Buckle in babies, cause it's about to get BUMPY on this rollercoaster. We're finally starting to get into the meat of things and these next few chapters are going to be rough. Also, I'm so sorry for the ending and I'm prepared for all of your comments.

Thank you to my discord chat and Maddie Rose, who keeps me writing (go check out Decadence) and Keke, who is the best enabler and the whole reason this story is as dramatic as it is. Thank you to all of my reviewers too, I love you guys! Please leave a review if you're enjoying the story!


Three of Swords

upright: heartbreak, suffering, grief

reversed: recovery, forgiveness, moving on

It had been over a month since the start of term and still Cressida felt like she hadn't learned anything new. They'd only just finished counter-jinxes and jinxes in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and Flitwick had spent more time going on about his personal life and claiming they were 'life lessons' instead of helping them revise the Banishing and Summoning Charms. As a result, Cressida and her friends had been locked up in Ravenclaw Tower for most of October, trying to teach themselves work that their professors should have already taught them.

"Ugh," Dorcas sighed, slamming her head down on the table, "If I had to read one more passage about the usefulness of conjuring spells I'm going to scream."

Cress chuckled at her friend's misery, Emmeline joining in as she brought her hand to Dorcas's.

"Come on, Dor, you can just copy off my essay when I'm finished."

Dorcas looked like she had just hung the moon for her, bottom lip jutting out in a soft smile, "Really? Oh my god, you're an angel Em,"

The asian girl shook her head, turning back to her roll of parchment, but Dorcas wasn't finished.

"I mean it, like you are an actual angelic being sent to watch over us,"

Emmeline chuckled and shook off the compliment, her cheeks turning slightly pink. Cressida's eyes flitted between the two of them, smirking silently to herself as her two friends locked gazes again. Quiet whispers were exchanged between the two and Cress felt something tug in her chest, swallowing the lump that was beginning to form in her throat.

It had taken Remus a week to come back to class, and when he did he looked more tired than usual. Every bone in her body longed to talk to him about his family and the toll it was taking on him, but he'd avoided her all that week. And the next. And the next.

He hadn't even reached out to schedule their next study session, so Cress was stuck relying on Emmeline and Dorcas for Potions help. Her mind kept floating to the first Hogsmeade trip and the promise Remus had given her. He would have told her if he changed his mind. That was who Remus was. He was kind and considerate. Clearly something happened at home, that was why he wasn't speaking to her. He was just dealing with some personal stuff.

Cressida felt confident that things would go back to normal in no time, she just needed to give him space. But something in Cressida's gut longed for the sweet simplicity of a relationship, the cuddling and the soft touches when she wasn't expecting it.

She'd wanted that with Remus, and she thought he'd wanted it too, but now she wasn't so sure. Cressida had been overanalyzing their conversations to death, his words ringing in her head almost every night before she fell asleep. Nervously tapping her quill against the blank piece of parchment, she drafted out a letter to Ted, hoping it would take her mind off of things.

She didn't say much, just complain a bit about classes and explain the good news about making the Quidditch team.

Usually Cressida sent a letter the first week back at school to let him know she was doing alright, but she'd been so caught up in OWLs and her Prefect duties and Remus that she'd absolutely forgotten to send him anything.

Better late than never she decided.

Signing her name with a flourish, she stood up and took the stairs two at a time until she reached her trunk near the edge of her bed. As she dug around in her belongings for an envelope, her mind wandered to the Gryffindor Common Room, and how easy it would be for her to just pop in and ask Remus if they were still on for the date.

Did that make her desperate?

Emmeline would say it would. But to be fair Emmeline still believed in the tried and true ritual of men chasing women. Or women chasing women. The girl just wanted to be chased and Cressida couldn't blame her. It was satisfying, knowing someone wanted you enough to keep pursuing you. Like Potter did with Lily Evans.

Her fingers snatched the envelope up and she let out a soft 'yessss' as she stuffed the parchment inside and sealed it with a lick. Her messy scrawl wasn't nearly as nice as her own signature, but it was still readable, especially for Ted, who'd been teasing her about her handwriting since her first day at Hogwarts.

