The Hand that Rocks the Cradle
Tonks was standing outside the back alley of the Three Broomsticks, casually picking at the end of her shirt when she heard a noise. It was dark, and immediately she was on high alert and she pinned something to the wall efficiently. Whatever it was gave a grunt as she threw it against the wall.
"Hello Nymphadora," said a slow voice from the shadows. She relaxed as she let go of his collar and Severus Snape stepped into the beam of light coming from inside the bar.
"What are you doing here, Snape?" she asked, folding her arms and leaning against the wall. "Shouldn't you be up at the school?" she added.
"Well I was wondering if perhaps you'd seen Dumbledore pass by here this evening. He was not in his office and I came to see if he was in Hogsmeade," Snape said coolly.
Tonks shook her head. "Haven't seen him tonight."
They stood there for a moment in silence. Snape cleared his throat as he put a hand to it. "You know, if while you were at school, someone had told me you would become a very successful Auror someday, I would not have believed them. Indeed, you would have done even better in my class had you not been so clumsy."
Tonks made a face. "Yes, well we all know how hard it is for you to give someone outside of your own house full marks," she said scornfully. She distinctly remembered getting an Outstanding on her Potions OWL, as well as Michael, and Snape most begrudgingly let them into his NEWT class.
Snape stiffened slightly. "Mm, and I suppose you feel that Lupin makes a much better teacher than myself?" he said, emphasizing Remus's name rather derisively. "I'm sure that hanging around with certain students of mine helped you see the distinction."
"I can remember your classes just fine on my own," said Tonks coldly, incensed by the sort of mocking tone he'd taken with Remus's name. That reminded her of before, after he'd glimpsed her Patronus, calling it weak.
"What do you have against Remus anyway?" she asked suddenly.
Snape looked away and said nothing. He was overcome with the urge to say, "Well, it's more the fact that he exists," but didn't.
"You don't have to tell me, but isn't it just a bit childish? Holding onto a grudge for so long," she said casually, trying to get a rise out of him. She'd actually never seen the man really angry before. Of course everyone was frightened out of their wits by him anyway, but he'd never really been…unleashed.
"Almost as childish as pursuing a man who clearly has no interest in you romantically," he retorted, sounding just as casual.
Tonks wheeled around. "I'm not your student anymore. And I don't care if you are in the Order, if you talk to me like that ever again, I will make things very difficult for you!" she said angrily.
Snape smiled at her. "Yes, I must be careful around such a touchy subject I suppose. But let me tell you something about Lupin, if he wants something bad enough, he'll take it."
"What are you talking about?" she asked, exasperated. Snape was and always had been a master of cryptic phrases, and she wasn't particularly in the mood for games.
Snape sighed overdramatically. "It's not really all that important, I suppose. It's all in the past these days and as you said, it is a bit childish to hold on to such silly things as grudges."
Tonks nodded. "Right, whatever." She turned away again.
She saw Michael making his way up the street towards them. He was huffing and puffing slightly, caused probably by the fact he was also puffing away on a fag.
"Your shift's up. You still going to go see Re-Oh, hello," he said, his voice changing suddenly to monotone politeness at the sight of Snape still standing there.
Tonks grimaced as Snape turned to Michael. "Well, well, well, Mr. Savage. Having a little reunion are we?"
"He's an Auror too, Snape," Tonks said coldly.
"Ah yes, of course." Snape nodded slightly at both of them and slinked away into the dark.
Michael watched him go, a rather disgusted look on his face. "What did he want?"
"He was looking for Dumbledore," Tonks said, grabbing the cigarette from his hand and taking a drag.
"You don't smoke," Michael said, taking it back.
Tonks sighed. "I'm thinking maybe I should start."
"Mmm, I know what you mean. Things like Severus Snape require as many vices as possible," he said knowingly.
"My life in general these days, requires as many vices as possible," she replied, stealing a fresh cigarette from his pack. He lit it for her and she nodded in return.
"I could lecture you on both the ridiculousness of that statement and the fact that these will kill you but," he raised his own fag, "I am in no position. Now go on, are you going to go see Remus? You only have an hour."
Tonks threw herself onto a discarded box. "I really don't see the point. I can't even remember why I was going again."
