Title: Fade
Rating: K+
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or Any characters in it.
Note: Just a small filler until I get my next story up.
Summary: Even glass flowers don't last forever.
My teapot is cracked, the flowers are dead, I'm going insane.
Then again what did I expect? Did I really think that I would be alright after they were gone? I think a part of me did… maybe that's the part that still thinks they aren't really dead… that they're just sleeping. That the hobbits really are going to laugh again… or… or I'll hear Gimli's playful insults… or have Aragorn to talk with… that I'm not walking on top of their decaying bodies. It's a child's wish… a teapot… pretty thought to keep in the hot burning truth… I know I'm wrong… but what's so bad about dreaming? Dreams are nice… good dreams… cushion the harsh realities for little Greenleaf.
Listen to me. I'm rambling aren't I? As of late my words aren't coming out so well; I try, I really do… but whenever I try to speak they seem so heavy and thick… and there are so much more simplistic ways to state things… or nicer ways… ways that don't hurt, but all the other elves in Valinor are treating me different… they speak softer, when they touch me they do it slowly and gently as if I'm going to break, like I'm one of the little glass flowers that decorate the sacred places.
Then again maybe I am made of glass… glass won't fade away like normal flowers unless you break it… or maybe glass does fade… I can't remember… I suppose something can only exist for so long before it's no good anymore. Estel once told me mortals were like flowers… they were beautiful but so fragile… and when they get old they shrivel up and loose their petals… I remember I laughed… I haven't done that in a while… not really laughed… just quiet childish giggles… I miss laughing… I miss my friends…
I miss my flowers…
I know I'm going insane. I'm not insane enough to not know I'm not. I find it strange that even in Valinor place of healing… I can't be fixed… maybe it's the horrors I've seen as a warrior just catching up to me. Maybe it's the fact that everyone I love is so far away or just a pile of bones… Maybe it's that I really am just a little glass flower and have lasted too long… Whatever it is… I don't care.
That's the good thing about it. When you go crazy things just don't matter anymore. The little trivial things in life that were so worrisome don't seem that important. The things that used to mean so much to me don't matter. Things I loved are old, dull, I've done everything and loosing my mind is like a new adventure… I get to do more things… I get to be more excited… I get to forget about everything I've lost…
My teapot is broken, the flowers are dead, I'm going insane…
And it feels good.
