A/N: Don't worry, I'm alive! But if I wasn't, I'd be Brook, yohohoho! I'd like to thank everyone who has stuck with me this far for their patience. I hope that you enjoy this chapter and that you'll stick around for future chapters! Keep a weather eye out! And as always, I'm very appreciative of any reviews or comments you'd like to share with me! Enjoy! :3

For your information, I also have a mature story for Luffy and Zoro called "Licking Wounds." This story can be read as a stand-alone fic, but it also corresponds with the end of this chapter. Go check it out if you want :3

Chapter 25: Stuff of Nightmares

Dead Man Walking

"Hey Zoro, did you ever think that we'd end up like this?" Franky asked from the corner of his mouth as the Straw Hat pirates stared up at a massive, creepy ghost ship.

"The skeleton is a surprise," the swordsman replied as Luffy, Sanji, and Nami scrambled up the boarding net hanging off of the dilapidated galleon.

The sunny day they'd been having had just taken a turn for the creepy and Zoro was pretty sure that Luffy was dragging the whole crew into a new mess by wanting to get on the ghost ship that had just drifted up next to the Sunny. The crew had just been battling a massive and sudden storm that had battered and pushed their ship into murky waters. Everyone was soaked to the bone, and Nami had managed to navigate them to safety, but the skies were now covered in darkness. It was as if all the light had been sucked out of the world, replaced with shifting fog and mists that obscured everything around them. It wasn't even nighttime, but the day had turned so dark that it might as well have been night. The crew had belatedly realized that they'd paddled the Sunny right into the Florian Triangle, the most haunted sea on the Grand Line, possibly in the world, where over a hundred ships were lost each year. The prospect of finding a ghost ship had terrified Usopp and Chopper and after taking several jabs at the terrified sniper (because let's face it, teasing Usopp was practically a national sport) the universe had screwed with them, and the little crew had actually found a ghost ship.

It was a very old ship, with tattered sails, creaking wood, and an air of abandonment, swaying and rocking as it lumbered up behind the Thousand Sunny. The galleon towered over the other pirate ship, the highest crow's nest at least twice as high as the Sunny, if not more. The groaning ship's arrival was added upon by the strains of a song floating eerily across the waters, the sound quite foreign to the normally quiet seas. The high, ghostly notes drifted over the small pirate crew, spooking even the pluckiest members as the galleon creaked up alongside the Sunny. Monkey D. Luffy and his brave crew of pirates screamed, "IT'S A GHOST SHIP!" seemingly to the amusement of the Jolly Roger on the galleon's sail. (Usopp would neither confirm nor deny that he may or may not have wet himself a little.) The forlorn notes of the "yohohoho's" reached an unearthly high as the ship creaked on, sending shivers up every living being's spine, including Robin's (who had been, up until this point, very rational when it came to pretty much everything). Jaws hit the ground in terror as the unnatural song wavered and dipped and the ghost ship's dark shadow fell over the Sunny. Even with all the screaming and wailing interrupting the eerie melody, the song continued on, drifting across the fog, reaching out to the terrified pirates and holding them in its icy grip.

"Who is that…?" Robin wondered, her voice shaky, having spotted a figure on the deck of the ship. "Is someone…riding the ghost ship?"

Luffy had leaped onto Zoro's back in an effort to get a higher look, but the swordsman's first response was to move his boyfriend's leg out of his way and grab hold of the Wado Ichimonji. He shifted the sword out of its sheath a few inches with a flick of his thumb, the weight of the steel comforting in his hand. "So…" he started, his skin breaking out in a cold sweat. "Can you cut ghosts?"

Sanji forced his knees to stop trembling and tried to look unaffected. "On the deck. Look." The crew's eyes were drawn to the deck of the galleon high above them, the notes of the eerie song drifted away into the fog, but even all they had experienced could not have prepared the crew for what they were about to lay eyes on: A dapper-looking skeleton with an afro and a top hat having a cup of tea.

"Gather up all of the crew…it's time to ship out Binks' Brew…" The skeleton was the one singing! He was moving! He was sipping out of his teacup! Oh, the humanity (or lack thereof)! But, before anyone could react beyond gaping at the sight, the ghost ship started to drift slowly past, carried by the shadowy waters.

"I was scared stiff there for a minute," Zoro admitted, still not quite believing his eyes.

"Gee, I hope not," came Sanji's retort, giving the swordsman a cruel sneer. "Otherwise Luffy's going to have to be worried about your tastes." The cook bite back a yelp and made a hasty retreat as a blade came whizzing towards him. Before Zoro could attack again, his backpack-boyfriend was leaning in the opposite direction to keep looking at the ghost ship.

"Did you see that!?" Luffy asked, breathless from his previous terror and his now growing excitement. "There's a singing skeleton on that ship!" Usopp and Chopper flinched at the notion, still terrified.

Luffy immediately whipped around, the force of his turn dragging Zoro back a few steps with him. The swordsman made a disgruntled noise, but the rubber man ignored him. "Sanji! You heard him!" Then he turned his attention below him and leaned right into Zoro's face. "Come on! Please!? Can we go?!" There were stars in his eyes and Zoro knew what happened when Luffy got into this mood. This was going to get messy. "If he sings, I wonder what else he can do!" The rubber man leaped off of his boyfriend's back and started to run towards the railing closest to the ghost ship, but Sanji (having reversed his retreat) was quick enough to grab him by his orange collar and yank him back before he got too far.

"Not so fast," the cook sighed. "You can't go alone." It was at this point that the crew facepalmed, knowing exactly what Luffy wanted to do, but were resigned to go along with his antics like always. Well, most of the crew anyway. Usopp, Chopper, and Nami were not pleased with the turn of events and were adamant about not boarding the vessel. However, with much protesting and drawing of lots, Sanji and Nami were the lucky ones chosen to go on the creepy ghost ship with Luffy.

"You've got to keep a tight leash on him or Luffy will do something stupid!" Zoro called, worried that his boyfriend was going to screw something up.

"Have you ever tried putting a leash on him, Zoro? It might be fun~" Sanji called back maliciously. That earned him a glare from both the swordsman and his captain.

The green-haired man snapped, "Shut your damn mouth, Eyebrows!"

"Yeah, Sanji!" Luffy whined, missing a step and getting his foot tangled in the net. "If anyone's getting put on a leash, it's Zoro!"

Horrified, the swordsman's wrath switched targets. "Shut your damn mouth, Luffy! There's no way that's EVER happening!"

Robin chuckled at just how fast the situation devolved into sex jokes. "I think it would be fun." Zoro just glared at Robin, knowing full well that she could put him in a chokehold before he moved two steps towards her.

"Just get back to what you were doing and hurry up!" The swordsman's gruff command was slightly undermined by the blush rising on his cheeks. The archeologist chuckled again.

Luffy took a moment to look down at Nami, who was still sitting in the rowboat, lamenting her ill-fortune.

"Move your butt, Nami!" He called down, leaning back and accidentally yanking on the net in such a way that Sanji lost his footing and got his ankle tangled in the net. "It's ghost time!"

"JUST GIVE ME A SECOND!" She screeched back, and Zoro clapped a hand over his mouth to stop him from laughing and pissing Nami off even more.

Luffy pouted as he hung onto the net. "This is why I said I would go alone!"

"Yeah, that'd be great!" Sanji replied facetiously. "You'd go sailing off with a bunch of skeletons and we'd never see you again!"

