"Well, sure. Of course there are things I don't know about you." Gary dropped his gaze, looking away from Toni. "Just like there are things, uh, things about me you don't know. But…but I'd like to get to know you better."
Toni arched an eyebrow in Gary's direction. "I'll just bet you do."
He leaned back and put his hands up. "Not like that!" Then he thought for second. "Okay, well, yeah, like that, but not just…just that." His face felt warm and he wondered if he was blushing. He rubbed the back of his neck.
"Gary, it's not you, it's me. I'm just not ready for a relationship." She pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head. "I'm not the kind of woman you need."
Gary remained still for a long moment, digesting that comment. Abruptly, he jumped up and grabbed the knife and what was left of the gauze, putting them away in the bathroom. He stood there for a moment, hands on either side of the sink, head hanging down. How in the hell would she know what kind of woman he needed? He knew a platitude when he heard one. Who was he kidding? Of course she wouldn't want him. He had been nothing but trouble to her since they had met.
He sighed and closed his eyes. His arm was beginning to throb and the ibuprofen he'd taken earlier to take the edge off the pain had worn off. Opening the medicine cabinet, he began to grab the ibuprofen, but chose the prescription bottle of Vicodin instead. He shook one out and swallowed it with a handful of water.
Feeling suddenly exhausted, he walked back to the sofa and nodded towards the papers "Okay, let's get this…this stuff over with."
Toni stood, facing him. Her eyes were wide. "I'm sorry, Gary."
Gary shrugged. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I guess I mis-read the signals. I'm sorry I kissed you." He plopped onto the chair, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.
Her voice was low, almost inaudible. "No."
He dropped his hands down, pausing. "What?"
Toni sat and perched on the edge of the sofa, her hands fidgeted, repeatedly twisting a ring on her right hand. "I said, no, you didn't mis-read the signals. And…and don't be sorry about…about the kiss." She glanced quickly at him then focused on her hands again. She took a deep breath. "You're just…just too good to be true."
Gary's hands fell all the way to his lap, and he shook his head in confusion. "What the hell does that mean?"
Toni's gaze darted around the room before it settled on him. "I guess I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. You're a guy who is always trying to help somebody, whether they deserve it or not." She lowered her gaze, staring at the table. Her voice became quiet. "My dad was like that."
"Was?"
Toni looked up briefly. "He died about three years ago."
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah, me too."
There was a long moment when neither of them spoke. Gary didn't know what to say, and Toni seemed lost in her thoughts. Her hair had fallen forward, concealing most of her face, and Gary's hand just itched to reach over and sweep it out of the way.
"He was my hero." Toni tucked the lock of hair behind her ear. Gary's hand still longed to touch it anyway. "He was a cop in New York and sometimes he'd take me down to the precinct house. Everyone liked him. He was always ready to help a fellow officer. If someone was injured or sick, he'd be the first to organize a benefit or anything else that might help." Toni gave a small smile. "I even remember him getting all of us kids to donate one of our Christmas presents to another family. We were pretty reluctant," the smile widened and she glanced at Gary, "but the other family, a fellow officer's family, had fallen on some hard times. Dad dressed up like Santa Claus on Christmas Eve and delivered our gifts along with all the makings of a Christmas dinner. He never did reveal who he was. He didn't want to embarrass the man or make him feel awkward when they worked together."
"It sounds like he was a great guy." Gary leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees, his hands dangling and loosely clasped.
Nodding, she continued, "I was the baby of five kids. My three brothers went into the Marines and two came out and became cops too. The other is still in. Dad was so proud. My sister got a scholarship and became a teacher. He would just beam when he talked about her to the other officers. And me. Well, I wanted to make him extra proud, so I studied criminology and after graduating college, I enrolled in the Police Academy, then went on to train to become a Federal Marshal."
Gary smiled when she glanced his way. "It sounds like you have a fantastic family." She was right; she was all wrong for him. She deserved somebody who could give her the kind of stability she grew up with. He tried to swallow the lump of disappointment. "He must have been a wonderful father."
Toni smiled. "Yeah, he was. I never saw him so proud as when he attended my graduation." She paused, the smile evaporating. "That's what made it so hard to believe when he was fired for accepting bribes a year later."
Gary was stunned. What could he say? "It must have been a mistake, Toni."
Shaking her head, "No. No, it wasn't a mistake. He pled guilty to charges against him. He was sentenced to two years in prison, a large fine and, of course, he lost his job."
"I'm sorry."
