Hello all! So sorry I've not been able to update until now. Work has been very crazy and this is the first time I've had in roughly a month to sit down and really write.

With that being said, thank you to anyone and everyone still reading this story and taking time to drop me a review. It means the world to me.

So, without further adieu, I present the newest chapter of I and Love and You.

Fair warning... it's going to get worse before it gets better.


Elizabeth sat patiently on the bench that sat just outside the door of the infirmary, a gentle hand resting atop her expanding stomach. It was an unusually pleasant day, despite winter beginning only a few weeks ago. The temperature had risen, melting the pond and prematurely awakening the flowers and their blooms. Mean's we're in for a rough bit of weather, Abigail mumbled over her tea this afternoon, it wouldn't surprise me if we ended up getting hit with a blizzard.

Elizabeth breathed in, contentment washing over her as she smelled the newly defrosted earth and grass and trees. The pines smelled fresh and evergreen, the maples drenching the air with a syrupy smell that had awakened Elizabeth's ever growing appetite. If they were in for a rough winter, she was going to soak up these few days of reprieve from the bitter cold that seemed to hang over Hope Valley the past few weeks.

A gentle thump underneath her hand forced Elizabeth's gaze down to her stomach, a bright smile stretching across her ruby lips. The baby had been kicking feverishly as of late. At first, it started out as a gentle flutter underneath her ribs. It reminded Elizabeth how she felt whenever she drank champagne, the bubbles tickling her insides and the crisp, refreshing taste exhilarating and intoxicating all at once. She felt another kick underneath her palm. A soft, sweet giggle left her lips and a heady wave of love and fierce devotion flooded through her.

How was it possible to love someone so deeply without ever meeting them? How was it possible to want so much for one person that hadn't even entered the world? Elizabeth knew she would love any children she and Jack had. How could she not? But she wasn't prepared for just how deeply it run in her veins. She knew Jack felt the same way; he had echoed the sentiment in his last letter to her.

Nothing could have prepared me for just how much I feel, he said. I knew how nerve-wracking, how confusing and elating it was to love someone so unconditionally in loving you, Elizabeth. But to feel it all for someone I've never met… I thought I knew all the boundaries of myself, that I understood the limits of my heart. It's extraordinary to have all those limits thrown out, to realize your love is inexhaustible. It's breathtaking.

How can I ever thank you, Elizabeth? How can I ever repay the gift that you've given me? Is there any way to measure just how much I owe you? You have given me your heart and now a child….

Just come home, Elizabeth prayed, it would be enough if you just came home.

"Thanks, Doc," a gravely voice spoke as Elizabeth turned her attention to the infirmary door. The man in front of her was the same man that had been ready to beat the life out Joshua a few weeks before. His eyes were red, his pupils nearly the size of marbles as he squinted against the sunlight. His sniffed and rubbed a hand under his nose.

Carson gave him a curt nod, "Just let me know if it doesn't go away in a few days. Most likely, it's all just a reaction from the change in temperature or the premature blooms."

The man replied with a grunt, his gaze shifting from Carson to Elizabeth before stumbling off the porch to walk back down the road to the saloon. Elizabeth cast a look a Carson, his jaw set and eyes narrowed as he watched the man walk away. Something was off in his gaze, like he was searching through clues to solve a mystery, "Everything okay, Carson?"

He blinked, startled to find Elizabeth beside him even thought her appointment was clearly written on his calendar, "Elizabeth, sorry! Yes… everything's fine," Carson smiled sweetly at her as he gestured to the door, "Please come in. Let's see how and that baby are doing."


The sun burned brightly in the sky. It was, dare he even think it, warm. It was a welcome reprieve from the biting cold and bitter snow that seemed to fall forever from the gray, winter sky. But the warmth provided its own challenges. The snow had melted, leaving deep tracts of mud behind. The horses were having a hard time getting through it, leaving the men to dismount and pull the beasts through the worst parts of it.

