Vincent was helpless in my embrace. I loved him too much at this moment, far, far too much. The sweet smell of his hair, and his body heat enraptured me completely. Despite the cold steel of his claw, which I sensed slightly against my arm, all I felt was his trembling warmth. The fact that his despairing beauty was in my grasp over ruled everything. I closed my eyes drowning in the love I felt for him, reeling in my desire. However the perfectness of the moment was brought suddenly to a holt.
"This isn't right." Vincent groaned against me. He tensed, and I felt the hidden strength the slender man was graced with.
"I..I do not need or deserve comfort. I am past all ruination. Let go!" Vincent awkwardly tried to move away. I could not let go of Vince. I could not. Yet without warning, he threw himself backwards and staggering I lost my grip. He faced me, his countenance morose.
"Vincent! For fuck's sake! All I wanted was to help you, god dammit!" I almost screamed the words, loosing control completely. It must be said my temper is not one of my better points. Vincent shook his head, his shining hair falling over his red headband and veiling his beautiful features. He raised an arm and suddenly gripped the side of his head. Without saying a word he ran into the Highwind, crimson cloak billowing. He cast no shadow.
Swearing profusely, I lit a cigarette with one trembling hand. I'd blown it. I shouldn't have intervened in his depression. It wasn't my place. But dammit, Vincent had leant against me! He had trembled and gripped me back for a second! I know he had appreciated my holding him! I could see how anguished he was, I couldn't have just ignored it! Even if he hadn't seen the guilty alternate motive. And had I not embraced him, I never would have felt his lovely slim body, stroked that silken hair and caressed his...'Jesus get a fucking hold on yourself,' I thought harshly. 'He loves Lucrecia not you. Nothing will ever change that!' But I couldn't stop thinking. Nothing could ever take away that feeling of Vince pressed against me. Furious, I kicked into the side of the air craft, then swore even louder at the pain this induced. Fuming, I stormed back into my cabin, filled with pent up lust and forbidden desire.
Over the next few days Vincent wouldn't even meet my eyes. From what I could guess, it seemed he was ashamed of revealing so much of his painfully repressed self. Not that comforted me at all. Jerking off didn't help, and I couldn't help gazing at him, with the added memory of our little encounter freshly imbrued in my mind. His beauty was still heartbreaking but now even more so. The rest of avalanche didn't seem to notice any change in me, aside from that brat Yuffie who commented that I was even more sour tempered than usual. The worst part was knowing Vincent was seemingly going out of his way to avoid me. That really kicked. I was smoking even more than normal and between you and me - that says something. I was so fucking tired of everything, Sephiroth, Shinra. Everything. And because Vincent wasn't talking to me, I was on the verge of breaking point. At least I could dream of him if he spoke to me, in that way of his. Eventually I decided to do something about it. It was around midnight when I banged on Vincent's door. There was no answer, but I knew he must be awake. Vincent had once mentioned that he never slept properly anymore because of the nightmares. You can imagine how I would like to have comforted him...but anyway.
"Vincent!" I yelled hammering on the door. "We have to talk!" Vince still refused to answer. Going with my brash instincts I threw it open. I stepped back a little when I realized the room was completely dark. Pitch black in fact.
"Er...Vince?" I muttered, a little uneasily as I peered inside.
"Highwind." A low voice sighed out of the darkness. A little worried I reached for the light switch. Vincent was sitting with his back against the wall, at the far end of the room. He had his knees curled up to his chest like a child, and seemed to be lifting his head off his arms. He nodded in acknowledgement at my presence.
"Highwind." He said again but as if coming out of a daze.
"Yeah it's me." I muttered, lighting a cigarette. " Look Vincent, I know your feeling fucking embarrassed or whatever for what happened out there but can't you at least face me? I can't take it if you don't speak to me! I can't! Please fucking promise me, that you..."
"I am sorry." Vincent's voice was slow and quiet despite the interruption. "I am sorry. I will speak to you in future, Cid. I am sorry."
"You are? Well then...er that's fucking great!" Bemused but feeling slightly happier I turned to go but a horrible moan made me pause. The moan was so horribly anguished and gasping that I couldn't stand hearing it Yet I forced myself into restraint, so I didn't rush up to him as of last time.
"Vincent?"
"I...can't bear ...it."
"Vincent!"
"I..c...c...an't bear it! God I deserve this, but I..I can't, I can't!" I was moving closer to Vincent as he spoke. It was even worse than last time. Shit, I couldn't leave him like this! I reached out for him and nothing could express my complete surprise when Vincent gripped my hand with his good right one and collapsed without any assistance into my arms.
"Vince!"
"Help me. Help me." Vincent whisped into my ear, his arms wrapping around my neck tightly. "You held me. Hold me again. I felt you then, I felt your .."He trailed off. Not that I really understood his words, but I immediately embraced him back. Despite the circumstances and Vincent's pain, the embrace was even better than before. Vincent was trembling against me again, but this time his thin arms were about me. I felt like I was drowning in such awful bittersweetness and I took in even more deeply the feelings which arose. I felt his heart hammering against mine and his gasping breath. As we were practically collapsed on the floor this time, I pulled him onto my lap and began caressing his back again. Methodically stroking that beautiful luxurious hair. He weighed almost nothing. His beauty was even more ethereal and perfect, because he was reciprocating. However I was concerned for Vincent so forcing back my extreme desire and lust, I spoke.
"Is this any help Vince?" Vincent nodded, and his breath slowed somewhat. We stayed in this position for more than a few moments, and I was so intoxicated with my love for him that I managed to ignore my growing arousal. Vincent whispered to me again after a time.
"Why do you do this Cid? Why do you hold me?" His voice, low and enigmatic was completely innocent. I felt it like a caress against me. I shook my head to silence him. My passion could not contain itself in such circumstances. I would confess without even realizing it.
"But why Cid? Do I not repulse you, a monster who hides in human form?" I couldn't stand it. Very gently, I pulled Vincent's face to mine. I felt him inhale sharply as I leant forward and kissed his pale cheek. Vincent's lovely eyes were wide and I admired the length and blackness of his lashes. I laughed a little. I brushed back a stray tendril of his shining hair. Vincent was still looking at me startled. Tilting my head so I spoke directly to his ear,
"Ohh Vince.' I whispered. "Isn't it obvious? I love you."