"I wouldn't do that!"

"Bullshit."

"Well…" Luffy put on his teasing smile again, "At least I wouldn't do it without taking Zoro with me." And the rubber man should've been grateful that he was ahead of the cook, otherwise, the blond would've smacked him silly for leaving out the rest of his friends who he had badgered into joining his crew. But all joking aside, the trio scrambled up the net and didn't stop until they reached the deck. Nami screamed once they'd reached the top, as the impossibility stood in front of them. There was a skeleton, tipping his top hat as he greeted them cheerfully. He was well dressed (even if his suit was a little tattered) and had a purple cane hanging from his elbow. Even Luffy, who was rarely fazed by anything, just gaped at the new fascination.

"Why, good afternoon!~ Yohohohohoho! Thank you all for stopping by!~" For a dead guy, he seemed very happy to see them. "You must excuse me for not greeting you properly before! I really was quite surprised! It's been so many years, you see, wandering these waters all alone. I'm so used to ghost ships that humans frightened me! Quite ironic, isn't it? But please, come inside and take a seat!~ I'm sure you have many tales to share!" After letting the skeleton babble along for a while, Luffy finally got his senses back (or what little he had to begin with) and pointed excitedly at him.

"Look! It can talk!" He cried. "It's a singing talking afro skeleton!"

"Well, I'll be damned," Sanji added, his eyes wide with wonder and disbelief.

Back on the Sunny, the remaining crew members waited for the others to come back. "What going on up there?" Zoro asked Robin, knowing that she had at least one eye and one ear on the situation. The woman had crossed her arms to use her Devil Fruit the second the exploration team got up on the deck and she smiled mischievously as she started a play-by-play.

"The skeleton seems to be hitting on Nami, calling her a beautiful young lady."

Aw shit, do we have another pervert on our hands? The swordsman sighed. Wasn't one cook and one Speedo-wearing cyborg enough?

"He said that he's all eyes for women like her, or, 'he would be if skeletons had any eyes,'" Robin continued. "Now he's cleaning himself up, shining his shoes, fixing his bowtie…I think he's going to hit on her again." The crew sniggered, knowing how put-out Nami was going to be, and they were grateful that they were not going to be on the receiving end of her furious fists this time.

"Oh!" Robin gasped, trying to keep from laughing. "He just asked to see her panties and she kicked his skull in."The rest of the crew burst into laughter.

"Atta girl!" Zoro chuckled.

"I'm just glad that it's not me!" Usopp wheezed, his fear forgotten for just a moment.

"The skeleton's head wound swelled up…how does that work?" Robin asked, fascinated with how the exchange was progressing. No one had any answers for her, this was the first time any of them had seen a talking, singing skeleton with an afro. "Oh goodness."

"What happened?" Zoro asked as Robin pressed her lips together.

"Luffy just asked the skeleton if he pooped!" Zoro facepalmed at his boyfriend's stupidity. His slap was followed by a chorus of three other slaps to the forehead as Franky, Chopper, and Usopp joined him.

"WE'VE GOT LIKE A MILLION QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE THAT ONE!" Sanji's yell was so loud that they didn't need Robin to tell them what had happened. A pause of quiet occurred as Zoro and his crewmates waited for Robin to go on, but apparently, she was waiting for something to happen too. Then, a few moments later, she started talking again.

"The skeleton said that he does poop." A chorus of facepalms echoed in the air. Just what the hell were they dealing with here?! "Sanji just asked all the questions I wanted to know," the woman continued. "Why he can talk and sing if he's just bones, if he's the living dead or not, why he's here, what happened to the ship, if these waters are really haunted – oh, Luffy just interrupted." At those words, Zoro dreaded what was going to come out of his boyfriend's mouth next. "He just asked the skeleton to join our crew."

"GAH!" The Straw Hat men exclaimed, stunned (but not too surprised by their captain's behavior (they had a cyborg and a reindeer on their crew, what else could they expect?!).

Robin smiled devilishly, watching her compatriots with great amusement. "The skeleton said yes."

"LUFFY!" They all shouted, exasperated.

And that's how a singing, talking skeleton ended up on the deck of the Thousand Sunny.

"Yohohoho! It's such a pleasure to meet you!" The skeleton tipped his hat to the rest of the crew he hadn't met and introduced himself. "Hello and good day to you all! As of today, I will be joining you on this ship as your newest crew member! Once dead, and all bones, my name is Brook and I do hope we can get along!~"

"Are you kidding me!?" Franky and Zoro snapped, still stunned that they'd gotten into this situation. Chopper was scared stiff and Usopp was holding out a cross to "ward off the demon."

Brook just laughed, still cheerful. "Oh my! What a tough crowd you are!" Luffy started laughing too, loving every minute of this new, wacky friend. Sanji and Nami sighed, knowing that they'd messed up and let Luffy have his way again.

"Please don't haunt meeeeee!" Chopper wailed, holding onto a cross Usopp had given him for protection.

"My goodness!" Brook had spotted Robin and approached the archeologist. Robin knew exactly where this was going. "What a lovely young woman! Perhaps you would like to show me your panties?"

Nami snapped and threw her shoe at the skeleton's head. "THAT'S ENOUGH SEXUAL HARASSMENT!"

"Tell that to Swirly Brows," Zoro mumbled, and he made a hasty retreat as a foot came whizzing towards him.

"My love is pure!" The cook righteously declared.

"Keep tellin' yourself that and one day it may come true!" The swordsman sidestepped another kick and the pair devolved into their usual fight. While that was going on, Usopp, decked out in his new "anti-ghost" gear, attempted to ward Brook off of the ship. However, the skeleton got scared too because he couldn't see the evil creature the sniper was trying to exorcise, and the whole debacle had Luffy rolling on the ground laughing. He laughed even harder when Chopper tried to convince himself that he was dreaming, only to be scared by Brook again. At that point, Zoro snapped, abandoning his vendetta against the crew's cook.

"That's enough!" He yelled, glaring at the skeleton and the screaming reindeer. "Why the hell is this thing on our ship!?" His glare whipped around to Luffy as he pointed an accusatory finger at Brook, who just smiled with all his exposed teeth.

"That's our new crew member! Isn't he funny?!" Luffy announced, grinning like an idiot.

"Who cares?! He's not joining our crew!" Now the swordsman was glaring at the two imbeciles who were supposed to keep their idiot captain in check, but who had clearly failed at their task. "This is exactly why I wanted you to go with him! What the hell happened?! We're you just picking your nose while he brought a skeleton back to the ship?!"

"We know. We messed up." Nami and Sanji sighed again. But before they completely gave in to their guilt, Sanji had a snark up his sleeve.

"Hey, but you're the number one offender of letting Luffy have his way, lover boy, so I don't expect that you could've done any better!" Zoro blushed in frustration at being teased again, but before he could rip the cook a new asshole, Brook hijacked the conversation by laughing in his unusual way.

"Yohohoho! Now, now, let's be civil everyone!" He stood in front of the crew and gave them all a toothy smile. "Why don't we go inside? You can treat me to dinner!"

"YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE THAT!" Zoro, Nami, and Sanji yelled back at a flustered Brook. Luffy laughed.

"I love this guy!"