"I think you were going to 'rekindle the bonds of friendship' or something really prudish like that," Michael said nonchalantly.
Tonks glared at him. "I told him we were just going to be friends."
Michael sat down next to her on the box. "And what I don't understand is why. Why are you being such a pussy? I have never known you to give up on something so easily. Why start now?"
Tonks stood up. "Who said any of this was easy?" she said angrily. "I feel like my heart's been ripped out of my chest and shoved down my throat all year! You have no idea! Michael, things like this are so easy for you. You get whatever you want, always. And usually, I wouldn't back down, you're right. But I am so fucking tired. At this point, I should be happy he even consented to shagging me."
She pulled out another cigarette and tried to light it but the lighter wouldn't ignite. Suddenly, a new hand, one that wasn't Michael's, shot out from behind her, lighting it effortlessly. Tonks wheeled around, her wand straight out in front of her.
Even in the dim light of the street, she could make out who it was, and she almost fainted.
"I hadn't realized you'd become a chain smoker," the voice said quietly. Tonks swallowed dryly.
"What are you doing here?" she managed to choke out.
Remus actually smiled. "Uh, I can't really say here," he said, eyeing Michael and waving at him awkwardly.
Tonks's heart was thudding so loudly in her chest that she didn't even hear Michael's response.
"Oh, please, don't let me keep you," he said. He raised an eyebrow at Tonks and issued her off.
They walked out of the small side street and down the high street of Hogsmeade. Tonks was feeling slightly dizzy.
"That's not my boyfriend," she blurted out suddenly, kicking herself mentally after the fact. "I mean, he's just a friend, we were just talking. And um, well, what did you want to tell me?" she asked, trying not to sound too eager. She didn't even care at this point if Remus had overheard her.
"Oh right, well, you asked me what I was doing here and, I uh, said I couldn't tell you there."
"In front of Michael."
"Right, because he's not in the Order. Well that's why I'm here. When Dumbledore leaves the school, he contacts the Order and we stay here for extra security until he comes back." Remus stopped and looked at her.
"Oh of course, yeah, I knew he might be gone. Snape came by looking for him earlier," Tonks said, trying to sound offhanded about it and hide the disappointment in her voice. After all, it was ridiculous to believe he had actually come all this way just to see her. Not to mention how ridiculous it would have been if he'd invited her up to a room, shagged her, then asked her to marry him over breakfast in bed the next morning. Of course…absolutely ridiculous.
She felt like such a fucking idiot.
Remus ran a hand through his hair nervously. "And I thought, perhaps if you had a break, we could get a drink and catch up. I haven't seen you for a few weeks."
Four weeks and three days. But who's counting? Tonks thought bitterly. It was now the beginning of May and the last time she'd seen him was the twins' party.
"Well, I'm on my break now. Did you want to go in here?" she asked, nodding at the Three Broomsticks.
"Yeah, that'd be great," Remus said, sounding relieved.
They walked inside. It wasn't very crowded. It often wasn't these days. They found a table in the middle.
"What did you want?" Remus asked as Tonks sat down.
"Oh um, well, I'm just on a break, so I better just have a butterbeer," she said almost reluctantly, though the glittering green bottles of firewhiskey and other hard liquors on the back shelf looked much more tempting.
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a galleon. She started to hand it to Remus but he shook his head.
"It's all right, Tonks. I've got this," he said.
Tonks held her hand out insistently. "Remus, this is not a date. I can pay for my own drink," she replied.
Sighing, Remus took the money and walked off to the bar.
"Oh well handled, Nymphadora. That's exactly the way to encourage him," a voice said from behind her.
Tonks's eyes narrowed as she turned around in her seat. "Thank you Snape, but if I ever needed romantic advice, I would certainly not consult you," she said coldly.
He smirked. "Right, because you manage so well on your own," he replied coolly.
Tonks opened her mouth to reply when Remus reappeared at the table. "Oh, hello Severus. I didn't see you there."
"Lupin," Snape said dismissively, turning back to a book he was reading.
Remus didn't look fazed by this less than cordial greeting, actually he looked slightly amused. Tonks sighed. "What, you don't get any drive-by insults?" she asked, loud enough so Snape could hear her.