Her chest panged at the thought of her brother, not even realizing how much she was missing him until this moment. It wasn't her first year without Ted, but she missed his constant presence, the way he always knew how to cheer her up with a trip to the kitchens and a couple of his jokes.

He was her big brother, and Cressida wished he could be here with her.

"I'm headed to the owlery," She informed her two friends, who had somehow moved closer to each other, both blushing and giggling when she'd returned to the common room. "Do you guys need anything?"

"Oh!" Emmeline reached down into her bag and pulled out a waxed sealed letter, handing it to Cressida, "Can you ask Nyx to take this to Mum?"

The brunette shoved her annoyance down into her gut and grabbed the letter, stuffing it in her messenger bag before disappearing through the door.

A frustrated first year scrambled through the door just before it closed, exhaling in relief. Cress scoffed and turned down the corridor, letting her feet guide her to the owlery. It was a Sunday afternoon and the sun was already beginning to set, the cold darkness of winter time getting ready to descend upon Hogwarts like a dementor at Azkaban, bringing snow and ice she'd have to trudge through during Quidditch games and practices and to get to class.

The soft orange and pink rays bathed the castle in a gauzy light, the black waters of the Lake stilling as twilight began to settle in. Cressida took a moment at the top of the owlery to stare out at the grounds, smiling to herself as she took in the sight. Birds chirped away in the trees and she thought she saw a few squirrels scattering themselves across the grounds and running toward the Forbidden Forest.

Cress reached into her bag until she found what she was looking for, snapping a still photo of the scene, the gentle sound of the polaroid printing echoing against the stone walls. She turned it over to limit the sun exposure and stuffed the camera back in her bag.

Taking one last minute to stare out at the school grounds, she turned toward the large barn owl that belonged to Emmeline, it's wide black eyes staring back at her, contrasting with the white feathers of her heart shaped face.

"Hey Nyx," Cressida brought her finger to the owl's cheek, the animal hooting softly, "Emmeline says hi, and she needs you to deliver this letter to her Mum. Sorry she couldn't be here."

Nyx let out a despondent hoot and stretched out her leg, Cressida tying Emmeline's letter to the owl before she took off North.

Cressida let out another sigh and moved to check on her picture. It was almost fully developed so she stuffed it in a small pocket near the front of her bag.

"What's that?"

Cress clenched her jaw at the infernal sound of James Potter's voice, the curly haired boy's olive skin almost glowing in the setting sun.

"It's a picture, or do I need to explain how cameras work?" She was surprised by the bite of her own voice, and Potter clearly wasn't expecting it either.

"Right then," The fifth year turned toward a magnificent snowy owl perched beside where Nyx had once been, gently petting the bird before tying a letter to it. Cressida clutched her own letter in her hands, the paper envelope feeling cheap as she moved to tie to one of the flighty school owls. The ones that hated her. A tawny owl flapped its wings at her in a show of strength and she jumped back, lifting her hands to protect her face in case one came flying her way.

"You alright there Tonks?"

Cressida whipped around, a glint in James' hazel eyes. "I'm not the biggest fan of birds." She explained, earning herself a chuckle from the messy-haired chaser, "They tend not to like me very much either."

"Come on," He gestured to his owl, "Where do you need to go?"

"Oh no you don't have to-"

"I'd rather not see you come to school with an eyepatch tomorrow," James interrupted her, a wry smile on his face, "It's bad enough I have to look at your ugly mug in Transfiguration and Charms."

She glared at the boy, but somewhere inside of her a smile threatened to burst free, recognizing the teasing tone in Potter's voice. It made her chest flutter, some of the annoyance she'd been feeling dissipating. "Surrey," She sighed, handing him her letter, "Ted and Andromeda Tonks."

James stared at her a moment, his smile widening, "Your brother's the one that married Andromeda Black?"