Jack's unit, along with Fraser's, had been tracking a group of runners since their last checkpoint in Yellowknife. Rumor had it that Li Sòng, Xiong Lao's number two man, was with the runners. It wasn't Lao, but Jack was fairly confident that capturing Sòng could be quite fruitful in brining Lao and his drug runners to end. For several weeks, they had trailed just behind the runners, waiting for an opportune moment to attack and capture. For weeks they had traipsed about the cold snow and sopping earth and sticky mud. For weeks, Jack continued to pray and dream of home.

Water was becoming scarce this far west. The snow had been useful then, the bright white powder a nearly endless supply of hydration. But now the snow was gone and what few little creeks there were, were filled with the runoff of mud and sediments and unseeable imperfections that left the usually clear liquid a murky brown. Stagnate pools of water could be boiled to kill off any potential bacteria, but wood was required to build a fire, and Jack was beginning to think they had wandered into the only part of Canada that seemed to be void of trees.

But Jack wasn't worried about that at the moment.

"Easy boy," Jack whispered as Sergeant whinnied. He pet along the horse's neck, sweat soaking through its hair. Panic set into his deep brown eyes, "Easy boy."

They had found a small gathering of trees a few hours ago and the sound of trickling water had beckoned the parched Mounties. A small, clear creek had led to a glade with rabbits and a deer or two, an oasis in a frozen desert. But they had no idea how deep the mud was, how slippery the slope to the creek and the glade fell. Matty's horse had stumbled down the slick hill, hurting its ankle. The horse was limping, but nothing that a day of rest couldn't cure. Fraser's horse had fallen into a deep mud pit and, already weak without food and water, died from exhaustion after fighting to escape for thirty minutes.

Jack glanced down at Ouimet as the young Mountie tenderly pulled Sergeant's back left leg from the mud. The unmistakable sign of bone broken through flesh caused bile to rise up in Jack's throat. Ouimet seemed to turn green at the sight as he glanced up at Jack, "It's broken sir."

Jack's eyes closed painfully before nodding to Ouimet. Sergeant whinnied again, pain evident his cries. Jack's calloused, gentle hands stroked the mane of his oldest, constant friend. From the moment he had graduated from the NWMP Academy, Sergeant had been his. It was Sergeant that Jack had ridden to Hope Valley on. It was with Sergeant that Jack had given riding lessons to Elizabeth. It was Sergeant that had carried him across the godforsaken country of the Northern Territories. Jack hadn't even thought of this… the outcome that Sergeant might not make it back home even if he did.

Sergeant cried again. Weak and pitiful and so unlike the hearty neigh Jack often heard.

Another pitiful puff of air and another pitiful cry.

Jack's jaw set and his eyes shot open. Fierce grief and determination shining through them.

He couldn't let his friend suffer.

He pulled his pistol from his holster. He could see Matty, Shelby and a few men in Fraser's unit cast their gaze downwards. It made him sick.

Jack walked over to face Sergeant, the horse's head hanging low for a moment. And as Sergeant looked up at Jack, with fear and pain and… and trust, Jack wondered.

Jack wondered if his friend knew what was about to happen. If he knew that when Jack stroked his mane and whispered words of comfort, it was all a distraction, a lie to lull him into peaceful ignorance.

Jack wondered if Sergeant knew that the cold metal of Jack's pistol in between the horse's eyes would make such a loud sound when he pulled the trigger.

Jack wondered if Sergeant was afraid or thankful when the bullet pierced through his brain and the life in his eyes faded into oblivion.

Jack wondered if Sergeant would ever know how much it killed them both when the horse's broken body slumped down to the ground in a lifeless heap.

Jack wondered if he would ever know what had broken inside him as he put the beast out of it's misery.

Jack wondered.


"It looks like everything is coming along splendidly, Elizabeth," Carson grinned as he pulled the fetal stethoscope from Elizabeth's rounded belly. He rose from his chair and placed the instrument on the shelf next to his desk before jotting down several notes on his clipboard, "The baby's heartbeat is strong, and you've gained a healthy amount of weight."

Elizabeth smiled softly as Carson crossed the room and sat back down in the chair beside her. He gently grasped her wrist and placed two fingers on her pulse point.

"Have you had any morning sickness," Carson asked as he glanced down at his wrist watch, watching closely at the time.

