(A/N: Quick warning, this chapter is actually unedited. I got the idea yesterday and decided to put this in before the next chapter, and I just finished typing it so it might have mistakes. I've actually had this particular chapter in mind for a while, but I only got a really good idea on how to do it yesterday so I typed it today. That said, I'm actually really happy with how it came out, and while I won't ever hold this story hostage by refusing to update until I get "x" reviews, I really want to hear your guys' thoughts on it. I've been writing fan fiction on various sites for over ten years now, and I can say from experience that almost nothing motivates me to write more than knowing that people enjoy my work. This story is fun to write and I have some glorious plans in mind for the future, so I really want to know if you're enjoying it as much as I am.
So please, leave a review! On that note I'll be posting another chapter sometime between tomorrow and Wednesday, and I'll probably be reviewing this chapter at that point to catch any other errors. For now, enjoy!
Warning: there is mildly graphic descriptions of violence towards the end. Specifically, references to the aftermath of the massacre, Masaru's physical condition and damage to eyeballs.
Chapter 7
"The words 'once upon a time' always bring to mind Disney-style fairy tales about princesses and heroes and magical journeys with talking animals and magic. There's a bit of trouble and some bad wizard or giant who needs to die, but at the end the good guys win and are rewarded for their efforts with gold or happiness or a wife.
Have you ever read Grimm's Fairy Tales? Most of them don't end 'happily ever after'. Disney has to add that in."
Once upon a time, a little boy who thought himself a man saw every person he loved and held dear to his heart die right in front of his eyes.
Strangled cries of dead people's names died on his lips as he'd wake in his bed in the middle of the night, his sleep-addled mind still conjuring flashes of the coppery tang of blood in the air as he sucked in sharp, ragged breaths. Flashes of familiar faces filled with pain, regret, suffering, despair stared at him from his eyelids whenever he closed his eyes, light fading from their eyes even as he looked straight into them.
Grief and remorse haunted his every step, his every waking moment, until finally he forced himself to close off his heart lest the pain become too much to bear. He decided to live the only way he could think of to honor the memories of his now-gone precious people, and thus lived solely to perform his duty to the village which so many of them sacrificed their lives to protect. The uniform of the ANBU became his armor, the mask shielding him from the overwhelming regret that defined his life.
Dried blood still clung to his jounin uniform when he visited the memorial stone that day, barely an hour after returning from yet another mission full of death and carnage. Going home to clean off briefly crossed his mind, but as usual his legs had carried him to the training grounds to greet the only reminder of his teammates.
He had seen plenty of other visitors in the past, but the sight of a little girl with a red and white fan on her back still caught him by surprise.
His covered eye burned behind his hitai-ate as he stared at the familiar crest connected to so many beautiful and painful memories, his heart wrenching with a renewed sense of regret. Outwardly he kept his cool as he approached, stopping to stand next to her without a word. Wisps of a one-sided conversation tapered away as he drew close, and the girl stood in silence by the time he reached her side.
As his eyes skimmed over the list of names he'd read so many times he could probably write them from memory, he could feel the girl fidget next to him. A downward glance from the corner of his eye revealed two black orbs peering at him curiously, and they quickly averted back to the stone. After a moment the girl spared him one more brief glance before turning away once more, and he felt a small tingle of amusement as he noted her gaze flicker one last time to the blood on his pants.
This marked the first encounter between Hatake Kakashi and Uchiha Akari, and it would become the first of many.
Over the ensuing months Kakashi would visit the memorial to find her speaking in hushed tones and trailing into silence when he approached. The presence of a small Uchiha girl admittedly piqued his curiosity, as he knew that the Uchiha clan had its own cemetery where they would erect gravestones even for those whose bodies never returned. He concluded she must be visiting a non-Uchiha acquaintance, yet even that idea seemed rather out of character for the heavily isolated Uchiha clan.
Technically speaking, it wasn't his business. But all good ninja developed a healthy curiosity, and his reached the point that Kakashi finally gave in. Sneaking up on her to overhear her conversation briefly crossed his mind, but then Kakashi realized that would be a lot of effort for a kid who couldn't be older than six. Not to mention rude, he didn't want anyone to spy on his conversations with Obito or Rin or Minato-sensei.
So for once in his life, he decided to go for a direct approach.
"You know, I see you here a lot," he commented one day, and the girl visibly started at the sound of his voice, jumping to the side with a loud gasp. Once her initial surprise wore off, she relaxed and slowly nodded.
"You too, shinobi-san," she replied, turning back to the stone, and Kakashi nodded.
"Who do you come for?" he asked, his voice dropping to a softer and more gentle note. To her credit the girl didn't really react to the question, looking thoughtful before answering.
"My uncle and dad," she replied quietly, and he felt his eyebrows rise. The mystery deepened, he thought sardonically. Her eyes flitted to him once more, and after a moment of clear hesitation she asked, "What about you?"