Cressida crossed her arms, unsure where he was taking the conversation but ready to defend her brother if it came to it, "Yeah, so, how many Tonks' do you know?"

"Oh not many," Potter tied her letter to his owl, his smile still not disappearing, "Just, I think it's funny you and Sirius don't get along, considering you're cousins by marriage."

Cressida scoffed, "Ugh don't remind me." She leaned back against the railing, "I had to see his stupid face at the wedding, completely ruined my night."

James' laughter echoed off the stone walls of the owlery, several birds ruffling their feathers at the sound.

"He danced with every single bridesmaid except for me." Cressida explained, biting her tongue in outrage, "Not like I was the bloody maid of honor or anything."

"And so the truth comes out," James sidled up to her, arching a dark eyebrow, almost peering over his glasses.

Cressida pushed his shoulders, "Oh shut up," It was playful, like she would be with Remus. "You almost look like Professor McGonagall when you do that."

James instantly launched into a fairly accurate portrayal of the Transfiguration teacher, his high pitched tone and overly stern expression coaxing the laughter from her throat, nearly bringing her to tears.

"Mr. POTTER?!" His voice was shrill and at least three octaves higher than it usually was, "Are you aware that we are trying to summon a TEACUP and not a mug of FIREWHISKEY?"

Cressida regained her bearings just enough to attempt her own impression of James Potter, lowering her voice and slumping her shoulders until it resembled the relaxed posture the chaser always had. "Sorry Minnie, I suppose I was more focused on what I wanted rather than the actual assignment." She ran her fingers through her hair for good measure, messing it up the same way James always did when he saw Lily Evans, "'Sup Evans?" She nodded her head at one of the random owls like James always did when he saw the red-head.

"I don't do that," Potter dropped the impression immediately, ready to defend himself.

Cressida's laughed at his incredulous statement, "Oh yes you do! I've had to watch your disgusting display every day for the last four years."

James' mouth moved up and down but no words came out of it. He moved to run his fingers through his messy curls but stopped as Cressida eyed his hand, grasping it to his chest, "You love it," He teased, a chuckle escaping Cress's lips, "It's the best part of your day."

She shook her head, biting the bottom of her lip, "You're absolutely right," She pressed her hand to her chest in a dramatic fashion, "However will I go on knowing that the great James Potter hasn't tried to flirt with Lily Evans and been shot down every single time? Ugh what terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day."

A moment of silence passed between them and for a minute Cressida was worried she'd gone too far, ready to defend herself in case James said something against her. Instead, all he did was look at her with a confused smile on his face, as if he was trying to decipher an unknown language instead of a reference to a children's book.

"It's a muggle children's book," Cressida began explaining, hoping she didn't sound stupid, "I, uh, I bought it for Andromeda's baby shower as a gift. You know, first time Auntie and all that."

James shrugged and crossed his arms, looking mildly interested in her weird muggle life, "What's it about?"

Cressida laughed at the question, trying to remember the small plot points she read before handing the book over to Ted and Andromeda forever. "Oh god, I can't remember. I know there's a boy named Alexander and he has a bad day and that's about it."

"Astonishing," James teased, nudging her shoulder a bit, "Once again Miss Tonks, I am blown away by your skills."

Cress shook her head at his taunts as silence descended around the pair. The glow of the sunset fading as nighttime began to paint a black brush across the sky. She checked her watch, knowing that she should get back before the first prefects began their rounds. Plus Dorcas and Emmeline were probably wondering where she was.

"I should get going," She sighed, moving toward the staircase. Her hand hovered over the railing for a moment before she whipped around, seeking an answer to her question, "Potter?"

The fluffy haired boy snapped his head toward her, his smile softer than it usually was. Cressida swallowed her nerves and clenched her hand into a fist, "Remus, is he...that is are we-"

"He'll be at Hogsmeade Tonks," James reassured her, crossing his arm and shoulders tensing, "Moony, he- He hasn't been himself for a bit, but he's talked of nothing else for a month. Believe me, Sirius and I are almost sick of hearing your name come out of his mouth."