And that's how the talking skeleton invited himself to dinner. Brook also finally got around to telling them his story, explaining that he was a pirate decades ago and that he'd eaten the Revive-Revive Fruit, allowing him to be reanimated once he'd died. While the Devil Fruit had technically worked, due to dying in the Florian Triangle, his little soul had gotten lost in all the thick fog, and little Soul-Brook had only found his body after a year had passed, hence his skeletal appearance.

"You got lost, huh?" Luffy asked. "Then you're stupid just like Zoro!" And then the idiot laughed!

Said swordsman glared at his lover. "That's it, I'm not touching you for a week," he grumbled in retaliation.

"Hey! Come on! It was just a joke!" Luffy tried to leap off of his chair and into the man's lap, but he was thwarted when a strong arm shoved him back into his own chair.

"Zo-RO!" The raven whined.

"Shut up and listen to the skeleton!"

"Oh my, they are very lively," Brook commented, not quite understanding the situation.

"You have no idea," the crew chorused back, puzzling the skeleton even more. Luffy, not one to be defeated, leaped at his boyfriend again, attempting to wrap his rubbery limbs around the man as tight as he could. Zoro put up a valiant effort to escape the tentacle-like limbs but was largely unsuccessful, and the two of them ended up slipping off the seat. Crashing onto the floor and starting up a wrestling match that the crew hoped would end with their clothes still on, Luffy and Zoro rolled under the table in a flurry of limbs.

A "Luffy! Don't put your hands there!" was followed by mischievous shishishi's, prompting an eye roll from the rest of the crew as the dishes rattled on the table.

A "Zoro, keep your hands there!" caused a collective groan from everyone except Brook (who was less confused about the situation now), and Franky even managed to kick one of the idiots under the table. Unfortunately, he hit Zoro instead of Luffy, who was the worst offender. Their ruckus banged against the table and caused several dishes to clank and rattle right off the table.

"WOULD YOU TWO CUT IT OUT?!" Sanji yelled as he gracefully caught the falling dishes with Franky's help. His outburst fell on deaf ears as the pair continued to wrestle with each other, Zoro having to bat Luffy's hands away from his butt several times and dodge many childish kisses in the process. Unfortunately for Usopp, Zoro kicked out and hit the sniper's shin, throwing him off balance and sending him to the floor with Chopper trapped underneath him. Before either of them could yell at the pair for getting them involved in their little squabble, Usopp noticed something on the floor that had gone unnoticed the entire time they'd been in Brook's company: the skeleton did not have a shadow!

He pointed a shaky finger at Brook's feet, drawing Chopper's attention as well before they both jumped to their feet (and hooves) and screamed. "A VAMPIRE!" The whole crew tensed, ready for a fight as they panicked. Well, everyone except Luffy, of course.

The rubber man abandoned his assault on Zoro and zipped out from under the table. "ARE YOU FOR REAL?! THAT'S AWESOME!" The teen's head was about to explode by how amazing Brook was. Now, in a reversal of fate, Zoro had to zip out from under the table and hang onto the teen to keep him from mauling Brook in his excitement. Between avoiding Luffy's grabby hands and trying to get Chopper to come out of hiding, Brook explained the situation with his shadow and that he would turn into naught but ash in sunlight. He went on to say that wandering around in the Florian Triangle, no matter how dismal, had been somewhat of a blessing, as no sunlight could penetrate the thick fog of the haunted waters.

"Well, I hate to say it, but your life sure does suck," Sanji stated bluntly. But Brook didn't seem too down about it.

"But what a wonderful day this has been!" He sang. "I met other people! Buried in a heavy fog, even though I knew decades had passed, I couldn't tell when one day ended and another began. Unable to navigate or steer the ship, my companions long since dead, I could only drift aimlessly. So I waited and waited, as the waves rocked me back and forth." The skeleton's sad story quieted the pirate crew, and they listened intently. "You can't even imagine how lonely I was all those years. Not just lonely, but scared, wanting to die every single day. Even still, a long life is a blessing, not a curse." His mood instantly lifted and that toothy smile came back in full force. "You've made me so happy! Meeting such wonderful people has given my life meaning! Yohohohoho! If I had but the eyes to shed them, I would be crying tears of happiness right now!" Then he turned to look at Luffy. "I was happy beyond measure when you asked me to join your crew, and I sincerely want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. However, I feel that I must decline your offer." Luffy's smile at his thanks faded.

"What?! Why would you do that?!" Luffy almost leaped at the skeleton again, but Zoro made sure that his butt stayed planted in his lap.

"As I mentioned to all of you just now, my shadow has been stolen from me and I am unable to come into contact with any sunlight. Lonely though I may be, for now I am able to survive thanks to the thick fog covering these seas," Book explained. "However, if I were to go on a journey with you, it would only be a matter of time before I met my unfortunate demise. Therefore, however unlikely it may be, I will wait for the day when my shadow will be restored. No bones about it! Yohohohoho!"

Luffy slammed his hands down on the table, very upset that his new friend wouldn't come with them. "I don't want to hear you make excuses like that! If you need your shadow back so bad, then we'll get it back for you!" Luffy looked directly into the skeleton's eye sockets and continued, "You said someone stole it from you, right? Who was it? Where can we find them?"

Zoro pinched the bridge of his nose, knowing exactly what his boyfriend was going to do, and it involved a lot of trouble. But he also already knew that, no matter what Luffy got himself into, even if it involved talking skeletons and stealing shadows back, he would follow his captain to hell and back. Looking at his crewmates' faces, he could tell that they were coming to the same conclusion that he had.

"Thank you," Brook started, "You truly are a kind person, aren't you? But for that reason, I'm afraid that I cannot tell you. We've only just met, you see, and I cannot ask you to throw your life away at attempting something that is nearly impossible."

"Sure the guy is tough and all but give me a break," Franky interjected. He'd seen the crew pull off the most ridiculous stunts, and not only had they broken into and out of Enies Lobby, but they'd also kicked the asses of the most powerful Cipher Pol group, and declared war on the World Government. All for a woman that they thought had betrayed them, so helping out a talking skeleton who was actually nice to them wasn't too difficult to swallow for the cyborg. "You've got nothing to lose! The least you can do is tell us his name." But Brook declined again, and while the captain tried to wrangle the name out of the gentleman skeleton, another unexpected thing happened: a ghost floated through the ceiling.

Brook wailed, "G-G-GHOOOOOOSSSSTTTTT!" And sure enough, the Straw Hats little previously unnoticed interloper was phasing through the wall of the dining room. The ghost smiled at the screaming crew, its cold, dead eyes panning over all of them, and seemed to take delight in the terror it was causing. It didn't stay long and was leaving the room via the ceiling when the whole ship started shaking and rocking. The standing crew members tottered on their feet, dishes clanked, glasses tipped over and everyone scrambled to right themselves. Brook ran outside, lamenting the sight of a mouth-like gate he had seen once several years ago, before leading the little to the back of the ship. A grim sight greeted the pirates, cloaked in mist and mystery: A huge mansion towered over what appeared to be an island, and foggy skies hid much of the dark forests that surrounded the mansion. Crumbling ruins dotted the landscape, huge chains rose into the sky, and what appeared to be a gigantic mast disappeared into the fog so far that the top was completely obscured. It was like walking right into a horror novel where you knew tricks, scares and possible murderous killers were around every corner.

"What in the world is that?!" Nami gasped.

