Resilience - A Klaroline Story
The story
Set from 7x12 of TVD and somewhere between 3x13-3x14 of TO
Alarming news send Caroline to NOLA on the hunt for a mystical weapon, prompting her to team up with new friends as well as reconnect with an old one... Meanwhile, a war is brewing in the French Quarter when a fatal threat pushes everyone involved to their limits, inevitably forcing them to face a divisive dilemma: "What would you do, and who would you be willing to betray, in order to get what you have always wanted?"
Ships in this story: Klaroline, Delena, Bonenzo, Haylijah, Kolvina, (some) Mabekah.
[Can now also be found on AO3 under the same title]
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Some important things to know:
- Starts off canon from the respective episodes but then they blur into my changes and take off into the Klaroline endgame I always wanted (but never got).
- No Huntress which also means; no marks on Stefan or Damon.
- Camille doesn't die, Rebekah is still cursed and daggered, Davina did not bring back Kol nor break any sire lines.
Some other stuff:
I began writing this in like 2015 and so it has been a long time coming, meaning that there is a lot of content available and ready to publish. I am editing through it as I upload it all but some mistakes may occur - it happens to the best of us. The editing is the time-consuming part and so I won't be able to publish too often.
A logistical disclaimer: the chapters will be different lengths and the perspectives will shift during the story. Chapters 1-10 are basically the foundation and backstory from which the real plot takes off. If you want to just skip to the time jump on Ch. 11 that's fine, but I highly recommend reading from Ch.1 so that you understand the character's different states of mind and why they act the way that they do post-time jump.
Furthermore, the first chapters are pretty Damon-centric and Delena-heavy, but it fades away and doesn't really re-appear post Ch. 11. Cause, eventhough I enjoy writing Damon POV, he sucks. And this is a Klaroline story, not another 'Elena is the center of the universe'-arc. Which means that Damon becomes irrelevant as the story moves on and the focus becomes Caroline and the characters of The Originals. So, again, it is fine to skip to the more interesting parts post Ch. 11 if you want to consider the first 10 chapters as merely the backstory.
Trigger warnings: this story contains sexual themes and adult language. Most important to know is that the story also includes mentions of depression, suicidal thoughts, self-harming tendencies and anxiety attacks. If the latter are heavy or sensitive subjects for you, the story may be tough to read. However, I myself have been through the mental illness road once or twice and I hope I haven't depicted any of these subjects in an offending manner.
Lastly: I do not own the characters nor plot or anything else from the TVD or TO universe, this is only a fiction based on them - meaning that some things will follow the storylines initially set both pre and post this fic's timeline. Aside from those parts, the story is mine alone. This will be the only time I write such a disclaimer but the same goes for the entire story.
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Now, please enjoy and let me know in the reviews what you think!
Prologue: Certain roots run deep
The lying-on-a-dark-road game was Damon's old specialty. He used it to trick good-hearted people into leaving their cars and go over to him to try and help the possibly hurt stranger. Then he would kill them, drain them and drop their bodies in the woods somewhere. Sometimes he would bury them and other times he'd just leave them on the road and expect someone to drive them over and thereby cover his tracks for him.
He caught himself wondering how long it had been since he'd played his game last, but he had no idea. All he could remember was who he used to be, back when he perfected this trick. He imagined that going back to his old habits from before he'd met Elena Gilbert would somehow help him become that man once again.
After all, that man didn't know what it was like to miss her, to hurt and ache over the loss of her... That man may have been pining over Katherine at the moment but he had at least been free to live however he liked. He had been free to be whomever he liked. And now, all Damon wanted was to be anyone but himself.
He thought she would be protected once she wasn't around to be tainted by him anymore. He thought she would be safe in that coffin, far away from his demons, and that one day she'd wake up as beautiful and good as ever to find that he had overcome his darkness. He hoped that a few decades without her would be enough to turn him into the man she deserved, the man she insisted he could be. But he was wrong, and so was she.
Damon could never be the kind of man that she needed. Hell, he probably couldn't even go back to being who he was before for that matter either. Meeting her had erased that man. Sure, she hadn't changed him instantly and completely but she had marked his soul with the memory of her. He could never go back to who he was then because he could never again live a life where he didn't know Elena Gilbert. Not now that he had known her, now that he had loved her and in return been loved by her. And as the icing on the cake, he had changed once again after losing her.
Having felt broken for a while, trying to figure out who he would be without her until he had made up his mind... The new Damon, the post-Elena-in-a-coma-Damon, was someone who'd selflessly store his epic love away in order to protect her as well. As allow him to live out the next decades the way she would've wanted him to.
Now, however, that man was gone too. He'd died when Julian stabbed him in the chest and trapped him inside the Phoenix Stone. Now he was no longer the man who'd known, loved and been loved by Elena Gilbert. Now he was no longer the man who'd selflessly kept his truest love in safety, the man who had been willing to work on himself for her until the day when she finally returned to him again.
Because now, now he was the man who had been so broken and consumed by his darkness that he'd done the most horrible thing he could have ever imagined. He had ruined his only shot at happiness, his only chance at love and his only way to be anything aside from a monster.
