Chapter 24
Saturday, Oct. 31 – 11:30 pm
"Liam!" Roarke called out into the dark night. "Liam!" There was no answer, but then she really didn't expect one. She turned around full circle, looking in every direction she could for any sign of him. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest when she spotted a dark figure rounding the corner at the end of the street, nearly out of sight. "LIAM!!" she cried again and took off running after him.
Sobering charms lasted only a short time under the best of circumstances. Running certainly didn't seem to help, either. Her breath was ragged as she drew closer, and even though she continued to call his name, he continued his resolute stride away from her. "Liam, I know it's you!" she said when she was with in a block of him. He glanced up briefly, before plunging into wooded park heading for what looked like an old bridge. "You can keep walking away, but you know that you will have to talk to me at some point! So please, just stop and look at me!" It all came out very quickly leaving Roarke breathless.
But it worked. Liam stopped walking, however he kept his back to her. She saw his shoulders drop with a heavy sigh before he said. "What do you want Roarke?"
Roarke was panting, out of breath from not only chasing him but also from the intense emotions she was feeling at hearing his voice again. Roarke could feel the muddling effects of too much firewhiskey under the fading sobering charm. "Why...why didn't you tell me it was you?"
There was no answer.
"Why didn't you tell me you were even back in England?"
"I didn't really think you would want to know," he said, finally turning to look at her, his face a cold mask.
Roarke took in the familiar features of his face and was instantly over whelmed by how much she missed him. His hair was shorter, and he looked tired. "Of course I would want to know," she admitted quietly.
Liam looked down at the ground, avoiding her stare. "I can't imagine why, after the way we left things."
"You mean after the way you left things."
His eyes met hers briefly. "What exactly do you want, Roarke?"
"I just..." What did she want? She didn't really know. This man had hurt her deeply, and left her doubting not only herself but her judgment as well. Did she want an apology? An explanation? Proof that her feelings were justified? With the charm starting to wear off, she knew she had to get to the point quickly.
"How long have you been back?" she asked, attempting to start with the easy topic.
Liam licked his lips, hesitating to even answer the simplest of questions. "About a month."
"A month?" Roarke said in surprise. "Why? Why did you come back? I thought you couldn't wait to get rid of this place."
Liam looked away. "Yeah, well, Australian isn't exactly welcoming of werewolves, it would seem. Here, there is work at least."
Roarke's mind was still racing with questions. There was so much she to say and yet she hadn't any idea how to word it. She closed her eyes for a moment in an attempt to clear her head. "So...you come back and what? You thought you wouldn't see me?" Before Liam could answer, her emotions took over and all her thoughts started spilling out. "If you were trying to avoid me then why on earth would you come to London, when you know I live and work here. I know it's a big city, but we were bound to bump into each other. And why would you ever come to a party at my brother's flat? Beyond that, how did you even end up at this party? I mean, my God, Malcolm knew you were in England and I didn't? It doesn't make any sense, Liam! Unless it was your goal to shock the hell out me. Is that it? Did you want to cause a scene just to prove how little you care about anyone but yourself?"
"Now hang on," Liam said stepping closer to her.
"NO! I don't understand what's going on. I haven't understood it, and I've tried for months to make sense of it all. And now...you're here! And I...I..." Roarke felt as if the ground was giving out under her.
"I came back for a job. Sirius told me about it."
"So Sirius knows, too!"
"Will you let me explain?"
Roarke was more confused now than ever. However, she took a few deep breaths to calm herself down and waited for his explanation.
"Things were bad back home, so I came here to try to make things better. Sirius told me about a job with Gringotts. I submitted a resume, got accepted, and could not turn it down. When I arrived back in England, I asked Sirius not to tell you or anyone that I was back."
"Why?" Roarke asked.
"Because I thought it would just make things worse. I wanted to avoid... this," he said, indicating the confrontation they were currently having. "I didn't return to England so I could fight with you."
Roarke was still confused. "So, why come to the party?"
"I ran into your brother at work and..." Liam thought long and hard, his eyes down cast. "To tell you the truth, I don't know. I don't know why I went to that party. Maybe I just wanted someone to talk to that wasn't a goblin. Maybe I just wanted to get drunk!"
"You said werewolves can't get drunk."
"Well, I can get a buzz! And if you must know, I was doing a pretty good job of getting one until you walked in the door!"
"But if you didn't want to see me..."
"I was told you wouldn't be there," Liam said rather quickly. "I specifically asked about that."
This time Roarke looked down at the ground. "I decided yesterday to go. Tarquin talked me into it."
Liam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I bet he did."
Narrowing her eyes, Roarke asked. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing! Just..." Liam sighed. "Nothing. Forget it."
There was a very long pause, neither of them knowing what to say next. The wind picked up around them, rustling the leaves in the trees and on the ground. Roarke shivered. She wasn't wearing a jacket, only the thin muslin top that draped off her shoulders.
"Look, why don't you just go back to the party," Liam suggested. "There's no reason for you not to enjoy yourself."
