Chapter 7

22 March 1:27 pm

With his head hung low, Remus Lupin made his way through the busy streets of Muggle London. No one seemed to notice him, even when he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and just stood there lost in thought. The people walked around him, brushing past him as if he wasn't even there. It was fitting really. After all, he had spent most of his life trying not to be noticed. Life was easier that way. It was only when he would allow someone to notice him – to become a part of his life – that things became difficult.

Like now.

He had fought against his feelings for Tonks for more than two years. He could not – would not allow her into his life. It would be too painful when it ended, for he knew nothing that good could last forever. He had seen too many lives shattered by war and tragedy to be that naive. Tonks had had other plans, though. The more he had resisted her, the harder she fought, until Remus found it impossible to resist any longer.

She had said she didn't care about the age difference. The fact that he was poor was no big deal to her. She had sworn that she loved him despite the gruesome curse that plagued his life. She had promised him that she would always be there for him - that she would never leave him. And Remus had believed her.

I've been a fool.

For some time now, he had been suspicious of Garcia's feelings towards Tonks, but Remus never thought it would go so far that she would actually betray him. Tonks had said time and again that she and Garcia were only friends.

Friends with benefits…

When he heard her voice in the Leaky Cauldron that afternoon, he started to turn around to say, "Hello," wanting to take the opportunity to introduce Andrew to her. But there was something in Tonks' voice that held Remus back from making his presence known. She was very upset, crying even, and saying things about going to a medi-witch. Garcia was with her, commenting on a night he spent together with Tonks. And then, as if what he had already heard wasn't more than enough, came the bone-chilling announcement from Tonks herself that she was pregnant.

Remus' heart skipped a beat at that moment. No, it was more than that. It was as if his heart had stopped altogether.

Pregnant.

For a baby that obviously hadn't been fathered by Remus.

And Garcia took responsibility.

For a moment, Remus scolded himself. The very idea that Tonks would betray him in this manner was beyond belief. Yet, as his mind digested the information, he recalled several events that forced him to reevaluate what he had thought was the truth. The flowers from Garcia on Valentine's Day – the forgotten wedding ring – the whispered conversations. Garcia was well liked by everyone, men and women. He was handsome, intelligent, and with that touch of Latin air to him, why wouldn't Tonks be attracted to him? All those facts were enough to give Remus pause, but it was Tonks' subtle reactions to Remus' touch recently that made him believe the impossible. For the first time since they began their relationship, she would turn away from him in the night. And the few times they had made love lately, she had been skittish. It was almost as if she didn't want him putting his hands on her.

It's guilt. She feels guilty…that she doesn't love me the way she loves him.

It was too much for his heart to take.

A sudden wave of anger overcame him, forcing his feet to move rapidly down the street. He had brought this upon himself. His efforts to live a normal life had never gone as planned. It wasn't something he was supposed to have. He was a cursed being and he should have known better than to pretend otherwise. He had lived too long, felt too much heartache, and yet he still had allowed himself to believe that happiness was possible for a being like him. But not anymore.

As shameful as the situation was, Remus needed to speak to someone – a friend who would tell him these feelings were justified. He needed to expel some of his anger and frustration before he approached Tonks and questioned her about her loyalty. He needed a friend that could look at the facts as an impartial observer and confirm that Remus' thoughts on the matter were warranted. And he couldn't wait. He needed to have this conversation now before he did something he would regret.

Stepping into the phone booth that served as the secret entrance to the Ministry of Magic, Remus picked up the receiver and asked the female voice to admit him as Arthur Weasley's guest. He was informed that Arthur hadn't come into work today, which surprised him, but made him feel slightly more at ease. Remus had never enjoyed visiting the Ministry and being forced to wear the embarrassing ID badge that every visitor was required to wear, much less the special badge that was mandatory for all werewolves to wear while at the Ministry of Magic. Nor did he like having to hand over his wand to a stranger. Arthur's absence from the Ministry meant Remus could visit him at home, a much more comfortable place, indeed.

A few moments later, Remus Apparated outside of the Burrow. He knocked on the door and was greeted by the cheerful face of Molly Weasley. "Remus! To what do we owe this delightful surprise?"

