Um…I've never done this before, but…hello. I am Black Joker…

And I've had a rotten life.

It all started when I was created by King Blue to be one of his more powerful Bianky soldiers, quickly becoming the best…but Viewtiful Joe STILL kicked my butt…on a regular basis!

Then this new kid, Nick Grey, showed up…and he kicked MY butt as well. So I said to my new boss that I wanted a change in jobs…

That's how I got stuck as the butler in her castle. MAN, Goldie's got a temper!

I feel sorry for her though. She deserved a lot more respect than she got.

In any case, she's going nuts, and she completely destroyed Nick's v-watch. It's in thirty six different pieces now.

Pretty bad, huh?

But there's some good news. The v-watch is a tool, one that simply brings out the hero within a person, empowering said person. So if Blue and Sylvia use their Director blood to call up something ELSE that will bring out the hero in Nick, then he'll be able to win against Goldie…

Maybe…

Possibly…

Okay, there's not a good chance they can even think UP how to make something, let alone that it'll empower Nick. But hey, a small chance is better than none…

All I know is this…

I'M OUTTA HERE! AAA!

"Coward." Alastor grumbled. "Are you STILL griping over Black Joker?" Sylvia asked. "We left him behind eighteen minutes ago! Quit whining, Nick NEEDS us." "Indeed." Rachel said. "My sensors detect he has been moved from the second floor, and is now on the third floor." "How many floors does this castle have?" "Oh, dozens." Said Blue dismissively. Dr. Cranken was having a field day, he kept touching all the walls and doors.

"Such fantastic design…and how can it be bigger INSIDE than outside? Amazing, simply amazing!" "That's Movieland for ya! "Great Scenery, Amazing Wildlife and Infinite Pocketspace!". At least, that's what we've got on the brochure." "EVERYONE comes for the infinite pocketspace."

"Well do you have a guitar in your pocket? ANYONE have any musical instruments in their pockets?"

"Nope."

"Me neither."

"Nah."

"SNORT. No."

"No, sir!"

"Uh…don't think so. THOUGHT I packed a mike…dammit!"

"Uh, am afraid am not having instrument."

"Nope."

"Uh-uh."

"Negatory."

"Neither me or my brother have one."

"I have a violin at my lab…"

Blue sighed. "So we look and look until we find a musical film. Try looking for "Spinal Tap" or something." "Or a TV documentary on KISS or something?" "Yeah, that'll do just as well. We'd better split up."

And so when the reached the third floor, they split up into twos. Let's go to our first party!

JOE AND SYLVIA

Joe and Sylvia opened up a door and found something really interesting…a nice-looking young woman with long hair was being dangled over a pot of boiling water in a "Island Cannibal" B-rated flick.

"A little help here?" She said. "Oh, sure thing!" Joe said. "Joe, wai-" Too late. Joe ran in front of the cannibals and jumped up and down. "Looky-looky! Look at all this meat I've got on THESE GUNS, BABY!" "Joe!"

Although Sylvia did like Joe's muscles (he HAD gained a few…) this was NOT the time. She grabbed him and ran, and the cannibals followed after. Luckily the young woman knew yoga.

She stretched up, up…and with her teeth, bit the rope clean through. She fell right into the pot.

Five seconds later…

"YOOOOWWW!" Kelly jumped out of the pot, running out the door, with Sylvia and Joe right behind, who had lost the cannibals in a jungle. They slammed the door. "You okay, miss?" "I'm just glad I took Yoga classes. I'm Kelly, Nick's step-sister?" "Oh, nice to meet you." "You seen Nick?" "Yeah, that blond-haired woman had some freaky white robots move everyone around, and she knocked Nick out and took him away somewhere. Said she was gonna give him a "hero's death"…but you guys are gonna save him, right?"

"Uh…we'll sure as hell try…" Joe said, sweating a little.

JET AND BLUE

Jet and Blue had ended up rescuing Jordan, Nick's step-brother, from a terrible, horrible…okay, not really. He'd been dumped in a city flick, and now all of them were engaged in a drinking contest. Jordan was winning, third behind only the fat guy in the plaid shirt and the skinny guy known in the movie as "Knock'em Back Jack".

THUD.

Uh, about the fat guy? Never mind. Jordan was in second place, and catching up!

"How…how does zees filthy American do eet?"

"Hey man, never challenge the MASTER to a drinking contest! I owe so much to my old man…I'm glad I never get to see him!"

Jordan slams his empty glass down. "He left my mom with me and Kelly and NEVER bothered to keep in touch! Bastard! He never loved meee…"

Jordan started crying. Jack stopped drinking and patted him on the back. "There, there, American, I understand. My father, he too was drunken bastard…"

Jet and Blue, who were too passed out to pay attention, groaned.