"Are you kidding me? You think I can just forget that you're here?"
"I promise, Roarke, I won't bother you again." There was a note of defeat in his voice that left Roarke more befuddled than the firewhiskey.
He started up the steps to the bridge, but Roarke had to get one last thing out in the open. "Have you any idea how much I have struggled to try to make reason out of the time I spent with you? I felt things – and they were real. And they were strong feelings. I've replayed conversations in my head – moments between us – and attempted to make those things fit with your perspective. And I can't do it! I can't convince myself to believe that I was tricked into falling for you!"
Liam looked away, "I really think you should go back inside, Roarke."
"Why?" she cried.
"Because it doesn't matter now."
"It matters to me!"
"But it shouldn't!" He looked her boldly in the eyes. "You have a life now that is completely separate from mine. And that's fine! That's wonderful! You've moved passed me, now it's time to forget me!" Roarke blinked in surprise. "Yes, I hurt you. Is that what you want me to say? That I apologize? Fine! But it shouldn't matter, Roarke. My opinions shouldn't make any difference to you now."
With a flurry of his cape, he spun on his heal and headed over the bridge. Roarke followed determinedly after him. "This isn't over Liam. I am not one to give up a fight that easily. You...owe me some answers!"
Liam stopped and looked at her, his lips pursed and a flush rising in his cheeks. "I'm not having this conversation."
"Why not? Afraid you'll lose?" She swayed slightly as she said it and clutched the rail.
"My God, Roarke, you're drunk! Just get back inside and cuddle with your boyfriend before you fall and hurt yourself!"
Roarke frowned in confusion. "My boyfriend?"
"Yes. In fact, I'm surprised that he hasn't followed you out here to see what's going on."
Roarke bit at her bottom lip in thought, which was difficult. "Are you...talking about...Tarquin?"
Liam's brows went up. "You have another boyfriend? Yes, Tarquin. Which is why I don't understand how you can be so upset with me when you so obviously have moved on with him!"
Roarke looked at him blankly. "Who told you Tarquin was my boyfriend?"
"Sirius did, and I have to say that I wasn't surprised. Even when you and I were dating, I knew Tarquin was interested in you." Roarke might have been drunk, but the tone of Liam's voice was obviously that of a jealous man. "Besides, I saw the way you were together just now."
"You sound almost surprised that I let another man even touch me. Just because you didn't want me doesn't mean that no one else ever will!"
Liam sniggered. "It's just too bad that you couldn't find a real man. That you had to settle for some second rate Quidditch player whose mind has been scrambled after being hit in the head with so many Bludgers!"
Roarke shook with barely suppressed rage. "At least he isn't using me to get what he wants."
"I think he's getting exactly what he wants! Tell me Roarke, how long after I left did it take you to jump into bed with him?"
Roarke swallowed hard, her head spinning. She felt as if Liam had just slapped her across the face with that comment. She felt the tears starting to well up in her eyes.
You can NOT cry in front of him! You can NOT!
"At least Tarquin is a gentleman," she said slowly. Liam laughed again which only infuriated Roarke more. But her anger tonight wasn't coming out properly as she was being reduced to tears. Not wanting to spend another moment with Liam, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry, she quickly spun around to flee down the steps, and away from his horrible laughter. Tears blurred her eyes, and she slipped on the damp steps of the bridge, falling hard at the base of the bridge cracking her head sharply on the last step. Roarke managed to think stupidly to herself that Bludgers never hurt quite like this.
She pressed her eyes closed, and willed the tears of anger, frustration and pain to stay put. Her head pounded in agony along with her heart beat, and she reached longingly toward the blackness trying to engulf her. It was almost peaceful, just for a moment, but someone was touching her face, urging her to open her eyes.
"Roarke! Oh God, please just open your eyes!"
She didn't want to open them. She just wanted to be left alone. Go away. Just...go away.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please. Please open your eyes and let me know you're ok." His voice was desperate and pleading. She felt his fingers brush over her forehead tenderly and down the side of her face. "Please wake up. Don't do this to me!"
Roarke opened her eyes, trying hard to focus. Liam had pulled her head into his lap, and his expression was fearful, almost desperate.
"Roarke?"
She closed her eyes again. "Just... go... away."
"Not until I know you're safe."
"And why do you care?"
There was no answer. Roarke opened her eyes back up to look into Liam's face.
He licked his lips. "You're head is bleeding. I'm going to take you back to your brother's place." He ran his hand through her hair and it came away, wet with her blood.
Before Roarke could argue, Liam was lifting her off the cold bridge and into his arms. Roarke felt wildly dizzy, and instinctively gripped tightly on to Liam and closed her eyes. . "My head really hurts," she moaned.
"I know," he said softly. "I'm going to get help."
"I don't understand," she mumbled.
"Don't talk. Just relax, but stay with me. Don't fall asleep." Liam was now walking quite quickly back to the apartment. Roarke found it hard to concentrate and felt herself drifting.