A nervous chuckle escaped her lips and some of the stress dissipated into the air. He was still interested. He was going to meet her.

Everything was going to be okay.

"Thanks Potter," She replied with a small smile, turning back around to descend the staircase.

"No problem Tonks!" James called after her, something indescribable dancing in her chest.

She was going to be okay. Remus was okay.

They were gonna be okay.


Hogsmeade was abuzz with hundreds of third and fourth years happy to be back in the town after the year began. Cressida caught sight of Sara telling off Barty for doing something stupid as she ducked into Honeydukes, eyes widening at the large crowd that flooded the shop, third years eagerly grabbing licorice wands and sugar quills with their grubby little hands. Cress checked her watch, she still had fifteen minutes before she was supposed to meet Remus, and Emmeline and Dorcas had already gone off on their own, teasing her about her date before ducking into Madame Puddifoots for some alone time of their own.

Stashing a few chocolate frogs in her pockets and a box of sugar quills in her bag for Dorcas later, she went to go pay the man at the till before freezing in line. There, sitting before her, was a large box of milk chocolate almost as big as her head. Her heart danced at the image of Remus reacting to her gift and she quickly grabbed it and paid for all the sweets, a wide smile working its way across her face as she began to make her way to the Three Broomsticks, wrapping her thick peacoat around her torso as the blustery October wind dried out her skin and threatened to ruin the makeup she'd spent carefully putting on that morning.

When she reached the pub, she smiled at the decorations Rosmerta had put out, pumpkins larger than her head rivaling those grown in Hagrid's garden at Hogwarts. Orange and black lined the store, Cress recognizing the spell that made the lights change color every once in a while.

The scent of butterbeer wove its way through her nostrils and she breathed in the sweet smell, her stomach rumbling as she set down her stuff by a small table for two near the window.

"Hey Rosie," Cressida greeted with a smile as she made her way to the bar, "Can I have two butterbeers please?"

Rosmerta sent her a smirk as she turned around to make the delicious drink, "Just two? What happened to the other girls?"

"They finally got their head out of their asses," Cressida chuckled, heart tugging at the thought of Emmeline and Dorcas off having fun without her. It stung a bit, but she shook her head. They'd been friends since first year and nothing would change that. That didn't stop the little voice in her mind from betraying her and causing her to think otherwise.

Rosmerta's mouth flew open, a happy chuckle escaping her, "Oh thank Merlin, watching them dance around that was like pulling teeth."

Cressida laughed alongside the bartender, who was now giving her a funny look.

"So if Emmeline and Dorcas are off with each other who-?"

Cressida simply grabbed the butterbeers with a coy expression on her face, leaving Rosmerta to wonder about the girl's dating life. She checked her watch again. Two minutes to three, Remus should be here any moment.

After setting down the drinks, she stared around at the full pub mostly filled with third and fourth years, most of the other students waiting until five or six to start filing in. Trying to soothe some of the anxiety that was twisting in her gut, she smoothed down her jumper, the navy courderoy dress complementing the burgundy polyester turtleneck she'd bought that summer. Taking her seat by the window, she crossed her ankles nervously, the tip of her lace up boots tapping the wooden floor of the pub as her foot shook.

She brought the steaming up of butterbeer to her mouth, gulping down the delicious drink as it warmed her belly and began to reroute its way to her brain, the alcohol settling in as she took another gulp, calming her nerves as she began to wait.

And wait.

She took another sip from her drink, the calming effect starting to dissipate as she watched the clock hands on her watch slowly tick away. Some of the third years began to file out, conversations loud and cheery as the pushed the door open and brought more wind into the shop, chilling Cressida's legs through her thick tights and blowing her perfectly curled hair back before it disappeared again.

Each time the bell rang Cressida's head popped up in excitement, thinking she'd see a familiar head of sandy brown hair and green eyes accompanied by a freckled face. And each time she was disappointed.

