A/N I am soooo sorry that it took me so long to update. I had no idea what i was going to do with this chapter so it took me a lot longer than what I had originally anticipated. This chapter isn't great but it's a lot better than I thought it was going to be. I didn't get very many reviews for the last chapter and that made me sad :( so please please please review! I don't mean to sound desperate, but I plan to be a writer one day so it really helps to know if I'm doing a good job or not. And it's true, reviews do help me write faster :)
disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did Rory would have never slept with Dean and would not be "in love" with Logan right now.
I confess
Rory ran out of the diner smiling all the way back home. She ran into her room and crashed on her bed staring at the ceiling. I should probably get back to the wedding she thought. But something was keeping her from going back. She just wanted to lie there reliving the high points of the day, seeing Jess, hearing that Jess had moved back, kissing Jess, and kissing Jess again. The last two points were the events playing over and over. How could this feel so right? She sighed as she closed her eyes and thought about how the six weeks without him were going to feel like an enternity. She was leaving the day after tomorrow and tomorrow would be spent packing, leaving almost no possibility of seeing Jess again before she left. She sighed again and fell asleep on top of the covers in her bridesmaid dress.
She woke up and saw her mom sitting at the edge of her bed bearing a concerned smile. Loralei patted Rory's back and proceeded to rub it.
"What time is it?" Rory groggily asked.
"About 9," her mom replied. Rory stretched her arms above her head and sat up. "So," Loralei started, looking down then back up at her daughter, "Do you want to tell me how Jess ruined your relationship with Dean?" Rory scoffed and went crashing back down onto her pillow,
"It wasn't Jess's fault, why do you always have to assume that it was his fault?"
"Because it always is," she said simply. Rory sat back up and glared at her mother,
"Well this time it isn't!" she said sharply, "I saw Jess, I ran up to him, then I talked to him, then I kissed him!" Lorelai's face dropped, as did her jaw,
"You kissed him!" Lorelai raised her voice.
"Yes Ikissed him!" Rory restated herself.
"I'm sorry, I'm not quite getting this, you kissed Jess?"
"Yes! I Rory Gilmore kissed Jess Mariano! I could probably say it in a few other languages if it would help clear things up!" Rory was now yelling, not knowing what was coming over her. Why was she defending her actions? She knew it was wrong.
"Rory, the only thing that is going to clear this up for mommy is a psychological exam of you." Rory rolled her eyes and calmly replied,
"I know it wasn't right, and I'm not proud of it."
"Then why did you do it?"
"Because," she paused trying to find the guts to admit this to her mom. She was finding it harder to tell her than it was to say it in front of Jess. She finally took a deep breath and finished her statement, "I like him, as more than a friend."
"Well I guess I saw this coming, so I don't know why I'm so surprised," Lorelai irritably remarked.
"Are you upset?" Rory pouted.
"Well I can't say I'm thrilled with the person you've chosen to have feelings for, or that I agree with the way you dealt with the situation." Lorelai let out a heavy side.
"You know that us women can't help who we fall for, mom." Rory said, hitting a sore spot for Lorelai.
"No, I guess you can't."
"And even I don't agree with how I handled the situation," Rory empathized.
"Well anyway, how does this lead to the big break up?"
"Well Dean saw us, punched Jess, asked me why I was kissing Jess and I told him that I liked Jess," Lorelai's face frowned when she thought about how that must have hurt Dean, "and needless to say he broke up with me," Rory said the last part almost sadly.
"So what does this mean for you and Jess?" Lorelai asked.
"I don't know, I told him that we'll think about it while I'm gone." Lorelai nodded in agreement,
"Yeah I think that is a good idea," she hugged her distraught daughter and Rory glady welcomed the affection. Lorelai pulled back and excitedly exclaimed, "You're going to be gone for 6 weeks. Do you know what this requires?"
"Shopping!" Rory replied.
"You betcha! So get out of that bridesmaids dress and into something normal and we'll hit Luke's-or will we hit Luke's?" Lorelai wasn't sure if her daughter would be up for the possibility of seeing Jess. Rory paused and thought,
"Yes we'll definitely hit Luke's! Wait did you two make up last night?" Rory asked eagerly. Lorelai beamed and nodded.
"Yay! Then we will have to go to Luke's!" A part of her hoped that they would run into Jess.
"Yes! By the way I'm Mimi now."
"Oh sure." Rory just nodded and agreed.
When they walked into Luke's Lorelai yelled, "Coffee! Fast! Shopping trip is underway!"
Luke walked out from the kitchen and picked up the coffee pot while dryly murmuring,
"Yelling like an idiot does not get you service any faster."
"Oh but I beg to differ!" Lorelai retorted. Yep things were back to normal. Rory was looking around for a certain sarcastic diner boy. Luke caught on and mentioned,
"He's on a break, I don't know when he'll be back." Rory blushed.
"Who?" She asked innocently.
"Never mind," Luke brushed it off realizing he had embarrassed her.
The Gilmore girls ordered and ate their breakfast and left before Jess ever came in. Lorelai couldn't help but think that was for the better. They spent their day in Hartford going to various places where Lorelai bought both of them things that they knew they would never need, but regardless it was a fun experience. That night they spent about an hour packing everything Rory would need and much, much more. As Lorelai kept adding random items "just in case," Rory deciding to suppress a comment comparing her and Emily.
