Disclaimer: I don't own any of the FF characters, they belong to Square Enix, I don't own Square Enix, that belongs to some CEOs, I don't own the Square Enix CEOs, themselves/their wives own them, I don't own their wives...uh...I don't know who the hell owns the CEOs' wives. oO

Paine: Shut. The hell. Up.

...Right-o.

Aaaaanyways, I'm kicking off this chapter with a break from the storyline. See, I happen to think that Paine is the most calm, observant, introspective character, able to sit back watch the rest of the world hurry aimlessly; making her the perfect window into everyone else's personalities.

...And then I blow it all for a cheap joke.

Fun being a writer, isn't it?

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ENTRY TWENTY SEVEN:

Well, Buddy came back to find our course changed completely, and is now fiddling with the consoles to try and get us back on track. It's a bit hard, what with having his hands covered in Syndicate blood. I hear it's the stickiest kind.

So, this gives us all some time to relax and wait for Buddy to kill Brother out of frustration with the controls. Good riddance, I say...yet, at the same time, I am full of regret that we didn't sell him to a lab for testing. Could've gotten something good out of that complete waste of human life.

Now, here I sit on the balcony of the cabin, overlooking the events in everyone else's lives. Rikku, for one, ran out of sugar and is suffering from a total meltdown...I overheard her mumbling something about siphoning blood sugar from her own veins as she rocked back and forth in the corner. It's certainly creeping me out, that's for sure.

Brother, on the other hand, is groaning on and on and on about his "unrequited love" for Yuna/incest in general in Al Bhed. Thinks no one else can tell what he's saying, so he gets the...uh...joy, I suppose, of sitting next to Yuna while commenting on some things I'd rather not mention. I had him wondering why I was giving him horrified glares as I sat on the stairs, polishing the hilt of my sword. Poor Barkeep has to be the one to sit through it all...several times now I've seen his hands sliding slowly towards the spot where he keeps his shotgun under the bar. "For the daysh when I jusht can't takesh it anymoresh", he told me. At least when he caves, I get free vodka. Ooh, and those little parasols he puts in the drinks!Yevon, I love those things.

Wait a minute. Leblanc walked in a minute ago...she's arguing with Barkeep, who is now literally shaking with rage. I think he's about to snap...

...And there he goes.

Boy, that's gonna be a bitch to clean off the walls.

-P.

ENTRY TWENTY EIGHT:

Damn it all, Yuna healed Leblanc. Ex-summoners are so...so full of that...that...virtue. Man, what a burden that is.

Well, we're back on route, annoyances in tow, except that said annoyances are now holding an anti-Hypello grudge. Like it matters to Barkeep...that grin isn't leaving his face for quite some time. Gave me free drinks, too. Ah, what a difference high-impact and close-range shotgun blasts make.

As I write this, I'm sitting in the Bevelle Underground. How did I get there, you ask? Well, let me recap the events for you...

To start it all off, Buddy reconfigured the navigation system, so we never did get to kick Leblanc and company off the airship. It's likely not the last chance I'll get, so there are no worries at the moment. Upon reaching Bevelle, we discovered that we're not exactly being embraced by Yevon. After giving the Youth League the sphere from Kilika Temple we became seen as, quoted directly from the mouths of Yevonites; "traitors", "backstabbers", "heathens", "impish fools", "rat bastards", and "really, really hot". Needless to say, the last one's jaw was broken by a, shall we say, "mistimed punch".

After landing, Yevon leaders decided that we were unfit to walk the halls of Bevelle, so they sent Yevon guards after us.

Yevon guards.

Really.

That's like throwing marshmallows at a tank and hoping for nuclear destruction, people. It's not gonna happen.

So, after easily dispatching the "soldiers", as they dare to call themselves, we strolled on in to Yevon headquarters to find, well...more soldiers. And more. And more. And more. They just kept on coming...especially the Yevon machina. They were like giant metal lemmings. Then, of course, was the obligatory labyrinth-like maze...boy, these people are just full of surprises. Puzzles, puzzles, and more puzzles, all the way down to the Gaol, very close to where I am now, and near which we were finally able to ditch the Syndicate members. Traveling with them wasn't helping my mood much, of course, since they don't fight in battles, they don't dodge traps, and they don't help with any other possible dilemma in this hellish safeguard against intruders. I swear, when I get out of here, I promise that I am going to kick Baralai's ass.

-Paine, absolute Yevon-hater.