He had killed her. The woman that he had been willing to give up an eternity for. She wasn't just sleeping anymore, frozen in time in a coffin until Bonnie lived out the last of her human years. She wasn't waiting for him anymore. And she was most certainly not safe anymore. She wasn't anything because she was gone. Dead. Killed. And he was the reason why. He was the one who had burned her to ashes. It was his fault.
You didn't know! a small voice said in the back of his mind. He punched back the tiny traces of hope and reminded himself that there was none for him anymore.
It doesn't matter, the words stung a little but they were true. It really didn't matter that he'd been hallucinating. It didn't matter that he hadn't known what he was doing until it was too late. None of it mattered. Nothing mattered. Not anymore. Whatever pain and hurt that he would feel from now on was well-earned. He deserved to be punished, to be beaten and torn down. He deserved anything anyone could possibly throw at him.
The sad part, however, was that no one could ever inflict any amount of pain that could even compare to the one he was already experiencing all on his own. No one could torture him the way he was torturing himself. No one could blame him more than he was blaming himself… No one could hate him more than he hated himself.
That gave him a twisted sense of power, some kind of control over his pain and over his emotions. Except he didn't want to control either. He wanted to drown in them. He wanted to be covered in bruises and blood and scars to match how he felt on the inside. There was no point anymore in hiding his darkness, fighting his demons or whatever other metaphor there was for trying to become a better version of himself. There wasn't any point in doing anything to try and gain forgiveness or even redemption… This was it. She was it. The last straw that broke the camel's back. The final seal to his damnation. The last nail in his coffin… There was nothing more to it, to life, to eternity, to whatever.
There was only darkness. And pain. And hunger.
The sound of tracks closing in made him turn off his wallowing for now, he could always return to it later. Which he would. Soon enough.
Showtime, he thought and sat up as a car stopped right beside him and a young man stepped out of it in panic.
"You okay, man?" he asked him and bent down to see if he needed any help.
A sad smile tugged at the corner of Damon's lips as a sarcastic answer crossed his mind. Instead he asked for his hand and the man helped him up from the ground. "What are you doing out here?" the man said.
Damon sighed and tilted his head back in defeat as he tried to think of an answer. "I don't know..." he said honestly. "Thought it would make me feel better."
"Okay... Should I call someone or...?" the young man asked.
Damon stepped closer to him and studied him for a short moment. "What's your name?" he asked him as he suddenly felt the need to buy the poor guy a little more time before he killed him.
"It's Cooper."
He grimaced and grabbed his shoulder. "Cooper." he repeated and nodded at him. "You ever done something so unspeakably horrific you couldn't even look at yourself in the mirror? Like it literally makes you ill to see your own reflection?" he looked closely into his eyes, gripping his shoulder tight so he wouldn't move and pointed a finger at him as he compelled him to answer honestly. Challenging him to tell him anything even remotely comparable to what he'd done himself.
The poor lad immediately spilled about running over his girlfriend's cat and then not telling her about it. Damon cut him off as he was talking about how he'd thrown the cat in a supermarket dumpster… It was only making his sin seem even worse now that he realized that this man couldn't ever comprehend what an awful person he'd stumbled upon in the middle of nowhere.
"I killed the love of my life." he said with a hollow tone as he looked away from the man. "Burned her alive while she was asleep." he continued. "I also beat one of her best friends until he was unconscious and left him for dead, if we're keeping score." He smiled at Cooper for a moment until the boy started mumbling nervously about leaving and tried to walk to his car.
Damon grabbed him before he could get anywhere and held him in place as he struggled against his hold. "Actually, I could use a ride." he told the scared little man and smiled at him again.
Caroline hated hospitals.
Horrible things seemed to always happen each and every time she visited one. Either someone died or got diagnosed with cancer or fell into a coma or a 2000-year-old immortal warlock convinced her to continuously cut her own wrist…
It was safe to say that she had many bad memories of hospitals, and nearly no good ones. Which of course made her somewhat worried about being checked in for whatever the twins were doing to her and her life-force or whatever.
Valerie had reassured her over and over again that it was a simple problem which could be fixed with a simple magical bracelet. But Caroline knew better than to believe that. Or perhaps she was simply too paranoid to believe it… Either way she had a horrible feeling about the whole situation and of course it wasn't helping that Stefan already had his hands full with Damon as it was.
She didn't want to be a burden. She didn't want to intrude on everybody else's lives as the enormously round elephant that she had become. That's why she never mentioned that she had sometimes felt a little dizzy, weak even… Drained. Even as she continuously blamed the pregnancy for it, a voice in the back of her neurotic brain kept nagging at her that it could be something more. And that voice had ended up being right. Apparently.
The irony didn't go unnoticed by her. The babies were feeding off of her magic, her life. They were sucking her dry of her energy much like the way a vampire feeds off of humans… And maybe this was justice for all of the horrible things she had done since becoming a vampire? Especially for the people she'd hurt during the time she had her humanity switched off… Maybe this was her chance to wipe the slate clean, even the scale out, pay back for her sins…?
