Wednesday, May 20 – 10:53 pm

Where is he?

Roarke glanced at the clock for what seemed like the hundredth time, a mere five minuets from the last time she checked. The trial had been over for hours now. Liam should be home.

At first, Roarke waited in the lobby of the Ministry of Magic for Liam to finish with the legal issues. She knew that there were still some matters to be cleared up. Sirius would make sure that all travel restrictions placed on Liam would be removed, and that was sure to take some time. Whatever charges the Ministry had against Liam would need to be cleared up as well. Roarke reasoned that there might have been complications, and that could have held Liam up. She had waited patiently for two hours in that cold, unwelcoming lobby, only to give in to her stomach when it rumbled in hunger. She left a note for Liam at the desk explaining that she was going to grab a bite to eat and then would meet him at his place.

When she arrived at Liam's flat, she fully expected to find him there already. But to her disappointment, the small apartment was empty. She placed the take away food she brought for him in the kitchen, charmed it to keep it warm, and curled up on the sofa to wait a while longer. If she had to wait all night for him to return, she would. She had to.

She wanted Liam to know he could lean on her. All Roarke wanted was to wrap her arms around him and comfort him the way she knew he needed to be comforted. She needed to be here for him. He would need a friend tonight. He would require more than a friend. And Roarke would give him whatever he wanted from her. Whatever it took.

She had to. That's what love was.

Love.

She knew now more than ever that what she was feeling towards Liam was love. Yes, it happened fast, and she was still young, but she couldn't explain her feelings any other way. She saw the pain and fear and hurt in Liam's eyes during the trial and felt it right along with him. It was as if those things were being said and done to her. Up until now, Roarke thought she had a good understanding of how lycanthropy affected a relationship. After all, she had watched her parents and seen first hand the love they had for each other. But it wasn't until now that she was able to realize exactly what that relationship really meant.

Loving a werewolf isn't an easy choice. It's hard. It's frightening. Sometimes it's just plain ugly. Lycanthropy is not a disease that can be cured. It's not something that you only deal with one night a month either. It's a constant presence that both people in the relationship have to face. Unlike most problems that can arise in a marriage, lycanthropy would be there from the start, and it would always be there. Not only that, but there is no textbook example of how to work through the problems that can arise. Her parents had to come up with solutions on their own and bravely live with the consequences, more so than most married couples. She would have to do the same with Liam. That realization hit Roarke hard. This wasn't Liam's issue to deal with alone. This was their issue. And together they would have to work through it.

She glanced at the clock again. Time was dragging very slowly tonight. And yet, her mind was racing. She was contemplating all the things she needed to say to Liam, and there was so much to say. She wanted to tell him how proud she was of him and the way he handled everything today. She wanted him to know that whatever he needed to do now in his life, she would support him. If he wanted to go home for a while, she would understand. In fact, she thought that he should go home. After all, that was what he had been fighting for all this time. But most importantly, she wanted him to know that she loved him. She would always be here for him. Hopefully, he would say that he loved her, too.

She knew he loved her. He had to. The way he looked at her, the way he made her feel, were all indications of his feelings. A warm contentment started to settle in her heart at the idea of hearing him say it. It would be a relief in some ways. No more tiptoeing around the issue. No more wondering if this was for real or if it would last. It was real and it would last. She knew it would.

If only Liam would come home.

She leaned back into the couch, pulling a blanket around her, and allowed her mind to imagine just how she would welcome him home.

11:08 pm that same evening

Liam stood outside his building and looked at the bum sitting on the opposite corner of the street. His clothes were all tattered and he carried a few dirty shopping bags stuffed full with what Liam could only assume were the only possessions the man owned. He had to be a Muggle. A wizard could at least magic some place to live temporarily. Liam stared at him for a long time as the man rummaged through a garbage bin, searching for a new treasure or perhaps something to eat. The man looked up, caught Liam's gaze, and smiled.

He smiled.