The question sent sharp pangs of grief through Kakashi because of course she would ask that, he should have expected that since he'd asked first. Sometimes he really hated how socially stunted he was. When he didn't answer right away, the girl quickly began fidgeting with the hem of her shirt and said, "Um, you don't have to answer. I know it's personal and probably painful."
Silent gratitude flooded him at not having to answer, and he nodded. "Thank you. Though if you don't mind me asking, then why did you answer when I asked?" She blinked, clearly caught off-guard by the question, and after a moment she turned back to the rock with a shrug.
"Well, I guess because I never actually knew them?" Her voice ended on a slightly higher note that made it sound like a question, telling him she was sounding out her reasoning even as she spoke. "They both died before we were born." 'We,' not 'I,' he noted absently, suggesting she might be a twin. "Mom doesn't really talk about dad that much, but she tells us a lot about our uncle. Masaru likes to talk to his grave, so I decided to come here to talk to him since it has his name too."
Something about the name Masaru sparked something in Kakashi's mind, dredging up some forgotten snippet of information deep in his memories, and the silver-haired ANBU began rooting through his thoughts until—
Oh, he thought lamely. She's one of Ryoko's kids.
Kakashi had met Uchiha Ryoko several times back when he still had a team, the woman often showing up at training sessions to bring Obito his forgotten lunch or dragging the perpetually tardy boy to meetings so he'd arrive on time for once. She had struck him as friendly and warm, and while she'd been taken off the roster due to a nervous breakdown following a certain traumatic event before the team's formation, even as an admittedly snot-nosed elitist brat he still held a certain respect for her.
And Kakashi also knew Ryoko and her husband Ryuusuke had no siblings.
A fresh wave of guilt washed over him as he looked at the small girl next to him, because how could he not feel guilty when he was the one responsible for the death of her uncle? His gifted eye burned even more painfully at the bitter realization that Ryoko had never truly stopped mourning for Obito if she went so far as to tell her children about him as an uncle-like figure. They probably would have grown up calling him Uncle Obito, and Obito would probably hound him and Rin with photos and proud stories of their smallest accomplishments—
Kakashi pushed the thoughts away before it became too painful, instead swallowing and slowly nodding. "I see," he murmured, his voice just slightly more strained than usual. To his relief she didn't pick up on it, and instead they fell silent as they regarded the memorial once more until he finally disappeared in a whirl of leaves.
After that, Kakashi didn't visit the memorial for a while. Just thinking of Akari filled him with sharp stabs of shame, because that little girl represented the bright future Obito could have had if he'd lived. The future Kakashi stole from Obito due to his disgraceful actions that fateful day. He couldn't stomach facing her or Obito, not anymore. Akari visited Obito enough, and surely he'd prefer to keep her company over the man who caused his death.
A month passed with Kakashi steadily avoiding the memorial, and then one day he heard a tap at his window and turned to find a gray cat staring at him with a rolled-up piece of paper tied to its neck.
Cats and Kakashi did not totally mix. Some people liked to jokingly compare him to one due to his aloof and independent nature, but Kakashi had a much stronger connection to dogs due to the fact that he summoned them. He also knew that ninneko had a connection to the Uchiha, so the presence of one made his stomach churn.
Nonetheless, he sucked it up and opened his window to let the feline visitor inside, knowing better than to ignore it. Slinking inside and stepping onto the desk, the cat sank to its haunches as its bushy tail curled around its legs, its head held high and its posture giving it an unbelievably regal air. Pear-colored eyes bore into Kakaashi as it tilted its head back to expose its neck, allowing him to untie the small piece of paper. Once he'd taken it the cat rose again and leapt out the window, disappearing into the streets.
Unrolling the small sheet, Kakashi found a somewhat brief note in vaguely familiar handwriting.
'Kakashi, my daughter Akari told me she met a shinobi at the memorial and he hasn't visited the memorial recently. She didn't know your name but I assumed she meant you since I don't know any other people have silver hair and one eye covered. Akari is very worried and thinks you might have died. I won't claim to know why you stopped visiting, and I know we haven't spoken in years, but I want you to know this:
I do not blame you. What happened that day is tragic, but Obito chose to die and gave you his eye. If I know Obito half as well as I think I do, I doubt he would want me to spend my time seething in hatred and anger at you for something he did. I also know he would not want you to suddenly avoid the memorial out of a misplaced sense of guilt. For all your fighting, I think he considered you a good friend, even if he didn't realize it.
I hope you start visiting again. Akari would be relieved to learn that you're fine, and I think Obito misses you too.
-Uchiha Ryoko'
When he finished reading it Kakashi felt numb, his mouth dry and Obito's eye stinging even more than usual as he stared at the piece of paper.