She shrugged. "It was my fault. You know, it never occurred to me that Dad couldn't afford to pay for me to go to college. He never let on. In fact, he always encouraged me because that was the kind of guy he was." Toni sighed. "I guess at first, he took out a second mortgage, but that wasn't enough. My mom had some health problems and doctor bills were piling up so when another officer introduced him to a guy who would give Dad a side job doing private security for him, he jumped at the chance. A few months later, Dad saw some questionable dealings and, I guess he was unsure what to do. The other cop convinced him it was nothing and before he could decide, there was a large bonus on his check. Eventually, it carried over to when he was on duty too."
She sat back, rubbing her hands over her face. "So, anyway, that's why I'm all wrong for you."
Gary was lost. What did any of this have to with him? With them? Then it dawned on him. Of course! She couldn't trust him. If you can't trust your dad to be the person you thought he was, who could you trust? In addition, it wasn't as if Gary had given her any reason to trust him. Not with everything that had gone on. The lie detector test alone would be enough to make anybody doubt him. He stood and walked over to the large windows, unable to look at her just yet. He understood her reasons. He really did. But that didn't stop him from feeling like a giant hand was squeezing his heart.
He leaned one arm against the window frame, absently noting the lights from the Sears Tower soaring into the night sky. Cars honked and people on the street walked quickly, with heads bent against the cold November wind. The orange light cast from the street lamps lent the scene a surreal quality. Or maybe it was just the Vicodin he took earlier.
The sound of rustling papers drew his attention towards the sofa and Toni. She was gathering the forms and tucking them back into the folder. "Wha…what are you doing?"
Starting, she looked at him then down to the file. "I…uh…thought I should probably get going. This wasn't such a good idea, I guess."
"Look, you're here already. We might as well finish this up." He rubbed the back of his neck; feeling like it was more than just the paperwork being finalized. His feet felt heavy as he trudged back to the couch, sinking down on the cushions.
Mechanically, he recited the details of the dog attack with Toni asking for occasional details.
Quirking one eyebrow, she gave him a look of disbelief. " A spoon, Hobson?"
He just shrugged. " It was a big spoon."
Done, he leaned back, his right arm flung over his eyes.
"So, what took you to the neighborhood where the attack occurred?"
He peeked out from beneath his arm. "Is that question actually on the form?" He couldn't understand why that would be anyone's business.
Toni had the grace to blush. "No. I'm just curious is all."
Gary dropped his arm, but allowed his body to remain limp against the couch. His limbs felt leaden. He could tell her that he was just going for drive, or that he was going to see a customer about a potential catering job. Hell, he could say he was going to buy a couple of crack rocks. What difference would it make? She had issues with trust and he and problems with telling the truth. What a pair they were.
He rolled his head to look at Toni. "Listen, I could tell you tell you why, but I doubt you'd believe me, and I'm so tired of…of making up something that will sound more believable than the truth, so, let's just not go there."
Toni put the forms away for the second time. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why wouldn't I believe the truth?"
Gary pinched the bridge of his nose, a smile lurking on his lips. "Why wouldn't you…have… have you already forgotten my 'propensity for deception'?"
"No." Her voice was quiet. "And I don't understand." She raised questioning eyes to Gary.
He was quiet for a moment; thinking about how she had opened up to him. He owed her the same except past experience had made him wary. He sat forward, his right elbow propped on his knee, his chin resting on his palm. His head hurt.
He remembered the betrayal he had felt when Meredith had tried to use the paper to further her career as a reporter. And Erica. Well, she hadn't been much better. At first, she didn't believe him and then, she had left because she couldn't handle it. She hadn't even said good-by except in a note. The thought of telling Toni terrified him.
"Understand?" Gary stumbled to his feet, almost tripping over the coffee table. "Hell, I don't understand so I know you won't!"
He began pacing behind the sofa. "I want to tell you so bad it hurts."
"Tell me what?" Toni had turned to watch him pace, her arm lying on the back of the sofa.
Gary stopped pacing and opened his mouth to speak, but snapped it shut when doubt blasted its way into his mind. Would she believe him? Maybe. Or maybe she'd think he was nuts and go flying out the door so fast his head would spin. Toni dealt with cold, hard facts, not mystical cats and magical newspapers.
He could feel her watching him. She had reclined with her back against the arm of the sofa, a curious look on her face.
Would she believe him?
She had believed him about the Scanlon murder. Okay, not right away, but eventually. Well, really it was the evidence that had convinced her. It wasn't him; it was the facts, nothing more. But a small voice deep down in his soul suddenly blurted out, "But she wouldn't have even looked at the facts if she hadn't believe in you!"
He froze as the realization hit him. She believed in him!
Deep down, below all the logic and rational thinking, she had found the truth and followed her instincts.
Gary turned to Toni. "Do you want to hear something incredible but true?"