Elizabeth shook her head, "No. No, I haven't been sick for several weeks now."

"Excellent," Carson mumbled, his eyes narrowing at his watch. He rose from his chair again, jotting more notes down onto his clipboard before reaching up into one of the higher cabinet doors. Elizabeth watched as he pulled down a small black tin box with two metal clasps on either side.

"Elizabeth," Carson began in a tone that Elizabeth could only label as a teacher voice. She was about to be given a lesson and for some reason, it unsettled her, "this is called a sphygmomanometer. It is a device used to measure blood pressure. Have you ever seen one?"

"No," Elizabeth answered quickly, eying the tin box as Carson opened it. Inside, a rather large dial sat in the center, connected on either side with rubber tubing to a large wrap of cloth and what looked like a small pump, "Why do you need to measure my blood pressure?"

Carson smiled weakly. He wasn't surprised by the question. As a teacher, Elizabeth's job was to foster learning and curiosity in her students. It was only natural that she be inquisitive and insightful herself. But her question hung in the air and the concern he had been trying to hide seemed to creep back into his consciousness.

"Pregnant women can often develop a condition called preeclampsia," Carson explained, "if left untreated, it will cause impaired liver function, kidney dysfunction, swelling, or shortness of breath due to fluid in the lungs. If it turns into eclampsia, the blood won't clot and seizures could occur during labor."

Elizabeth blanched, "Carson," she couldn't finish her thought.

Carson quickly rallied to assuage her fear, "I don't want you to worry, Elizabeth. Elevated blood pressure isn't abnormal in pregnant women. And I've known plenty of women who have had preeclampsia and treated it properly, that have delivered multiple healthy babies. But you're roughly 26 weeks along, which is right about when preeclampsia symptoms begin to surface. Taking your blood pressure will give us a good jumping off point to monitor your vitals throughout the remainder of the pregnancy."

It felt as if a stone had dropped behind her ribs and settled poorly in her stomach. Both hands involuntarily moved to shield the baby sitting just beneath her skin. Elizabeth knew that childbirth wasn't easy. She knew that there were numerous complications that could arise whilst delivering a child. But to have her own body… how was she supposed to protect her child from her own body?

"What do we do if I have preeclampsia?" Elizabeth's tone was detached and clinical.

"If you do have preeclampsia, we will need to monitor your diet closely. Calcium is important, so eating things like kale and oranges or drinking milk would be helpful. I would also prescribe magnesium sulfate supplements. But first," Carson continued calmly, "we are going to take your blood pressure."

Elizabeth nodded her permission.

Carson gave a quick, reassuring grin before placing the cuff on her upper arm, "I'm also going to have you provide a urine sample to check for proteins in your urine. That's the clearest indicator of preeclampsia."

Elizabeth blanched again, "Carson…"

"Elizabeth," Carson began, "you are an educator and I am doctor. We both know that there is nothing improper or indecent about genuine medical practice. Please don't become uncomfortable about a clinical practice as simple and non intrusive as a urine test."

Any words she might have said fell silent behind her teeth. Carson glanced up at her before returning his gaze to the dial's needle as he began to pump air through the cuff. Elizabeth stared at the blank wall in front of her, ignoring the slight sting beginning to work its way around the skin where the cuff was wrapped around her arm.

"I could have Faith examine the sample if that would make you feel more comfortable," Carson offered peacefully.

Elizabeth's gaze shot to Carson, who's smile was kind and eyes slightly teasing.

She had no brothers growing up. No one to tease and annoy her the way only brothers can. But Elizabeth imagined that if she had, they would look at her as Carson was looking at her now: fully aware of how ridiculous she was being and refusing to let her get away with it, but comforting and accommodating to her absurdity all the same.

"Don't patronize me, Carson," Elizabeth challenged, the mirth and annoyance of a sister dancing in her gaze.

Carson chuckled, "I wouldn't dream of it, Mrs. Thornton. Wouldn't dream of it."


They had set up camp as far away from the dead horses as possible and still remain in the shelter of the glade. Ouimet and Shelby had gathered brush and branches to start a few fires. Fraser and what was left of his unit, Brady and Dawson and Reynolds had built up their tents while Jack, Matty, and Jeremiah laid traps for the small game they had seen prancing in the glade.