"Hey. Rory—you have to stay awake!" There was a note of urgency in his voice now, and he picked up his pace. It took Roarke a few moments to realize what he'd called her.
"Don't....why did you call me that. Why did you call me that if you hate me?"
His steps slowed ever so slightly. "I don't hate you, Roarke."
She relaxed against him, and let her tears fall. "I missed you," she whispered.
Liam looked down at her, a worried expression on his face. "You don't know what you're saying. Now, just stay quiet. We're almost there. I only hope Tarquin doesn't beat the shit out of me when he sees you."
Roarke's head hurt so much that she couldn't think straight. If she had been capable of reason, she would have never said what she said next. "He's not my boyfriend. I don't know why Sirius told you that."
Liam nearly stopped walking. "What?"
"Tarquin," she said softly looking up into his eyes. "He's like...he's like another brother is all."
A flush rose in Liam's cheeks. "But...but the way you two were..."
Roarke gave a small laugh and closed her eyes. Her head fell back slightly.
"Roarke!" Liam said in near panic. "Don't you fall asleep! I won't let you do this!"
And with that, the world went dark.
Sunday, Nov. 1 – 12:42 am
"I swear to you, she fell! I would never hurt her!"
"That's not what she told me."
"I mean physically!"
"So, it's all right to hurt her emotionally?"
"This isn't the point! She needs help now. Am I the only one that cares enough about her to realize that?"
Consciousness came slowly back to Roarke, allowing her to feel the thudding of her headache. The voices yelling in the background weren't helping to ease her pain.
"You care so much about her that you take advantage of her when she's drunk?"
"Tarquin, that's enough."
"I didn't lay a finger on her!"
"Again, that's not what she told me!"
"I mean tonight, you asshole!"
"But you admit that you hurt her before tonight!"
"STOP! Both of you!"
Roarke had to agree. "Yes, stop!" she managed to cry out. When she opened her eyes, she found herself on Malcolm's bed surrounded by her brother and his girlfriend, Liam, and Tarquin. A witch she didn't recognize was peering concernedly into her eyes. Roarke brushed her away and tried to sit up, but was pushed firmly back down on the pillow.
"Lie still," the strange witch commanded.
Roarke was too tired to fight. "What happened?"
"Lover boy here hit you!" Tarquin spat out.
"That's not true," Liam's face was red. "I told you, she fell and hit her head."
"You're going to be ok, Roarke," Malcolm said, placing a cold cloth on her head. "Flora is training to be a medi-witch at St. Mungo's."
The young girl Roarke didn't know smiled down at her. "You've had a minor concussion, and you've got a cut on your head, but I don't think we need to take you to hospital."
"Do you want me to contact your mum and dad?" Emily said from the side.
"No," Malcolm said. "It's their anniversary. I think this can wait till morning. Now, Roarke, do you need anything? You can rest here tonight if you like."
"I want to go home."
"I'll take her," Tarquin volunteered, stepping closer to the bed. "We certainly don't want the Neanderthal here to take her," he indicated Liam.
"Now wait just a minute!"
"Liam didn't hurt me," Roarke explained before any more yelling broke out. "He's telling the truth. I slipped and fell." Liam and Tarquin exchanged nasty looks. "Now please, I just want to go home."
"I don't think that's a wise decision." Flora said. "It's best if you just stay here and rest."
"Should I get rid of the rest of the guests?" Malcolm asked.
"No, I think she'll be fine in here if we put a silencing charm at the door so the noise doesn't bother her. No need to toss everyone out."
"Someone should stay in here with her," Emily suggested.
"I'll do that," Tarquin said again.
"I don't want to spoil your evening," Roarke said with a sigh.
"You didn't spoil it."
"All right," Liam sneered. "I get the point. I know when I'm not wanted so I'll just go."
"Wait!" Roarke called out, sitting up faster than she should have. She grabbed her head in agony.
"You need to lie down," Malcolm said.
"But Liam..." Her eyes met his in demand. "I want to talk to Liam for a moment." When no one moved she added, "Alone, please."
Malcolm took Emily's hand as they left the room. Tarquin gave Liam a very hard look before following Flora out. "Call if he starts anything."
Liam exhaled slowly once they were alone. "I'm so sorry, Roarke. This wasn't supposed to happen."
"Close the door," she said, and Liam complied. "Now come over here."
He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. "I never meant for you to get hurt."
"Then why did you say all those things? That it was all just a trick. That you didn't care about me. Because," she took his hand, "I know you care about me."
Liam's eyes focused on their hands. He shook his head in defeat.
"You do care about me, don't you?"
"It's not that simple, Roarke. I wanted you to have the best. You deserve...so much more..."
"I saw they way you were looking at me when I was hurt. I heard how panicked you were. And I don't think you would have fought with Tarquin about me if you didn't care."
"I do care," he admitted at last, locking eyes with hers. "I was scared out of my mind when I saw the blood," he said touching the cut on her forehead. "And when you blacked out, I thought I might lose you."
"Lose me? That would imply that you have me."
