AN: Many thanks to those who left reviews. And to Pel for the Spanish and the tapas – and to Gryff for being such a good audience. You guys ROX.

Chapter Four

28 Feb. 5:47 pm

Everyone always did the same thing. When the sun set and the moon rose, they would always behave the same way. One of these days Remus was certain he would meet someone who would differ from the norm. Surely someone waited for the inevitable by sitting down. But not tonight. Andrew did the same thing every other person before him did. He paced.

Back and forth. From one end of the room to the next. Over and over. Retracing the same steps. Wearing the floor boards thin. Remus watched as Andrew paced the room like a caged animal. He would rub his hands together, crack his knuckles, make fists, but through it all he kept up the pacing. It was nervous energy coupled with the unfamiliar desire to hunt. For Remus, it was a feeling he had lived with for more than thirty years. For Andrew, it was totally foreign.

"How much longer?" Andrew asked for the third time in about as many minutes.

"We've still got about a half hour," Remus answered from his makeshift chair in the corner of the small cabin. It was a place that Andrew had visited as a child with his father. Being isolated in the forest, it was an excellent location to use as shelter during a transformation. Wards had been put in place along with silencing charms, as was usual, but all in all it was fine just as it stood.

"Half hour still? God, this is…" He exhaled loudly and ran a hand through his hair.

"How are you doing?" Remus asked.

"How do you bloody think I'm doing? I want…GOD! I want out of here! Out of this room. Out…just…out." His hands were visibly shaking now. "I can't describe it. I feel…I feel…"

'The pull of the moon," Remus finished for him. "That's what you're feeling."

"I don't care what it is. It's bloody awful!"

"I know," agreed Remus with a nod.

"And you!" Andrew pointed at Remus. "How can you sit there all calm and rational, casually making conversation? I feel as if I'm coming out of my skin and you just sit there and watch!"

"I'm feeling exactly what you are feeling," he explained, taking a mental note of the way his hands were clasping at the side of the chair, the tension in his body building. He took a steadying breath and willed himself to calm down. " I'm just more accustomed to it."

Andrew laughed a cold laugh. "I doubt I'll ever get accustomed to this. I just…" He made two fists and punched the wall of the cabin. "If I don't get out of here I'll go mad!"

Remus was on his feet in an instant. "Andrew," he said calmly, "what you're feeling is totally normal."

"Normal? This is a far cry from any normal I've ever known!"

Remus held his shoulders, trying to look him directly in the eyes. "Andrew, listen to me. This is what you wanted. This is where we agreed to come, where you wanted to come to transform. You are safe here. I know what is happening to you is incredibly frightening, but you will be fine." Andrew struggled against him, but Remus held firm. "You have to trust me. I wouldn't let you transform anywhere unsafe."

"You said…the potion…would make it…better," the young man stammered. His body was fully shaking under Remus' hands.

"The potion helps you keep your mind. It helps you understand that this urge you are feeling is not rational."

"But I still want out!"

"Yet you remain in here. You know better. You know it's safer here."

The two men locked eyes for what seemed like an eternity. Taking a few deep, steady breaths, Andrew began to stop the shaking in his body. The tension in his face softened. Slowly, Remus released his grip on Andrew's shoulders.

"Is it always like this?" Andrew asked quietly.

"The feelings are always the same. The urge will always be there. Like any affliction, your body will become accustomed to the sensation and your mind will adapt so that it doesn't seem as bad as this." Remus' voice dropped in intensity. "The first transformation is always the worst one."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"It's supposed to help you think logically. Our mind is the only thing we take with us when we transform. Regardless of what pain your body may feel or what shape your body takes, you are still Andrew McCollum. And when this night is over, you will still be Andrew McCollum."

"Well, the Andrew McCollum I know has never had an urge to eat raw meat!"

Remus chuckled.

"You think that's funny?" Andrew said, obviously upset. "I like my steak well done, thank you."

Crossing his arms in front of him, Remus smiled at the younger man. "I'm sorry, Andrew. You're quite right. I shouldn't be making light of the situation."

"Damn right, you shouldn't. I've never liked rare meat. All that blood gets the other food on your plate all soggy. It's disgusting."

Remus fought back another laugh.

Andrew gaped at him. "Come on, now. For the first time in my life I would really like to eat a soggy steak. Are you sure the potion is working?"

"Andrew, it's comments like those that prove the potion is working."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely. You referred to steak instead of calling it just food…or rather the need to feed. You mentioned eating it on a plate, whereas a wolf would eat on the ground. You're thinking about consuming food the way a human would, not the way an animal would."

