Chapter 24
"Respect your elders. They may seem outdated and stubborn in their ways, but some of them can be absolutely hilarious when paired with the right straight man. But if they're not funny and show strong signs of corruption, then burn them with fire."
Naruto groaned in disappointment as he held up an orange t-shirt, staring sullenly at the large reddish-brown stain marring the center. "Dang it, I really liked this one," he groaned, balling it up and throwing it into a hamper.
"Less whining, more cleaning," Sakura scolded, rolling her eyes as she swept a bunch of empty cups off the counter and into a trash bag. Naruto grumbled but complied, scowling the entire time.
Two days ago their recovery period from the Wave mission ended, and instead of training Team Seven, Kakashi got permission to take Sasuke and Masaru on a special three-day retreat. Now that they'd confirmed Masaru had the Sharingan, Kakashi wanted to devote some time to helping both boys hone their dojutsu.
At first Naruto had been a little jealous, but then he saw the panicked and dreadful looks on both his friends' faces as Kakashi dragged them to the gates, and he decided maybe he wouldn't mind. Three days wouldn't be that long, and besides, he could do all kinds of stuff. Maybe catch up with some of the other rookies, or better yet, learn some super-cool secret techniques on his own that would knock them all away!
Unfortunately, Sakura insisted on using the time to clean his apartment, and she wouldn't take no for an answer. Even now she wrinkled her nose as she lifted a wad of brownish fabric from the kitchen counter, daintily gripping the corners even with two layers of rubber gloves shielding her hands. "What is this?" she grumbled, grimacing in mild disgust.
Then the wad wavered and unfolded, revealing a distinct underwear shape.
Ten seconds of utter silence followed as they stared at it. Then Sakura lightly released her grip and let it flutter to the ground, closing her eyes with a small breath.
"NARUTOOOOO!"
And so Naruto found himself with multiple large lumps on his head, forced to clean his apartment on his own at the threat of receiving even more. Grumbling under his breath as he scrubbed the floors, he dropped the rag in the bucket and sank back onto his haunches with a sigh, rubbing the tender lumps. "Stupid Sakura," he mumbled sullenly, closing his eyes. "My apartment's totally fine!"
"It's really not."
Naruto froze as a deep, booming voice echoed around him, and his eyes snapped open to find himself knee-deep in the sewers in his mind. Red eyes glowed in the darkness behind the towering bars, jagged white teeth glittering in nonexistent light. "Your den is a mess, brat," the Kyuubi continued. "Your teammate is right in making you clean it."
"Wh-what the—Don't tell me you pulled me in here to lecture me on my cleaning habits!" Naruto exploded, gawking at the giant fox in disbelief. The Kyuubi harrumphed dismissively, eyes narrowing to leer at his jailor with clear disdain.
"I am. In case your forgot, your seal allows me to see what you see. And seeing your pigsty of a den when I wake up from a nap makes me want to vomit."
Naruto just sputtered in shock, and the fox snorted as it turned its head away. Apparently even the Kyuubi had standards, and Naruto did not meet them. It really shouldn't matter to him, because, well, it was the Kyuubi and he should hate it and all that. But, well...
Dammit, you try ignoring the giant living construct of hatred imprisoned inside you!
Grumbling under his breath, Naruto opened his eyes as he returned to reality, and proceeded to scrub the floors with renewed vigor. As he stood up and wiped his brow a spot of purple caught his eye, and he turned to see a thick black wristband sitting on his kitchen counter. For a moment he stared at it blankly, wondering where it came from. Then he noticed a patch with an orange swirl sewn into it, and his eyes widened in recognition.
"Hey, that looks like the swirl on my back!" Picking it up, he turned it over and noted a white patch sewn onto the other side, the kanji for "Hokage" embroidered into it, making him grin. "Hell yeah! This was totally made for me!" Slipping it onto his wrist, he turned it over to admire it and then paused. "Hold on a second, where'd this thing come from?"
The wristband had definitely not been there earlier. Naruto should probably take it off until he figured out how it got there, but it looked so cool on his wrist... "Oh! I know!" he suddenly exclaimed. "Sakura-chan must have left it!" Of course! Sakura had been standing by the counter earlier. She must have gotten it as a gift, but forgot to mention it after getting angry when she accidentally picked up his underwear.