Liam didn't smile back. He didn't have it in him. How ironic. Here was a homeless man whose only possessions were from other people's garbage, and yet he has something to smile about. Liam shook his head in disgust; not at the man, but at himself. He had plenty to be happy about. The trial was over. He was given the right to go home. The Ministry would leave him alone now. He could come and go as he pleased. That's what he wanted, what he had been fighting for! In a sense, he won!

But I lost, too.

The events of the trial had come as a great shock. It's one thing to be labeled a "beast", but it's quite another to be treated as one. Up until now, Liam had thought of his limited freedom as a result of being the witness in an important case. But now he knew he was limited in all areas of his life because of what he was. He was a werewolf now and forever. That would always be his label.

Werewolves don't have the rights of humans. Whatever humanity he thought he had left was gone. He knew that now more than ever. A year ago, no court would have had the right to make him strip. No judge would have referred to him as a mere number. He had been treated with total contempt, and then made to apologize for reacting to it. Most disturbing of all was the knowledge that the Ministry had the right to kill him if ever they saw fit - like some sort of rabid animal.

Images of Oliver's body shaking and spitting up blood filled his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the vision from his thoughts. But he knew those images would always be with him, just like that damned tattoo. They would be a constant reminder of what he was...a monster.

He glanced at the door, not wanting to go in. Roarke would be in there. She said she would be waiting for him here. He didn't want to see her. The thought of facing her now after what he had been through was distressing. He had even taken the longest route possible on his way home trying to postpone the inevitable. He knew what he needed to do, for there was no other choice. He only hoped he would have the strength to do it.

He had to let her go.

It wasn't something he wanted to do, but it was necessary. If Roarke was ever going to have a good life – a normal life – Liam knew he had to end things now before the relationship went any further. She had grown to be such a part of his life in the last few weeks that Liam knew he wouldn't be able to call things off he if waited any longer. It was now or never.

Liam closed his eyes and considered what he was about to do. Roarke, being the strong willed woman that she was, wouldn't be willing to just let things go without a fight. Especially if Liam told her the truth. And what was the truth? That he loved her, but Liam didn't dare tell her that now. She was worthy of the best in life. Her future was bright and hopeful, where as his would only hold her back. Liam would never be able to give her what she deserved.

No. Liam decided that the truth wasn't the way to go. He would have to lie, and it would have to hurt. It would have to be painful and cut deeply into her heart. That was the only possible way she would ever let him go. If he could hurt her enough, she would leave him and move on with her life without looking back. It would be for the best. Someday she would be thankful for it.

With a heavy sigh, Liam opened the door and headed up the steps to his flat, hoping he could pull off the biggest lie of his life.

11: 21 pm that same night

The rattle of the doorknob alerted Roarke that Liam was home. Sitting up, she closed the book she had been reading and placed it on the table. As Liam stepped into the flat, Roarke smiled brightly and stood to greet him.

"Hi there," she said, but was given no response. "I was beginning to worry," she said as she approached him.

"Why?"

"The trial's been over for a long time." She reached out and placed her hand on his arm affectionately. Liam only shrugged and pulled away. Sensing his mood, Roarke decided not to press the issue and just try to make him comfortable.

"I brought you something to eat." She signaled to the food in the kitchen. Liam glanced over his shoulder at it and shrugged again.

The room was very still and quite as Roarke waited for Liam to say something – anything. He seemed so distant and closed. Roarke could only gather that her assumptions were right and Liam had taken the trial very hard. She debated for a moment on what to say next. Should she move on and try to pull him out of his slump? Or should she acknowledge his feelings and let him talk about it? The later seemed the most necessary, even if it meant facing some hard discussion.

"So," she said, touching his arm again, "do you want to talk?"

This time Liam was quite obvious in the way he pulled away from her touch. "What's to talk about?"

Roarke frowned. "For starters, the fact that this whole mess is over. You're off the hook. You're free."

Liam gave a half sort of a chuckle. "Free? I'm not free."

That puzzled Roarke. "Didn't they remove your travel restrictions? Did something happen afterwards?"