That night Rory couldn't sleep. She felt a pang and she didn't know where it was coming from. Could she possibly be missing Jess already? Another pang. Every time her thoughts happened to stumble on the topic of Jess she felt a pang. These six weeks without him were going to be extremely difficult. When she got back she was sure that she would want him more than ever, or maybe the distance would help her come to her senses. Jess wasn't a knight in shining armor to say the least, so why did she want him? He was so unpredictable, and she had never been a fan of unpredictability.
Rory was up at 6 'o clock sharp. She was dressed in a little over 15 minutes and by the time she was ready her mother was still in bed. She yelled for her multiple times and a heavy grunt was the extent of her response. Rory ran upstairs in a huff and burst into her room,
"Mom! My plane leaves in 3 hours and I have to go through all the security and crap, so you need to get up!" Lorelai rolled over and glared at her daughter and sighed.
"If I get up and get dressed in a half an hour will we have time to go to Luke's?" She begged.
Rory shook her head, "No because you are getting up way to late, but if you want I'll run over there and get us 2 coffees to go," Lorelai pouted before Rory added, "each!"
"That's my girl!" Rory ran downstairs into her room and grabbed her money. She then ran to the door and as she opened it she saw a boy sitting on her porch, a boy with familiar brown, floppy hair.
"Dean what are you doing here?" She sighed loudly before continuing on to her porch. Dean was close to the last person she wanted to see, the last person being Paris whom she would have to see later on. Dean stood up to his full height, very high above Rory, and looked down at her apologetically. He had a bandage over his purple, swollen nose. "Jess got you pretty good huh?"
"Yeah I guess he did," he answered bitterly.
"Well you never answered my question Dean. What are you doing here?"
"I want to say sorry," he answered finally.
"Okay, bye then." Rory pushed past him and headed towards Luke's.
"Wait Rory, I'm not done." Rory whipped around and stood where she was with her arms crossed and a withering stare fixed on him.
"Dean, I have to go. I don't know if you ever listen to me but if you did you would have probably caught the fact that I'm leaving for Washington D.C. in," she looked down at her watch, "2 and a half hours."
"I know you are, that's why I'm here. I wanted to talk to you before you left," Dean walked off the porch and down to where Rory was currently standing, "I just have to know, do you really like Jess?" Rory was taken aback by the question.
"Yes," she said confidently. Dean's sad expression got even sadder.
"How long?" he asked quietly.
"What?" she asked confusedly.
"I asked, how long have you liked him?" He demanded. Rory suddenly was scared. She was scared of hurting him. She was scared of trying to find the answer. She searched inside herself to find the exact moment that she realized that she had feelings for Jess.
"I," she started and sighed, "I realized that I had some feelings for him the day of the picnic, but I couldn't admit it to myself until the day I tutored him."
"The day of the car crash?" Dean confirmed, making Rory feel smaller than she already was.
"Yeah. The day of the car crash." Rory said quietly. She looked up to see his reaction and was not surprised when she saw it. Anger was etched deep into his face and it had every right to be there.
"Rory, if you knew you liked him, why didn't you leave me? Why did you string me along that whole time, making me believe that I was the only one on your mind? I mean, sure I had an idea that you liked him but I didn't know that you had also realized those feelings!" Dean was yelling and it scared her. She had always been very intimidated by him.
"Because I wanted to love you!" she yelled. "You're perfect!"
"If I'm so 'perfect' then why don't you love me?"
"I guess I don't like perfect," she whimpered before running off in the direction of Luke's.
When she stood in front of the door she realized that it wasn't open but someone was downstairs. It was Jess, setting up for the day to begin. She shyly knocked on the door hoping he'd let her in. He looked up from the counter he was wiping down and saw a broken looking Rory. His heart hurt when he saw her looking so fragile. He walked to the door and let her in. She immediately crashed into his arms and held him tight. He returned the gesture by wrapping his arms over her.
"I hurt him, I hurt him so much," she finally said into his chest, the warmth of her breath going through his chest and resting on his heart. She lifted her head up and said to his face, "He's right, I knew that I liked you. I've liked you for so long, but I didn't end it with him, which wasn't fair to him, or for you!" She confessed in a rush. Jess couldn't help but feel rejoiced as she confessed her feelings for him once again. Instead of saying anything Jess kissed her forehead and laid her head back down on his chest where she felt safe.
"And what event caused this realization?" he eventually asked.
"Dean came to my house, he asked me how long I've liked you."
"How long have you liked me?" he asked with much curiosity.
"Since the day of the picnic." She said honestly. He smirked at her.
"Huh," was all he had to say, "Did you want coffee?" He asked.
"Yes, 4 to-go." Jess was not surprised by the large order and turned around to go make them. Rory shook her head at how fast Jess changed the conversation.
"So you're going to Washington for 6 weeks," Jess stated rather than asked.
"Yep, I'm going to be rooming with none other than Paris."
"Oh wow. I'm sorry," Jess laughed a bit under his breath. He poured the coffee in the 4 cups and Rory got out her money. "It's on the house." He shooed away her money.
"Such great service here!" Rory beamed. Lorelai's Jeep pulled up in front of the diner and beeped. "Well I guess I gotta go, thanks for the coffee." He handed her the coffee and laid a soft kiss on her lips as she grabbed it.
"Have fun," he whispered. She was smiling broadly and she walked out of the diner. Turning around once more right before exiting she waved at him and danced out the doorway. He shook his head in disbelief that a girl like her could ever like a guy like him.