Reassured, he grinned at the bracelet but it quickly fell, replaced by surprise. Hold on... Sakura got him a gift? That never happened before, Naruto couldn't even remember the last time someone got him a present. Sudden warmth blossomed in his chest, his smile returning much softer. He should go thank her right now, but he didn't know where she lived. Remembering her vivid descriptions of her parents'... unique dynamic, he suppressed a shudder and decided he probably wouldn't want to go there anyway.
"Okay, let's see," he muttered, crossing his arms. "Sakura-chan is really close to that girl that scares Masaru, so I could give it to her. But I don't know where she lives." Nor did he know Ino's family owned a flower shop, so he couldn't go there either. "Um... Would Sasuke-teme know?" Probably not, and he was out of town with Kakashi anyway.
Meanwhile...
Sasuke and Masaru dived to the side as a pack of dogs lunged towards them, their faces showing blatant panic. "How the hell does this help with the Sharingan!?" Masaru stammered, tomoe whirling wildly as his Sharingan attempted to track the dogs' movements.
"Improves your reflexes," Kakashi called cheerfully, lounging on a branch and turning a page in his book. "And gets you experience with tracking multiple moving targets, too. Hey, Pakkun, if you guys keep it up for another hour I'll give you all steak tonight."
"You heard the boss!" a pug barked, and the dogs launched at the Uchiha boys with renewed fervor.
Back with Naruto...
"Okay, so she might be friends with Hinata-chan, and I know where the Hyuuga live, but, I dunno," Naruto mumbled, scratching his head. "I never really saw them together, and Hinata's dad seems kinda scary. I could go to Jiijii, 'cause he knows everything, but... This is really small so I think that would just be wasting his time?" Thinking it over, he nodded and decided, "Yeah, he's got more important stuff to do. And Iruka-sensei would get really mad if I interrupt his class, so he's out."
Having run out of options, he thought back to Sakura's departure. Hadn't she mumbled something about taking a bath? Maybe she'd be at the onsen then! Mind settled, he grabbed his jacket and set out. Deciding to go by rooftop like a real ninja, Naruto made his way across town with a cheeky grin, the wristband's presence ever constant on his mind as he pondered how to approach her.
Now, he could use his Sexy Jutsu and go into the girl's bath to thank her, but then he realized that Sakura would be pissed and beat him up. So he'd do the smart thing and ask the hostess to check for a pink-haired girl, and if so ask her to come out so he could thank her. Then she'd praise him for not being an idiot and trying to sneak into the girl's bath like a pervert, and then he and Sakura could go out for ramen on a date! Perfect! Nothing could go wrong!
Grinning in smug satisfaction at his genius (totally one-track) and infallible (totally fallible) logic, he jumped to the ground to walk the final stretch towards the onsen. However, as he neared the corner of the fence surrounding the building he heard a low, masculine giggle, making him hesitate. Eyes narrowing, he quietly crept forward and carefully poked his head around the corner.
A white-haired man crouched next to the fence, a goofy smile on his face as he peered into a hole with a loud giggle.
Staring at him blankly, Naruto felt his eye twitch. Was he... was he peeping into the women's bath? "HEY! OLD MAN!" he roared, startling the pervert who whirled around with a shout.
"What the—what're you doing, kid?!" he stammered, scowling at Naruto. "Can't you see I'm busy?"
"Busy what?" Naruto repeated loudly, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. "Peeping?" On the other side of the fence, the small assortment of women sitting around the pool stared at the direction of the voices, and promptly cleared out with horrified shrieks. Hearing this, the man spun around and peeked through the hole, groaning in dismay at the empty room.
"Oh, come on! My research is totally ruined!"
"What kind of research involves peeping!?" Naruto jumped at the familiar yell and spun to see Sakura standing next to them with her arms crossed, her left eye twitching. Water dripped from her hair to the ground, her red dress slightly damp.
"Woah, so I was actually right about you being here?!" he blurted, stunned to see her. Because while he was totally a genius, he hadn't actually expected to be right about her being at the onsen. Sakura shot him a glance and seemed like she wanted to say something, but decided to focus on the pervert instead.
"Answer me you damn pervert!" she snapped, her eyes burning into the old man. The corner of the man's mouth twitched into a smile, huffing a small snort.
"Well, if you must know," he replied, reaching into his vest, "I'm a writer, working on a novel. Behold!" He pulled out an orange book and held it up, the words "Icha Icha Paradise" hovering above a woman playfully chasing a man.
Silence descended as the two genin stared at it, twin looks of recognition dawning on them. "Wait a second!" Naruto yelled, pointing at it. "Isn't that book—?!" The man turned to face him, a smug gleam in his eye.
