Welcome back! You thought I ditched it, didn't you? Nope, just taking a break to write some other stories. Check 'em out, if you get the chance.

Now, where was I...hmm...oh, yes: I don't own anything here but Paine's wit and wisdom. Even that can be partially credited to inspiration, I suppose. ...Ahh, who cares. This chapter is a tad more drama and a wee bit less comedy, but don't worry. It's setting the rest of the story up so I can keep going.

Reader: "That's not fair! I'm trying to keep my laughter going!"

JB: "Really, now? I'm trying to keep the story going, you text-whore."

Well, let's proceed, and hope that I haven't lost my muse for cynicism and, as Ikon so nicely puts it, "world-weariness".

Heh.

(JB)


ENTRY TWENTY NINE:

I can't believe it.

I just can't believe it.

Baralai! The only sane friend I had left. Who would have thought? Sure, he seemed a bit uptight and creepy sometimes, but...attacking me to protect some Bevellian secret? Yevon...I suppose it's official, now. I'm surrounded by fools, hand-dipped in a big vat of crazy.

Let's start from the best possible place: the beginning.

As Yuna, Rikku and I were walking towards the center of the Bevelle Underground, we ran into Baralai. There was a big speech about Yevon secrecy, not letting us go any farther, and many more lies, followed by the standard fight. I just...I never expected Baralai to be the one friend who would ever turn on me. Sure, he probably has his reasons, but no reason is good enough to betray your friends because of it...right? Right? Right.

...Riiiiiiiiight.

Well, perhaps not. It's a shame, though...I think I just lost one of the oldest friends I have. We'll just have to see, won't we? In the meantime, as I continue to worry, Yuna and Rikku keep pressuring me to reveal more of my "super-mysterious-awesome-wow-holy-fiends!" past. If only that psychotic blonde ball of energy knew what she was delving into. In my opinion, some things are just best kept secrets.

Of course, it takes a little blade friction to convice these two dolts. Don't they ever shut up? Yevon, I think I'll just jump into one of these pits.

Signed,
A very betrayed Paine.

ENTRY THIRTY:

Question...why did Aeons never turn on Spirians? Because it really seems like they could have kicked our asses with both hands (claws?) tied and poison seeping through their bloodstreams.

We just finished fighting for our pointless lives against what Rikku tells me is an Aeon, which goes by the name of Bahamut. I'll tell you this: if that's the kind of thing Yuna used to have complete control over, I would hate to have met up with her in an alley after Happy Hour.

After fifteen near-death experiences and the complete plucking of two phoenixes for our well-being, we won. We won! I could hardly believe it myself. I think Rikku and Yuna were pleased with the results, as well, as Yuna stood by the fallen Bahamut dancing and Rikku climbed up on top of it, screaming the word "Beeyaaaaaatch!" over and over. Who knows what she was talking about...must have been another sugar trip. I swear, glucose is the very force of her soul. It certainly would explain the hyper voice and dog-paddling movements.

(Paine. Sweet, sweet victory!)


Sorry, it's short but sweet. At least you know I'm still alive, eh? Better chapters to come.