He looked away again. "I could handle being on the other side of the world from you. I could even handle watching you fall in love with another man." He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. "But I don't know what I would have done...if you had..." He swallowed hard.
"Once and for all, tell me the truth." Roarke's voice was soft, barely above a whisper. "Did you lie to me that night?" Liam nodded ever so slightly. "And what we had together...that was real?" He squeezed her hand and brushed a stay hair out of her eyes.
"I had to leave. Being with me would only have held you back in life."
Roarke's heart thudded so hard she was certain Liam could feel it. She had one more question to ask, yet the answer he might give frightened her that she almost didn't ask it. "Did you ever love me?" The silence that hung in the air was so thick Roarke could hardly breathe. The longer he waited to answer, the faster her pulse raced.
"You know I did," Liam said in a shaky voice. Roarke closed her eyes and let the knowledge sink into her soul. "But Roarke," Liam said, bringing her back into his focus, "you need more than what I can give you. That's why I had to leave."
"Then why didn't you just tell me the truth and then leave? Why insult me and tell me you don't love me?"
"I didn't want you thinking of me. I didn't want..." She frowned in confusion. Liam paused and started his explanation again from another angle. "If I had told you that I was in love with you, would you have let me just walk away?"
"No."
"Which is why I had to do something to make sure you wouldn't try to stop me from leaving. I wanted you to hate me so much that you would be glad I was gone. And I did a damn good job of it, too."
"No you didn't," Roarke said, surprising Liam. Slowly, Roarke sat up. "That's what I had so much trouble with. I remembered the way you held me, the way you kissed me, just the way we were together...and it didn't fit with what you said. I tried to make it fit, and the best I could come up with was that you did love me at some point, but that something happened to make you not want me any more."
"Not want you? Oh, Roarke. I wanted you. I wanted everything." Whatever barrier Liam had kept up was now completely gone. It left Roarke speechless to hear him speak so openly and honestly. "But it had to be all or nothing. With the way the trial went, and knowing what kind of life I would have, I didn't think it would be fair to you to have to make that kind of decision. I knew that if I stayed, I wouldn't be able to be around you without...giving in to what I was feeling. So I left, so that you could have a normal life – a better life. "
He was speaking in the past tense, which worried Roarke. "And what about now?" she asked, again fearing the answer.
"I still feel that you can have a better life without me. Even though I think he's rude and obnoxious, Tarquin can give you so much more than I can."
"But I don't love Tarquin."
Again the silence enfolded them as she let the full meaning of her words sink in.
"I treated you so badly," Liam admitted. "You can't love me."
"And yet I do. Yes, the logical conclusion would be that I hate you for what you did. But I fell in love with you when you drew that portrait of me. I've never been able to forget the way you looked at me...and the way I felt when you weren't even touching me."
A smile played at the corner of Liam's mouth. It was the first hint of a smile Roarke had seen on his face the whole evening. "I fell in love with you when you baked that lopsided chocolate cake. There I was, again behaving like a total prat, and you stayed and made sure I was going to be all right."
"And what about now?"
Liam looked puzzled. "I told you, you're better off without me."
"No I mean - " Roarke wet her lips in anticipation. "Do you still love me?"
Liam slumped back, as if she had shoved him away from her. "You don't know? All this talk and you don't know?"
Roarke smiled weekly. "I just... want to hear you say it. Just once."
Liam looked away, and then back at Roarke. Tears were in his eyes. "Yes, Roarke. I love you."
They stared at each other for a long while. Roarke could feel her own eyes flooding with tears threatening to fall down her face. Liam squeezed her hand affectionately. Not able to wait a moment longer Roarke's frustration got the better of her. "Damn it, Liam. Aren't you going to kiss me?"
Liam laughed and looked down at their hands. "Would you believe that I'm afraid to?"
"Why?"
"Because I don't think..." his voice grew very soft, "...that I'll be able to stop at just one kiss."
"That's ok," she said, earning another laugh from Liam. "Just remember that not only have I had a head injury tonight, but I've also had far too much to drink. So don't be upset if I happen to pass out again."
A full smile spread on Liam's face. "Why don't you just lie down then, before you do pass out?"
"I'll rest," she said as Liam stood up. "On one condition."
"And what's that?"
"That you kiss me first!" she said with exasperation.
Liam sat back down and took her in his arms. She hugged him tightly, reveling in the feel of his body against hers. She felt his lips against her hair. "I would kiss you," he said, "but now there has been so much build up and expectation that I don't think I could do it justice."
She slumped against him, annoyed. "Liam, please," she leaned back so that she could see his face. "If you don't kiss me right this second I think I will..."
She gasped as his mouth met hers gently. A shock pierced through her whole body, leaving her breathless. Tenderly, Liam dragged his mouth over hers, deepening the kiss. His hands pulled her against him tightly as he kissed her painstakingly slowly. She sighed into his mouth, inviting him further. This was so much more than a simple kiss. All thought left Roarke's mind and all she could feel was the joy of being loved.