Her heart fluttered every time she heard the sound, frantically searching for any reason to keep believing that Remus Lupin would show up and apologize for being late. And every time her belief was crushed, her heart constricted, shriveling up and refusing to hope again. Her brain told her to be logical, to abandon the table and head back to Hogwarts. But her damn heart still had hope even after everything.

By the time the hands reached three-thirty the two butterbeers had been finished and she'd ordered a third, preferring to drown her sorrows in the buttery goodness instead of facing the truth.

Rosmerta's eyes pitied her, telling her that it was on the house.

"Thanks Rosie," Cressida smiled tightly, lump growing in her throat as she continued to stare at the door, foolishly waiting for him to appear.

The bartender hovered over her, with a look that made it clear that she felt sorry for the girl. "He could still show up," She offered, trying to seem optimistic for the brunette. Cressida bit her bottom lip, trying to pretend like she wasn't repeating those same words over and over in her head since the clock struck the hour.

Cressida nodded and took another gulp of the drink. Rosmerta left her to her thoughts. She wondered if she was desperate enough to break into the chocolate yet. Maybe she'd pick up some ice cream on the way home, or was it too early to wallow in self-pity. She forced herself to think of other alternatives.

Maybe Remus had forgotten, although that wasn't very likely considering he remembered the tiny conversation they'd had all the way back in first year. Or perhaps James and Sirius had roped him into something he couldn't get out of. But even that seemed far-fetched, especially when James had told her that Remus was still coming.

Maybe he'd been serving detention. She chuckled silently at that. Remus may have been a troublemaker but he'd never get caught. That wasn't who he was.

She finished off the third butterbeer and stared longingly out the window, hoping for a miracle. If all of those things were unlikely that only left one option. And it wasn't one she was ready to face.

Her heart squeezed and she placed a galleon on the table as a tip for Rosmerta, pulling on her coat and grabbing her bag, deciding that she should at least leave while she still had dignity left. The clock struck four and the door opened, Cressida's chest swelling with hope one last time before it was squashed once again.

It was a group of seventh year Hufflepuffs, Amos Diggory at the forefront of the group, his perfect smile and swooped back hair always the first thing she noticed.

Turning away from the group, she moved to grab her bag when she heard Diggory call out to her, "Tonks!"

Cressida gave him a strained smile, not having much time for his arrogant attitude, especially not now. "Hey Diggory," She sent him a quick wave and he broke off from the group, whispering something to her fellow fifth year Ludo Bagman. The seeker nodded and moved toward the bar, taking up most of the space as Diggory moved toward her table, his grey eyes flitting to the empty glasses of butterbeer on the table.

"Meeting someone?" He asked.

Cressida's heart squeezed again. "I was," She said, deciding it was better to be honest with him instead of having him try to coerce the truth out of her, "But as you can see, he didn't show, so I'm gathering what's left of my pride and leaving."

She didn't want to meet Diggory's eyes, knowing that it would be the same pitiful look she'd been getting since the start of her date.

Amos laced his hand in hers and dragged her back to the table, "Well whoever he is was stupid not to show up when you look like this."
Cressida cocked an eyebrow at the gesture, but Diggory continued. "Come on, Tonks, I'll be your date."

"Aren't you dating Olivia?"

Amos shrugged, "I am, but seeing as she's studying for her NEWTs and you're clearly upset by all of this-"
"I'm not upset," Cressida lied through her teeth, trying to keep the pressure behind her eyes from breaking.

Diggory nodded and let go of her hand, "Alright then, you're not upset, at least let me buy you a drink."

She bit the inside of her cheek, contemplating the idea. Was it so bad to spend a few minutes with Amos Diggory if it meant she felt a little bit better? Even if it was a pity date, it couldn't hurt right?

"Alright," She agreed, sitting back down, still not taking her coat off, "One drink, that's it."

Amos's perfect smile dazzled her again and Cressida shook her head as he waved Rosmerta over.