"And the fact that I want it raw? I don't even mean rare. I mean raw."

Remus nodded. "It comes with the territory."

"Not to mention the fact that I can now hear the grass growing AND," Andrew paused to give a wicked laugh. "Did you know that something as mundane as a piece of parchment has a scent? It's as if my whole body is on sensory overload!"

Remus wet his lips, thinking what to say next, but he didn't get the chance.

Andrew paced again. "Why the hell didn't we have steak for lunch today? You made me eat salad. Maybe if I had eaten meat I wouldn't feel so…"

"Trust me on this one. Regardless of what or how much you eat before a full moon, you will always feel the urge to hunt. Besides, you don't want a full stomach when you transform."

Andrew didn't seem to hear Remus. He began rubbing his hands up and down his arms, scratching at his flesh. "My skin itches."

"It's starting," Remus said coolly.

"It burns!" Andrew cried out, clawing at his chest.

"I know."

6:42 pm the same evening

"Are you feeling better?" Zach asked from across the table. He looked at Tonks with a worried expression as she bit into her food.

"Much better. Thanks" she said, her mouth packed full. She chewed rapidly, looking back at him. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Zach raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "Es nada. As long as you are feeling better."

"I am. So stop looking at me like that." She shoved another bite into her mouth and looked away from Zach's concerned face. No, it wasn't really concern that she saw in him. It was more like…confusion. There was even a slight touch of revulsion once Tonks allowed herself to think about it.

For the life of her, she couldn't figure out why he was looking at her like she had snakes coming out of her ears! She was hungry, that's all. A few hours ago she didn't quite feel well and grew slightly dizzy. Once it was determined that the cause of her dizziness was the fact that she hadn't eaten anything all day, Zach insisted on taking her to dinner. She hadn't felt hungry really until she stepped into the restaurant and caught the aroma lingering in the air.

Steak. Meat. Beef.

It made her mouth water.

She couldn't wait to eat, but Zach felt the need to explain to her about the tradition surrounding the restaurant. It was certainly different from any place she had ever eaten since everything was on a bunch of individual saucer like dishes, however she was so hungry she really didn't care about the history or whatever it was Zach was trying to tell her. Something about tapas and authentic Spanish food. The only real thing she caught was that some of the food was served raw and that you ordered by the plateful.

Her Spanish was limited so she let Zach order for her, instructing him to order something with beef. She didn't want chicken or fish or ham. Beef. Steak. Whatever that smell was that was so delicious. Once the food arrived at their table, Tonks wasted little time tucking in. She was ravenous. How she could have ignored the fact that she was hungry was beyond her. She ate faster than usual, hoping to satisfy the powerful craving she was feeling. She just needed to eat…and it had to be meat.

When Tonks' fourth plate arrived, Zach took the opportunity to say, "You know, it may help if you chew the food."

"What?" Tonks asked, swallowing hard.

"Your food. You didn't hardly chew it."

Tonks smiled. "Sorry. I'm just so hungry! And this is delicious."

Zach gave her that look again. His eyes darted from her plate back up to her face.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's just…"

"Hum?" Tonks hummed, unable to open her mouth for fear of spitting her food everywhere.

"Well, you know that your meat is rare?

Tonks shrugged.

"I thought you liked it well done?"

"I dunno. If you didn't want me to eat it, why did you bring me here?" Tonks couldn't quite understand why he was even asking her these things. Did it really matter how she liked her steak cooked? "Does it bother you?"

Zach shook his head. "No, no. Just…surprised. I thought you would have ordered something lighter. Never have I seen you like this." Tonks could tell that he was holding back a laugh.

"What? Hungry?"

A small laugh escaped him. "If that is what you wish to call it."

She glanced down at her plate before offering him a smile. "You know what it might be?" She leaned forward a bit. "I miss Remus. That's what it is."

Zach looked more confused than ever. "Dora? A raw piece of meat makes you think about your husband?"

Tonks nearly spit out the bite in her mouth. "That's not how I meant it." She gulped down some water before explaining. "I mean that it's a full moon. Although…humm…." She stopped, lost in her thought.

"What is it?"

"Remus usually eats salad before the moon. That or soup. Something light though."

"Interesting," Zach said.

"Yeah, I learned about his routine by serving him the wrong thing once before a full moon. It was before we were together. I mean, I was interested in him and tryed to get his attention by cooking for him."

"You cook? I'm almost afraid."

"No, I can't cook, but I tried. I wanted to do something nice for him. My grandmum always said that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"And you did what?"