"Oh!? You know it?"
"You're even worse than I thought!" Sakura roared, launching forward him with a punch to his side. He yelled in surprise as he skidded back a single step, rubbing the spot with his free hand.
"Wow, that's... not a very good punch," he remarked blandly. "Seriously, kid. Kinda pathetic." Sakura's eye twitched even more, her face turning red. Naruto quietly inched away before she released a banshee screech and descended upon the pervert with an impressive display of fancy punches, twirling and leaping and throwing her fist at him from various angles.
Wow, Sakura-chan's been working on her flexibility, Naruto thought with mild awe as he watched her twist mid-air and try to deliver a kick to his side. However, her efforts proved futile, as the man easily ducked away from each blow, smoothly stepping out of the way of her fists and legs. Growling in frustration, Sakura landed and panted heavily, her eyes blazing with unbridled fury.
"Who the hell are you?" she demanded, her frustration hitting peak levels.
"You want to know who I am?" her opponent asked, chuckling under his breath. Hands slamming onto the ground, a large burst of smoke erupted beneath him and the two genin jumped back warily, assuming defensive stances. As it cleared away they saw the man now standing atop a large orange toad, striking a dramatic pose as he grinned at them. "I am Mount Myoboku's Master Sage, also known as the Great Toad Sage! The one and only Legendary Toad Sage, Jiraiya!"
His voice seemed to echo as he delivered the dramatic introduction, and upon finishing it both genin just stared at him unimpressed.
Naruto inched over to Sakura and turned his head towards her ear, raising a hand to cover his mouth. "Sakura?" he whispered, and her eyes flitted towards him.
"Yeah?" she muttered.
"Do you have any idea what any of that meant?"
"Not really."
The man—Jiraiya—nearly fell off the toad as he heard that, quickly straightening. "What the—come on, you kids haven't heard of me!? You know, the Legendary Sannin and all that?"
"Legendary San—?" Comprehension flashed on Sakura's face, and he perked up.
"Aha! So you have heard of us?"
"Oh yeah! You're one of Tsunade-sama's teammates!"
This time Jiraiya really did fall off the toad. It looked at him and its chest expanded with a loud croak, and then it disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"You know Tsuna-chan but not me?" Jiraiya sputtered, staggering to his feet and gawking at her. "She hasn't even been an active Leaf ninja in almost two decades!"
"Yeah, but she's a Legendary Sannin," Sakura sniffed, folding her arms as she leered at him. "There's only three you know, they all studied directly under the Third Hokage. On top of that she's also the First Hokage's granddaughter, and one of the greatest medical ninja to ever live—and definitely the greatest medic alive right now."
"Wow, she sounds pretty important," Naruto mused, and Sakura grinned at him, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
"She totally is! She's one of my idols, right up there with Kushina-sama and Ryoko-sama!" Jiraiya's hair seemed to prickle, looking ready to blow steam out his nose.
"Are you kidding me!? You haven't heard of me but you know Kushina and Ryo—" He suddenly stopped, slowly straightening as his eyes narrowed. "Hold on a second. You've heard of Ryoko and Kushina? Those two were definitely before your time, kid."
"—and the other Sannin, Orochimaru, became one of the most notorious criminals to ever come from Konoha," Sakura continued, blithely ignorant of Jiraiya's murmuring as she lectured to an enraptured Naruto. The Toad Sage sputtered in disbelief, his jaw looking ready to pop off its hinges after how low it dropped.
"Wait, you know about Orochimaru but not me!?"
"Well, yeah," Sakura replied with a nonchalant shrug. "He's kinda at the top of, like, every Bingo Book. I mean, I've even found one from Yugakure and it had him on page one. He looks really slimy, like a snake," she added for Naruto's benefit, shuddering in disgust. Jiraiya just stared at her blankly, and slowly pressed his face into his palm.
"I give up," he moaned, shaking his head in defeat.
"What about those two women you mentioned?" Naruto asked. At this point the two genin had moved past being angry at Jiraiya's peeping in favor of an impromptu trivia session, and unlike the boring classes at the academy Naruto found himself eager to learn more from his teammate.
"Ryoko-sama and Kushina-sama?" she asked, looking incredulous he didn't know them. "Okay Naruto, neither of them ever got mentioned in school so you get a pass this time. Kinda of. I mean, Kushina-sama is—" She suddenly stopped, a look of mild alarm flashing across her features before quickly shaking her head. "Uh, forget I said anything about her."