"Is Arthur home today?"

"Yes. He wasn't feeling well all weekend and I insisted he give himself one more day to recuperate." Her smile suddenly vanished as she noticed the scowl on Remus face. "What's the matter? Has something happened?"

As much as he enjoyed Molly's company, he wasn't sure she was the best choice to confide in at the moment. He wanted another man's opinion, not to mention the fact that he had overheard Tonks say that Molly knew she was pregnant. "Please, Molly, I would just like to speak with Arthur - alone."

She frowned, but allowed him to come in. She led him to the lopsided shed out back where Arthur stored his Muggle collection. "He's in there doing Merlin knows what. I'll put some tea on, should you two want to come inside."

Remus nodded and waited for her to retreat back into the house before knocking on the door. Arthur's voice sounded muffled as he called out, "I'll be done in a moment, Molly."

"It's not Molly. It's Remus."

Something metal clattered to the floor, and Arthur could be heard muttering angrily, "Damn." He opened the door looking rather disheveled. "I'm sorry, Remus. I wasn't expecting company."

Remus looked the other man over. "What are you doing?"

Arthur glanced over Remus' shoulder toward the house. "Don't tell Molly." He pulled Remus inside and closed the door. "I'm working on a gift for her," he said, proudly placing a hand on top of what appeared to be a washing machine. "Crazy old Rosalie Oreck thought she would get revenge on a Muggle woman she didn't care for and charmed the thing to shrink any clothing washed in it."

"And why exactly are you going to give it to Molly?" Remus asked.

"If I can fix it, I think she'd appreciate it, especially if I can charm it to clean in half the time."

Remus gave a half smile at his friend. It was typical of Arthur to take a Muggle item and add a magical twist, even if the Ministry frowned upon doing such things. Arthur couldn't see the danger as long as no harm was being done.

"Molly said you weren't feeling well."

Arthur looked guilty for a moment. "Well…I didn't want her coming out here and finding this thing before I finished with it. So, I told her I wasn't feeling well as an excuse to stay home today. I figured if I told her I felt better after lunch, that she'd let me come putter around in the shed and then I'd have enough time to hopefully finish this up."

Remus nodded, his mind considering how often couples kept secrets from each other – even a couple married as long as Molly and Arthur had been.

"Is something the matter?" Arthur asked.

Feeling suddenly uneasy about the purpose of his visit, Remus looked down at the floor. "I shouldn't have bothered you. I'm sorry."

"Remus," Arthur said taking a step closer to his friend. "There had to be a purpose to your visit. You certainly didn't come over here to talk about a washing machine."

"No, I didn't, but…" Remus pursed his lips and shook his head, not knowing exactly what it was he wanted to say.

"Really, now. What's the matter? You look as if you've just lost your best friend."

Remus closed his eyes and said very softly, "I have."

Arthur's brow furrowed. "Has someone been hurt or …?"

He took a deep breath, struggling for the right words. "It's…Tonks."

Worry filled Arthur's face. "Oh, no! What happened?"

Remus was at a total loss for words. His heart was beating rapidly while his mind raced, still putting the pieces all together. He felt nauseated, like his insides were as twisted around as they get during a transformation. How could Tonks do this to him? And how could he be expected to explain the circumstances to his friend when even his own mind didn't quite understand the whole situation?

"Remus, you have me very worried here. I don't think I've ever seen you like this."

"I'm sorry, I - " Remus wet his dry lips, "I've never before been in this situation so I'm not sure how…or what…"

"What situation? For Merlin's sake Remus, just tell me what's the matter with Tonks."

Swallowing hard, Remus said, "She's pregnant."

There was a deafening silence as Arthur looked back at him in total confusion. "What?"

"Pregnant," Remus repeated, slumping down into a tattered seat next to the wall. "She's going to have a baby."

"Well," Arthur said, his eyes twinkling again in delight. "I believe I may have a passing familiarity with the word 'pregnant'. You don't need to define it for me." He chuckled and then added with a bright smile, "Why are you so upset? This is amazing. Really, Remus, completely amazing. And here we thought that Bill and Fleur were lucky, but I never expected that you and Tonks could - "

"Arthur," Remus interrupted. "This is not a good thing."