ALASTOR AND RACHEL

Alastor looked away from Rachel, "harrumphing". "What is your malfunction?" Rachel asked, a little bit annoyed. "Oh! Don't give me that "what is your malfunction" crap! How come everyone trusts you more than they trust me?" "Probably because you tried to kill Joe and Sylvia over and over…" "So did you! I'll bet they picked you because you charmed the socks off of Sylvia and Joe!" "I was just following programming. You on the other hand, were obsessed with "fighting the ultimate battle"." "But…I…ARGH! Stop ruining my good ideas with your logic!"

Both of them were in a gangster movie. Naturally, they were keeping FAR away from any dark alleys, parking lots, or casinos. They were both looking around on the roof, but couldn't see any musical instruments. "Let's just go find somewhere else to…"

"Okay, bring da kid up here, see?"

They both turned around and saw a bunch of gangster hoods bringing up a scared-yet-still-pissed boy up to the roof from the fire escape. The kid gave the gangsters a look that could kill. "You're lucky that my hands and feet are tied, because if I had them free, I'd go all tae-kwon-do on your asses!" "I think Nick told us about him. That's David, right?"

"Shaddap!" "Make me! I'm not afraid of you!" "Yep, that's David." "We had best go save him." "All right, all right."

Alastor walked over to the gangsters. "Hey, let the kid go." They took one look at him and started laughing. "What's so funny?" He snarled. "Uh, your tail." David said.

Alastor looked behind him at his tail, which quivered. His mouth turned into a feral snarl. Precisely fifteen seconds later every single one of the gangsters had been savagely thrown off the building. David hid behind Rachel while Alastor blew off some steam by bashing his fists against a nearby chimney.

"Alastor doesn't like his tail being made fun of." Rachel said. "I gathered." David said.

CHARLES THE THIRD AND BIG JOHN

"Where are we? SNORT."

"It appears to be…"

Big John looked around, scratching his head.

"A romance movie."

They were in Paris, and there was a black-haired, beret-wearing Frenchman underneath someone's balcony. Yep. Romance movie.

"Victor, I cannot hold it in any longer. Why must we meet in the DARKNESS of Paris?"

A red-headed European type walked onto the balcony, looking very unhappy.

"Oh, John…you know that both our parents would never tolerate our love!"

It was a gay romance movie.

"Let's go." Charles said. "Agreed."

"Hey!"

They turned and saw a long-haired American of Native-American orgin approach the guys, who turned and looked at her. "Hey, guys. Could you tell me where the exit is?"

"Sure. It is over there." Victor said, pointing to the far right. "Thanks. You're kinda cute, but I'm married, and very happily so." "Well we're gay." "Oh." Barbara said, a little bit surprised. "Um…did you…uh…did you…well…" "Choose to be gay? No. Just realized it about ourselves." "You know John, this woman coming here…she inspires me! Let us go announce our love!" "Oh, happy day!"

John leapt up into Victor's arms and they shared a huge hug, going inside the room and out the door. "Mother? Father? I have something to tell you…"

Barbara blinked stupidly, then smiled slightly. "Well, it's their lives."

HULK AND FLINTY

"Oh, I LOVE this movie!" "Me too!"

It was the Reese's Pieces scene from E.T. E.T stretched out his fingers and began snacking them up one by one.

"Hey, I wanna get some…" "No! They are for E.T." Flinty insisted. "Awww…"

Then someone tapped them from behind, and they both jumped into the air. "AAA!"

"Uh, are you two part of the movie?" "No, we're with Joe and the others, here to help Nick out. Are you a friend of his?"

"I'm his mother." Eda said.

"Ohhh! Nice to meethca, Mrs. Grey." "That's not my name. That's my ex-husband's name." "So what IS your name?" "Deebacaree." "Huh?" "Deebacaree." "Can you spell that?" Hulk asked. Eda sighed. "D-i-b…"

BRUCE AND DR. CRANKEN

"Hey, mate! I know what film dis is!"

Both of them were on a boat, with a brown-haired guy wearing glasses throwing chum into the water. Suddenly a huge maw came up from the water, snapping up the chum. The guy saw the shark and immediately said…

"We're gonna need a bigger boat."

"Oh no." Dr. Cranken said. "Where's the door?" "Uh…up there." Bruce pointed up into the sky. Sure enough, there was the door. "Uh, you got a ladder, mate?" He asked the man, who shook his head, looking very spooked at having both a shark in the water AND on the boat. "Relax, we're not gonna eat you, but uh…he might." Bruce pointed towards the fin in the water that was coming closer…closer…

"You're a shark, do something!" Dr. Cranken snarled. "Well uh…um…I kinda don't play well with others…" Another man, this one also having brown hair, only it was darker and he had a mustache. "Um, am I in a movie, or am I hallucinating?" He asked them. "Yep. You're in "JAWS". The first one." "I do hope you have an idea, sir?" Dr. Cranken asked, a little bit afraid. Michael rubbed his chin. "Now let's see…what did they do in the movie?..."

