Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the books and/or world of Harry Potter nor do I own Justin Timberlake or his song/lyrics "SexyBack".
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Draco Malfoy stalked into the Great Hall for Lunch with his usual sneer. He quickly sat in the seat that was reserved for just him at the Slytherin table. His two cronies, Crabbe and Goyle, sat across from him as usual.
"Crabbe, Goyle," Draco said harshly after taking a sip of his drink, "do you notice anything… odd about the Pumpkin Juice?"
Crabbe and Goyle each took a turn to sip Draco's drink and grunted back what seemed to be 'it's fine.'
Draco drank again from his goblet before standing up and motioning for his cronies to follow. "Someone's spiked my juice and I bet it's Potter and his stupid posse." As they marched towards the Gryffindor table they crossed the path of Professor Umbridge.
Stopping suddenly, Draco's eyes went strangely unfocussed as he put his hand on Professor Umbridge's shoulder, halting her, and sang, "I'm bringin' sexy back."
Professor Umbridge stood stalk still while Draco raised his other hand and swept it through the air singing, "Them other boys don't know how to act."
"I think it's special…" he then brought the arm that had sailed through the air around Umbridge's back and trialed his middle finger down her spine, "what's behind your back."
By now the entire Hall was listening to Draco's solo and all had their mouths hanging wide open.
"So turn around," he spun her one-hundred and eighty degrees," and I'll pick up the slack."
Crabbe and Goyle were looking at each other confused and trying to figure out what they were suppose to do before their eyes went unfocussed as well and they shouted out, "Take it to the bridge!"
"Dirty babe," Draco moon walked around the women so he was facing her again.
"You see these shackles baby," thrusting out both hands towards the assaulted female Draco held them as if they were cuffed together, "I'm your slave."
Quickly turning his head to the left and then right he sang, "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave," then tried to do the equivalent of a body roll.
"It's just that no one makes me feel this way." Draco put a hand to his heart and looked down while the index finger of his other hand waggled back and forth as if saying, 'no.'
All the while, Goyle and Crabbe had been bobbing their heads back and forth while performing a strange march like dance around each other and swinging their arms into flexing poses. Then suddenly they shouted out, "Take it to the chorus!"
"Come here girl," Goyle sang while continuing his dance.
"Go 'head be gone with it," sang Draco while beckoning Umbridge towards him with a hand.
"Come to the back," Crabbe responded.
"Go 'head be gone with it." Draco began walking backwards.
"V.I.P." Goyle's voice rang out again because he and Crabbe seemed to be singing every other line while Draco continued to sing his part.
"Go 'head be gone with it." Ending his walk Draco began to undo the front of his robes.
"Drinks on me."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Draco finished undoing the top half of his robe revealing a white silk shirt.
"Le' me see what you're twerking with."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Running his middle fingers down the 'V' that was created by his open robe, Draco turned sideways and began sliding a step at a time back towards his prey.
"Look at those hips." Here Draco pointed his index fingers at Professor Umbridge's non-existent hips.
"Go 'head be gone with it."
"Make me smile."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Draco gave her his trade mark sneer.
"Go 'head child."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Draco was again in front of Umbridge, who had not moved a single centimeter since Draco started singing.
Goyle and Crabbe drew breath together and sang out, "And, get your sexy on."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Hands from Draco suddenly were on the outside of Umbridge's knees, they made a trail up to her waist.
"Get your sexy on."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Draco pushed and turned himself away from his Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor and took three large steps and settled into his left hip.
"Get your sexy on."
Hooking his right foot behind his left Draco spun to face his teacher again and suddenly was sliding on his knees towards her while beginning the second verse, "I'm bringin' sexy back."
"Them other suckers don't know how to act," Draco began to thrust his pelvis forward.
After Umbridge nearly fainted due to the thrusts, Draco took two knee walks singing, "Girl let me make up for all the things you lack."