"Oh, Remus, babies are always good things."

"No, you don't understand. I can't have a child."

"Is that what this is all about? What was the argument again? You're too old, too poor, and dangerous for a life like this?"

"No, Arthur…"

"Remus, Molly and I have never had much money, but we always managed to get by. And we were about your age when Ginny came along. Believe me, babies are good things – even if you end up with a Fred or a George," he said with a small laugh. "Or both!"

"Really, Arthur, you don't understand." With difficultly, Remus spelled it out. "It's not mine."

Arthur's smile fell. "What do you mean?"

"Tonks is pregnant," he sighed heavily, "but I'm not the father."

Arthur took a seat opposite from Remus, looking totally bewildered. "How could she be pregnant if you aren't…well that is…"

Remus rubbed his eyes. "Now you see my dilemma."

"No, I don't think I do, unless, " the older wizard chuckled to himself, "unless she had an affair and that's just impossible. I mean…"

Remus met his eyes, confirming that that was indeed the case here.

"She had an affair?" Arthur said in disbelief.

"Well, I don't know the full details, but obviously there is someone else," Remus said, his voice beginning to crack.

Arthur sat back in his chair. "No, I don't believe that. Tonks wouldn't do that."

"Well, believe it, because it's the truth."

"She told you this?"

"Yes, in a way. I … " Remus looked away, finding the truth more difficult to admit verbally than he had thought it would be. "I overheard her talking to him about it. She told him she was pregnant and - "

"Who? Who was she talking to?'

Remus couldn't restrain himself from scowling. "Garcia. Do you know him?"

"Garcia? Oh yes, the one with the unpronounceable first name."

With a nod, Remus said, "Yes, that's him. Anaxagoras Garcia. Only Tonks calls him Zach." Venom dripping from his voice as he said the name.

"Wait a minute," Arthur said, sitting forward. "You're saying that Tonks and Garcia are having an affair, and now she's pregnant?"

"Exactly."

Arthur gave him a very pointed look. "No, I can't believe that."

"I swear to you, I heard it with my own ears."

"What did you hear? Tell me the exact words."

Remus wet his lips gain, frustrated by having to share the details. "She said that she made a mistake. They spoke of spending the night together, and Garcia even took responsibility for the situation."

"What did she say exactly?" Arthur repeated himself.

"She said, 'How do I tell Remus that I'm pregnant and it's not his child?' Her words, not mine."

"Did she say the child was Garcia's? Did she admit to having an affair with him?"

"Arthur!" Remus snapped incredulously. "They spent the night together! And if you've ever seen the way he looks at her, the way they are when they're together…"

"Remus, a man and a woman can be just friends. They can even spend an entire evening together without things becoming intimate. Unless you heard her actually admit to having an affair with him, then I'm finding it difficult to believe that she would do something like this."

"She's pregnant!" Remus said rather exasperatedly. "There has to be someone. How could she be pregnant if she hasn't had an affair?"

Arthur looked back sadly, "I don't have a ready answer for that one."

Remus slumped forward, running his hands through his hair, his elbows resting on his knees. "I don't know what to do. I just - " He took a deep breath, trying to keep his emotions in check. "This is why I resisted getting involved with her in the first place."

"Come now, you didn't think she would be disloyal."

Remus looked up at him sadly. "Maybe not intentionally, maybe not so soon, but yes. No matter how much anyone says that it doesn't matter, at the end of the day I'm a werewolf. I knew that at some point, she would realize her mistake in attaching her life to mine. I can't give her the things of the world. And I certainly can't compete with the handsome looks of a young and virile man like Garcia. I'm obviously not giving her…" He took a deep breath. "It's my fault. I'd tricked my mind into thinking I could. She had me nearly convinced that I could, but I see now that I've been deluding myself." Remus closed his eyes, fighting back the tears that threatened to fall. "I couldn't help but believe her. I love her, Arthur."

"And she loves you," his friend replied.

"Apparently not," Remus said, keeping his gaze down.