"Huh? Why?" Naruto looked a her in confusion, his curiosity piqued, and she sighed.
"It's a long story, and I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to know it...?" she mumbled, sucking on the inside of her cheek as she darted a glance towards Jiraiya. Naruto noticed he looked at her with a much sharper gaze than before, his lips pursed in a thoughtful frown.
"If you're talking about what I think, then definitely not," he agreed coolly, and she blanched. Naruto frowned and turned to face the old pervert, his mouth opening to demand an explanation when his teammate quickly spoke up.
"But anyways, I'm pretty sure you must have at least met Ryoko-sama at some point, so you have less of an excuse to not know who she is!"
Her attempt to redirect Naruto's attention worked, his questions about Kushina instantly vanishing as he looked at her in surprise. "Wait, what? When?"
"Well, I mean, I remember you and Masaru hung out a lot at the academy before, well, you know." She trailed off and shrugged awkwardly, and Naruto frowned, scratching his head.
"Well, yeah," he mumbled, "But what does Masaru have to do with her?"
"You're kidding," Sakura deadpanned, and at Naruto's blank expression she deadpanned, "You're not kidding. Naruto, Ryoko-sama is Uchiha Ryoko. Masaru's mom. Didn't you ever go to his house or anything?"
"...Uh, no?" he replied sheepishly, looking away. "We... never really hung out outside the academy. We got ramen once though! That was awesome!"
Sakura and Jiraiya just stared at him silently. "Kid, I'm sorry, but that's kinda sad," Jiraiya proclaimed, and Sakura nodded her head in sage agreement.
"Hey, it's not sad at all!" Naruto argued, scowling. "Nothing brings people together like ramen! Speaking of which..."
"No," Sakura replied flatly, and he sagged in defeat. He didn't even ask her yet and she turned him down! He turned a sour glare in the so-called sage's direction, deciding to blame him for the rejection. If he hadn't been peeping, Naruto's plan to woo Sakura by showing the foresight to ask someone else to check the onsen for her instead of going in with the Sexy Jutsu totally would have worked!
Suddenly he perked up, spinning to face Sakura once more. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Sakura, thanks!" He grinned as he held up his wrist to show off the new wristband, his sleeve sliding down. Sakura stared at it blankly, her eyebrows furrowing in mild confusion.
"You... wanted to show me your bracelet?" she mumbled, frowning, and Naruto blinked.
"Huh? Wait, no!" he said quickly. "You got it for me, didn't you?"
"Oho, what's this?" Jiraiya asked, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "Having ladies over at your apartment already? You're really ahead of the curve, aren't you kid?"
The two genin proceeded to stare at him blankly, and after a moment Sakura turned her head to her teammate. "Naruto?"
"On it," he replied, raising his hands in the sign for the Shadow Clone jutsu. A flock of clones appeared and threw themselves at the perverted man, Jiraiya squawking in dismay as they descended upon him. The pair watched in satisfaction as they proceeded to lightly pummel him in Sakura's place, overcoming his earlier blocking skill displayed against her with sheer numbers.
Teamwork.
"But seriously, what are you talking about?" Sakura asked, turning back to Naruto.
"Well, I found this on the counter after you left. Didn't you get it for me? It even says 'Hokage' on it!" He pulled it off to show her more clearly, and she frowned.
"Naruto... I've never seen that in my life."
"Wait, what?" Naruto frowned as he stared at the wristband in confusion. Twin looks of horror dawned on their faces and Naruto quickly dropped the band as they stepped back, staring at it in apprehension. In the silence that followed a single crow cawed, its cry like a mocking laugh at their dumfounded looks.
"Well, that's one interesting mystery," Jiraiya remarked, and casually plucked it off the ground to examine it more closely. "Looks pretty normal to me, but I'll just hold onto this for a little while."
"Uh, y-you can keep it," Naruto muttered, fidgeting uncomfortably. "I don't... really want it."
"Rude." A gruff voice suddenly caught their attention, and all three turned to see a gray feline standing behind them with several pouches attached to its side. Scars marred its body to create small pink lines where fur couldn't grow, a black eye patch covering its left eye. The remaining golden eye rolled at them, tiny pointed teeth flashing as it sneered. "We go through the trouble of delivering that personally, and you don't even want it?"
"Who the hell are—" Naruto started to yell irritably only to freeze as sudden realization dawned on him. "Wait a second, you can talk!?"