"Liam!" Roarke called out into the dark night. "Liam!" There was no answer, but then she really didn't expect one. She turned around full circle, looking in every direction she could for any sign of him. Her heart thumped wildly in her chest when she spotted a dark figure rounding the corner at the end of the street, nearly out of sight. "LIAM!!" she cried again and took off running after him.
Sobering charms lasted only a short time under the best of circumstances. Running certainly didn't seem to help, either. Her breath was ragged as she drew closer, and even though she continued to call his name, he continued his resolute stride away from her. "Liam, I know it's you!" she said when she was with in a block of him. He glanced up briefly, before plunging into wooded park heading for what looked like an old bridge. "You can keep walking away, but you know that you will have to talk to me at some point! So please, just stop and look at me!" It all came out very quickly leaving Roarke breathless.
But it worked. Liam stopped walking, however he kept his back to her. She saw his shoulders drop with a heavy sigh before he said. "What do you want Roarke?"
Roarke was panting, out of breath from not only chasing him but also from the intense emotions she was feeling at hearing his voice again. Roarke could feel the muddling effects of too much firewhiskey under the fading sobering charm. "Why...why didn't you tell me it was you?"
There was no answer.
"Why didn't you tell me you were even back in England?"
"I didn't really think you would want to know," he said, finally turning to look at her, his face a cold mask.
Roarke took in the familiar features of his face and was instantly over whelmed by how much she missed him. His hair was shorter, and he looked tired. "Of course I would want to know," she admitted quietly.
Liam looked down at the ground, avoiding her stare. "I can't imagine why, after the way we left things."
"You mean after the way you left things."
His eyes met hers briefly. "What exactly do you want, Roarke?"
"I just..." What did she want? She didn't really know. This man had hurt her deeply, and left her doubting not only herself but her judgment as well. Did she want an apology? An explanation? Proof that her feelings were justified? With the charm starting to wear off, she knew she had to get to the point quickly.
"How long have you been back?" she asked, attempting to start with the easy topic.
Liam licked his lips, hesitating to even answer the simplest of questions. "About a month."
"A month?" Roarke said in surprise. "Why? Why did you come back? I thought you couldn't wait to get rid of this place."
Liam looked away. "Yeah, well, Australian isn't exactly welcoming of werewolves, it would seem. Here, there is work at least."
Roarke's mind was still racing with questions. There was so much she to say and yet she hadn't any idea how to word it. She closed her eyes for a moment in an attempt to clear her head. "So...you come back and what? You thought you wouldn't see me?" Before Liam could answer, her emotions took over and all her thoughts started spilling out. "If you were trying to avoid me then why on earth would you come to London, when you know I live and work here. I know it's a big city, but we were bound to bump into each other. And why would you ever come to a party at my brother's flat? Beyond that, how did you even end up at this party? I mean, my God, Malcolm knew you were in England and I didn't? It doesn't make any sense, Liam! Unless it was your goal to shock the hell out me. Is that it? Did you want to cause a scene just to prove how little you care about anyone but yourself?"
"Now hang on," Liam said stepping closer to her.
"NO! I don't understand what's going on. I haven't understood it, and I've tried for months to make sense of it all. And now...you're here! And I...I..." Roarke felt as if the ground was giving out under her.
"I came back for a job. Sirius told me about it."
"So Sirius knows, too!"
"Will you let me explain?"
Roarke was more confused now than ever. However, she took a few deep breaths to calm herself down and waited for his explanation.
"Things were bad back home, so I came here to try to make things better. Sirius told me about a job with Gringotts. I submitted a resume, got accepted, and could not turn it down. When I arrived back in England, I asked Sirius not to tell you or anyone that I was back."
"Why?" Roarke asked.
"Because I thought it would just make things worse. I wanted to avoid... this," he said, indicating the confrontation they were currently having. "I didn't return to England so I could fight with you."
Roarke was still confused. "So, why come to the party?"
"I ran into your brother at work and..." Liam thought long and hard, his eyes down cast. "To tell you the truth, I don't know. I don't know why I went to that party. Maybe I just wanted someone to talk to that wasn't a goblin. Maybe I just wanted to get drunk!"
"You said werewolves can't get drunk."
"Well, I can get a buzz! And if you must know, I was doing a pretty good job of getting one until you walked in the door!"
"But if you didn't want to see me..."
"I was told you wouldn't be there," Liam said rather quickly. "I specifically asked about that."
This time Roarke looked down at the ground. "I decided yesterday to go. Tarquin talked me into it."
Liam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I bet he did."
Narrowing her eyes, Roarke asked. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing! Just..." Liam sighed. "Nothing. Forget it."
There was a very long pause, neither of them knowing what to say next. The wind picked up around them, rustling the leaves in the trees and on the ground. Roarke shivered. She wasn't wearing a jacket, only the thin muslin top that draped off her shoulders.
"Look, why don't you just go back to the party," Liam suggested. "There's no reason for you not to enjoy yourself."