"Did you by any chance," Brook started, "Pick up a barrel from the waters on your way here?"

Luffy started sweating, remembering the incident that had happened a few hours earlier when they'd set off some sort of flare when opening a drifting barrel. "Yeah, we did," he answered, dread seeping into his voice.

"It was a trap! You're all in great danger! Simply put, your ship has been targeted ever since you came here."

"You mean there's someone out there hunting us down?" The rubber man asked. "By the way, how'd we run into that gate when our ship's not moving? Where the hell did that creepy island come from?"

"This is the Ghost Island that wanders throughout these seas," Brook explained, his voice quiet and serious. "They call it Thriller Bark!"

Even as adventure beckoned, dread, like the icy hand of death, slithered down the spines of the pirates as they gazed upon the haunted land in front of them. The crew had little understanding of their true situation, but they would soon be forced to disembark on Thriller Bark and enter into the domain of Gecko Moria and his underlings.

One Foot in the Grave

After the Thousand Sunny and Brook's old pirate ship were "eaten" by the gate of Thriller Bark, the skeleton, grateful for the fortunate day he'd received and eager to get his shadow back, had leaped off the Sunny after saying a cheerful goodbye, and leaving everyone with a warning to not linger in Thriller Bark. Much to the shock of the crew, the skeleton had run on the water, not sinking despite having Devil Fruit powers, as if he could get any cooler. And despite the warnings he'd been given by both Brook and then Nami, Luffy totally wanted to go on the island anyway! It was at this time that Franky unveiled his newest addition to the Soldier Dock system, and the three crew members who didn't want to get into trouble got into trouble. The cyborg had revealed that he'd created a little paddle-ship shopping boat modeled after the Going Merry, and called her the Mini Merry II. The whole crew was delighted! They had their good friend back, even if she was tiny now! Luffy was so happy (and jealous) that the Coward trio was taking the first ride on the Mini Merry II, but as they zoomed around on the paddleboat, they disappeared into the fog of the Florian Triangle and ended up crashing into the island. Now, the rest of the crew had to go after them, but that was only after the remaining crew members had dealt with their own troubles.

It started when someone had dropped the anchor without the crew knowing and opened a hatch without any of them doing anything. The unseen intruder proceeded to mess with the crew. He started by stretching Luffy's cheeks for shits and giggles, and then Zoro's Kitetsu had drawn itself and hurled towards Luffy. For two seconds, everyone panicked as a sharp object zoomed towards the rubber man, and only Franky's quick thinking saved the captain's life. The cyborg kicked Luffy out of the way and right into a wall. He then yelled at Zoro for being nuts, but the swordsman swore that he hadn't done anything, especially not anything that could hurt Luffy! Everyone was on high alert, all of them having a sinking suspicion that they weren't alone on the ship. Sanji tried to jump off the railing to go help Nami but his foot got caught midair and he'd pendulum swung straight down into the Sunny's side, smacking his face on her wood. After getting called lame by Zoro, Franky and Luffy, the cook had floated into the air and was whirled around and around by seemingly nothing before getting tossed onto the ship's lawn. Zoro neatly stepped out of the way to let the idiot cook crash land, smiling deviously. The next thing was that something, or someone, grabbed onto Robin, pinning her two normal arms behind her while four generated arms pushed back at whatever was in front of her. Then she got licked and an outraged Sanji tried to save her but got tripped by an invisible something before crashing to the ground again. The crew looked around frantically for whatever it was however, it was at that time that huge waves began rocking the ship and the released anchors were causing trouble, nearly forcing the ship to overturn

"Quick! Raise the anchor!" Zoro shouted at Sanji, running towards the room behind the figurehead. "If you think that you can do it without falling on your face again!"

"At least I'm not throwing swords!" Sanji snapped back. "Especially since it was going to skewer your boyfriend!" The pair of them fought as they brought the anchors back up, and then Sanji took the helm, trying to control the ship.

"We're cresting a wave!" Zoro shouted, scrambling to get his footing as the ship rocked. "Do something, stupid!"

"You got any ideas, genius?!" Sanji snapped back, tugging at the helm. "The steering wheel won't move an inch!" The ship lurched, causing all of them to stumble, and Luffy grabbed onto Zoro before he went flying over a railing and into the sea. The swordsman wrapped protective arms around his lover, hugging him to his chest and getting his footing back so that they wouldn't fall overboard.

"Even if we use the paddles," Franky started as he righted himself, "Those waves are too high!"

"No biggie!" Luffy chuckled, "We're in no big hurry and I'm still having fun!" Says the man who nearly went overboard and is now clinging to me, Zoro thought as he rolled his eyes. "The waves will take us to the island sooner or later."

"Yeah? What about Nami? Did you forget about her?" Sanji grumbled as he continued to struggle with the wheel, conveniently forgetting Usopp and Chopper. Robin, the only one not distracted by the argument, noticed that they were going to run into some more trouble pretty quick.

"What is that?" She asked, drawing the men's attention to the giant spider web that was looming in front of them. It was connected to the wall around the island and the island itself, following the curve of the gigantic chain that it hung from. A huge wave smashed into the Sunny from behind and she careened towards the web, throwing her pirates to the floor as she spun around. Despite having the desire to get away, they were trapped as the Sunny got stuck in the web.

"Well, this is no good!" Franky huffed, righting himself as the ship steadied into bobbing on the now tranquil water. Luffy leaped out of Zoro's arms and practically flew off the boat, wanting to see the new island. He had already grabbed his ghost catching net and was waiting on the pier when Sanji, Robin, and Franky joined him. Sanji had the lunch boxes all ready to go and they were just waiting on the swordsman. "Thanks to this gigantic spider web, we're dead in the water!"

"Something's not right about this," Zoro grumbled, looking around at the island's main entrance. It was definitely a trap, but what else could they do? Their ship was stuck, their crewmates were missing and Luffy was still fixated on finding Brook and a ghost.

"It's not like we'd be leaving anyway," Sanji counted, calling up to the swordsman. "We have to find Nami." The cook felt several eyes on the back of his head. "And the others, I guess. Let's head out."

"Hey! Zorooooo!" Luffy called, beckoning his partner down. "Get your butt down here already!" The swordsman's eyes narrowed and he folded his arms. He still didn't like the whole situation – it was like they were lambs being led to the slaughter.

"Even if meeting that skeleton was a fluke, the fact that the Thousand Sunny and the Mini Merry both got tangled up in this web in the exact same spot is pretty damn fishy." The green-haired man peeked over the side of the ship and saw the Mini Merry bobbing in the water, passenger-less. "Somebody went through a hell of a lot of trouble making sure that when we entered this place, it's through the front gate, and nowhere else." And he wasn't wrong. The pier led right to a huge stone archway in the high walls that surrounded the island, adorned with a "Thriller Bark" sign and tattered, red drapes. "Geez, if they were going to make it that obvious, they might as well have laid out a welcome mat for us."

"Zooooroooo! What are you doing?!" Luffy's impatient cries reached his ears again, and the rubber man was waving his arms around to be the swordsman's attention. "What are you mumbling about up there? You're going to miss all the fun!"

The swordsman sighed, exasperated with his boyfriend's obtuseness. "Are you seriously about to walk into a trap that is so damn obvious? One that even a headless zombie would have the sense to run away from?!"