Maybe this was her chance to do something so selfless that it outweighed the bad. Even if just a little bit… Maybe helping Alaric have the family he's always wanted would be the sacrifice needed to cleanse her soul? Because if she was completely honest with herself, it was getting more and more difficult keeping her morals in check. Especially since she seemed to be living in such a gray world where the right thing continuously came accompanied by lots of wrong things.
Or maybe believing that there was any redemption or salvation even possible for someone like her was simply beyond naïve? She had after all done so many bad things since turning… The latest of which being switching her humanity off and doing all that she did during that time.
It had been a mistake. A very grave, poorly calculated, regretful mistake that she wished she could undo. So when she realized how hard it was becoming to imagine handing the babies over once the pregnancy was over… Well, that's when she thought she'd stricken oil.
Why? Because for the first time, in a long time, the right thing was finally crystal clear.
At first she thought that the sacrifice would be the months she'll spend carrying the babies inside of her. But that voice in the back of her head was nagging at her once more, telling her the pregnancy-part would be nothing in comparison to what came after it… Honestly, how was she supposed to go on with her life without getting to know the small, little creatures that had been kicking her bladder and drinking her magical, vampire blood for months?
How was she supposed to carry them without getting attached or ever showing any feelings for them whatsoever? How was she supposed to treat them like… like nothing… when she saw them as these tiny little innocent and pure-hearted souls? How was she supposed to fight every single fiber of her being and give them up once her very little time with them was over?
How was she supposed to forget about them? To move on from them? To return to her own life without ever thinking about them again?
Seriously, how could anyone expect her to be so stone cold? So heartless…? So…
No. She couldn't think like that. It was never even an option to force herself onto the babies' lives just because she would miss them once they were gone. She couldn't be that selfish. She needed to give them the best chance possible at a normal, and supernatural free world. Aside from being the only remaining members and the future of the Gemini Coven and all…
This was the right thing to do. The babies deserved a chance at happiness far away from the complicated dangers of a vampire's drama-filled life. She needed to do this. She knew she did. It was her last chance at restoring her moral compass, since it had been acting up so goddamn much during the past few years. She knew this was the right thing because of just how unimaginable it was to her.
As soon as her mind started wandering off and thinking of how it would feel to let them go, she simply reminded herself of what she already knew; That with Ric, they would be safe. They would grow up human and normal. They would go to school and make friends and stress over homework and college and fall in love and make their own families. They would be happy.
Maybe she wouldn't be…
But they would. And that was the only thing that mattered.
Yet, a fear was growing inside of her. The fear of not being able to move on with her life, the way she used to before, once they were gone. But then again, maybe the pain she felt about leaving them would in the end help rinse her slate clean. Because after all; pain is what makes us human. Or so she'd heard somewhere. Or read, maybe… she couldn't quite remember…
Then again, she couldn't help but wonder whether or not they would actually be better off without her. And whether or not she would be better off without them.
In the end, was anyone truly better off without a mother? Or someone resembling one, if even just the slightest?
She made a mental note to prepare a list of nannies to interview for Alaric once she got out of the hospital. A question haunting her as she tried to let the subject go from her mind; would that be enough?
Would he be enough for them?
Would a life without the twins, without the very last shot at the human life that was so drastically taken away from her all those years ago… Would that be enough for her?
Damon wasn't sure why he hadn't just killed Cooper as soon as he'd laid eyes on him. That's what he usually did. But now he was stalling, telling him about Elena as the compelled young man drove the car into the night.
"I thought Elena had changed me." Damon confessed. "I thought she made me a better man. But... I was wrong. I was so wrong. It was always gonna end up this way. Me destroying her." he rambled on. "That's what my whole tour of duty in that Phoenix Stone taught me; that I am permanently damaged goods… You ever feel that way, Cooper?" he turned to the man in the driver's seat and remembered once more that the old Damon would have killed him long ago.
Cooper shook his head. "Not really." he said.
"Well, you're lucky." Damon turned to look at the road and sighed to himself.
Enough stalling, he thought. "Coop, I'm gonna kill you now." he finally said matter-of-factly and nodded to himself in agreement.
"Excuse me?" the man stared at him.
"Now, it's nothing personal. I'm hungry, you're food... Think of it as a stop at a drive-through window. You know; you'll be afraid – I won't care... Honestly I can't imagine caring about anyone ever again..." he drifted off momentarily. "Not a single solitary soul..." He shrugged and decided it was time now, time to give into his old, dark ways. So he turned to Cooper and threw himself at his neck.
The boy's screams echoed as Damon quickly fed on him and then pushed him out of the car. He took over the driver's seat and drove away then, leaving poor Cooper behind in the middle of the road.
Damon was disappointed to find that the whole game actually only made him feel worse. It had simply confirmed what he had been dreading; that he couldn't go back to his old ways because he couldn't go back to who he was before.
And if he couldn't be that heartless, non-caring, selfish, manipulative monster again... Then what was there left for him to be?
Chapter 1: Road to redemption
Pain was one thing Damon knew well. He had developed a rather high threshold for it during his 170+ years on this earth. Not to mention the torture he had endured during the time he was captured by the Augustine.