The shark started ramming the boat…

LEO AND TIGER

Leo and Tiger were both in, of all things, a science fiction movie, and not just ANY science fiction movie…

"Wow. Star Trek." "Look, that kid over there…he's not dressed like the rest of them!"

Matt was sitting to the side of Kirk as Kirk watched Spock die.

"You will always…be my friend. Live long…and prosper." And then Spock slumped, dying. Kirk banged on the glass, tears falling from his eyes.

Matt began to bawl. Both Fire Leo and Frost Tiger quickly ran over and dragged him away, not to be cruel, but because they didn't want him attracting a lot of attention.

"NOOOOOO! SPOOOOOOCK! Lemme go! He needs meeee!"

"You need to take a deep breath, child."

"Yes, or recite some haiku. That always works for me."

"Sniff…okay. A haiku. Spock is really dead. I can't believe he just died...why'd he have to diiiiie?"

"Brother, look what you've done!" "I was only trying to help!"

ANOTHER JOE AND THUNDER BOY

It was dark. Spooky. Creepy.

It was nighttime at a camp of some sort, and Another Joe and Thunder Boy were creeping around the woods that surrounded and permeated the camp, trying not to show that they were slightly afraid.

"You're not scared, right?"

"I am an Underworld demon. I am NOT scared of a stupid little camp."

"Well, do you know what film this is?"

"What?"

"Friday the Thirteenth."

"…wait…as in…oh, no problem."

"No problem? Friday the Thirteenth is the movie series with JASON in it, as in Jason the psycho with the knife! Mr. Hockey Mask! The only guy who's as crazy as him is that nut, Freddy Kreuger!"

"Yeah, I know. But it's cool."

"HOW!"

"Jason WENT to Hell, remember?"

"Yeah, so?"

"He's really quite an interesting guy."

"You KNOW him?"

"We've played poker together."

"Okaaay…"

Meanwhile, not very far away…

Nick was sweating bullets. He was trying VERY, VERY hard not to scream, and had to bite his tongue so hard he could taste blood. Jason, from the Friday the Thirteenth movies, was staring him right in the face. Jason, in case you don't know, had a very deformed face.

VERY deformed.

On top of that, he was a psychopathic killer and incredibly dangerous.

And right now he was right in front of Nick, who had been rudely tied to a tree that was by the lake where Jason lived near. Jason's shack was about fifteen feet to the left, and there were some knives, axes and various sharp things littered all around the area. Jason leered creepily.

"Well, well. What have we got here?"

"Uh…let me go." Nick asked.

"Hmm…" Jason stuck his face REALLY close to Nick, tilting it left and right a little.

"No. I don't think I will. Wanna know whyyyy?"

"Because you've gone evil after being left to drown by some stupid, hormone-addled camp counselors who were more interested in sex than in doing their job?"

"You're a pretty damn smart kid."

"Um…could you…uh…not get so close? You kinda smell."

Big mistake.

"Oh, I smell, huh? You'll have to excuse me…I've been out getting…"

Jason reached down and picked up an axe and a decapitated squirrel, holding both of them up to Nick's nostrils.

"LUNCH!"

Nick felt bile rise. He resisted any urge to vomit. "Want some?" Jason grinned nastily. "Uh…no…"

"Good, cuz I'm not sharing. Now wait right there…ha ha ha! As if you have a choice."

Jason walked into the shack. "I'm gonna get my favorite knife, and then I'm gonna cut your hair."

"But I got a haircut two weeks ago!"

"Yeah, but there's more hair…DOWN THERE."

Nick couldn't take it anymore, and started thrashing around, screaming and hollering.

"AAAARRRRGGHH! HELP! HEELLLLPPP! SOMEONE HELP! HELP! OH GOD, HELP!"

At that moment, Another Joe and Thunder Boy walked through the woods towards Nick, tapping him on the shoulder. "Guys! Oh, thank God YOU'RE here! You gotta get me outta here, PLEASE!"

"Well, he did say "please", so…"

Another Joe freed Nick, while Thunder Boy walked into the shack to talk to Jason.

"Hey Jasoooon! How's it going?"

"Huh? What the? Wait…Thunder Boy, that you? Man, you've lost weight! And nice muscles! Well-toned."

"Thanks."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Which way is the exit?" "Uh…that way." "Thanks. Hey wait…is this the BEGINNING of the movie, or the end?" "Beginning." "Great! See ya!"

Nick runs through the woods, grabbing a huge stick from the ground and listening for the sounds of…there! A jeep, driving into the forest!