Several rabbits and a few squirrels they had shot down had made for the best dinner they'd had in two months, thought it did little to quell their appetites. Jack couldn't remember the last time he had stuffed himself full of any meal. The lingering memories of the taste of Abigail's venison stew and Elizabeth's shepherds pie danced on his tastebuds and tormented his grumbling stomach. He promised God that he would never complain again if Elizabeth burned another dish as long as he lived.

Once dinner had been eaten, Brady and Dawson patrolled the woods ahead of the small group of Mounties. They found another dead horse and two dead bodies of the men they had been chasing for three weeks. Dehydration was the consensus for cause of death.

Jack sent up another silent prayer thanking God for getting them to the glade when they had.

"That was their last horse," Ouimet commented, "They only had one horse left. They can't be that far now."

"Which means we'll need to leave at first light," Jack had reasoned, "and we'll need to have patrols around the clock. They probably aren't too far ahead of us, assuming they've even left the area."

"Why wouldn't they," Fraser questioned.

Jack's eyebrows cocked, "We've been traveling for weeks in the snow and mud with little to know head cover and even less water and game to hunt. Do you want to leave tomorrow morning, or would you prefer to rest and recoup for a few days?"

Fraser swallowed his embarrassment. Jack gave a curt nod before repeating himself, "Patrols. I want three men rotating every three hours. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," Fraser mumbled under his breath.

Jack practically fell onto the ground as he sat next to Jeremiah by the fire after finishing his patrol.

"All's quiet," Jack muttered as he crossed his arms to fight off the cold that was beginning to settle back into the glade.

"I noticed some coyote tracks just East of us," Jeremiah responded, "I don't think they'll bother us though."

"Not when they have horse meat half a mile South," Jack answered bitterly.

Jeremiah and Matty glanced at one another as silence settled over the three men.

For several long minutes, the sounds of the crackling fire and the snores of the sleeping Mounties were all that echoed in the tranquil clearing. Every so often, the hoot of an owl or the scurry of a rabbit would cut into the syncopated rhythm of the world around them. Jeremiah watched Jack closely, worried for the young man that seemed to be shrinking deeper into himself with each passing moment. He opened his mouth to speak when Matty broke the silence.

"I had to put a dog down once," Matty's voice was quiet over the crackling sounds of the meager fire.

Jack and Jeremiah both turned their attention to the young Mountie, who's own gaze was lost in the glowing embers of the flames as the hot swirling air above it twisted and distorted his image. Jack watched as Matty sank further into his memories, deep and old and buried in the recesses of his mind. Silence engulfed them.

"He was this beautiful Shetland sheepdog," Matty's voice was wistful, his eyes childlike as he continued, "My pa bought him a few years after I was born to help with the herd. Named him Edison," Matty chuckled at that.

Jeremiah gave him a weak smile. Jack continued to watch and listen.

"That dog followed me everywhere," Matty took a breath, "walked with me to school and then ran back to the farm. And when I was done with school, Eddie was sitting just outside, waiting for me. He'd follow me around the farm while I was doing my chores. He slept at the foot of me and my brother's bed. Drove my pa crazy," Matty chuckled again, "the fact that he was a worthless sheep dog. But by God, I loved Eddie. And Eddie loved me."

Jack couldn't help but think of Rip. The basset hound's droopy ears and short stubby legs following him around at all hours of the night. Wherever Jack went, Rip longed to go. It had shocked Jack when Rip began to gravitate towards Elizabeth so soon after they had married. No longer was Jack the apple of Rip's eye. He suspected it had something to do with the bits of biscuit that Elizabeth would keep in the pockets of her coats and aprons.

It almost hurt to think of Elizabeth now, as if thinking of her brought her to this dreadful place. She didn't belong here. Jack pushed her from his mind and swallowed the bile collecting in his throat, "What happened to him?"

Matty's breath caught and tears welled up in his eyes, the chocolate brown of his irises twinkling in the hazy light of the fire. His Adam's apple bobbed several times in his throat and his jaw twitched.