His level of tolerance barely compared to Enzo's though, seeing as he hadn't spent half as much time in there as him. But it still took a lot to cause Damon actual physical pain to the degree where he could no longer shrug it off or bite it back. Not including those godawful tricks that witches always seemed to keep hidden up their sleeves. Those weren't exactly physical, not like when you were fighting an actual person with actual fists that left actual bruises and scars over your face and body.
So when Damon arrived at the Mystic Grill to pick a fight with Julian, he was certain that he would be able to take whatever the Zombie Douche-Brain Boy Toy threw at him. If not – then at the very least he would be able to piss him off enough for him to actually kill him.
Now that's tempting, he thought as he poured himself a drink and turned around to face Julian. The Brit hadn't been all too happy to see him here, but that was of course to be expected. He had after all ripped out the heart of one of his men and now, having taken a page out of Klaus Mikaelson's book, he had decapitated another one with the help of a paper menu in front of his whole squad.
"You have ten seconds left to live. Any last words?" Julian said with a calm, threatening tone.
Damon scoffed and smiled. "Last words?" he echoed and blinked a few times. He hadn't actually thought about that. "Woah… That's a lot of pressure." he muttered and let out a sarcastic chuckle. "I guess if I had to I would phrase it as a question; what's the deal with the X-marks-the-spot postcards?"
Julian gave him a very unamused look and turned away from him for a moment.
Good, he thought as he could just feel the rage vibrate off of the vampire. "Who you're running from Big J?" he asked daringly as Julian turned back around with a pool que in his hand.
"Well, that's not a concern of a dead man." he answered in a way that reminded Damon of the Big Bad Hybrid during the early years. "Perhaps something a little more… poetic?" he suggested. "Two seconds." he said and broke the que in half, throwing one of the pieces away since he didn't need two to stake him.
"It wouldn't happen to be that sword-wielding vixen that sent your ass straight to hell…?" Damon asked and was immediately cut off as Julian whooshed over to him and held his jaw firmly in his hand. "Woo, I hit a nerve!" Damon sang mockingly. He cracked another joke about the possibly hot girl who'd trapped him in the Phoenix Stone and received a chuckle from the man.
Recognition spread across Julian's face as he gave him a nodding smile and used the pool que he had pointed at him to tap his chest. "I get it." he said and laughed lightly. "You're still in a little self-destructive spiral from your not-so-fantastic voyage into the Phoenix Stone."
"You think?" Damon said, clicking his tongue at the last letter.
"Well, Lily was my touchstone. She was the very thing that tethered me to my sanity and when I lost her… Oh, that's when things really went off the rails…" he explained and studied him with narrowed eyes. "So, who did you lose?" he asked curiously. "Not Lily, not Stefan…" he searched his face for a moment, seeming persistent to figure it out. "Who's that epic love in the box?" he whispered.
Damon's eyes shot up at him after having looked away.
"Huh?" Julian pushed. "Helen, o-or Eleanor or-?"
"Elena." Damon cut him off, looking away once more.
"Elena." Julian echoed and chuckled again. "How is darling Elena?" he asked with a suddenly cold face.
"I burned her alive." Damon answered and met his eyes. Feeling a plead behind his words bounce off of him and hopefully reaching the other vampire's undead heart.
Julian looked at the clearly broken and insane young man in front of him, and sighed. Then he dropped the pool que at the bar and let go of his grip on Damon's jaw to help him straighten up and then wrapped an arm around his shoulder and neck. He leaned against him shortly for support before turning them both forward. Then he let out another, deeper sigh.
"See, I can't help but feel somewhat responsible for what's happened." he admitted and looked around the room to meet the eyes of the others. "Now, why don't we have some fun?" he said while turning back to Damon and pulling him towards himself by the hold around his neck.
"Shall we, hm?" Julian asked and clapped Damon's chest. "You know I love games…" he continued, tugging at his shoulder slightly and then raising his hand from his chest to point a finger in the air. "And I think I have just the outlet for the overwhelming pain you must be feeling."
A smile spread over Julian's lips as he led the pained young man away from the bar.
Bonnie had been avoiding Enzo's calls and messages for days now. She really didn't enjoy his accusations towards Matt and decided to ask her childhood friend about all of it herself. And so she was now waiting for him on a park bench in the small town square of Mystic Falls, after having driven out there with Valerie earlier the same day.
Almost everyone had been staying near the hospital in Whitmore for Caroline's sake except for Matt, Stefan and Damon who all had their reasons for having returned to Mystic Falls. Matt – busy keeping tabs on Julian's men. Stefan, he was keeping tabs on Damon – along with Valerie. And Damon…
Well, Bonnie wasn't sure why Damon had come back here, or why he had distanced himself from the rest of them. Or more specifically; from her.
She knew he would have a hard time transitioning back to ordinary life after what he probably went through in the Phoenix Stone. But she had hoped to hear from him by now… I should check up on him, she thought and took her phone out, hoping this time he would pick up her damn call.
"Hey, Bon." Matt's voice interrupted her as she had passed one signal since dialing, making her hang up and put her phone back into her purse.
