There is a Light that Never Goes Out

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"All right then, favorite color?" Tonks said as she threw a Skittle up into the air and caught it deftly in her mouth.

Remus tilted his head slightly upward, thinking. "I'm going to have to go with green, I think," he said, still sounding thoughtful.

Tonks nodded in approval. "Somehow I had you pegged for green."

Remus grinned. "You've said that every time I answered one of these questions."

"What can I say, I can read you like a book," she replied, popping a red Skittle into her mouth once more.

Remus grabbed at the bag and poured out a couple.

"Hey, Mr. Grabby." Tonks pulled the bag back and fished out yet another piece. "You haven't asked me what my favorite color is yet. You know, if we're going to play this questions game, you have to participate too."

Remus chuckled softly, "Ok then Tonks, what is your favorite color?"

She smiled. "Well everyone always guesses pink, but its definitely blue."

He nodded. "Good to know."

Tonks smiled again as she looked down, preoccupying herself with looking for another red Skittle.

It felt slightly odd sitting here on the bed next to Remus. She didn't really know what she'd been expecting, all she knew though as she'd climbed the stairs was how utterly terrified she felt.

Tonks had finally mustered up the courage to go upstairs to his room. Her heart felt like it was going to leap out of her throat as she knocked quietly on the door.

………………………...

Remus opened the door knowing exactly who would be knocking on his door at the late hour. Not even any fleeting thoughts of danger that had to do with Voldemort or the Order passed through his mind as his hand turned the doorknob.

"Hi Tonks," he said, clearing his throat which was a bit groggy from not having been used probably since he'd been sitting downstairs with her.

"Hi Remus," she replied cheerfully. "I thought, since the two of us are both plagued with the gruesome task of staying up all night, ready to defend the upstanding little town of Hogsmeade, we might as well keep each other company."

Remus opened his mouth as if to say something but Tonks put up her hand to stop him.

"Wait, before you say anything, I want you to know that I'm not…expecting anything. In fact, I'd like it if we both just sat here and talked. You know, do the whole, intellectual thing. Besides," she added, pulling a small brown paper bag out, "I brought snacks. But you only get some if you promise not to talk about any forbidden topics, and I'm sure I don't have to tell you what any of those might be. Now, where's the coffee?" she said, her voice sounding rushed even to her own ears. She walked towards the small writing desk in the corner of the room.

Remus merely shook his head and allowed himself to crack a smile as he shut the door.

……………………………...

So there they were, forty five minutes later, asking each other questions most frequently exchanged between ten year olds. Yet somehow, Tonks couldn't have been more relieved.

"All right then, favorite film?" she asked. Remus eyed her. She stared back at him, looking baffled. "What! Remus, you can't tell me you've never seen a movie!"

He took a minute to think about it. "A few, I guess. Not in the longest time though."

"Well what's the last film you saw at a cinema then?"

"Tonks, I barely have time or money to sleep, eat and do all those other essential living things without throwing trips to the movies into the mix," he replied, not sounding resentful or angry about it, just merely as if he was stating a simple fact.

Tonks looked down. "Right," she said quietly.

They sat there in silence for a few minutes at first preoccupying themselves with candy, until that too ran out and they were left to stare down at their feet at the end of the bed.

"They should really add some televisions to these rooms. Even if they are for Muggles, it gives one something to do while cooped up in here," Tonks said when she could no longer take the silence.

Remus nodded. "Especially since right now we're probably missing the highest quality late night infomercial programs," he pointed out.

She turned to him. "You watch those too? Oh they're so funny aren't they? When I can't sleep, that's what I put on and guaranteed I'll be asleep in five minutes."

He smiled. "Me too."

………………………………...

Everything was far from perfect, she felt as she glanced surreptitiously at Remus, who was now reading a book there next to her.

Their relationship as lovers was forcibly nonexistent, the world outside was slowly falling down around them, but sitting there like this, in what had turned into comfortable silence after an hour of idle chatter, was as perfect as Tonks could have ever hoped for.

She'd long given up on romance as a way of life. As soon as she completed Auror training and realized that she could probably protect more men than could ever actually protect her, it had given her rather a jaded view of what was left of her ideas of romance and all its possibilities.

But it seemed that each moment she spent in Remus's company, her practical and sensible ideas of love flew out the window and instead, all the fanciful dreams she'd had as a young girl brought up on Austen and Bronte and even her own mother and father's story of love, took their place. She could allow herself to feel that flip in her stomach because even with how much he may have hurt her, it was done under the intention of protecting her. The very thing she had given up on anyone ever attempting with her again.