Luffy just smiled up at him. "Pretty much, yeah! It's not like we have anything better to do right now. It'll be fun!" Zoro resisted the urge to facepalm again as sheer stupidity came out of his captain's mouth. "If you don't go, I'm taking your lunch box!" He shishishied after that.

"Son of a bitch," the swordsman scratched his head in frustration, grumbling to himself. "Fine! If I leave you alone, I'll just have to rescue you later, so I might as well just save myself the trouble and help you now." He directed his next comments directly at Luffy, speaking louder. "The least you could do is make it worth my while," Zoro sighed. "Threatening to steal my lunch isn't doing it for me."

"I could do a sexy dance!" Luffy offered, breaking out in a dance that was very un-sexy.

"No, no, stop it," he called back in an effort to make it stop.

"Then I could suck you di-" Wham! Sanji's foot smacked Luffy's face so hard he nearly tumbled end over end into the water.

"We don't need to hear any of that," the cook grumbled. Clearly, Sanji could dish it out, but when it came to taking it, he was clearly a wuss.

"What if I needed to hear that?" Zoro countered, wanting to prolong the blond's suffering. "I like hearing about sucking di-" And despite kicking being his preferred style of fighting, Sanji's throwing arm was quite excellent as he konked the swordsman in the face with one of Luffy's sandals.

"Shut up, you pervert!"

"No! You shut up, pervert!"

"Both of you shut up and Luffy, get up!" Franky snapped. Robin giggled at her friends as her captain got back on his feet. Zoro leaped off of the Sunny's deck and fell gracefully to the pier, landing with only a small thump. As he walked up to the group, Luffy picked himself up off the ground, not looking any worse for wear, and launched himself onto Zoro's back like the monkey he was.

"Alright! Onward!" He ordered, wrapping his legs around the man's waist and pointing towards the island triumphantly. While the green-haired man had a tough exterior, Robin had to smile at the tender way he slipped the captain's sandal back onto his foot. They were so cute.

"Sure took you long enough, Moss Head," Sanji barked.

"Oh shut up," Zoro retorted.

"Hey Zoro," Luffy leaned down to whisper near the swordsman's head.

"Hm?"

"I'll still suck your dick later if you want." Zoro smiled at the thought and yanked the raven's head towards him. He crushed his lips against Luffy's in a sudden kiss. Despite the creepy setting, the kiss was quite sweet as their mouths melded together. Luffy was the first one to lick at Zoro's lips, asking for entrance. Their mouths opened and the pair played with each other's tongues, Luffy's tongue diving inside Zoro's mouth first before they switched sides. It was a short kiss, but a very heated one, leaving both men wanting for more. The swordsman broke away first, restraining himself, but only due to the present company and the fact that they were on a creepy island, which was not romantic or comforting in the least.

"I look forward to it," came his simple reply. The swordsman gave his lover's kissed lips one more peck before returning to their adventure.

"Shishishi!"

"Would you two focus?! God!" Sanji berated the couple as they started walking down some stairs into a deep trench that seemed to span the island's shore.

"Ah, to be in love," Robin teased. Franky just rolled his eyes.

Zoro stuck his tongue out at the irritated cook. "At least I get some, unlike a certain swirly-eyebrowed idiot I know." Sanji's face flared red and the pair's normal fight broke out, only this time Luffy had to hang on and hope that he wasn't going to become collateral damage. Franky and Robin just let it play out, knowing that the whole thing would blow over soon.

"Why is there a staircase suddenly leading down?" Sanji asked as they neared the bottom of the trench, the fighting having predictably blown over after Luffy had taken a blow to the straw hat and made both of them apologize.

"It's the only way in, so we have to go," Luffy answered. When the group reached the bottom of the stairs, they found that the ground was coated in old skeletons and broken bits of wood. Just a short while earlier, the sight of thousands of dead and decaying skeletons had scared the shit out of Nami, Usopp, and Chopper, but Luffy, Zoro, Franky, Sanji, and Robin weren't even fazed. "Hey, I wonder if these skeletons can poop too! Shishishi!" The rubber man giggled as he stepped all over the bones, hardly batting an eye at the carnage.

"Zoro, how does it feel to be dating a toddler?" Franky asked teasingly.

"How does it feel to have that toddler be your captain after he stole your underpants?" The green-haired man shot back.

"Touché."

"Whoa!" Said toddler's excitement got the attention of the others, and they all stared at the monster that had just appeared before them. The hulking beast known as Cerberus lumbered up to his next group of victims, confident at having successfully terrifying and chasing the last group up onto the island. The zombie consisted of three separate animals having been stitched and sutured together to make a three-headed monster. Unfortunately, one head was a fox's head despite the other two being dog heads, but they terrified most people anyway. Standing at twice the size of a man, the creature was built powerfully and had three sets of razor-sharp teeth. Many of the skeletons littering the ground had succumbed to Cerberus' strength and ferocity, making it a formidable foe. However, that being said…the beast had never ever faced Luffy's stomach. As the monster started growling and snapping its vicious jaws, taking up a powerful stance in front of their supposed victims, they got the shock of their unlives.

"Yum!" Luffy's brain instantly jumped to food upon seeing the beast, and that shocked the poor creature.

"Hey, check it out everyone," Sanji started. "It's Cerberus. We're literally on the path to Hell right now."

"Aw, I think it's kind of cute," Robin cooed a bit over the patched and bandaged monster.

"Are they a threat?" Franky asked. "Cuz' I'm feeling super."

"Three heads are overkill," Zoro added.

"That's rich coming from you," Sanji snarked.

"I'll skewer you."

"I'll bash your skull in and add it to these ones on the ground."

Luffy interrupted the boys' pissing contest with a, "I wonder what they taste like!" horrifying just about everyone. Who would want to eat that?! Poor Cerberus was way in over their heads and they began sweating as they realized that this group of victims was not victims in the least. They weren't even scared! The monster's tails dropped as they cowered, finally having met their match, but they still tried to hold their ground.

Having some fun, Luffy jumped off of Zoro's back and got to the front of the group. He laughed at his new victim and barked at the animal, scaring it. The monster panicked and backed up, trying to get away from the fearless man as he continued to bark back at them.

"It's more like a three-headed chicken," Zoro observed, watching his boyfriend act like a child.

That comment seemed to piss Cerberus off, and they growled at the intruders, each head taking a turn to bark. "Bark! Bark! Rawr!"

"Weird how they got riled up out of nowhere," Zoro continued. "It wants to fight now."

"Maybe one of the heads remembered that they're supposed to be brave?" Sanji suggested.

"That's possible," Robin added.

"Anyway…" Zoro's hands went to his swords, ready to take care of business and get this pooch out of the way. But, he was stopped by Luffy's hand stretching in his direction, indicating that he wanted to take care of it.

"Nuh-uh! Dibs! I'm going to tame this bad boy!" Luffy's excitement was literally stretching his grin wider than his face as he dumped his backpack on the ground.

"You idiot, you can't just tame it," the swordsman shot back. "You do now it's not a regular dog, yeah?"

"But he's already tamed one bad boy," Robin pointed out, giving the green-haired man a sly look. Zoro blushed but didn't respond.

The rubber man wasn't paying close enough attention to hear that last comment and just carried on. "How different can it be?" He directly addressed the growling creature in front of him with a, "Who's a good boys?" before putting out his hand. "Shake!" He commanded.