"Oh, they removed my travel restrictions, but that doesn't make me free."

"What do you mean?"

Liam glanced over his shoulder at her with a look of disbelief. "Come on, Roarke. You of all people should know that werewolves aren't technically free. Sure, I can leave my apartment whenever I want, but I can't leave the country without proper approval."

"Well," Roarke started, "no one can when you think about it. Passports and portkeys and..."

"I have to wear dog tags when I'm traveling. I have to have a paper that proves I know when the next full moon is and that I promise to be properly sedated. I can only travel on certain days. And that's nothing compared to my day to day life."

Roarke hadn't expected this. She was ready to talk about the trial and what happened to Oliver. It surprised her that Liam was so focused on issues he had been dealing with for months now. Surly he knew by now that he could lead a normal life. "Will, I know that the trial...didn't go as planned, but I'm - "

Liam laughed. "That's an understatement!"

Roarke swallowed. "I wasn't – I mean – why are you so upset about..."

"About?" Liam asked, mocking her. "Being a werewolf? I would think that is quite obvious. Or were you expecting me to be delighted about having my rights stripped from me?"

"You mean the laws?" Roarke asked tentatively.

Liam flopped down on the sofa. "God, Roarke, how can you act so stupid about this?"

That stung. "What?"

"You're behaving as if this is all new information to you. I find it difficult to believe that in nineteen years you never realized that your father had no rights!"

Roarke shook her head in disbelief.

"Does he have a real full time job? No. Why is that? He's a werewolf. Does he own property? No." Roarke started to interject, but Liam stopped her. "And before you comment on the house, allow me to point out that it was your grandparent's home, which your inept and dreary father lived in because he had no where else to go."

Roarke stood very still, shocked at the angry tone of Liam's voice.

"Who owns that house now, Roarke?" Liam continued, daring her to challenge him. "Have you ever seen the deed? I would bet my life that your mother owns the house."

Roarke licked her lips. "Why are you saying these things?"

"I'm just stating the truth!" he shouted. "It's time one of us faced reality and started living in the real world. Oh, it's been fun pretending that things can be normal. I've really enjoyed ignoring the facts of my inhumanity. But I can't do that anymore. Thanks to the trial and everything I have learned in the process, I know what's real. I'm not going to pretend anymore."

"And just what have you been pretending?"

Liam slowly brought his eyes to meet hers. His face was hard and his eyes were cold. Roarke could feel her lip start quivering. She fought against the emotion building up in her. She could not break down. She had to remain strong if she would ever prove him wrong.

"You're saying that you've been pretending? With me?"

Very softly, slowly, Liam said, "What did you think this was?" His eyes never blinked or pulled away. "Did you really think that my interest in you would continue after I got what I wanted?"

"And what did you want?" she said, bitterness starting to rise in her chest.

"I wanted to get out of this bloody country!" he exclaimed as he stood up. "I wanted to be rid of the wretched rain, the smog, the noise, the conceited, arrogant people!" Roarke stepped back, unsure if he was referring to her. "I wanted to go home! That's all I've ever wanted from this whole thing. I wasn't getting anywhere on my own, so found someone who would be willing to help me."

Roarke didn't believe him. "You didn't know who I was. You didn't know, when we met, that I could help you!"

"You're right! I didn't know you. I went to that blasted meeting hoping to find anyone who might help. You spoke to me first. You offered to help. So I took you up on it. Fortunately, you were a bigger help than I could have ever imagined. You know more about this shit than most werewolves! You were a godsend! And I did whatever it took to keep you around!"

Roarke gaped at Liam, unable to speak.

"Yeah, you heard me. Whatever it took." Liam grinned wickedly. "I must say, snogging you was like an added bonus. It wasn't very good at first, but you warmed up."

The tears were very close now. "You're lying!" Roarke bit out.

"No I'm not. I really did enjoy our little encounters. It's too bad you're so virginal that we never got past the kissing."

