Vincent's thoughs of Cid.

Cid loves me. He loves me more than life itself. He would do anything for me, me and my shattered heart. My despicable soul. My disgusting despair. He would give everything up for me. I am sure if I asked him, he would give me the heavens. The reason I say this? Because it's true.

Yes it was a shock to first realize it. If anyone other than Cid had spoken of his great love I would have laughed in their face. This brash, loud pilot was perhaps the last person on earth I could imagine having such feelings for a member of the same sex. The fact that he has such feelings for me really is startling. And what's more, he can be so..so..gentle. I do not deserve him. I Vincent Valentine, the mortal captive of a demon soul, should never receive such love. But such as it is..I do.

It all began after I saw Lucrecia for the final time. I couldn't bear it. The adoration I had always felt for her, was mixed up in such cruel pain and sorrow. My heart as always was breaking. My sins crippled me. And the demon which lurked on the threshhold of my consciousness heightened its presence. I can always sense Chaos, always feel something alien inside me. However when my feelings are at their most extreme, the demon's blackness weighs even heavier. Like a shadow in my mind he creeps. You could say he is the most vigilant reminder of my sins. Anyhow Cid came to me on the ship, viewing my depression. He held me. I had not felt human contact for so long...it was most merciful. Yet I was disgusted with myself for reciprocating my feelings with another man. It had brought such relief, to have another hold me. But I knew it was wrong. Thus I avoided Cid. He had seen in me, the side I never allow to surface. And my avoiding him didn't work. For a few nights later he returned, when I was huddled in my room at the peak of my despair. I broke down. I pleaded with him to hold me again. He did so. And he...he told me he loved me. This was as I have mentioned, completely startling. Cid seemed desperate when he said the words, kissing me fiercely, clasping me to him. I was reminded of my feelings for Lucrecia in my better days. I couldn't believe he felt so strongly. I remember him pushing me into the mattress as he kissed me, his stubble scratching against my cheek. The overpowering scent of cigarettes. I refused him then. I knew one in the throes of desire, as I had once been there. It was obvious he wanted to be inside me. I expected him to leave or try and force himself on me anyway. But instead do you know what he did? He opened his arms to me, pulled me against his chest, and held me in an embrace. He did this all night long. And why? Because that is all I said I had ever wanted. You see? He is far too good for me.

Thus was the true start of our relationship. Without me realizing it, you see. Cid had told me to come to him immediately whenever I felt depressed. So he could at least comfort me. I knew why he did this. It was an excuse just to be with me, the one he loved so much. But his love was so consuming, I know he would want more. At first I refused to go to him because of this. But after a week of my refusing Cid came to my room anyway. I was sitting on my bed stiffly, depressed as usual and pondering my eternal existence. The door opened (without knocking I might add) and Cid entered. I said nothing. Merely looked at him. My quietness must have signaled to him in some way. For without speaking, Cid climbed under the covers next to me. He hugged me, holding me again, pushing me against his broad muscular chest, burying his face in my hair. I felt his gentle kiss against my cheek. The shaking murmur of his voice,
"Oh Vince..."
I lay passively at first, content to be in the warmth of another. And it did help with my depression. It could lead my mind astray for a least a few moments. Cid continued to do this uninvited, and I suppose my silence, he saw as acceptance. Not since Lucrecia had I had such physical contact. However there was a difference. Aside from the obvious fact of gender, Cid loved me so much I could feel his emotions coursing through him as he held me. With Lucrecia, it was never that way. Lying with Cid I felt so content. Night after night we did this. We kept this arrangement to ourselves of course. I for one, being the repressive person I am would not have liked the rest of avalanche knowing. Cid eventually asked me if I would like to sleep in his room with him every night. I smiled a little at him and nodded. When I did this Cid reached for my good right hand, kissed it and held it against his cheek, closing his eyes. I gazed at him. Such affection I had never witnessed any other before. Cid……never failed to surprise me.