"Because your burning up," Bringing himself to full height while remaining on his knees Draco sang, "I got to get it fast," before he flung himself backwards to the floor so that his calves were still tucked under him.
"Take it to the bridge!" Crabbe and Goyle belted out again.
"Dirty babe," Draco began to whither on the floor.
Pushing himself into yet another kneeling position he sang, "You see these shackles baby I'm your slave."
To Umbridge's horror Draco then began to crawl towards her. "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave."
Jumping up so that he was not more then an inch from the Professor, Draco sang into her ear, "It's just that no one makes me feel this way."
Then Goyle and Crabbe once again sing, "Take it to the chorus!"
"Come here girl," Crabbe began this time.
"Go 'head be gone with it," sang Draco while pumping his fists into the air in a strange disco type of way.
"Come to the back," Goyle responded.
"Go 'head be gone with it." Draco began walking around Professor Umbridge continuing his disco.
"V.I.P."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Stopping so that they were face to face Draco pulled off the rest of his robe.
"Drinks on me."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Draco tossed the robe to the side.
"Le' me see what you're twerking with."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Slowly brushing the outsides of the DADA Professor's arms with his finger tips, Draco slid his hands down her arms.
"Look at those hips." Draco's hands had reached were Umbridge's hips should have been and he moved them in a figure eight, which only managed to almost knock her over.
"Go 'head be gone with it."
"Make me smile."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Draco flashed his sneer once again.
"Go 'head child."
"Go 'head be gone with it." Taking a step backward, Draco slowly pumped his torso in and out while turning it from side to side.
Singing out together Crabbe and Goyle began, "And, get your sexy on."
"Go 'head be gone with it." As Draco continued his chest popping Professor Umbridge started growing red in the face.
"Get your sexy on."
"Go 'head be gone with it."
"Get your sexy on."
As everything went silent for a moment Draco pulled off a double spin before stopping with his head turned towards none other then Neville Longbottom. "I'm bringin' sexy back."
Taking a running step Draco slid on the back of his designer label dress shoes towards Neville as he sang, "You other suckers watch how I attack."
Stopping in front of Neville, Draco pointed at Umbridge, "If that's," he pointed back at Neville, "your girl, you better watch your back." Neville only shook his head in a terrified manner with as his eyes darted from his Professor to Draco and back.
"'Cause you're burning up for me at that's a fact," Draco walked back towards the now angry Doloris Umbridge whose face was a deeper shade then Lune Lovegood's radish earrings.
"Take it to the chorus!" Crabbe and Goyle sang for the beginning of the end.
"Come here girl." Goyle yelled.
"Go 'head be gone…" Draco's came back into focus as he finally realized what he had been doing.
"Come to the back…" Crabbe's eyes cleared up also as he looked around stupidly.
Professor Umbridge came out of her stupar when she felt as though the song was coming to an end. She opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Goyle singing, "V.I.P…" before he came to his senses like the first two and grunted, "Uh… what happened?"
Drawing breath yet again, Umbridge glanced around to make sure no one would interrupt her again before she bellowed, "Is this some kind of practical joke!"
Draco was so absorbed with remembering what he had just done that all he could do was stare down at his hands while his eyes grew wider and wider.
When it came apparent that none of the three were going to answer her Umbridge told them venomously, "You three, detention for a week!" Before she marched out of the Hall and slamming the doors shut.
Finally looking up, Draco gave a sharp look towards the trio and shouted, "Whoever did this is going to pay." Before he too, ran out of the Great Hall with his hands held in front of him as if they contained some deadly disease. Crabbe and Goyle were close behind.
Once they were out the door the entire Great Hall burst into laughter, which made it very convenient for Fred and George to look at the other and simultaneously say, "That was bloody brilliant!" without anyone over hearing them.
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A/N: Hope you enjoyed it! I did make minor changes to the song, but if there are any major mistakes to any lyrics please let me know. Also, reviews are always great to get, so if you have time, just jot down what you thought.