Roarke felt the first tear fall down her cheek. "I don't believe you. You're doing this on purpose. You're – you're so upset from the trial that you're saying these things to hurt me as much as you've been hurt! You're – you're just...I don't believe you!"

"Have I ever given you any proof that I feel differently?" Liam spat.

"Yes! The way you behaved when my father got angry about us. The drawings. The way you look at me!" She stepped closer to him, desperate to convince him he was wrong. "The way we are when we're alone. The way you kiss me."

She bravely stood very close to him, close enough to touch him. She wanted to touch him, but resisted. "I may not be as experienced..." her voice broke, unable to say it. "I wasn't imagining things when you..." More tears fell down her cheek. "I know you wanted me."

Something flashed across Liam's face, and for a moment Roarke thought he would admit he had been lying. But the stone cold look reappeared and Liam didn't back down. "I'm male, and a very beautiful female was letting me touch her. Yes, I wanted you..." his voice quivered, "but I don't anymore." He started to turn away from her, his eyes staring at the floor. "What did you think? That I would fall head over heals for you...marry you?"

"N – no," she said hesitantly, not really knowing how to respond to that.

"It's silly really. You should know that a werewolf can't legally marry a human. Or is that something else your parents failed to discuss around you kids?"

"What?" Roarke said incredulously.

"Marriage, Roarke. It isn't legal by Wizarding laws. Muggle laws, yes, but not Wizard laws. Besides," he said, his eyes still cast down at the ground, "I don't feel that way about you."

Roarke shook her head and reached out to stop him from walking away. "No, Will...you're just..."

"LIAM!" he roared, violently pulling his arm free from her touch. "My name is Liam. I can't stand that ridiculous pet name you have for me!"

She stared at him in horror, stunned beyond all belief.

He only stared back in anger. "Now go home. I don't want to see you ever again."

"Fine," she managed through gritted teeth. She turned to leave, but stopped cold as a new feeling rushed over her; she was angry. Never in her life had she let someone humiliate her way Liam was doing. And never in her life had she ever backed away from a fight without making her own point of view crystal clear. Why should she give Liam the pleasure of having the last word? Simple – she wouldn't.

"I should have trusted my first instincts about you. You were rude, insulting, and far too bigheaded for your own good. I'm so sorry I ever gave you a second chance."

She must have said the right thing, for Liam spun around and glared at her crossly. "And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Feeling a bit more in control of the situation, and slightly pleased that she had managed to hurt him, she thrust her chin high and said, "It means that I didn't really want to have anything to do with you. It was only after you begged and pleaded that I gave in. Now I know I was wasting of my time."

Liam was visibly taken back. "Now THAT is a bloody lie, and you know it! You were so into me right from the start."

"I was not!"

"Yes you were, Roarke! All your life you have wanted to take care of your daddy, but your mum already had that job filled. You took one look at me and saw your chance to care for daddy...like some sort of crude Electra complex!"

Roarke was utterly irritated now. Her eyes narrowed in anger as her hands balled up into fists, wanting to strike at him and shut him up. "How dare you?"

"How dare I? It wasn't me who wanted to play doctor with the lycanthrope. Hell, it wasn't even doctor, really. It was more like house. I gave you the chance to play house with your very own werewolf!"

A fierce crack sounded as her hand slapped his face.

Liam rubbed at his face, "Interesting that you didn't get upset when I said I was using you. It took the mention of your father to get you to show your true color. At least now we both know the truth."

Roarke couldn't stop the sob that came from her throat. "I know you're lying. I know you feel the same way I do."

"Go home, Roarke."

"I know you're only saying these things to get me to leave you. Well it won't work!"

"I said leave!"

"I know you love..."

"GET OUT!" he yelled in total rage, his hand rising in the air. "I am DONE with you!"

Roarke jumped back, away from him. There was a moment of thick silence before she said, "Interesting that it took the mention of love before you really got angry. Believe what you want, Liam. And I will do the same." Roarke Disapparated without another word.