In response, Cerberus growled some more before each of the heads lashed out and each took a bite. One dog head latched onto the man's right leg, the other dog head nearly swallowed his whole head and upper torso, and the fox head bit into his left arm. Zoro, Franky, Robin, and Sanji just watched as the train wreck happened.

"I assume all of us saw this moment comin'?" Franky asked, rolling his eyes. Robin chuckled in response.

To the monster's horror, Luffy's free right arm came up to pat the middle dog's head, clearly fine after the attack. "What big, strong teeth you have," he started, "Now let go of Uncle Luffy's head, that's a good boys…Easy does it, just like I said!" The creature, horrified that their chew toy was perfectly fine would've cowered again, but they were nearly scared stiff.

"NOW SIT!" The young man's voice turned nearly demonic and he gave all three heads a mean left hook, smashing them into the trench's stone wall. They yowled as their sandwiched heads compressed and then collapsed onto the ground. "Roll over!" The rubber man commanded, but Cerberus was too defeated to move. The rest of the Straw Hats sweatdropped at their captain's unorthodox training.

"That just happened," Sanji stated, but then he found the perfect opportunity to tease his rival again. "Is that how he tamed you, Moss Head? Must've sucked."

"Want me to punch your damn face into the wall like he did?!" Two of Zoro's swords came out instantly and the pair got ready to duke it out for the millionth time.

"Now, now you two," Robin interjected, casually walking in between the fuming men. "I think we'd better pay attention to the captain. He's getting away." She pointed down the trench, and everyone's heads turned to watch Luffy hanging off of his new pet as the monster tried to run away from the exuberant young man.

"Luffy!" Zoro shouted, sheathing his swords and running after his boyfriend.

"Get back here, you idiot!" Sanji yelled, following after the swordsman with Robin and Franky close on his heels. They didn't catch up to Cerberus and Luffy until the animal had run all the way to the trench's exit. After huffing it up the stairs, the wolf-fox gave into his predicament and went docile, or as docile as a monster could be. Luffy laughed and patted the creature as he finally settled down on the animal's huge back, cross-legged and towering over everyone else by several feet. He smiled as his crewmates ran up the stairs to get to him and waved happily as they caught their breath.

"What…the hell…are you doing?" Zoro panted.

"I was just getting a ride!" Luffy grinned, resting his ghost-catching net on his shoulder. "Want a ride on Cerberus?"

"No thank you." And then Zoro glared at Sanji, knowing that the cook was about to make another sex joke about wanting a different kind of ride. The blond just smirked, knowing that he'd pushed a button without having even done anything, and lit a new cigarette instead. Robin watched the silent exchange with delight and Franky just rolled his eyes again. Soon, they were all walking (or riding) down a dark forest path, unknowingly walking (or riding) down the same path their crewmates had taken earlier. Now that they were on their way and things had calmed down, Robin took a good look at Cerberus, and even in the low light, she noticed just how injured and scarred the creature was.

"The poor thing's body looks pretty beat up," she noted, her eyes casting over all the bandages, sutures, stitches, and staples that littered its fur. "I'm surprised that it can still walk around like that."

"I wonder what wise-ass put this thing together," Sanji added. "'Cuz whoever it was, they couldn't tell the difference between a dog head and a fox head."

Luffy shishishi-ed and smiled widely from atop his furry throne. "If this is the first creature that we find on the island, I can't wait to see what other stuff we run into!" The poor animal whined from all three mouths, looking quite depressed.

"Cerberus seems pretty down in the mouths," Robin observed.

"Come on, Robin, don't pity him," Zoro chided. "It just makes him feel worse about getting tamed by idiot up there."

"You can relate?" Sanji remarked, trying to suppress a smile, and then ducked as a blade came towards his face. Then, without missing a beat, the cook started shouting for Nami, trying to find her, and (unfortunately) only her (R.I.P. Usopp and Chopper). He even called her a "feisty truffle" as he was yelling for her, causing Luffy and Zoro to pull a face at his lovey-dovey-ness. Even they weren't that gross. Eventually, the blond even tried to get a game of Marco-Polo going with the nonexistent Nami, asking her to shout "here" whenever he shouted "sweetie." With that, it was Zoro's turn to roll his eyes at the situation. As if he could sense the contempt radiating out from the swordsman, the cook lashed out with a vicious kick that barely missed its mark. Zoro dodged with expert smoothness and growled at the lovesick idiot. The glare Sanji gave him in return seemed to say, "I don't need any of that coming from a whipped idiot like you!" and the swordsman's responding glare shot back several expletives and choice insults. The pair were about to fight again when Franky interrupted them.

"I've got a good sense of direction, but even I can barely tell my Strong Right from my Coup de Boo around here," the cyborg said as he looked around the foggy, dark forest. Everything looked the same and there were shadows and dark places making everything seem more mysterious and threatening.

"With so much fog everywhere," Robin began, "For all we know, we might be going in circles." Zoro was now watching their surroundings with a sharp eye. Sanji went back to calling for Nami that he didn't even make a "going in circles" joke about the swordsman's horrible sense of direction. However, a criticism did come several moments later.

"Hey! Nami!" He yelled, getting even more worried when all of his calls didn't receive an answer. "We would've had better luck if old Moss Head had just stayed on the boat."

The green-haired man whirled around, holding up an angry fist. "HOW IS THIS MY FAULT!?" As the two of them devolved into their usual squabbles, Luffy drew his attention from them to look around the forest, where he saw the strangest sight he had ever seen, even more strange than the talking, pooing skeleton! The rubber man's eyes bugged out as he spotted a tree with an old-looking face sitting cross-legged with a unicorn that was just as beat up as Cerberus. The unicorn and the old tree-guy were sharing glasses of booze and they were just as shocked to see the group as the group was at seeing them. Zoro's, Franky's and Sanji's mouths hung open when they finally noticed what Luffy had and Robin just stared at the pair blankly, analyzing what she was seeing.

"A tree…with some geezer's face…is totally drunk with a beat-up unicorn…!" The rubber man gasped. And then Luffy did the Luffy thing and dashed after the odd pair. The unicorn took off in another direction, but the young man ran after the old tree-guy with his ghost-catching net as the creature screamed in panic.

"You're not going to get away from me, Mr. Tree!" He yelled as the tree-guy yelled back about wanting to be left alone. Franky had run after the unicorn and both weirdoes ended up extending their arms to catch their prey. The pair brought their captives back and showed them proudly to the rest of the crew.

"Look at what I caught!" They shouted, huge smiles on their faces.

"Please, just let me go!" The tree-guy pleaded, but Luffy wouldn't budge. He looked very comical, holding a struggling, sentient tree and Franky was just as bad holding up a beat-up unicorn by its neck.

"Hey Luffy," Zoro called, rolling his eyes as the rubber man shook the tree-guy around. "What do you want to do with these guys?"

"Don't tell me…" Sanji started, but they already knew what was coming.

Luffy's eyes shined with excitement as he answered the question. "They're so cool! How 'bout you join my pirate crew!" Before all the words were even out of his mouth, two-thirds of the Monster Trio put the kibosh on that.

"OVERRULED DUMBASS!"

It took quite a bit of convincing, cajoling, and begging for Luffy to finally let go of the tree-guy, and once Luffy had let his prey go, Franky let the beat-up unicorn run after its buddy. With that zany episode over, the group got back on the trail again, this time with Franky riding on Cerberus with his captain. But even after fifteen minutes, the rubber man was still whining about not getting to keep the tree-guy and the beat-up unicorn.