"Rude and dumb, I see," the feline remarked, and Naruto squawked in offense. The cat ignored him, turning its attention to Sakura. "You, girlie. Are you Haruno Sakura?" Sakura instantly stiffened, eying the cat apprehensively.
"Y-yes... Why?" Studying her briefly, the cat turned its head and lifted the flap of one of the pouches on its back with its mouth, pulling out a purple coin purse with a pink charm on it. It threw it towards her with a toss of the head, Sakura catching it out of pure reflex. "There. Don't lose that, got it. I need to go before I catch his stupid." As it spoke the cat leveled a disdainful glare upon Jiraiya, who huffed and crossed his arms.
"Nice to see you too, Masahige," he muttered, and the feline merely turned and stalked away, disappearing in a gray blur. The two genin stood in shock, staring at the purse in Sakura's hands.
"...What just happened?" she whispered.
"Well, this is an interesting turn of events," Jiraiya remarked, and casually snatched the purse away. Ignoring Sakura's cry of protest, he untied the string closing it and examined the interior briefly before nodding to himself. "Yep, just like I thought. I'll just hold onto this for a little while."
"You—that's stealing!" she sputtered.
"It's borrowing," he corrected. "A ninneko contracted to a kunoichi who's been dead for almost five years suddenly turns up and gives two genin gifts. That's a little suspicious, don't you think?"
"When you put it like that, yeah, it is," Naruto agreed quietly, frowning as he eyed the black band looped loosely around the sage's fingers.
"Glad you agree. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get started on investigating this. I'll see you two around." Jiraiya raised his hand in a loose wave as he headed off, the two genin watching him depart with small frowns but making no move to follow.
Once he'd reached a suitable distance the Sannin sighed and glanced at the purple pouch, his expression growing serious. Loosening the string as much as possible, he quickly turned it inside-out and held it closer to his face, his eyes squinting as he examined it. Black marks coated the interior of the pouch, almost camouflaged against the dark purple fabric.
Huffing a small sigh, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a leaf green coin pouch matching his clothes, the kanji for 'Oil' printed on it side. He quickly reversed it to reveal seals lining the interior, and he held the two pouches side by side, examining them closely. "Definitely identical," he muttered under his breath, and sighed as he returned both to their original orientation.
He didn't bother trying to examine the black wristband, knowing he'd find the same thing there, and just slid them into his pocket. "Ryoko, just how paranoid did you get at the end?" he mumbled. He could envision her inscribing seals onto some sort of "gift" for every student in her children's class, fueled by anxiety for their eventual ascension to genin. He sighed as he turned and walked away, his mood far more somber after the latest discovery.
"Sensei's gonna want to hear about this..."
OMAKE: Meanwhile with Kakashi...
As Sasuke and Masaru fled from the rabid ninken Kakashi sat high above them on a tree branch, staring blankly at the gray cat with pear-colored eyes. His gaze flickered to the silver-colored wrist band on his lap—inscribed with the trademark henohenomoheji "face" his ninken wore on their uniforms—and then slowly slid to the open letter in his hands.
'Dear Kakashi,
If you are reading this, then I assume someone finally noticed the seal in the map and my ninneko are carrying out my second-to-final orders. I plan to write my final letter soon so I shall keep this one short and spare the emotional apologies, since you should have already read it by now.
I believe you can figure out the purpose of this gift. I couldn't think of a more fitting symbol for you, so pardon the joke. I hope it will serve you well in the future.
Sincerely,
Uchiha Ryoko
P.S. Please make sure the Inuzuka clan does not try to eat my ninneko. Tsume used to say they looked very tasty, and I'm not sure how much she was joking when she said that.
P.P.S. Please say hi to Tsume for me and thank her for not eating my cats.'
The jounin sighed and hung his head in silent resignation. "Your master was insane, wasn't he?" he deadpanned to the cat.
The feline just stared at him blankly, and proceeded to calmly knock his kunai pouch to the forest floor. A pained yelp sounded from Sasuke as it hit him on the head, followed by more yelps as several of the dogs piled on top of him. The cat slowly blinked at the carnage unfolding below them, and then meowed once before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
Author's Note: We have now confirmed Jiraiya has a companion seal for the map too. And Ryoko also made some for Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi. Also, meet Masahige. He's a crotchety old man in feline form and is the leader of Ryoko's ninneko summons. Overall, this chapter is much lighter than the last one, but still pretty informative I think.
So, out of curiosity, who else do you think has a seal? Also, why do you think Jiraiya has one? As always, I love to hear your speculation!