And she knew above all that she had someone she could trust, as a friend or as something more. And even as Remus tried his best to not let her get too close, she knew that he was the only person she'd ever felt this close to in her life.

As she drifted closer to sleep, she thought of how easily she could get used to this…

…………………………………………...

"Tonks? Tonks wake up."

Tonks let her eyes open slowly. She felt a slight pain in the back of her neck and she realized she'd fallen asleep up against the headboard.

Remus was watching her. She smiled at him. He returned it quickly. "Um, Tonks, as much as I don't mind you staying here, don't you have to get back out there?"

This immediately snapped Tonks out of any remaining sleepiness she may have felt. She grabbed Remus's wrist and glanced down at his watch that read 5:30 AM. "Damn, I was supposed to be out there half an hour ago," she said as she swung her legs off the bed and started to put her shoes on.

"I know, I'm sorry. I remember you told me when you got here but I think we both fell asleep," he said quietly and it was then Tonks realized he sounded like he'd just awoken as well.

"Well, I hate to sleep and run, but Michael's gonna kill me," Tonks said as she pulled her sweater over her head.

Remus rolled over and was resting on one elbow watching her. She had to resist the urge to rush right back into bed with him. She bit her lip nervously.

"You're done at seven, right?" he asked. She nodded. "Well when you're relieved, meet me downstairs and I'll buy you some pancakes," he said.

Tonks opened her mouth to protest but Remus shook his head. "It's the least I can do for you coming to keep me company last night. Plus I owe you something after eating all your Skittles," he added with a small smile.

She looked at him. "Alright, that sounds good. I'll see you at seven." And she turned and dashed out the door.

Remus watched her go before flopping back onto the bed and staring up at the ceiling. He let out a heavy sigh. "Seven it is." It sounded heavy and reluctant, but a second later, his frown and furrowed brow was broken by yet another small smile. She just has that effect on you, he thought.

…………………………...

"There you are, where have you been?" Michael was standing in the same spot Tonks had left him a few hours before, his hands shoved deep in his pockets and a thoroughly disgruntled look on his face.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I fell asleep ok?"

He surveyed her disheveled appearance and eyes that still looked as though they still wanted to be closed. Then he raised an eyebrow. "And where exactly were you sleeping?" he asked suggestively.

Tonks glared at him. "Shut up and go away."

"Alright fine. Next time, just don't be late," he said as started to walk away, still facing her. She stuck her tongue out and he laughed.

She sat down on an empty barrel and started contemplating to what she had agreed to. This was something Tonks had always been an expert in, over-thinking. It came about as naturally to her as being a metamorphmagus, yet it was one thing she wasn't sure she actually needed.

So Remus had invited her out for pancakes? It didn't seem like a strange request. But then, practically everything would probably seem strange to anyone else, yet it seemed to make some sort of warped sense to the two of them.

And what was a few pancakes between friends anyway? They were getting along swimmingly, it turned out. As friends. Remus was ok with friendship. He'd certainly seemed perfectly fine when she'd showed up at his door but it was only now that Tonks realized why. She'd told him back in April that his friendship was what she wanted. And it was true to a certain extent. But as she sat there over-thinking what she'd said, she knew that it wasn't the only thing she wanted. And in fact he probably knew it too, but in his usual Remus-like way, he founds ways to ignore it.

So either I have to ask him about his tactics on how to avoid giving into your feelings for someone or just try steely resistance, she thought resolvedly. However, neither option seemed to be a workable solution.

Tonks didn't even seem sure of exactly what she was trying to figure out anymore between them. But there was this unsolvable puzzle ever present in her mind and whenever she found herself with time to think about it (which was more often than she'd imagined or wanted) and she couldn't let it go. She briefly wondered if Remus was going through a similar dilemma and as she pictured him lying there on the bed propped up one elbow looking extremely adorable for a man his age and completely innocent, she hoped he did. She wanted him to feel as badly as she did. And she wanted him to show it. Because too often already had she laid her heart out there for the world to see and yet it seemed that Remus never ever lost his composure and that was one of the many things that infuriated her.

Perhaps he doesn't feel anything, she thought, trying to come up with a reason for why she should decline his breakfast invitation. Tonks just felt it was about time for Remus to be the one hanging off of her every word and action. Let him see how it feels for a change. But of course, as soon as she thought about it, the guilt got to her and she was back to loving him, back to practically obsessing over why he refused to let it work.