"Two firewhiskeys please," He asked, and Rosmerta raised her eyebrows at the order. So did Cressida. Amos simply shrugged, "You're gonna need something stronger than butterbeer to feel better Tonks."

Rosmerta took their order and left, doing nothing to help the sinking feeling in Cress's stomach.

She didn't pay much attention as Diggory began to talk animately about his year. The flat he and Olivia were looking at after the year was over, how excited he was for the Quidditch season to begin this weekend, his future career at the Ministry once his dad retired, how he hoped to still stay in touch with his friends after everything.

Eventually one drink turned into two which turned into three, which turned into them sharing a basket of fish and chips.

And Cressida felt something inside her brighten, even if she still felt weighed down by the events of the afternoon, for one moment here in the Three Broomsticks she was able to forget it and smile, laughing alongside Amos Diggory as he relayed a story about the time he tried muggle fishing and almost got pulled into the lake.

"I wanted to impress Liv's dad right? So I used some wizard bait, big mistake,"

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes. The fish grabbed on and refused to let go, I wrestled with that monster for a good ten minutes before it finally pulled my fishing pole out of my hands and into the lake."

Cressida burst into laughter at the image, picturing Amos Diggory's perfect appearance dressed in a bucket hat and wellies as he wrestled with a fish and lost.

She stopped paying attention to the bell ringing as the door opened, most of the fifth years starting to pile in after a fun day in town. Which was why she was caught completely off-guard when someone called her name.

"Tonks!"

Cressida's hands clenched at the sound, knowing exactly who it belonged to. She looked upward, Sirius Black standing off to the side of the table in his leather jacket and unruly hair, eyeing the two of them.

"Black," She plastered a sweet smile on her face, meaning none of it, "What can I do for you?"

Black's grey eyes kept looking between her and Diggory and the firewhiskey glasses, as if he was deciphering a puzzle he couldn't quite figure out. "Moony sent me."

Suddenly that crushing weight was back, pressing against her chest and threatening to cave her entire body in.

Black shuffled in his spot and clenched his jaw, "He said something came up last second with his family and so he had to jet. He wants to apologize for not letting you know."

Cressida wanted to believe his words she really did. She wanted to believe that it truly was a family issue and not some excuse that Black was making up to help out his friend. If it were coming from anyone else she might believe them. Hell, she'd even believe James if she showed up. But Sirius Black was not someone who told the truth or cared about other people's feelings. His awful attempt at dating Marlene McKinnon was proof of that.

"Why didn't he send an owl?" She asked, her initial sadness transforming into anger at he excuse, "Or come and tell me himself?"

Black scoffed and rolled his eyes, "It was very last minute," was all he said in defense, and with that Cressida knew the truth.

Remus felt bad for ditching her so he sent his friend to apologize for him. It stung but at least she knew. Her stomach twisted sharply and her grip tightened around her glass. If Remus really meant what Sirius was saying, he would have sent someone else. He knew how little she liked the Black kid, and he knew that he was the best at coming up with excuses for their little pranks.

Sirius Black could talk his way out of anything. But not this.

"Right," She cocked an eyebrow skeptically, "Well, tell Remus that if he wants to apologize, he can come and find me himself instead of sending one of his friends."

She turned back to Diggory, trying to ignore Sirius's scoff.

"Bitch," She heard him mutter.

Cressida froze, gripping the wand in her pocket. Stay calm, she told herself, it does no good to aggravate him.

But his back was turned toward her, and his sneer was a permanent image in her mind. It rattled her, almost as much as the term Mudblood did. The word echoed in her mind and without thinking a beam of light left her wand.

"Stupefy!" She yelled, drawing the attention of everyone in the pub.

Sirius Black went flying into the wall, knocking several pictures and painting off the wall as she collapsed on the floor. He moved to draw his wand.

"Expelliarmus!" She shouted again, moving closer as his wand moved out of his reach. Her hands grabbed ahold of his jacket collar, pushing him against the wall as adrenaline pumped through her, giving her strength she didn't know she had. "What did you call me?" She snarled, her temper fully unleashed, all of it focused on the pureblood heir before her.