"Are you kidding me? You think I can just forget that you're here?"
"I promise, Roarke, I won't bother you again." There was a note of defeat in his voice that left Roarke more befuddled than the firewhiskey.
He started up the steps to the bridge, but Roarke had to get one last thing out in the open. "Have you any idea how much I have struggled to try to make reason out of the time I spent with you? I felt things – and they were real. And they were strong feelings. I've replayed conversations in my head – moments between us – and attempted to make those things fit with your perspective. And I can't do it! I can't convince myself to believe that I was tricked into falling for you!"
Liam looked away, "I really think you should go back inside, Roarke."
"Why?" she cried.
"Because it doesn't matter now."
"It matters to me!"
"But it shouldn't!" He looked her boldly in the eyes. "You have a life now that is completely separate from mine. And that's fine! That's wonderful! You've moved passed me, now it's time to forget me!" Roarke blinked in surprise. "Yes, I hurt you. Is that what you want me to say? That I apologize? Fine! But it shouldn't matter, Roarke. My opinions shouldn't make any difference to you now."
With a flurry of his cape, he spun on his heal and headed over the bridge. Roarke followed determinedly after him. "This isn't over Liam. I am not one to give up a fight that easily. You...owe me some answers!"
Liam stopped and looked at her, his lips pursed and a flush rising in his cheeks. "I'm not having this conversation."
"Why not? Afraid you'll lose?" She swayed slightly as she said it and clutched the rail.
"My God, Roarke, you're drunk! Just get back inside and cuddle with your boyfriend before you fall and hurt yourself!"
Roarke frowned in confusion. "My boyfriend?"
"Yes. In fact, I'm surprised that he hasn't followed you out here to see what's going on."
Roarke bit at her bottom lip in thought, which was difficult. "Are you...talking about...Tarquin?"
Liam's brows went up. "You have another boyfriend? Yes, Tarquin. Which is why I don't understand how you can be so upset with me when you so obviously have moved on with him!"
Roarke looked at him blankly. "Who told you Tarquin was my boyfriend?"
"Sirius did, and I have to say that I wasn't surprised. Even when you and I were dating, I knew Tarquin was interested in you." Roarke might have been drunk, but the tone of Liam's voice was obviously that of a jealous man. "Besides, I saw the way you were together just now."
"You sound almost surprised that I let another man even touch me. Just because you didn't want me doesn't mean that no one else ever will!"
Liam sniggered. "It's just too bad that you couldn't find a real man. That you had to settle for some second rate Quidditch player whose mind has been scrambled after being hit in the head with so many Bludgers!"
Roarke shook with barely suppressed rage. "At least he isn't using me to get what he wants."
"I think he's getting exactly what he wants! Tell me Roarke, how long after I left did it take you to jump into bed with him?"
Roarke swallowed hard, her head spinning. She felt as if Liam had just slapped her across the face with that comment. She felt the tears starting to well up in her eyes.
You can NOT cry in front of him! You can NOT!
"At least Tarquin is a gentleman," she said slowly. Liam laughed again which only infuriated Roarke more. But her anger tonight wasn't coming out properly as she was being reduced to tears. Not wanting to spend another moment with Liam, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry, she quickly spun around to flee down the steps, and away from his horrible laughter. Tears blurred her eyes, and she slipped on the damp steps of the bridge, falling hard at the base of the bridge cracking her head sharply on the last step. Roarke managed to think stupidly to herself that Bludgers never hurt quite like this.
She pressed her eyes closed, and willed the tears of anger, frustration and pain to stay put. Her head pounded in agony along with her heart beat, and she reached longingly toward the blackness trying to engulf her. It was almost peaceful, just for a moment, but someone was touching her face, urging her to open her eyes.
"Roarke! Oh God, please just open your eyes!"
She didn't want to open them. She just wanted to be left alone. Go away. Just...go away.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please. Please open your eyes and let me know you're ok." His voice was desperate and pleading. She felt his fingers brush over her forehead tenderly and down the side of her face. "Please wake up. Don't do this to me!"
Roarke opened her eyes, trying hard to focus. Liam had pulled her head into his lap, and his expression was fearful, almost desperate.
"Roarke?"
She closed her eyes again. "Just... go... away."
"Not until I know you're safe."
"And why do you care?"
There was no answer. Roarke opened her eyes back up to look into Liam's face.
He licked his lips. "You're head is bleeding. I'm going to take you back to your brother's place." He ran his hand through her hair and it came away, wet with her blood.
Before Roarke could argue, Liam was lifting her off the cold bridge and into his arms. Roarke felt wildly dizzy, and instinctively gripped tightly on to Liam and closed her eyes. . "My head really hurts," she moaned.
"I know," he said softly. "I'm going to get help."
"I don't understand," she mumbled.
"Don't talk. Just relax, but stay with me. Don't fall asleep." Liam was now walking quite quickly back to the apartment. Roarke found it hard to concentrate and felt herself drifting.