She looked up at him as he approached her and smiled friendly. He looked so bizarre in his police uniform, which she still hadn't gotten used to seeing him in, making her question if this really was her friend who helped her, Caroline and Elena sneak into a seniors' party that one night in tenth grade… And when they'd gotten caught by Sheriff Forbes, before even stepping over the threshold to the Lockwoods' mansion where the party was being held, Matt had taken the blame and tried to get the rest of them off the hook…
Well, maybe the uniform was fitting after all. Matt had always been pure-hearted, always wanting to be good and do good and take care of everybody. His mom, his sister, his friends… Everyone besides himself. And maybe that was the reason why he was still trying to save Mystic Falls, still trying to do right by his home town and everybody in it. Maybe that was why he insisted on standing up against Julian in any way he could, even if he was just one man cleaning up the streets of an abandoned small town and keeping the vampire residents in line.
"Hi." she said as she stood up to greet him with a hug, which he returned before joining her on the bench.
"How's Caroline?" he asked.
"Better." she said with a relieved breath. "The bracelet Valerie gave her seems to be doing the trick at keeping the twins from siphoning off of her magic."
He nodded towards her and leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped together. "That's good." he said and looked at the ground for a moment. "The last thing we need is to keep losing our friends because of this crazy life."
She furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at him, it wasn't chocking to see Matt worried and resentful of the supernatural drama that constantly put his and everybody else's well-being at risk… But it seemed like there was more to it. "I wanted to ask you something." she said and sighed, incredulous as to how on earth someone like Enzo had managed to make her second-guess her lifelong friend. "It might sound kind of… ridiculous."
He glanced at her and shrugged. "Hit me with your best shot." he said with an amused smirk.
"You know how Enzo showed up when Nora, Mary-Louise and I found Rayna Cruz?" Bonnie said and took a deep breath, taking a short nod from him as a sign to continue. "Well, when I asked him about where he had been these past few months… He kept talking about how apparently you knew all about it."
Matt straightened up and looked at her with a furrowed frown. "What exactly did he say?"
She shrugged. "Just that you would have the answer to why he was gone. And he mentioned something called The Armory…"
The Police training had taught Matt to perfect his poker face, but Bonnie had known him for far too long to miss the sudden flicker of something in his eyes when she mentioned the organization Enzo had talked about. "Do you know what that is?" she asked, studying him closely as he glanced to his side for a moment.
"I think I've heard some of Julian's men talking about it." he said, looking back at Bonnie with a shrug. "Why do you ask?"
"I'm just wondering why Enzo would suggest that you had something to do with this organization that none of us have ever heard of before." she said as she eyed him carefully.
He shrugged again. "Maybe he was just making up excuses to get you to forgive him for having suspiciously been missing for so long?"
She flinched at his words and stared at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Come on, Bonnie…" he sighed. "Are you really telling me you haven't noticed how he acts around you?"
"Where's all of this coming from, Matt?" she asked with a shake of her head.
"I'm just saying that maybe you should consider who you're getting your information from before you start doubting someone you've known your entire life." he said defensively and stood up from the bench.
"Woah, Matt…" she said and grabbed his arm. "I'm not accusing you of anything, if that's what you think. I was just asking you if you had anything to do with the Armory, since Enzo suggested that you did."
He pulled his arm out of her hold and shrugged. "And I told you I don't know anything about some Armory!"
She winced at his tone and stood up slowly as she studied his face. "You just told me you thought you heard Julian's men mention it and now you're saying –"
"That's what I meant, okay." Matt interrupted and sighed. "Just leave it be, Bonnie."
"Leave what be, Matt?" she asked as she stared at her friend who was clearly keeping something from her.
"Drop the subject, Bon, or you won't like what you find out." he said and turned away from her.
"What are you talking about?" she called after him as he walked away from her. "Matt!?"
He glanced over his shoulder to give her a sad frown before he continued walking towards his police car and eventually drove away.
Julian and Damon later stepped into an industrial alley filled with cheering vampires. Damon studied the big space and quickly noticed the scene in the middle of the crowd where two men were fighting. He was barely paying attention to Julian as the vampire went on about his plans for the fight club they'd just walked in on, calling it sparring lessons with the new residents of Mystic Falls.
They continued further into the crowd and towards the ring, meeting a dark haired woman dressed head-to-toe (or rather; waist-to-hip) in black leather. She held a tray of drinks in her hand and Julian grabbed one, finishing it quickly while the woman kept her eyes on Damon.
The look in her eye reminded Damon of when he used to care about women like that, how he used to have a different one in his bed every night, without a care. Now, though, her stare only made him fight back an eye-roll and he was relieved when Julian lead him away from her and towards the ring.
"It's been my experience over the centuries that-" Julian said, leaning an arm over Damon's shoulder as they were watching the fight nearly ending in the blood-stained ring in front of them. "- the only true remedy for extreme mental anguish…?"
Damon stepped away from him and walked closer to the fighting men before him with a furrowed look.
"… Is physical brutality!" Julian exclaimed proudly from behind him.