Sirius blew a wild curl away from his face, his gaze fixed on hers, "You're a cold-hearted, whoring, bitch."

Her fist slammed into Sirius' jaw, bone against bone as her knuckles exploded in pain. All the kid did was smile. She punched him again.

"You- absolute- good for nothing- waste of space- you- asshole-" Between each word she felt pain split across her knuckles again. When she moved to punch him again, someone grabbed her hand and pulled her back.

"Let me go!" She shouted, her voice hoarse as hot water began to burn against her face, Diggory's arms the only thing holding her back, "HE DESERVES IT!"

"Hey, shhh, I know, I know," Amos whispered in her ear, wrapping his arms around Cressida so she had nowhere else to go, "But not here, not now."

Rosmerta was quick to move over to the front of the pub, grabbing Sirius by his perfectly messed up hair and throwing him out. Cressida watched with gritted teeth as he scrambled away like a wounded dog, licking his wounds. She flexed her bloody knuckles, resisting the urge to run after him.

Amos finally released her and Cressida straightened her posture, thousands of eyes watching her as she picked up her bag and buttoned up her coat, thanking Diggory for the food and drinks before beginning the miserable trek back to Hogwarts, the full moon peeking through the clouds.


In the weeks leading up to the Quidditch match, Cressida spent most of her time in either her room or the newly renovated library. There was an alcove near the back that was hidden by a bookshelf, a perfectly quiet place to just retreat and gather her thoughts. Most of the time they strayed back to that horrible day in Hogsmeade, and since then she'd refused to even set eyes on a single one of Remus' friends, avoiding any contact with them. James had tried to approach her one day and she simply disappeared amongst a crowd of her fellow Ravenclaws, refusing to eat lunch that day.

The humiliation of reliving that moment wasn't worth it. So instead she stayed in the library, isolating herself as Emmeline and Dorcas grew closer, not wanting to pry into her personal life. She thanked them for that at least, especially after Emmeline had pushed for details on the date and Cressida had shut her down with a simple, "He didn't show alright?"

The words hurt to utter, and by now most of the school had heard of the altercation between her and Sirius in the Three Broomsticks, all of the students waiting to see what would happen next.

The day of the Quidditch match, she finally got an answer to her owl, James' fluffy snow owl dropping it in front of her before moving over to his master.

"Is that from your brother?" Dorcas asked and Cressida nodded, ripping it open and savoring each word.

Hey Cressy,

Sorry this is so late, but Andy and I have been up almost every night with your favorite niece. She's a squealer and hates going to bed. I'm writing this at one am so please save your criticism for when I see you at Christmas.

Cressida chuckled slightly and continued to read.

Classes can be a bitch, especially during fifth year. I remember how much Andy had to help me practice Potions and Herbology in order to pass without a Troll grade. But I'm glad you have Quidditch to take your mind off things. Us Tonks have to continue the legacy of refusing to face our problems. I get the sense there's something else bothering you besides classes, and while mail isn't the most secure form of communication, I hope you feel comfortable to tell me, especially if any of the guys in your year are being gits. I'll come down there and deal with them personally.

Love you Cressy, and see you soon.

Teddy.

She almost burst into tears as she read the letter, folding it up gently and stuffing it in her pocket, clutching onto it as she finished breakfast and walked back to her room, an ache in her heart for home. The holidays seemed so far away. Too long before she could see her brother and sister-in-law again. Before she could see her parents again.

Hogwarts was nice, but it wasn't home.

"Who are we rooting for again?" Emmeline asked, throwing on a thick scarf and a comfortable hat.

Dorcas answered for her, "Slytherin. Gryffindor doesn't deserve our cheers, not after Hogsmeade."