Nick thanked his lucky stars for "Wikipedia" and it's entry on the movie, and snuck up behind the jeep. A moment later a girl jumped out of the jeep, injuring her leg. Nick hid behind the bushes and waited for the girl to walk off. Then, a moment later, a middle-aged woman with reddish-brown hair and a bluish-white sweater carrying a nasty-looking knife got out of the jeep, all the while muttering to herself something that sounded like "I'll do it, Jason, this is all for you."

Nick, being a decent human being and a person who HATED seeing bad guys get away with things, lifted the stick and waited for the woman to go after the girl. He snuck up behind the woman, just as she was approaching the girl, ready to slit her throat.

WHACK!

And Mrs. Pamela Voorhees was dooown! Nick swung his stick in a circle and then tossed it in the air. It flipped a few times, then Nick caught it, and slammed it into his palm. "THAT'S the way you do it!" He said proudly. "You okay, miss? You're uh…Annie, right?" "Yeah." "Well come on. Let's go." Nick and Annie picked up Mrs. Vorhees and tied her to the back of the truck. (She's not dead, don't worry folks!) Then they drove out of the woods, heading towards town.

Nick then untied Pamela's unconscious body and walked into a diner with Annie, the one Annie had just left. "This woman tried to kill Annie here. Officer Tierney, right?" The officer at the diner nodded. "Arrest her. She's murdered other people too, and she's poisoned the camp waters as well. Lock her up good and tight."

After that, Nick left the diner, and Annie walked out. "I don't know how to thank you." She said. "It's no biggie." Nick said. "But uh…stay away from the camp. Mrs. Vorhees's son is just as crazy as she is." "Okay, I will." Annie gave Nick a thank-you peck on the cheek, making Nick blush, and then walked back inside the diner to order a drink. Nick smiled, still blushing, and then walked off, heading for the road. Another Joe and Thunder Boy followed right behind.

"The door's that way." Thunder Boy said, pointing across the road. "Once we're out, we'd better call the others over."

Another Joe suddenly grabbed Nick's shoulder, turning him around. "Hey, why'd you save the girl? She was kinda supposed to die."

"It was the right thing to do." Nick said simply.

Another Joe groaned. "You doing the right thing is gonna get you killed one day."

"I know." Nick said, smiling. He opened the door and stepped back into the castle.

"Now…to find Goldie!" He took off running before Another Joe or Thunder Boy could stop him, heading down the stairs. They then heard a huge set of double doors open.

Thunder Boy called out. "Nick! WAIT! Oh, dammit! How are we gonna stop him NOW?" "We'd better call the others and tell them to get their asses over here. I know where Nick's headed…"

"Where?"

Thunder Boy slowly turned to face Another Joe. "The backyard…"

Another Joe gulped.

"Oh boy." He said. "That's…that's not good."

Fifteen minutes later…

Nick stepped outside, and was amazed.

It was a swirling vortex, a mixture of colors, everything converging at one huge point, like a smoothie of colors was being mixed right before his eyes. An apex of power, some might say.

And there, facing the swirling vortex, was Goldie, dressed in all black and gold clothes. She turned around and smirked, showing off her new sunglasses.

"About time. Your friends sure are slow when it comes to rescues."

"I don't care…wait..."

Suddenly he was worried. His family where was his family?

"You didn't hurt my family, did you?" Nick asked, his tone becoming dangerous.

"Of course not. I didn't REALLY need your family for strength. I wasn't gonna "eat their souls" or anything like that. I just needed them as bait to draw out a TRULY strong soul…"

"Huh?"

Goldie grinned. "Hellooooo? WHO in the audience was the biggest fan of the Viewitful Joe series?"

"I was." Nick said, suddenly getting The Willies.

"And WHO among the audience was constantly wishing that he could be a superhero, and always, secretly and not, acting like he could be one any good chance he got?"

"I was." Nick said softly, looking at the ground and scuffing his feet a little.

"And WHO, among all of the people at that movie, rushed in to save the ones who had been kidnapped? Did anyone else go into the silver screen? NO. Who rushed in, only caring about saving the ones he loved? Who was the only one to come to the rescue out of ALL the people there, the one who truly had a hero's soul?"

"I was." Nick said, suddenly feeling…charged, almost.

"Exactly. Only YOU were strong enough within your soul to be able to save your family. Nobody else could have in that theater. Only you. And therefore, you're the only one who could have stopped my plan…or fulfilled it."

Goldie sneered. "You see…once I take your soul…your heroic soul…it'll belong to me…and I will become a true hero in my own right!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Nick said, raising his fist. "I may not have VFX powers…"

He rushed forward.

"BUT I'LL NEVER LET THE BAD GUY WIN!"

Author's Note:

This is it! Only two more parts of the story left. The final battle, and the epilogue. It's Nick vs. Goldie in a mano a womano, a fight to the finish!...but Nick has no powers, and Goldie's got mad skills! Can Joe and the others bring out the hero in Nick? Is the hero in Nick even strong enough to win?

Find out…soon! And review! 