Damon stared at the man in front of him who had just ripped out the other man's heart and was holding it up for everyone to see. As the winning vampire squeezed the heart harshly and then dropped it on the floor, Damon felt a sting of disgust.
"Really wanna feel pain, Damon?" Julian asked, standing beside him once more. Nodding towards the ring, he studied him. "Get in there." he said daringly and smiled, letting out a cheer at the scene before them.
Damon glanced around the crowd as he tried to imagine being a part of something as uncivilized as this group. Maybe this could work though? Maybe this was the way for him to cope with his self-loathing?
Maybe this was the new him?
Caroline had tried texting Stefan several times, but he wasn't answering. She realized he was busy making sure Damon was okay but that didn't mean he couldn't let her know he was alright too!
With a frustrated sigh, she put the phone down on the bed side table next to her and crossed her arms over her chest. A moment passed before she glanced over at the phone and picked it back up again, giving in and dialing Stefan's number.
She counted the signals as she held the phone to her ear and waited for him to pick up. One… Two… Three… Four… Five… And then she was directed to his voicemail.
"Seriously…" she whined and decided to leave a message. "Hey… It's me. I just wanted to check in and see how it's going…" A thought suddenly occurred to her and she bit her lip, adding the question before she could change her mind.
"Is… Is Valerie with you?" she closed her eyes shut and cursed herself as she heard just how that sounded. "I-I asked her to go find you and help you out," she quickly added, taking a deep breath before continuing "And… Well, she hasn't given me an update either so…"
She sighed and looked up at the ceiling in defeat. "Just… Let me know that you're alright." she chuckled nervously for a moment before continuing. "I mean, I'm pregnant and on bedrest and bored out of my mind making my imagination run wild… So, if you could just call and confirm that you're not dying on the side of the road somewhere and that you're not locked in a metal box, trapped at the bottom of a lake…" She winced at her last words, realizing they accompanied a memory that Stefan would not take too lightly…
"Sorry. Bad joke." she muttered and let out a deep sigh. "Just. Call me. Please." She was about to add something more but a signal told her she had run out of time and the call ended automatically.
Looking at the phone as if he would magically call her back right away, she waited until the screen shut off before she gave up and put it back on the table beside her.
Suddenly Caroline felt a searing pain in her leg. She lifted the blanket off of her to check if something was biting her. Because that's what it felt like. Like someone had taken a big chunk out of her leg and left a hole for her to bleed out through uncontrollably.
She wasn't completely wrong…
She hadn't been bitten.
She wasn't bleeding.
She was desiccating.
Again.
Panic arose in her as she stared at the gray veins creeping up on her legs faster than she could blink. She turned in the bed to reach for her phone again, cursing herself for having put it so far away on the table. Her hand suddenly cramped and turned as gray as her legs, falling down to the side of the bed as she couldn't get it to function properly anymore.
Her loud, shallow breaths echoed in her ears as she felt the desiccation spreading faster across her body.
"Help! Anybody!" she called out but realized she had better chances of reaching her phone than of somebody actually being able to rescue her with Valerie gone… She used her other hand that hadn't started desiccating yet and managed to grab the phone and re-dial Stefan before she cramped again. The phone fell out of her gray, stiff hand and hit the floor with a heartbreaking flap.
It was the last sound she heard, then everything suddenly turned black.
The crowd cheered loudly as Damon fought against the survivor from the latest round in the ring. His ears rang after getting another punch over his head, making him grunt and stagger back for a moment to recollect himself.
This was good, though. It helped. Every punch, every kick, every hit he took slowly built up an amount of pain strong enough to compare to how he felt on the inside. And it felt even better to fight back and punch the other man down to the ground.
He felt the adrenaline pumping and jumped a little on his feet as he prepared for his opponent to get up and continue. He finally staggered up to a stand and ran towards him, but Damon immediately plunged his fist through the vampire's chest and ripped his heart out of it.
Deciding to mimic the show the defeated man had expressed when winning earlier, Damon held the heart up in the air and squeezed the remaining blood out of it before tossing it to the ground.
Julian met his eyes with a proud nod. "Feeling better yet?" he asked.
"What else you got?" Damon asked in return with wide eyes and excitement seeping through his slightly out-of-breath voice.
Julian's smile widened as he raised his bottle of beer up to his lips. That's the spirit, he thought.
The next guy was huge and admittedly intimidating, making Damon straighten his back and puff out his chest slightly to try and level himself with his new opponent.
"Sam here, has never lost a fight." Julian said while studying the men facing each other. "Perhaps the pain he inflicts will finally feel like a torment?"
Damon gave Julian a wicked smile but was suddenly met by Sam's fist, punching his jaw so hard his head nearly spun off of his shoulders. He regained his balance and just barely avoided falling to his knees.
Staggering still, he threw a punch in return. It made Sam back away a step or two but aside from that he only seemed angrier, not hurt. He kicked Damon in the stomach and this time he really did fall to the ground. Nearly rolled backwards off of the ring even.