The next day he went to the memorial and found Akari waiting there, and when she turned and saw him approach her eyes lit up with a relief so heavy that he felt another wave of guilt for making her worry about him.
Once upon a time, the boy who thought himself a man met a little girl whose eyes shined so bright they could penetrate the bleakest night, and a smile so warm it could melt the ice off the mountains.
From then on, Kakashi made an effort to talk to Akari more often. Nothing deep and personal, just little comments. Fierce determination sparkled in her eyes when she spoke of her desire to become a powerful kunoichi, though not necessarily called as such. "Everyone always calls Tsunade one of the strongest kunoichi," she commented. "Like the fact that she's strong for a kunoichi is special. I don't want to be known as a strong kunoichi, I want to be known as one of the most skilled people, man or woman."
"Well, if anyone can do it, I'm sure you can, Akari-chan," Kakashi demurred, his eye crinkling in a smile, and she broke into a proud grin that filled him with warmth. He had broken into the academy at this point to peruse her records, and he could tell that even for a first-year student she showed incredible potential. Not genius-level like him or Itachi, but still well above average. She scored higher than all the other girls and ranked within the top five students.
Casual observations during subsequent encounters led Kakashi to realize she had a bit more than just that, though. He noticed that Akari would often notice him approach even when he tried to mask his presence, and on more than one occasion he noticed her gaze absently flickering to their surroundings. Every time his heightened sense of smell allowed him to catch the scent of other people in whatever direction she glanced, obviously fellow ninja using the training grounds.
After a month of observing her like that, Kakashi reached the conclusion that Uchiha Akari had a natural capacity for sensing, and that she had yet to realize it. The realization only heightened her appreciation for the girl, and he felt a growing sense of anticipation. Akari glowed with a raw potential that made his heart race as he thought of the person she could become, and for the first time in his life, Kakashi wanted to help shape that potential.
Then one day while walking through the marketplace he suddenly noticed that he was contemplating how to tell the Hokage he might be willing to take on a genin squad in a few years if it had her on it.
"Shit," he groaned aloud, banging his head on a nearby wall and startling the nearby pedestrians.
Against all odds Hatake Kakashi had grown attached to a seven-year-old girl. Obito must be rolling around laughing his butt off at his expense.
The realization he cared for Akari scared him. For years Kakashi had closed off his heart and pushed others away, erecting a wall to keep himself isolated so he wouldn't reel in the pain of loss. Right now their unlikely friendship would be fine, but if he became Akari's teacher like he apparently desired, her life would be in his hands. Every time he looked in a mirror he was reminded of his failures, and the idea of possibly making another mistake terrified him.
And as he stood in the middle of a busy street with his head leaning against a wall, Kakashi decided that he would never let that happen. He would never lose another comrade as long as he could prevent it.
So kept speaking to Akari at the memorial, letting himself become more relaxed and lighthearted around her. Gradually Kakashi stopped closing himself off from his friends, and stopped fighting their attempts to nudge him back into the fold.
He began responding to challenges from Gai rather than avoiding the boisterous man who loudly declared them eternal rivals. He accepted invitations to join Genma, Raidou and Aoba for drinks at bars. He still turned down similar invitations from Anko, but that was just common sense. Initially he found interacting with his old friends to be a bit awkward after going so long without talking to him, but they welcomed him with open arms and helped him ease back into the swing of things.
Life began to perk up for Kakashi, and for the first time in years he found himself genuinely smiling as he teased Asuma about long-standing suspicions of a possible romantic affection towards Kurenai. He even started dragging Tenzo, sweet, innocent, lovable socially awkward Tenzo, away from the confines of the ANBU headquarters into public settings to force him to interact with their peers. The icy numbness that had once dictated his daily routines began to thaw, and Kakashi basked in the warmth of his comrades for the first time in years.
Then, one night, everything changed.
In all his years as ANBU, Kakashi had seen many horrible things. He had witnessed acts of cruelty so awful, so unspeakably evil that some of his comrades immediately resigned following the mission's completion. He thought he'd numbed himself to violence, that nothing could disturb him anymore.
But as he and a full ANBU battalion stood at the gates of the Uchiha clan district, staring at corpses strewn all about the street, he realized he'd never been more wrong in his life.
His heart hammered dangerously loud in his ears in the resounding silence that filled the area, his blood colder than ice as his stomach painfully sank with an overwhelming sense of dread. The Hokage's authoritative voice boomed out orders to scour for survivors, and no sooner had the words left his mouth than Kakashi darted forward, breaking away from the ranks of ANBU.
Months had passed since his last visit to the Uchiha clan compound to fetch Itachi for an urgent mission, and he didn't know the layout very well, but he knew where to go. His legs carried him down a familiar path he hadn't visited in used in years, vaguely noticing that two of his subordinates had broken off to follow him, before finally a dark house came into sight. The partially-open door nearly tore off its hinges at the force he used to shove it open, uncaring of the damage as he raced inside.