"Hey. Rory—you have to stay awake!" There was a note of urgency in his voice now, and he picked up his pace. It took Roarke a few moments to realize what he'd called her.
"Don't....why did you call me that. Why did you call me that if you hate me?"
His steps slowed ever so slightly. "I don't hate you, Roarke."
She relaxed against him, and let her tears fall. "I missed you," she whispered.
Liam looked down at her, a worried expression on his face. "You don't know what you're saying. Now, just stay quiet. We're almost there. I only hope Tarquin doesn't beat the shit out of me when he sees you."
Roarke's head hurt so much that she couldn't think straight. If she had been capable of reason, she would have never said what she said next. "He's not my boyfriend. I don't know why Sirius told you that."
Liam nearly stopped walking. "What?"
"Tarquin," she said softly looking up into his eyes. "He's like...he's like another brother is all."
A flush rose in Liam's cheeks. "But...but the way you two were..."
Roarke gave a small laugh and closed her eyes. Her head fell back slightly.
"Roarke!" Liam said in near panic. "Don't you fall asleep! I won't let you do this!"
And with that, the world went dark.
Sunday, Nov. 1 – 12:42 am
"I swear to you, she fell! I would never hurt her!"
"That's not what she told me."
"I mean physically!"
"So, it's all right to hurt her emotionally?"
"This isn't the point! She needs help now. Am I the only one that cares enough about her to realize that?"
Consciousness came slowly back to Roarke, allowing her to feel the thudding of her headache. The voices yelling in the background weren't helping to ease her pain.
"You care so much about her that you take advantage of her when she's drunk?"
"Tarquin, that's enough."
"I didn't lay a finger on her!"
"Again, that's not what she told me!"
"I mean tonight, you asshole!"
"But you admit that you hurt her before tonight!"
"STOP! Both of you!"
Roarke had to agree. "Yes, stop!" she managed to cry out. When she opened her eyes, she found herself on Malcolm's bed surrounded by her brother and his girlfriend, Liam, and Tarquin. A witch she didn't recognize was peering concernedly into her eyes. Roarke brushed her away and tried to sit up, but was pushed firmly back down on the pillow.
"Lie still," the strange witch commanded.
Roarke was too tired to fight. "What happened?"
"Lover boy here hit you!" Tarquin spat out.
"That's not true," Liam's face was red. "I told you, she fell and hit her head."
"You're going to be ok, Roarke," Malcolm said, placing a cold cloth on her head. "Flora is training to be a medi-witch at St. Mungo's."
The young girl Roarke didn't know smiled down at her. "You've had a minor concussion, and you've got a cut on your head, but I don't think we need to take you to hospital."
"Do you want me to contact your mum and dad?" Emily said from the side.
"No," Malcolm said. "It's their anniversary. I think this can wait till morning. Now, Roarke, do you need anything? You can rest here tonight if you like."
"I want to go home."
"I'll take her," Tarquin volunteered, stepping closer to the bed. "We certainly don't want the Neanderthal here to take her," he indicated Liam.
"Now wait just a minute!"
"Liam didn't hurt me," Roarke explained before any more yelling broke out. "He's telling the truth. I slipped and fell." Liam and Tarquin exchanged nasty looks. "Now please, I just want to go home."
"I don't think that's a wise decision." Flora said. "It's best if you just stay here and rest."
"Should I get rid of the rest of the guests?" Malcolm asked.
"No, I think she'll be fine in here if we put a silencing charm at the door so the noise doesn't bother her. No need to toss everyone out."
"Someone should stay in here with her," Emily suggested.
"I'll do that," Tarquin said again.
"I don't want to spoil your evening," Roarke said with a sigh.
"You didn't spoil it."
"All right," Liam sneered. "I get the point. I know when I'm not wanted so I'll just go."
"Wait!" Roarke called out, sitting up faster than she should have. She grabbed her head in agony.
"You need to lie down," Malcolm said.
"But Liam..." Her eyes met his in demand. "I want to talk to Liam for a moment." When no one moved she added, "Alone, please."
Malcolm took Emily's hand as they left the room. Tarquin gave Liam a very hard look before following Flora out. "Call if he starts anything."
Liam exhaled slowly once they were alone. "I'm so sorry, Roarke. This wasn't supposed to happen."
"Close the door," she said, and Liam complied. "Now come over here."
He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her. "I never meant for you to get hurt."
"Then why did you say all those things? That it was all just a trick. That you didn't care about me. Because," she took his hand, "I know you care about me."
Liam's eyes focused on their hands. He shook his head in defeat.
"You do care about me, don't you?"
"It's not that simple, Roarke. I wanted you to have the best. You deserve...so much more..."
"I saw they way you were looking at me when I was hurt. I heard how panicked you were. And I don't think you would have fought with Tarquin about me if you didn't care."
"I do care," he admitted at last, locking eyes with hers. "I was scared out of my mind when I saw the blood," he said touching the cut on her forehead. "And when you blacked out, I thought I might lose you."
"Lose me? That would imply that you have me."
