A/N: Not necessarily filler as it will be important later but feels like some filler now. Enjoy my little made up scene!
Henry's Point of View
I knew there would be bumps in the road… but I never knew this would be the bump. It doesn't feel like a bump… it feels more like a major, traumatic accident that couldn't have been avoided. It feels slightly catastrophic.
I don't know all of the details of Elizabeth's time in the CIA but with my personal experience, I can imagine how some things may have happened. I understand that she was doing her job, finishing her mission, and I understand that sometimes what it takes to get the job done and what you believe is right isn't always the same thing.
Stevie stopped by Elizabeth's office today… just when things seemed to be going well… and that little visit turned into an emotional hazmat situation. I know things will never be the same but I'm not sure if we'll even get to a point that they will ever be ok.
The Iraqi delegation was at the state office when an active shooter situation put the building on lockdown. At first, my heart stopped… then I was reminded that of all places, Stevie is safest with Elizabeth and Elizabeth is the safest in her office.
While the building was on lockdown, Stevie overheard Elizabeth speak about her actions while in the CIA and things escalated to a point that Elizabeth felt the need to tell Stevie. The reality of what Elizabeth could have done is terrible, I won't disagree with Stevie on that but I can recognize that it wasn't done because she necessarily thought it was the right thing to do.
War isn't black and white, no conflict truly is. It's easy to think there's just right and wrong but there isn't… of all people I know that. I know it won't be something that Stevie can easily accept but it's not always easy to accept the things you don't want to recognize are true.
Dinner tonight was tense… to say the least. The two women that I love were both aware of the gravity of their conflict in front of Ali and Jason but there were some low blows by each party.
"It shouldn't take traumatizing people to finish whatever statement you were claiming you were trying to make."
I can't disagree with Stevie on that but there's a huge difference between a moral disagreement and a misalignment from reality. Our morals and our reality rarely reflect the same image that we hope for but part of becoming an adult is accepting that.
"Sometimes finishing something, in the ways that we'd hope, isn't as easy as it seems, is it?"
Elizabeth's words weren't soft but they were needed. I think sometimes Stevie needs to be brought back into her reality and accept that what she is practicing is morally different than what she is preaching. I've seen Elizabeth accept that what she's said and what she's done haven't lined up to what's in her heart but I need Stevie to do that.
They will each have things about their independent yet intertwined experiences that will haunt them forever. They'll have sights and sounds that will be ingrained in their psyche forever. I hope I have the strength to support them each in the ways that they need when those moments randomly resurface.
This will forever change their relationship. It already has. Stevie called me after she left Elizabeth's office and told me everything that happened… and finished it by telling me she didn't want us to be together. I can understand why she would feel this way, a woman that she has so far had an utmost amount of respect for isn't the person she thought at all… but I don't know how to break it to her that all of that is a sad fact of the life that Elizabeth has lived.
I sometimes wish I hadn't protected Stevie so much. I wish I had let her see some things that I hid from her. I wish that she would have known that good people can do bad things and still be good inside but I protected her from the bad… and that meant I shielded her from the reality that good and bad can coexist in one living being. In some ways, I feel like I need to take some of the blame for how she's acting.
I respect Stevie's opinion and her feelings, I also can't keep this ring in my figurative pocket forever. We're going to spend tomorrow in Charlottesville, I think we need a little father daughter getaway to talk about this in a setting that isn't wrapped up in Elizabeth and everything about her. She's spending tonight at a friend's house though and I completely understand.
Elizabeth and I talked about it tonight. Her memories of it are so vivid… almost shockingly so. There's no amount of therapy that ever takes away the horror that can so easily come back at any point, but if she ever wants a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on - mine will always be there.