She turned around and glanced in one of the windows of the Three Broomsticks. Finding the clock on the wall in the corner, it read 5:35. She gave a heavy sigh. Barely five minutes had passed and she'd already managed to feel a whole score of emotions for Remus and what they're relationship had come to be. This was going to be a very long hour and a half.

…………………………………………………………...

Remus hadn't meant to stare. He'd awoken around 5:15 and after chastising himself for falling asleep in the first place, he remembered Tonks and wondered why she hadn't woken him up before she left. The answer to that question came all too suddenly as he looked to his left and saw her lying there, well, sitting sort of as her head was resting up against the headboard. Her hair, still her natural brown (he refused point blank to call it mousy even as she did), had fallen partly over her eyes. She just looked so peaceful that he couldn't bear to wake her up just yet. Awake, no matter how much she tried to hide it, her eyes reflected the burdens of the world around her and her own life. Some of those burdens he was ashamed to admit he'd probably placed there himself.

In the past few weeks, he'd done some thinking. Remus had grown so accustomed to his lone lifestyle before Tonks had bounded into it that the idea that she might want to be a part of it unnerved him. Perhaps he'd been too hasty in pushing her away. Yet it was with a heavy heart that he buried the irrational notion and recalled the reasoning he'd pushed her away in the first place, that he could never be all she needed, that he would never be able to give her all she wanted, that he was a monster and she was a radiant creature, her heart severely misguided. And then he'd leaned over, brushing some of the hair out of her eyes and started to wake her before he did something else he might regret.

……………………………………………………………………………………...

Remus yawned as he reached the bottom step leading into the barroom of the Three Broomsticks which served the most incredible pancakes in the morning. He found a table near a window where the early morning sun peered in and he looked out at the high street, not yet busy with the footfalls of others. He checked his watch again, even though he knew he was early and she wouldn't be done for ten more minutes.

Madame Rosemerta walked up to his table. "Good morning, Remus. Can I get you something to eat perhaps?"

Remus looked up from staring out the window. "Actually, I'm waiting for someone," he replied. "But I will have some coffee if you've got some," he added as he yawned again. She nodded and walked off again.

He went back to staring out the window. He wondered briefly what his life would be like now if he hadn't met Tonks. He hadn't exactly known her for ages, but it seemed as though they had. She just seemed to click so easily with anyone, that she had the ability to make you feel as though you were talking to your oldest, closest friend even though you might have only met her a few hours ago. If he'd never met her, he might be sitting there, waiting for no one, already eating pancakes. If he'd never met her, he'd never have found someone who could make him feel so…happy again.

Remus shook his head at the thought. It would have been so easy to overlook the dangers of falling in love with her and yet he couldn't, he wouldn't, for her own safety. It was something he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to comprehend, why she would ever feel the way she felt about him. And even though he knew, as he pictured her asleep on that bed, that he had fallen hard for her a long while back, he would do what he could to protect her.

So with his mind set, he was ready. He had confidence in himself, after all, he'd shown, well he'd shown some self restraint when it came to Tonks. He checked his watch again, Now if she'd actually show up, he thought, I could demonstrate it.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

Apparently, like Tonks, her relief was late. Tonks peeked in the window again glancing at the clock. That cow was supposed to be here ten minutes ago! She thought angrily. Her eyes scanned the large room inside for Remus and found him sitting in the front near the front windows. She smiled slightly as she watched him. He looked deep in thought and she had always liked the intense look of focus on his face when he was thinking long and hard about something. She wondered briefly what he was thinking about when she suddenly realized that ever since she'd met Remus, one of the things she wanted most was to know exactly just what went on behind those cool blue eyes. He was such a quiet man, so reserved and calm. He never really revealed to the world what made him tick and it fascinated Tonks, who was the complete opposite, letting anyone and everyone know exactly what she was thinking (whether it was intentional or not).

And the fact that Remus could read her like his favorite book and she could only guess with him (she'd lied earlier, she most certainly could not read him like a book. It was like she'd been bluffing at poker) was just…unfair. Tonks sighed, she seemed to notice a lot of unfair things when it came to her and Remus.

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A/N: I'm sorry for the long hiatus. I was, I was, well at any rate there isn't really a good excuse. But anyway, I'm back now, this is coming to the last few chapters and I promise no more 5 month breaks (or however long it was). Thanks to those who have urged me to update, I just…didn't until now. I was doing some things. I'm really sorry! Thanks for sticking around and waiting ever so patiently. I'm a little rusty I fear, I'm not sure how well this chapter measures up to the others. I gotta get back into it. Oh yeah, fun little fact: The Smiths song that this chapter's named after is my favorite Smiths song.