"For the last time Luffy: the skeleton was bad enough!" Sanji complained, irritated that his captain seemed to be asking everything that moved to join their crew today. "We don't need trees or unicorns on the crew!" Even though he was listening to the lecture, Luffy began grinning and chuckled to himself due to the cook's pissy mood. He was funny when he was irritated! "Hey, look, we've already got a raccoon dog and a robot; that's messed up enough!"

"Hey!" A cross-vein appeared on Franky's forehead and he yelled down at the cook from Cerberus' back where he was riding with the rubber man. "How many times do I gotta tell you ya?! I'm not a robot, I'm a cyborg!"

"Alright, whatever! Either way, you're not human!" Spit was flying everywhere as the two men continued to argue with each other.

"In my heart I'm a human! That's what matters!"

"In your heart you're a pervert, pal!"

Franky's scowl melted into a happy smile. "Oh, then you understand after all!"

"No! That was not a compliment!"

Zoro laughed at Sanji's predicament. "You're a pervert too, pervert," he sneered, glancing back at the blond.

"You're a pervert, pervert Moss Head!"

Luffy decided that this was the best moment to put in his two cents and giggled as he added, "He's my kind of pervert!" Zoro glanced up at his boyfriend and gave him a sexy wink, just to piss the cook off more.

"Of course, you'd say that!" Sanji steamed, irritated that his lecture had gone way off course. But unfortunately for him, Luffy had already moved off of perverts and back to monsters, even singing a little song about them.

"What kind of monsters we're gonna see? I hope they join the crew and come along with me!" The rubber man giggled at his little song, completely oblivious to the ominous forest around them.

While the captain sang and laughed, Robin and Zoro were having a conversation of their own. While they walked, the archeologist looked over Luffy's new pet. He was covered in major injuries, chunks of his fur were missing, he had bandages wrapped all around his body and faces, and huge stitches seemed to be holding the animal together. The monster groaned miserably, though she didn't know if it was from his wounds or from Luffy's singing.

"There's something I couldn't help but notice about the tree man and the unicorn earlier."

"What's that?" Zoro asked.

Robin reached out to scratch Cerberus' left head lovingly. "Just like our doggie friend here, all of the creatures in the forest seem to have heavy injuries, big stitches and numbers written on them somewhere."

"Numbers, huh?" The swordsman took note of the "82" on Cerberus' right side. "That's true. I didn't put much thought into it myself, but are you saying these things are working for someone?"

"Something like that, yes…" Robin replied. She didn't get very far in her speculation before another strange, eerie, and unexplainable thing popped out of the forest. This time it was ghosts.

The spirits hovered in the air, chanting, "Negative…negative…negative…" on and on in their high voices, and smiled bizarrely at the partial crew. While the rest of them were skeptical and creeped out, Luffy was excited to catch one and keep it as a pet, but that went about as well as trying to get blood out of a turnip. The butterfly net and cage he'd brought along were useless, as the ghosts just passed right through them, and the spirits giggled maliciously at the rubber man's attempts to catch them. Franky's Fresh Fire didn't seem to do anything to them either, but when a ghost passed through the cyborg, it did something to him. The very comfortable and confident Franky slumped down to the ground and lamented that he sucked, that everything he did that week totally sucked, and everything he'd ever done had sucked, which was not like Franky at all. Then, a purple cloud of depressing feelings hung over the cyborg and he declared that someone should make him into a ceiling fan. It got worse when Luffy leaped into the air to try and tackle a ghost. He joined Franky on the ground, the same cloud hanging over him, and declared that he wanted to die and be reincarnated as a clam because he couldn't cut it as a human.

"GET OVER IT ALREADY!" Sanji yelled at the pair, veins popping out on his neck. Robin noted that when a ghost passed through someone they became incredibly depressed. "How does that make any sense?" The cook asked.

"Ha! Those two are just straight-up pathetic," Zoro scoffed. His boyfriend did look kind of pathetic right then. "If they had even an ounce of proper discipline they wouldn't let themselves fall to pieces over some measly little ghost barely even touching them." And as if the universe wanted to screw with him, a ghost passed right through the swordsman almost as soon as his mouth shut. It took a second but he too was on the ground lamenting about how he wasn't even fit to be dog food. Sanji yelled at him too but was secretly pleased that Zoro was finally knocked down a peg. The ghosts danced around for a few minutes more before floating away, having had their fun.

The quintet started walking through the forest again once the depressive episode had passed. Now released from the clouds of doom, Luffy and Franky were madder than hornets, spouting off revenge plots on the ghosts the next time they found them. Sanji, riding on Cerberus with Robin, was cackling away at Zoro's halfway pissed, halfway embarrassed face, as he sulked up the forest path. The moss head's forehead vein pulsed angrier the longer the cook laughed at him. Cerberus was taking glee in the harassment too.

"I should call you 'dog food!'" Sanji howled.

"SHUT UP!" Zoro was blushing furiously now, his manly pride having been foiled comically.

"No, wait, sorry," the blond continued, "You'd said you're not fit to be dog food!" The man and the monster laughed even harder, Sanji holding his stomach. Zoro growled, his blush deepening. At least Luffy wasn't paying attention; Zoro could at least keep his pride when it came to his boyfriend.

The group continued on (accompanied by laughter and gleeful howls) until their forest path met a huge graveyard. All sorts of headstones stuck up from the ground from crosses to angels to simple rounded ones. This would be the site of the last surprise on their little journey inland, and it was going to go a lot differently than when Ussop, Nami, and Chopper passed through not too long ago. Luffy had decided that this creepy, foggy and probably haunted graveyard was the best place to have their pirate picnic, but Sanji was arguing that the atmosphere would make the food taste bad. As they argued, something shifted behind them on the ground. The dirt shifted, drawing everyone's attention as a shriveled, gnarled hand emerged and reached towards them. A cascade of dirt and an equally shriveled and gnarled head and torso followed the hand, the lipless mouth groaning. Luffy's mouth hung open slightly, the rest of his crew silent as one lidless eye stared at them from the skull-like face.

Then Luffy did the most hilariously logical thing he could think of at that moment: he walked over to the monster and crammed the thing back into the ground.

"DON'T PUT ME BACK IN THE GROUND, JACKASS!" The creature popped out of the ground again and yelled at the rude treatment.

"It's an old man with serious injuries!" Luffy gasped.

"ARE YOU NUTS!? IT'S A ZOMBIE!" The Straw Hat men yelled at their idiot captain. At their yelled, dozens of new zombies emerged from the graveyard, shaking off their dirt with fantastic leaps and spins, seeming very alive for things supposed to be dead. The zombies advanced, shambling forwards with menacing groans and growls of how dangerous zombies could be, their bandaged hands reaching to strangle their prey.

Luffy smiled, cracking his knuckles. "Oh, you guys wanna fight, huh? Then I'll show you how dangerous pirates can be!" Robin smiled and crossed her arms in front of her body, ready to fight. Sanji puffed his cigarette, tapping his shoe against the ground in anticipation. Franky flexed his fingers, itching to punch the daylights out of the zombie freaks. Zoro, smiling softly at his lover's enthusiasm, drew the Wado Ichimonji. The rubber man's arms stretched in pistol punches, Franky's Strong Right clanked out, Robin's flowering arms Clutched the zombies, Sanji's quick kicks sent several attackers flying before they knew what hit them, and Zoro's glinting blades slashed through his crew's enemies with vicious ferocity.