"I went to the butcher and ordered up this huge steak for him. I mean huge. He was off on some business for Dumbledore, so that left me with time to get things ready. I remember my cousin Sirius laughing at me while I darted around the kitchen like an idiot." She chuckled lightly, lost in the memory.

"And what happened?"

"Well, of course when Remus came home and saw what I had been up to he was very flattered and all that. You know how Remus is - always so polite and never wants to upset the apple cart. He even ate some of it. It wasn't until after the full moon that I learned what I had done."

"What did you do?" Zach asked with a smile.

"I made him sick."

Zach laughed out loud at her.

"It's not funny!" she said, trying not to smile. "Too much heavy food is really bad for him before a transformation. And I hadn't just given him steak. I had the whole works. Potatoes, rolls, you name it. I really did him in. And…well…he had a really rough night because of it."

"A man in love would never reject such a gesture."

Tonks sighed and smiled a rather dreamy smile. "Yeah, I know."

"You are right, though. I would make the same mistake. A werewolf would want meat before a full moon, no?"

"Right. And even though I know better, I guess tonight I just…" she shrugged and let the thought go unfinished. "God, I'm stuffed," she said, looking at the empty plates around her. "Did I eat all this?"

"Si," Zach said with a laugh. "I thought that by feeling ill you would eat one, maybe two plates. I will never underestimate you again."

Feeling suddenly tired, Tonks stretched her arms over her head and yawned widely. An unexpected belch sounded from her mouth, drawing the eyes of several customers from other tables. Her hand flew to her mouth in horror. "Oh! Excuse me!"

Zach couldn't hold back laughing at her again.

9:14 pm that same night

She really did miss Remus. Having him away from her for so long was starting to wear her down. It didn't help matters that the moon was full and she was worried about him. She hated it when he spent a transformation away from her, where she couldn't get to him if he needed help. Tonks reminded herself that he wouldn't really need any help until the morning, but still, she liked having him close by just in case.

Needing to drown out the loneliness she was feeling, Tonks pulled out the old phonograph and put on the jazz music Remus was so fond of, donned one of his robes, and curled up by the fire with a book from his collection. It was something about talismans and dark objects, but Tonks wasn't reading it closely. She just turned the pages and glanced from picture to picture, her mind swimming with thoughts of Remus and hoping he wasn't hurt. Well, all things considered, she hoped he wasn't hurt worse than normal.

A sharpness in her side caused Tonks to double over in her seat. The book she was reading fell to the floor. Stomach cramp! She groaned and shifted to try to ease the pain. The sensation started to dull, and Tonks picked up the book again. No sooner had she found a comfortable position than the pain returned again.

Good God! I ate too much!

She stood and tried to stand up straight, stretching out the muscles in her mid section. She leaned back, ever so slightly to stretch further when a wave of light-headedness struck her hard. The dizziness was followed by a startling surge of nausea that overcame her and had her dashing to the loo. She threw open the door and emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

God damn!

She sat on the floor of the loo, out of breath and utterly confused by the sudden sick feeling. It overtook her once more and she wretched again. She stayed on the floor for a few more moments, waiting to see if the sickness had passed. Satisfied that she was feeling better, she stood and rinsed her mouth out at the sink. When she glanced in the mirror, she was astonished at what she saw.

She wasn't morphed.

At all.

And she hadn't noticed it.

How the hell did that happen?

Morphing took concentration, but once she had her face and hair the way she liked it, she could usually hold it for a long time. She could even hold it while she slept if she really wanted to. Changing back into her natural shape always took a moment of total relaxation, and when it happened, she could feel it. It never hurt her to shape shift, but she could still feel it.

But she hadn't felt this. She hadn't done this.

She considered her reflection for a moment before closing her eyes and making the necessary adjustments to her appearance. With her hair back to its shocking pink color and her nose and chin at the correct size and angle, she headed back into the lounge.

How could I morph and not know it? I always know.

For some reason the room appeared smaller than usual, the music playing was louder, and the fire was much too hot. It was as if all her senses were heightened just enough to make her dizzy again.

Whatever was in that food is sure doing something rotten to my stomach…and my head.

With two flicks of her wand, she put out the fire and shut off the phonograph.

Sleep. I need sleep.

The bedroom was only a few feet away, but her body was rapidly shutting down on her. She dragged her feet into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed with an, "oomph." Looking briefly at the clock, she took note that once again she was beyond tired at a rather early hour. Half nine and going to bed? She was too young to be tired at half nine.

Her last thought before unconsciousness consumed her was that she was never going to let Zach suggest a restaurant ever again.