"Well I figured Lupin's life in general could be considered an insult to the man. But I'm sure I could come up with something," Snape said, still reading.
"Piss off," Tonks hissed.
Remus smiled, "Just forget it. Besides," he leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear, "I think he's just jealous he's not here with as pretty a girl as I am."
Tonks felt herself blush slightly. "Ah yes, that must be it," she replied, reminding herself to play it cool. She was determined not to let his very inviting remarks lead her into a false sense of security. Not this time at any rate.
Oh hell, sod this false sense of security, she thought later.
They'd been chatting fairly easily for half an hour and Remus had been just as genial as he'd always been. Tonks in return was acting just as cheerful and well, Tonks-like as when they'd first met.
In one sense it was liberating. But at the same time, Tonks's stomach clenched as she forced herself to smile and laugh and pretend that everything was ok and the same as it had always been.
And yet she ate it up. She may have only been drinking butterbeer, but she was drunk purely off Remus's attention to her. It was an intoxicating thing and Tonks realized that trying to avoid it would be completely hopeless. And she liked it. When she thought long and hard about it, it was nice to have his full attention and to have his smiles and his laughs and the amusement in his eyes back when they spoke to each other.
She had told herself she would never settle for this, but it was hard not to when it was such a wonderful feeling. They hadn't fought, no harsh words were exchanged and she felt wanted. Even if it was just friendship he wanted.
A few minutes later, she watched as Snape stood up and left. He did not acknowledge them again, something Tonks was personally thankful for. Remus turned and watched him leave as well.
"The two of you were particularly vehement to each other this evening," he commented lightly.
"Snape's a git. Always has been. And he hated me for being so good at potions, I think," Tonks replied, taking another sip of her butterbeer thoughtfully.
"How does Snape know you were good at Potions?" Remus asked.
"Because he was my professor." Tonks grimaced.
Remus looked startled at the idea. "What?"
"I think he started there around the same time I came to school. I'm not entirely sure, never really cared all that much about it. But yeah. And I can't really say that working with him is any better," she added.
Remus took a sip of his drink. "That makes me feel very very old."
"Oh whatever."
"No really, it's a bit of an odd thought that someone I went to school with, that is my age, taught you at school," he said, sounding almost guilty.
"Well, I can assure you that you are the most gentlemanly pervy old man I know," she said, her voice sounding light and playful.
He shot her a look. "Don't."
Tonks smiled. "What? Oh come on, you're not really a pervy old man. If it makes you feel better, Snape feels ages older than you anyway. I think the stick up that man's arse has a stick up its arse," she pointed out.
"That reminds me though, why do the two of you hate each other so much? I mean, I know why I don't like him and he doesn't like me, but why should he always be so angry at you?" Tonks said, remembering what Snape had said earlier outside.
Remus eyed her carefully. "I never said I hated Severus. But I can tell you that he doesn't like me because of our school days," he said slowly.
Tonks rolled her eyes. "Well I knew that much. But why after all this time does he still even care? I mean, you'd think in the middle of a war, he'd be able to let that kind of thing go."
Remus smiled again. It was smaller, almost knowing. "I think that Severus has always preferred an environment of discord. He does not function well with the positive, instead, he feeds off the negative. It's just his nature to be disagreeable with me. Plus, I should say I'm not proud of what we did to him at school. That kind of thing can take a longer time than you might think to recover from."
"So there's not one isolated incident you can remember that would make him bitter towards you personally?" Tonks asked, her curiosity still spiked from earlier.
Remus thought about it for a second. "Why do you ask?"
Tonks shifted under his gaze. "No important reason, he just um, he just said something earlier that made me curious." What happened to the steely fortitude and not asking him such silly questions?
He rolled his eyes. "Just tell me what he said."
Tonks shook her head. "No, I'm sorry; it's rude of me to pry. I shouldn't take anything he says seriously anyway," she said hastily.
"Tonks, I know you. You're going to obsess about this, and no matter how much I reassure you that it's nothing, you're going to wonder. I'm sure whatever bit of nonsense Severus was referring to really won't bother me if I tell you. So just get it out," he insisted.
