Oops, some of those reviews made me feel like a big tease. I think I kind of mislead y'all with the last sentence of the previous chapter, the one about leaving something in there for the readers to find. It doesn't have anything to do with the plot of the story, and it wasn't a clue as for what is to come or something of that nature. It was just a little bit of a song quote that fit in quite nicely, so I couldn't resist but to throw in. Sorry about the misunderstanding, but still, if anyone recognizes it I would love them. It does blend in rather well with the rest of the story though, if I do say so myself, so I'm not really expecting people to notice it. Yeah, with this installment there is really only one thing I want to accomplish, and I have had the way I want to end this chapter in mind for awhile so there isn't much length or substance to it. I just kind of want to throw something at you and let it sink in before I write the next part. So basically what I am trying to say is that this is going to be relatively short and I am sorry. Geez, you'd think I was trying to make up for a brief chapter by writing a humongous forward! Not the case at all, of course! What else...reviews are so much fun, thank you to everyone who takes the time to write one, because they make me so happy. Especially the original ones. Hmm, dirty, wet dog fluff...I'll take it as a compliment!
Disclaimer: Not mine.
So here it is, a bit of a change of pace for you.
It's Tuesday night. The rain has long since ceased, and the storm clouds have moved on. The puddles are dry, the heat has resumed, and everything should be back to normal. But it's not.
I lied to Craig.
I skipped group.
I snuck out.
I went to the pool.
I went to the pool, dragging my feet with every step I took. I went to the pool and I undressed, slowly and unwillingly pulling each piece of clothing off asthough the synthetic fabrics had been woven with leaden threads, dead weight I had voluntarily adorned myself with. I went to the pool and now I'm shaking. I'm shaking and I'm scared, and I'm ashamed and I'm guilt-ridden and I don't fucking want to be here and I don't know why I am here and I'm cold and I'm wet and I'm naked and I have never felt so exposed in my entire life.
And I'm alone.
The water feels like ice despite the stifling summer humidity pooling around me. It is sharp and unwelcoming and for the first time ever I hate it. I hate it with a deep, unadulterated fury because it is what got me into this mess in the first place, but then I stop and the fury redirects itself because I know that that is just an excuse and I hate myself for making excuses for things that are my own fault. Because that's what this is, my own fault. Not the water's fault, or the moonlight's fault, or my mother's faultor his fault, or his family's or his neighbor's or anyone else's motherfucking fault but my own.
I dip below the surface and screw my eyes shut as tightly as I possibly can. I clutch my knees to my chest and hold my breath. Hold, hold, hold it until my lungs are on fire and my head is spinning and I wish with every fiber of my being that I could just stay like this. Stay huddled and protected and in a bubble where no one and nothing can touch me. I try, but soon I cannot take it any longer and reluctantly I come up for air.
Craig regards me warily from his seat at the edge of the pool, his bare legs dangling idly in the water. His shoulders are slumped and his jaw is set. I know I have pissed him off and I can't stand that, can't stand the fact that I have caused him to become unhappy with me.
I question him in a low voice, "How long have you been there?"
"Long enough to see that you're a liar."
That hurts, searing and heartfelt, but I know I deserve it.
"It's complicated Craig. I'm sorry but you need to go."
"Like fuck I need to go!" his pitch raised slightly and I wince, "I'm not leaving until you explain to me what is going on here. Until you explain why you had to throw a big fit about us not coming out here tonight and then proceed to show up regardless."
"You showed up too."
"That's besides the point, I was worried about you!"
"Lower your voice. I don't need anyone worrying about me. It's pointless and useless and I can take care of myself."
"Oh yeah, you certainly have proven that to be true on many an occasion, haven't you Nash? Tell me now, just how did you get that gash on the inside of your arm?"
Both of our eyes drop instantly to the scar of mine in question, which is barely visible in the dim lighting, but still I wrap my arms around myself possessively to cover it.
"You are no one to judge me Craig. You don't understand and you need to leave."
He sighs, and drops down from off of the edge and into the water, making his way over towards me.
"God Ellie, I'm not trying to judge you, I'm trying to understand you! But then just when I think I am finally beginning to get somewhere, you have to go and pull something like this and leave me totally fucked. I just want to know what the hell is going on."
His hand comes to rest gently on my shoulder, a simple gesture with nothing but friendship behind it, but one that makes my heart pound regardless. Now it's my turn to sigh. I sigh and I look away, and when my gazerejoins his questioning one my eyes are pleading.
"The thing is though, I don't even understand myself. I'm stupid and weird andscrewed up, and all I know is that I hate being like this, and I hate saying this, but I have to say it and I need you to listen to me. Craig, you have to leave."
And then I felt it, that unmistakable, chilling feeling on the back of your neck that someone is watching you. The water was cold, but my blood suddenly ran colder. Craig's grip on my shoulder tightened, and his thumb began to rub small circles on my collar bone, but the sensation did nothing to calm the discomfort I felt. I opened my mouth, but before I could get a word out, I heard him.
His voice slid through the stillness like it always did, slimy and thick and repulsive. The kind of voice that made the hair on your arms rise up and your stomach clench in distrust. The kind of voice that I knew would be coming and that I didn't want Craig to hear. But it was too late now, andthe voice oozed over to us.
"Well now my Ellie, you never told me that you had a boyfriend."
Reviews certainly would help encourage me to get to the bottom of this thing faster...
