Numerous times I wondered what life for me would've been had my mother not left my in the hands of Ollivander Stanton; if she hadn't remarried the child protective services would've placed me in foster care when she died and I'd never have known the glamoruous life I lived as a Stanton. Whenever I think of it, I can't help but cry, remembering how mean I was to her--I was so young and foolish I couldn't recognize her pain.
For much of my teenage years, whenever I was alone, I sulked into depressions, wondering what might have been and thinking myself the only one with such an experinence: the only one whose mother had hurt her and risked being hated in order to provide a better life for her daugther. I hated and loved her both at once, and couldn't share my thoughts with anyone--to do so truthfully would destroy the elaborate hoax of my present life.
Pain from the loneliness stifled any true pleasure I felt during those early teenage years--until I happened across a music video that seemed symbolic of my life. Though different in most details, it bore the image of a mother hurting her daughter to assure her the chance of a better life, and that enthralled me--there were people who at least thought ideas silmilar to my reality. And it proved I wasn't alone.
Not that I was physically alone much during my teenage years--everyday after meeting him, I hung out with Pegasus, the son of a casino owner. He loved talking by the lake on my stepfather's land, and his amber brown eyes always gleamed with excitement; those eyes radiated excitement that brightened my heart from a single look whenever I was with him. He was the only thing I liked about my new life, my only friend, and whenever I was with him I forgot the anguish buried deep inside my heart. His smile brightened up everyday, dispelling the shield around my feelings a little each time--though he never realized what interest I showed in those early years was false. By the time he would've been able to tell, I no longer showed fake interest, but genuine pleasure.
Pleasure--I enjoyed my life when I was with him, and I almost forgot myself enough to fall in love with him. Almost. Though we often talked of marriage, his devotion I could tell ran deep and true, I didn't let myself love him--I almost did, and it hurt to do so. On my fifteenth birthday the pain intensified--no, it had gradually built up 'til I couldn't ignore it anymore--as I spent the day with him, waiting until everything was ready for my party.
"Cyndia," Pegasus' voice was soft and kind, his expression forever childish though he grew more physically mature each day. "I was thinking about taking a trip this summer, to New York to visit the Niagara Falls, and, seeing as you lived here your whole life, I thought I'd invite you." He grabbed hold of my hand in his, his skin smooth as mine. "That is if your father allows it." He blushed and looked away, chuckling nervously under his breath--lately my stepfather had started being more protective of me with Pegasus around. I knew it was because I and Pegasus were teenagers, and my stepfather feared we might experiment like teenage couples.
"I doubt he'll allow it. But it would be nice to see the Falls a--" I stop before I could say 'again', remembering just in time that Pegasus didn't know I came from Western New York and had already seen the Falls. For a moment we both were silent, him wistfully hoping I could join him on his trip, and I struggling with the heaviness growing within. My mind screamed at me to tell him the truth, while my heart, it pulled away from him, fearing he wouldn't like me if he knew the truth. I hadn't been born into high society, I wasn't born a part of his world, and I felt terrified that he might find out.
He trusted me so completely, and I didn't want to betray his trust.
I never felt lonelier than at that moment.
"Hey, they should be ready by now. So let's head back, that is...unless you want to stay here for a while longer." Pegasus pulled up a few blades of grass and rubbed over them with his fingers, slightly blushing.
"Pegasus, what...why are you nervous?" I turned toward him, my eyes trying to catch his, for some reason he kept flicking his eyes away. "What's..."
"You've gotten very beautiful over the summer, Cyndia." He managed, finally bringing his gaze to rest on mine, but his eyes strayed from my face, downward.
Knowing full well where he was looking, I had developed quite a bit over the summer, I paused before saying naively "What are you looking at, Pegasus?"
His response was immediate; Face completely red, he stood, apologizing over and over for his rudeness, struggling to remain the gentleman when he was just a normal teenaged boy. I felt like chuckling at him--I was a few months older than him so he always tried to act more mature to make up for it, though I doubt he'd ever lose that childlike hopefulness that burst loose everytime we talked about the future.
"Are you two lovebirds going to stay out here all night? Everyone's ready." A voice startled us both, me especially since there was something strangely familiar about it.
"Oh, we were just about to head back." Pegasus held his head high, hiding his surprize as he looked over the person who'd interrupted us.
Chestnut brown hair and suntaned skin, our interrupter bit his lip to hold back a laugh as he studied Pegasus' effort to appear older and in control. This got a look of disdain from Pegasus, who narrowed his eyes and took in the newbie's appearance, an arrogant smile playing at his lips.
"What we have here? A new servant, perhaps? Honestly I didn't think anyone around here would hire such an a---" Pegasus stopped the moment he remembered I was still there, his face turning a red deeper than before. "Ah, um Cyndia why don't we go back to the mansion now? It's getting uncomfortable in this heat, and the shade's not helping." He ushered me quickly away, hurrying away from the brown haired man.
"Who was that, Pegasus?" I asked when we turned around the bushes that led to home.
"No one, let's just go to the party."
"But he's not a servant, he must be one of the guests. You acted like you knew him."
"Me? Know him? I don't, what gave you that idea?"
"Pegasus, you never use that kind of language even with the servants. Especially in front of me."
"I...I'm sorry about that, it wasn't gentlemanly for me to even think of using language like that, I..."
"Ah Pegsi, you should stop trying to act grownup all the time--you don't have to put on a show to impress me." I wrapped my arm around his and leaned on his shoulder, my heart thumping from how familiar the brown haired man had looked to me--he reminded me of someone I knew in New York.
"Cyn-di-a, I'll try to limit my grownup behavior, okay?" He grinned and placed his free hand on my arm, his brown eyes gleaming with happiness.
"So..."
"So what?"
"So, who was that who interrupted us?"
"What? I, oh, um...he..." He looked away a blush forming on his neck. "You remember when I told you I had an older half-brother, right?"
"Yes, I believe I saw him once, at one of your family's parties." I leaned closer to him, remembering the day I learned of his half-brother Lloyd. His half brother had the same colored hair as him, but blue eyes and slightly darker skin. Plus he walked with a stronger sureness of himself than Pegasus could muster through effort alone. I'd only seen him from afar, and had to press Pegasus then to tell me who he was after the party.
"Yes, well, that man is my brother's...uh, um. Well, um...he's my brother's..." Pegasus turned redder, fumbling over his words and avoiding my eye. "Let's just say he's more than just a friend to my brother."
"He's your brother's--oh." I blushed, realizing what he meant, and walked with him in silence to the mansion.
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