She sighed. "All right fine, he said that well, when it comes to something you really want, you'll take it. I didn't want to battle my way through any more cryptic phrases and he didn't explain it. So what was he talking about?" She spoke quickly and avoided Remus's gaze when she stopped.
But Remus just threw back his head and laughed. Tonks stared at him incredulously. "Why is that funny?" she demanded.
Remus turned his amused expression on her. "I'm sorry. I just can't believe he still remembers that. And that he apparently cares so much about it."
"What was it?" Tonks asked.
"It was a girl," he said, his eyes still amused. "Some girl I went out with for a few weeks in my seventh year. I think someone told me that Severus liked her too. I don't even remember all the details. In fact, I think she ended up dumping me for some Ravenclaw anyway. It's either that or the whole werewolf prank thing. I'm sure Sirius told you about that. Either way, he's quite the one for holding grudges."
"So why would he tell me?"
Remus shrugged. "Probably trying to rattle a few cages, rock the cradle, you know. I never could understand him very well. I don't think many people do. It's sad really. I get the same sort of thing from people I don't know, but for him, its got to be worse, he gets it from the people he does know," he said thoughtfully.
Tonks sat back in her chair. "He could try acting like a human being instead of slime for once," she said darkly. He had made the situation sound a lot worse outside and she rather felt like an idiot in front of Remus now for even asking. Snape could officially rot in hell for all she cared.
She glanced at her watch and started. "I better go, my next shift starts in a few minutes." She had almost forgotten why the two of them were really there in the first place. She looked up at him. "How um, how long are you going to be here?" she asked tentatively.
"Probably just until the morning. I have to get back. Once Dumbledore gets back to Hogwarts, I can go."
"Well, I have tomorrow off. I'm done at 7 tomorrow morning. If you're still here, we could um, have breakfast or something?"
Remus smiled at her and she seemed to feel its warmth all the way down to her toes. "I'd like that," he said softly.
The atmosphere around them seemed to change. Tonks felt it had suddenly gotten more intimate and a lot less platonic than the rest of the evening had been. Not that she minded, but it was changing the secure feeling she was getting, secure in the fact that they were friends again. A sudden spark of attraction could bring crashing down everything she'd tried to build up since that morning at the twins' flat.
Not to mention how infuriating he was. How dare he? she thought. After everything he'd told her, how they couldn't be together, how their love was a doomed on, how dare he slip in little things like that? The anger made getting up from the table much easier though, she had to admit.
"Well, I have to go now," she said sounding awkward to herself as she stood up. Remus stood up too and insisted on walking her out.
She consented. They walked out into the night and turned down the small side street again. They could see Michael sitting there, his back to them. Tonks moved to walk towards him when Remus grabbed her arm.
"If uh, if anything happens tonight, or um, or anything, I'm in room 18," he said quietly. "You know, if there's any trouble or something…I'm right up there…" he added, but then seemed to trail off as his confidence ran out.
Tonks was surprised. She hadn't been expecting that. "Oh, ok. Thanks. I'll remember that."
Remus nodded, an anxious look on his face. "I'll see you then," he said before he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. Then he turned and walked back towards the front of the pub.
Tonks felt her cheeks flush and she stood there motionless for a moment. "Yeah, I'll see you," she said softly aloud. She shook her head and suddenly, she was furious. Since when did Remus suddenly become king of the mixed messages? Since always, she thought angrily.
At least she had something to think about while she sat there.
A/N: At last an update, erm...I have mixed feelings about this chapter. Thanks to people who keep pestering me to update. This one's for you. (and I'm soooorry.) : ( Oh yeah, and so I did the math or figured it out a while ago that it was possible that Snape started teaching at Hogwarts when he was about 21 or so, Idk, going off what he says about it being like 16 or some odd years since he's been at Hogwarts (in Ootp when he's talkiing to Umbridge). Anyhoo, if you figure Tonks is about 26 or so, she would have been around the starting age for Hogwarts a year or so after he started teaching there. I think, at least, using my logic (which is not necessarily correct). But for the purpose of my story, if that doesn't follow, then let's pretend it does. Thanks for reading!
