be herself here, then I don't think it will take her much longer to out herself to the world.