He looked away again. "I could handle being on the other side of the world from you. I could even handle watching you fall in love with another man." He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. "But I don't know what I would have done...if you had..." He swallowed hard.
"Once and for all, tell me the truth." Roarke's voice was soft, barely above a whisper. "Did you lie to me that night?" Liam nodded ever so slightly. "And what we had together...that was real?" He squeezed her hand and brushed a stay hair out of her eyes.
"I had to leave. Being with me would only have held you back in life."
Roarke's heart thudded so hard she was certain Liam could feel it. She had one more question to ask, yet the answer he might give frightened her that she almost didn't ask it. "Did you ever love me?" The silence that hung in the air was so thick Roarke could hardly breathe. The longer he waited to answer, the faster her pulse raced.
"You know I did," Liam said in a shaky voice. Roarke closed her eyes and let the knowledge sink into her soul. "But Roarke," Liam said, bringing her back into his focus, "you need more than what I can give you. That's why I had to leave."
"Then why didn't you just tell me the truth and then leave? Why insult me and tell me you don't love me?"
"I didn't want you thinking of me. I didn't want..." She frowned in confusion. Liam paused and started his explanation again from another angle. "If I had told you that I was in love with you, would you have let me just walk away?"
"No."
"Which is why I had to do something to make sure you wouldn't try to stop me from leaving. I wanted you to hate me so much that you would be glad I was gone. And I did a damn good job of it, too."
"No you didn't," Roarke said, surprising Liam. Slowly, Roarke sat up. "That's what I had so much trouble with. I remembered the way you held me, the way you kissed me, just the way we were together...and it didn't fit with what you said. I tried to make it fit, and the best I could come up with was that you did love me at some point, but that something happened to make you not want me any more."
"Not want you? Oh, Roarke. I wanted you. I wanted everything." Whatever barrier Liam had kept up was now completely gone. It left Roarke speechless to hear him speak so openly and honestly. "But it had to be all or nothing. With the way the trial went, and knowing what kind of life I would have, I didn't think it would be fair to you to have to make that kind of decision. I knew that if I stayed, I wouldn't be able to be around you without...giving in to what I was feeling. So I left, so that you could have a normal life – a better life. "
He was speaking in the past tense, which worried Roarke. "And what about now?" she asked, again fearing the answer.
"I still feel that you can have a better life without me. Even though I think he's rude and obnoxious, Tarquin can give you so much more than I can."
"But I don't love Tarquin."
Again the silence enfolded them as she let the full meaning of her words sink in.
"I treated you so badly," Liam admitted. "You can't love me."
"And yet I do. Yes, the logical conclusion would be that I hate you for what you did. But I fell in love with you when you drew that portrait of me. I've never been able to forget the way you looked at me...and the way I felt when you weren't even touching me."
A smile played at the corner of Liam's mouth. It was the first hint of a smile Roarke had seen on his face the whole evening. "I fell in love with you when you baked that lopsided chocolate cake. There I was, again behaving like a total prat, and you stayed and made sure I was going to be all right."
"And what about now?"
Liam looked puzzled. "I told you, you're better off without me."
"No I mean - " Roarke wet her lips in anticipation. "Do you still love me?"
Liam slumped back, as if she had shoved him away from her. "You don't know? All this talk and you don't know?"
Roarke smiled weekly. "I just... want to hear you say it. Just once."
Liam looked away, and then back at Roarke. Tears were in his eyes. "Yes, Roarke. I love you."
They stared at each other for a long while. Roarke could feel her own eyes flooding with tears threatening to fall down her face. Liam squeezed her hand affectionately. Not able to wait a moment longer Roarke's frustration got the better of her. "Damn it, Liam. Aren't you going to kiss me?"
Liam laughed and looked down at their hands. "Would you believe that I'm afraid to?"
"Why?"
"Because I don't think..." his voice grew very soft, "...that I'll be able to stop at just one kiss."
"That's ok," she said, earning another laugh from Liam. "Just remember that not only have I had a head injury tonight, but I've also had far too much to drink. So don't be upset if I happen to pass out again."
A full smile spread on Liam's face. "Why don't you just lie down then, before you do pass out?"
"I'll rest," she said as Liam stood up. "On one condition."
"And what's that?"
"That you kiss me first!" she said with exasperation.
Liam sat back down and took her in his arms. She hugged him tightly, reveling in the feel of his body against hers. She felt his lips against her hair. "I would kiss you," he said, "but now there has been so much build up and expectation that I don't think I could do it justice."
She slumped against him, annoyed. "Liam, please," she leaned back so that she could see his face. "If you don't kiss me right this second I think I will..."
She gasped as his mouth met hers gently. A shock pierced through her whole body, leaving her breathless. Tenderly, Liam dragged his mouth over hers, deepening the kiss. His hands pulled her against him tightly as he kissed her painstakingly slowly. She sighed into his mouth, inviting him further. This was so much more than a simple kiss. All thought left Roarke's mind and all she could feel was the joy of being loved.