Cressida tried to ignore the sharp pain in her chest at the mention of the incident, although she was happy that her friends were being supportive of it. She stayed silent until they reached the pitch, squished between Dorcas and Emmeline near the front of the stands, sweat forming on her hands. Cress pulled her sleeves over her hands, staring blankly at the field, resenting Aubrey for making them attend every match to learn from their opponents. The burly captain stood behind them, the entire Ravenclaw Quidditch team sitting next to each other on the same bench, all of them looking equally upset to be there, especially when it looked ready to rain.

Remus Lupin's voice blasted over the loudspeaker as he tried to fill the silence with witty commentary about the players. Cressida's hands clenched into fists at the sound and Emmeline quickly grasped it and laced her fingers with Cressida's.

"It's gonna be okay," She whispered, "Just block it out."

But she couldn't.

Because once again Remus Lupin was avoiding her gaze and had taken a week to attend classes again after his visit to his relative. Cress didn't believe that excuse for a second, even if he looked just as tired as he always did. Something was off about his visits, especially this last one. Why had it been so sudden? Why were all of his visits so sudden? Surely he planned them out with his family member ahead of time?

Cress knew Remus, and she knew that he wasn't as spontaneous as his other friends. When he cared about someone he made an effort.

So where does that leave you?

She tried to shove that voice from her head, refusing to listen to the whispers in her head. She didn't need to be listening to voices. Not when people thought she was weird for being good at Divination.

"And they're off!" Remus announced, red and green uniforms speeding past the stands as the game commenced, "Potter's got the Quaffle, passes it to McKinnon, but Oh, Rosier comes in with the steal. He's headed down the field, Potter hot on his tail but oh…"

A cheer erupted from the Slytherin stands and Cressida found herself silently cheering along with them.

"They scored."

Remus Lupin's tone was disappointed and a small evil part of Cressida couldn't help but think, rather smugly, that he deserved it. She watched as Potter moved down the field, weaving through several Slytherin chasers, not even bothering to pass it to anyone until he reached the goal post, sending the Quaffle soaring through the hoop, gaining Gryffindor another ten points.

Students clad in red cheered, and at one point Cressida thought she heard the sound of a roaring lion as the play began again.

Aubrey was taking notes on his clipboard and Emmeline continued to squeeze Cressida's hand in comfort. Dorcas was on the edge of her seat, yelling and screaming at Madame Hooch whenever she made a call.

Cressida was too busy trying to drown out Remus' voice with her own thoughts. It was like the world was spinning around her, voices swirling in her head as she stared blankly at the air, rain starting to fall as halftime came to a close.

She hadn't registered the game at all, having stopped paying attention when Gryffindor had made their third goal. She was too busy mulling over the week's events in her head. She'd started to recite passages from her textbooks to herself in order to distract her. She was running through the theory on conjuration spells from her transfiguration book when a yell of outrage was heard throughout the stadium.

Emmeline and Dorcas were standing up alongside Sara and her brother, eyes staring upward as one of the Slytherin beaters began to fly toward Potter. Cressida's pulse quickened and she stood up with them, fixated on the action happening above her.

"Potter now has the Quaffle, Avery hot on his tail, although it makes no sense considering he's a beater instead of a chaser. And oh- what's this? It looks like Black is moving to intercept Avery. The bludger goes soaring and-"

Remus cut himself off and Cressida soon saw why. The bludger Black had hit toward the Slytherin was now headed straight toward him. Hit it. She willed, unsure where the thought was coming from.

Black readied his club, but that spare moment cost him everything.

The bludger smacked directly into Black's head and the Gryffindor tilted to one side, falling….falling...falling...

"Sirius!" Remus called through the speaker, Potter dropping the Quaffle and diving downward, the game forgotten as he dove toward the grass, disappearing from sight as he rolled to the ground.

Madame Hooch's whistle blew, calling a time out.

Cressida peered over the edge of the stands, the Gryffindor team huddled around a pile of red and gold robes on the field. Even with how much she hated Black, Cressida didn't want him to get seriously hurt. Especially after what she did to him. But some small part of her relished in the moment and that was the part she was afraid of.

The entire stadium sat in silence, waiting for Sirius Black to get back up.