Sam grabbed one of his feet but Damon quickly kicked him away and got back up to prepare himself for the next move. He managed to wrestle the giant down with his back to the ground but was soon pushed away from him once more. Damon fought back though, dodging a hit and managing to punch him straight in the stomach. Unfortunately, it didn't make too much of an impact and Sam soon captured his other flying fist in his hand and grabbed his arm to twist it behind his back. He got Damon down on his knees and held his head in his hands while standing behind him.
Damon suddenly realized that this… This was it. This was when he died. At the hands of this drugged up, jacked, arrogant douchebag. And just then, as Sam was busy waving and smiling at the crowd, before Damon had had time to process his pending death; a stake suddenly appeared in front of him.
Someone had thrown it to the ground next to his right leg, giving him a second chance. Saving him, maybe. Or simply granting him the opportunity to prolong his life so he could go on to fight another day. After all, did he really deserve such an easy out after what he'd done?
He immediately began reaching for the stake, struggling against Sam's tight hold around his neck. But just as he was about to have it snapped, Damon managed to grab the stake and quickly stabbed it in Sam's chest.
Damon panted heavily on his knees as Julian suddenly yelled out to the now silent crowd. "No weapons!" he growled. "Those are the rules!"
At those words Damon caught sight of the woman who he'd seen passing around drinks earlier, understanding she had been the one who'd helped him. She met his eyes for a moment before turning around and walking away.
He then suddenly heard Julian telling him they were done for the night and he immediately felt desperation wash over him.
"No…!" he protested, his voice hoarse from the physical strain it took to speak out loud. He got up on his feet and walked off the ring, towards Julian. "I wanna go again." he breathed.
"I'm afraid I've grown bored of this game." Julian said in a grim tone.
"Who's next?" Damon hissed with a challenging look, ignoring Julian's comment. "Huh?" he turned around to look for any volunteers. "Who's next!?"
"I am." Julian suddenly said, earning a wave of cheers from the crowd.
Damon turned to look at him incredulously. What did he just say?
"You want to fight again?" Julian asked, his voice nearly drowned out by the cheering vampires around them.
Damon nodded at him in response and studied him patiently for a moment before he continued.
"Fight me next." Julian then offered and walked past him over to the ring.
As Damon turned around to follow him he suddenly heard the sound of his name from a familiar voice in the crowd. He turned around and faced his little brother who must've showed up to try and save him.
"What the hell is going on?" Stefan asked as he walked over to him.
"You've made a wrong turn, brother." Damon warned. "This isn't some hell-survivor's support group." he said and patted his shoulder.
"Are you in or out?" Julian asked impatiently.
Damon turned around to walk over to him but Stefan grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Hey." he said. "Have you gone insane?" he exclaimed. "That guy's got 300 years on you, you don't have a chance against him."
"I don't care." Damon breathed with a wicked smile.
"Damon! Do not get into that ring. Leave with me right now. Whatever's going on, we'll figure it out." Stefan tugged at Damon's arm but he only pulled away.
"Are you in?" Julian asked again. "Or are you out?"
Studying his little brother for a moment, Damon could see he had two choices; he could either fight Julian or tell Stefan the reason for his sudden death wish. He narrowed his eyes and made up his mind rather quickly. "I'm in." he said under his breath.
With that, Julian signaled to get Stefan carried out of there, who called for Damon a few more times in desperation. He struggled to cut free from the two vampires that were forcing him out, but failed. His face told a story that Damon already knew by heart, but he was in no mood to deal with his brother's disappointment with him.
He wanted to fight.
They were soon standing face-to-face in the ring, Damon with his fists up in the air and Julian gesturing with his hand for him to make the first move. Then he dodged Damon's punch, kneed him in the stomach and threw his fist across his jaw. Damon staggered back and tried hard to stay standing.
"You know, I never had a brother. No siblings at all, actually." Julian said, buying his opponent some time to regain his composure. "Seems I dodged a bullet there." he mocked.
Damon tried another punch but Julian gallantly escaped it and hit back. However, he hadn't expected Damon to head-butt him and he let out a grunt while staggering back.
"Well, that makes sense." Damon snickered. It was his turn to get a few words in between punches, he went on while turning to face the crowd and then dropping one last comment. "… That's why you need to surround yourself with low-life general bloodsuckers like these…" he said gesturing around the vampires before running towards him to try and punch him again. He missed this time too and was soon hit and thrown over on his back.
"Least I have friends." Julian scoffed as Damon stayed down for a moment, taking a few breaths. He walked around him and stood by his ribcage. "You've driven away every last soul who ever cared for you."
"Then I guess I'll just have to cuddle up next to the fire with all my rage." Damon mocked under his breath with a toothy smile. Then he rolled away, dodging Julian's fist as it flew down to the ground where his head had just been.
Damon punched back as Julian was now close enough to reach but was soon repaid with several punches across his face. As he blinked away the black spots and blurry shapes that had appeared before him, Damon searched the crowd with his eyes for a moment.
Julian noticed and chuckled at him. "You're not really looking for you brother, are you?" he asked amused. "I mean even if Stefan did come back, what do you think he would do when he found out what you did to Elena?"