"We were in the woods one Sunday. I would do that a lot after church… just walk in the woods….a lynx had been following us. One minute Eddie and I are walking in the woods and the next minute a lynx jumps on him and starts clawing and nipping at him. I tried to reach my hand in and pull it off him and the damned thing tried to bite me. Eddie jumped in front of me and got bit right on the neck. I got a branch and started beating the thing and it finally gave up and ran off. But Eddie…I was only a kid and knew that he wasn't gonna be okay."

Jeremiah and Jack sat in silence, giving Matty time to collect himself. Matty took another breath, silent tears rolling down his face, "I carried him back to the house and my Pa… I swear he knew something was wrong before I even go to the house. He was waiting for me… he was waiting for me out by the barn when I brought Eddie home. We made him comfortable in the hay… I pet him while he whimpered and when my dad brought the gun out… He looked at me and told me that I needed to put him out of his misery. He put the gun in my hand and made me pull the trigger."

Matty finally looked up at Jack and Jeremiah, his eyes dark like two pieces of coal, death and destruction swirling in his gaze, "I told him it wasn't right, killing him for protecting me. And my pa… he said it was putting him out of his misery. Ending his suffering…. All I remember is how scared Eddie looked when I pulled the trigger."

Jack eyes slammed shut at Matty's last words. A weight had settled in his chest, something he had yet to understand or given a name too… something different than grief or anger. It was an ache in his bones that was getting stronger and refusing to leave… a tiredness he had never known. He longed to be home and yet… he worried. He worried that the blood and the mud on his hands and face would never be washed off. That whatever was settling in his chest would find it's way into his heart. He worried about the kind of man he would be when he returned home… if he returned home at all.

"Be thankful it was only a dog," Jeremiah's deep gravely voice cut through the quiet.

Jack and Matty looked over at their prisoner-turned-partner. The older man's head hung low, his eyes filled with the ghost of some emotion that Jack couldn't name, but was beginning to understand all too well.

The three men sat in silence as the fire burned.


Elizabeth bolted upright, the thick flannel sheets pooling at her waist. Loose strands of hair from her braid clung to the back of her slender neck as sweat dripped from her forehead and brow. The fire in the bedroom had begun to die down, but the embers still gave a luminous glow.

She fought to calm her breathing and settle her nerves as her lips and throat parched at her excessive inhale and exhale. Her heart fluttered in her chest and the baby beneath the skin of her belly fluttered with it. Breathe, she thought, breathe slowly. It was just a dream.

No, she thought to herself, it was just a nightmare.

She took in another deep breath. He's fine. You would know if something had happened. You would know.

Elizabeth closed her eyes at the nightmare flashing through her mind. The gunfire and the snow and the man slumped on horse with blood pooling from his chest as a dark figure rode just behind him. No, she would know… she would feel it in her bones if Jack had been hurt…. but still. Something was wrong. She couldn't explain it but the blood in her veins seemed to run cold at the thought of him.

"Beth, are you alright?"

Elizabeth tore her gaze from the fire to find Julie standing just inside her room. Her sister was still half asleep, the groggy way she talked and the droopy eyelids gave her away. But concern was laced in her words, compassion burning soft and warm in her sleepy gaze. Elizabeth gave her a weak smile.

"I just… I had a nightmare."

Julie frowned at Elizabeth's admission. She trudged over to the bed before plopping herself down onto the mattress, "About what Dr. Carson told you today?"

Elizabeth sighed, "No…. no. It was about Jack."

Julie's eyes shot open, wide awake and alert. She turned to lay against the pillows on the other side of the bed before pulling her sister close. Elizabeth followed willingly, laying her head on her sister's shoulder while Julie began to pet the top of Elizabeth's hair.

"He's going to come home, Beth," Julie's voice was laced with conviction and assurance. It did nothing to comfort Elizabeth.

"He's coming home," Julie repeated.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and prayed.


A man in a fine coat and bowler hat steps off the train and makes his way to the railroad shanties at the edge of town….


Foreshadowing? Coincidence? Mysterious strangers at the edge of town? The plot thickens!

Let me know what you thought by dropping a review or PM.