His heart pounded harder and harder as the rotten tang of blood and death assaulted his nose, even clearer in the confined space of the house. He knew instantly that at least one person had already died here, their corpse hours old. However, beneath that he noticed a fresher scent, blood still new and exposed, and with his heart in his throat Kakashi followed it to a closed door.
Flinging it open with enough force to crack the wood, Kakashi felt his breath hitch at the sight he found. A small boy laid atop a bloody mattress with his eyes closed and his face too too pale even in the dim light, his features contorted in agony and the right side of his head covered in blood. Torn bed sheets wrapped around his torso as a makeshift bandage and a large red spot stained the white fabric above his stomach, the color vibrant and fresh. Kakashi could see his chest rising and falling, his breaths shallow and ragged, but he breathed nonetheless.
His training kicked in and Kakashi flickered to the boy's side, tearing off his porcelain mask as he began checking his vitals while one of his subordinates silently ran off to get help. Based upon the position of the blood stain and the color, the stab wound had missed any vital organs. A closer look at his head revealed the blood came not from a stab to the brain but instead the torn remains of his ear, largely sliced away from his skull and attached by a few slivers of skin, but still largely intact.
As he continued surveying the boy's condition he heard his subordinate return with more people in tow, and soon enough an ANBU agent with a badger mask appeared next to him. "I'm a medical ninja, let me look," she ordered brusquely, and Kakashi acquiesced as he stepped aside so she could take over caring for him. With the immediate risk taken care of Kakashi quickly departed the room to resume his search of the house.
He got barely three steps when he felt a hand grip his shoulder, and he turned to see the Third Hokage standing behind him, his face grave.
"Don't go any further," he ordered softly, and Kakashi stared at him in surprise before frowning.
"What? But, sir, I need to—"
"Kakashi, don't go any further," the Third repeated, and his eyes held a tinge of unmistakable remorse and sadness. Kakashi opened his mouth to question the order, because how could he not look for one of his precious people, when suddenly he heard a cry of horror from someone else in the house. Instantly he turned to pursue the source, but before he could move the Third grabbed both shoulders and held him back.
As Kakashi began to struggle to break free the Third barked right in his ear, "That's an order! Do not look any more, Kakashi, you have already seen too much!" The firm tone made Kakashi instantly stiffened and relaxed in the leader's grip, his head bowing sharply. Once he felt certain Kakashi wouldn't try to disobey him, the Third released him and ordered him to search the rest of the compound, and Kakashi obeyed without another word.
Later he would learn that Uchiha Itachi had committed the massacre, killing everyone in his clan save his brother Sasuke, Uchiha Masaru and Uchiha Akari.
Instead Akari died at the hands of her own mother.
When he read the report, Kakashi felt nothing but numbness and utter revulsion. Her head had been cleaved from her body and her eyeballs shredded to bits, shreds of the tissue found on Ryoko's bloody fingernails and her blood on the woman's sword. A deep slash in the back told them that Ryoko herself had fallen to Itachi, but not before carving out her own eyeballs with a kunai.
For what little he knew Ryoko, Kakashi had known her to be unstable. He knew she had been growing increasingly unhinged and anxious even in the short amount of time he knew her during his time on Team Seven. Killing her own child so she wouldn't suffer at the hands of a killer felt tragically and horrifically in line with her high-strung nature. No doubt she would have done the same to Masaru, too, she may have even been waiting for his return when Itachi killed her.
Perhaps Itachi had chosen to spare Masaru after seeing the gruesome sight, a sort of twisted pity for a boy whose mother had gone mad in her final moments. A twinge of a conscience which had otherwise eluded him that horrible night.
In any event though, it hardly mattered. Akari, one of his few precious people, the girl who had helped bright light back to his world, had died. Once again Kakashi found himself faced with overwhelming loss and guilt for not doing enough, for not seeing signs soon enough. But this time, as he stood at the memorial honoring her and all the other victims, he realized he wasn't alone.
Tenzo and Gai stood beside him in silent commiseration, Asuma, Genma, Raidou and Aoba lined up around him almost like a protective formation while Kurenai stood on his other side with a comforting hand squeezing his shoulder. As he slowly realized all these people had come there just to support him, Kakashi felt the walls he'd built around himself start to crumble a bit more.
His borrowed eye burned as something warm and wet began to trickle down his cheek. Before he could even realize what it was he suddenly found himself enveloped in scores of arms, soft promises of we're here for you and everything will be okay barely registering as everyone pressed against him. More warmth trailed down his other cheek from his own eye as he began shaking violently, and Kakashi just closed his eyes as he let himself sink into the warmth.
Once upon a time the boy who thought himself a man met a little girl who broke the walls he built around his heart. Then one day that little girl died, and when she did he became a boy again.