Damon's eyes focused on the air in front of him. "Go ahead." he rasped as he realized this was the end and that this time he actually felt at ease with it. He had fought, he had suffered… There was no point to keep going anymore. He might as well end it right here, right now. It would probably do a lot of people a huge favor. "Rip my heart out." he hissed.
Julian studied him for a moment and then nodded. "Not that I wouldn't love to do it but…" he said and observed him closely. "Are you sure?"
Damon held his breath for a moment before he answered, making sure he didn't have the time to change his mind. "Do it."
Julian complied and placed his left hand with his fingers pressed against his chest right above his heart. He took a moment to steady himself and then began digging his fingers deep into Damon's skin.
Damon closed his eyes in defeat, prepared to die. But the sight made something occur to Julian. His hand stayed still for a long moment as he studied the man underneath him. The man who had lost the love of his life at the cost of his own actions.
And perhaps it was pity, or sympathy or the fact that Julian clearly shared that pain with him – but he suddenly changed his mind and pulled his hand back. He patted Damon's chest and smiled at him as he threw his eyes open in confusion.
"I lost her too." Julian said with his face suddenly hard and cold. "My reason to live. My light in the darkness… Lily died at my hands."
Damon wrinkled his eyebrows at him. "I set my girlfriend on fire. You weren't even the one driving the stake through the heart of yours." he scoffed.
Julian sighed. "I might as well have." he said and then held his hand up to his face. "Get up."
After a long moment Damon finally accepted his hand and was soon brought back up on his feet.
"I don't get it." he said, shaking his head. "You hate me. You want me dead. Why are you sparing my life?"
Julian frowned. "Perhaps because I know that the punishment of letting you live is far worse than anything I could ever inflict on you myself." He shrugged and then squinted at him before continuing. "Mark my words, Damon Salvatore… If I have to suffer through eternity with my one true love's death on my conscience, then so shall you."
Damon pressed his lips together grimly and prepared to force him to kill him – to end his misery. He was willing to beg if it was necessary. But Julian shook his head and smiled slightly, disrupting his thoughts as he kept talking.
"Don't worry, mate." he said. "I won't be going through it alone and from now on, you won't either." Julian turned to the crowd, spreading his arms out in the air. "You will join us, because you have nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to. We'll wreak havoc together. Hunt, feed, fight and kill. No morals, no right or wrong or good or bad. It'll only be you, me, and them… Let us all be monsters together." He smiled at Damon. "What do you say, Salvatore?"
Damon grimaced nervously as he studied Julian, convinced that he had gone completely insane. But then he noticed something in his eyes that he recognized. A part of him reminded himself of the fact that he would never be able to look Stefan, or Bonnie, in the eye again after what he'd done.
Maybe this is the hell-survivor's support group after all, he thought. Or at least the one for the guys who killed their girlfriends because the good in them had been completely washed away by that hell stone.
Along with any shot at redemption.
So then, if there was no way for Damon to go back to who he used to be and if he couldn't even become who he should've been with Elena by his side; then he'd just need to be someone else. Someone new.
And with that, he had made up his mind about who he was without Elena Gilbert: He was Damon Salvatore, tormented throughout eternity. At this point, what did he have to lose?
"As long as it means more fights in the ring." Damon scoffed, since there was no way he'd suddenly start befriending the low-lives around him – or even Julian for that matter. As long as he could get his nightly dose of physical brutality, he was in.
Julian smiled at him wickedly. "If you're lucky, you may even get a few rounds in with me for practice." he said and patted his shoulder. "Welcome to your new self, mate."
Damon frowned a little at Julian's choice of words, clearly oblivious to just how well he'd spoken. Or perhaps he was fully aware of what Damon was feeling. Perhaps he even shared it. Perhaps this was the only place for Damon to be since Julian might be the only person who could ever understand what he had done.
After all, Damon may live the rest of eternity in agony over what he'd done, but that didn't necessarily mean that he didn't have room for some company…
As Stefan woke up, from apparently having gotten his neck snapped by one of Julian's body guards, he was worried out of his mind. He quickly took his phone out to call Valerie, she was after all the one who'd told him where to find Damon in the first place. Hopefully she'd be willing to help him get his brother out from under Julian's thumb.
Noticing and ignoring the fact that Caroline had tried getting in touch with him, he dialed Valerie's number and waited patiently as the signals went through. Caroline was safe and sound in a hospital after all, Damon was about to get killed by a 470-year-old vampire.
Valerie picked up at the first signal. "Stefan?"
"Hey, you were right about Damon being completely out of his mind... While I was being dragged away by Julian's lackeys, Damon was challenging Julian with a fight to the death." he let out a tired sigh. "Where are you?"
"I'm with Nora, Beau and Mary-Louise. We're trying to find out where Lorenzo took Rayna Cruz…" she began before going silent for a short moment. "But it can wait for now, where should I meet you?"
He took a glance around his environments, recognizing a building not far away from him. "Apparently I'm outside the Mystic Grill. Meet me at Julian's fight club arena in five minutes?"
"I'll be there."
With those words, Stefan hung up and began running towards the industrial site that he'd left Damon at.