"I don't believe that, either," Arthur stated pointedly. "I don't know what's going on here, I really don't, but I know - I know that Tonks is in love with you. I think Molly and I knew she loved you even before you did, which is surprising because she's always been so obvious about it. This whole idea of you not being worthy of her, that you can't fulfill her needs is utterly ridiculous. She lights up the moment you enter a room. Her eyes follow you wherever you go. She's always talking about you. How can you even think that she doesn't love you?"

Remus looked up at his friend, "If she loves me so much, then how can you explain the pregnancy?"

"I can't," Arthur replied honestly. "I said I didn't have an explanation, but I'm certain there is one."

"I told you … "

"No, there has to be another explanation. Things are not always what they seem, Remus. Just because this appears to be the truth doesn't mean that it is."

Remus shook his head, unable to believe that he had been wrong. "I know what I heard, Arthur. They were her words; she said them herself."

"Listen, do you know how long Molly and I have been married?"

Startled by the question, but knowing that the Weasley's just celebrated an anniversary, Remus answered tentatively. "Thirty years."

"Twenty-nine," corrected Arthur. "And do you know how old Bill is?"

Remus thought for a moment. Tonks went to Hogwarts with Charlie, which made Bill…

"Twenty-nine."

Arthur nodded. "Nearly. Molly and I were married in March of 1970. Bill was born in November." He waited a moment while Remus thought over the dates in his head. "Ill save you the trouble and tell you that it's only eight months difference."

"I see," Remus said, looking away uncomfortably.

"No, you don't see. Bill came early. So did Percy, the twins, and Ginny. In fact, Ron was the only one who took the full nine months to get here. Yet, to their dying day, my parents believed that Molly was pregnant when we were married. Now I swear to you, Remus, that wasn't the case. We weren't exactly innocent when we were married, but Molly certainly wasn't pregnant." After a pause, he added, "Things aren't always what they seem."

Remus sat for a moment, mulling Arthur's words over in his head. "What should I do?"

"I think you should get the facts – all the facts - directly from Tonks. Then you make a decision about going forward depending on what she has to say. But Remus, I urge you to approach this with an open mind. Don't go to her in anger."

"But that's what I'm feeling," Remus admitted.

"You have a right to those feelings if what you believe to be true is true. But keep in mind that Tonks really does love you. Of that I have no doubt. She is probably feeling just as anxious and nervous and heart broken over the situation as you are." At that comment Remus shook his head in disagreement.

Arthur didn't wait for him to comment. "And Remus, remember that when it's all said and done, she is pregnant. I'm not sure how much experience you have with the emotional stability of a pregnant woman, but believe me when I say that it's a delicate thing. She's probably not herself right now, and if you're not careful, you may end up doing more damage than you intend to."

"I would never hurt her," Remus said quickly, defending himself against his friends' implication.

"Of course not. Not intentionally. But pregnancy does something to a woman that makes it impossible for her to control the way her emotions affect her. When Molly lost her brothers in the first war with You-Know-Who, it devastated her. She was only four months along or so with Percy when it happened, and we very nearly lost him because she was so distraught. Trust me, there is nothing more frightening that the prospect of losing your own child."

"But this isn't my child, Arthur."

The older wizard pursed his lips. "But it's Tonks' child, and I don't think you want to put her though something like that, regardless of what the truth is."

Remus closed his eyes. "No, of course not."

"Just go and talk to her. Really listen to what she has to say. There has to be more to this story than what you overheard. I know it."

"Right," Remus said, swallowing hard. "Thank you, Arthur."

"And will you please let me know how things turn out? Good or bad?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Absolutely. Molly will throw a fit if you don't."

Remus sat up suddenly. "About Molly, can you not tell her just yet? I would rather keep this private for as long as possible. I don't want her worrying about this or making a fuss."

Arthur half smiled. "All right, but know that your are putting me in a hard spot. She's going to want to know what we talked about."

"Tell her it was about the gift," Remus said, standing up and nodding his head toward the washing machine. "And Arthur, thank you again. I only hope you're right about this whole thing."

With that one hopeful thought on his mind, Remus Disapparated.