"600,000,000 million Beri Jackpot!" They cried, their group attack completely blowing all the zombies away. The poor creatures decided to give up after that butt-kicking. After getting some information out of the zombies about their lost crewmates (Luffy could be quite persuasive sometimes and the zombies were wimps), the group left the zombies feet up in the ground, completely cowed.

"Geez, can this day get any weirder?" Zoro asked as they passed under the graveyard's gate and headed towards the freaky-looking mansion up ahead. Yes, the answer was yes, it could.

Monsters on the Loose

"Alright Moss Head, your boyfriend is a pain in the ass," Sanji huffed, his body aching from the beating it was taking.

"Would you quit saying crap like that?" Zoro hissed back. "He's your captain just as much as he's my boyfriend!"

"Ladies, ladies, quit bickering!" Franky interjected, "We've got bigger problems to worry about!" And just at that moment, Oars' mammoth fist crashed into the ground where the trio had been. They'd been in this fight for far longer than they should've been, but fighting an undead zombie who couldn't feel pain or die would do that. The initial idea had just been to keep Oars busy until Luffy beat Moria and got everyone's shadows back, but then Zoro had pointed out something very important at the beginning of the fight:

The swordsman had just saved himself from being squished by Oars' falling body and threw off another attack that the zombie had miraculously dodged. It was downright unfair that Oars could both be so huge but also fast when he needed to be. Zoro growled as the zombie boomed something about him being a "pipsqueak who doesn't know when to quit."

"Come on, Zoro!" Usopp chastised as the swordsman leaped back to where the rest of the crew was standing. "Don't push it! You're just making things worse! Even if you do somehow miraculously take him down, what's the point? Luffy's shadow is the only one we'll get back from him. We don't even have the slightest idea where yours and Sanji's are! If we really want to get our shadows back, we just need to wait here until Luffy takes care of it! There's no point in killing yourself trying to take down an undead giant! All we've got to do is believe in Luffy and try to keep this guy busy for a while!"

"I've got plenty of faith in Luffy," Zoro replied, knowing that the sniper make a solid argument. "But I'm also aware of Luffy's one major weakness: its trickery." The man's eyes narrowed and blazed, staring at the giant, decaying version of his boyfriend as he weighed the slowly dwindling options left open to him and his crew. "They've got an invisible man, a girl who controls ghosts, and a shadow master. Trickery is the name of the game on this island, and they're all professionals at it. It's safe to say that none of them are planning on giving Luffy a fair fight."

Humbled by his argument, the crew saw that he had a very valid point.

"If they manage to stall Luffy and the sun rises, then we're screwed: him, me, and the cook. We'll melt until we're nothing but ash." Zoro gripped his right hand around Shusui tighter, his new sword giving him a sense of wholeness that he'd been missing ever since his Yubashiri had been destroyed on Enies Lobby. "Maybe we can't save ourselves, but if we can get Luffy his shadow back, then he can lay this damn island to waste!"

The crew couldn't argue with him; it was the truth. After that, Franky had reasoned that they had about half an hour until the sun rose to get the job done. The crew was thankful that the island was surrounded by thick fog which could save their shadow-less crew members from the sun, but that changed when the massive ship started quaking, the entire island rumbling and throwing the occupants to the ground. Thriller Bark had been pulled into another strange current due to Oars having been screwing with the helm earlier in the night. As the island moved along, the fog began to clear up and the beginnings of dawn slowly turned the sky from black to a pale blue. The crew's luck was running out, and it just got worse and worse. Moria, who was supposed to be fighting Luffy, had snuck into Oars' belly cockpit, giving the zombie brains on top of his sheer brawn. However, even faced with having to defeat Oars to get to Moria, the crew's target had been narrowed down to one. So the Straw Hats (plus Brook) were making their stand, fighting Oars and racing against time.

Usopp and Franky set the beast on fire. Chopper and thrown Zoro into the air and the swordsman cut a building into chunks for Sanji to kick at the zombie. Usopp made a giant slingshot and launched Franky right towards Moria to shoot him in the face. Nami even zapped him with lightning! However, despite the zombie's massive size, he either punched his way through their attacks, or he dodged them with speed that defied his size. The crew was constantly reminded that even if Oars looked nothing like Luffy, he had all his moves, and if there was one thing Luffy was a master at, it was kicking ass. The situation got worse when Oars pulled out a Gum-Gum Pistol and his arm actually stretched! Everyone stared in horror as the undead zombie obliterated what was left of the mansion's bridge in an attempt to get Nami with a move that he shouldn't be able to do.

"Oh shit," Zoro swore, the zombie now having become just like Luffy, stretchiness and all. Moria laughed gleefully, taking sick delight in making the crew face the abilities of the man they admired and trusted. It was so delicious seeing their horrified faces.

"It's Moria," Zoro hissed as they regrouped. "It must have been one of his tricks."

Sanji glared at the Warlord. If looks could kill, he'd been dead several times over. "I'm going to kill that asshole! How dare he bastardize Luffy!"

"I'm glad we finally agree on something," the swordsman replied. A gigantic Gum-Gum Whip came their way and everyone had to dodge. The fight continued on, each minute spent dealing with Moria and his lackey whittling down their hopes. Despite doing damage to the zombie, Oars systematically took out Franky, Brook, Chopper, and Sanji with Moria's Shadow-Shadow powers as backup.

Nami sank to her knees as the cook and the doctor hit the ground, unconscious. "One by one…he's destroying us." Usopp and Zoro look at their fallen comrades, hearts tight with worry and hopelessness. Zoro's thoughts started to panic as Moria's shrill laugh echoed in the courtyard. I'm supposed to protect them! How can this be happening when we're doing all we can to beat these bastards!? How are we going to get out of this?!

"What now?!" Nami cried as Oars advanced on the remaining trio. "We've thrown everything we've got at him, but he's still standing! While that's a great trait in Luffy, this sucks!"

"There's got to be something!" Usopp shouted. "Think you guys!"

"Hey Usopp," Zoro said around the Wado Ichimonji, having thought of something. It was crazy to attack on his own, but they were running out of options. "I'll make an opening for you! Don't miss!" The green-haired man ran at the giant zombie as Usopp picked up on what he was suggesting and ran off.

Oars pulled back his right fist, beginning his attack, and Zoro charged straight ahead. He faced down the zombie of his boyfriend as the huge fist careened towards him, leaping into the air just as it was about to pound him. As he was suspended in the air, Oars pulled his head back and smacked the man with a giant-sized Gum-Gum Bell before he could do anything. The swordsman slammed into a wall, the impact making a crater. His eyes widened in pain as he felt some of his ribs creaking, his spine spasming in agony. He coughed, the sound coming out pathetic and choked. He barely kept his grip on his swords as pain radiated across his body. But before he had any time to process the trauma, Oars was on him again with those fists. Zoro just barely got out of the way in time, stumbling as he landed on the ground, coughing and choking on dust and torment. Oars came again, trying to stomp on him several times, and each time the man could feel his reactions getting slower as exhaustion crept in.

"If one of those hits me, I'm dead! I can't keep this up," he wheezed. "Is Usopp ready yet?" He glanced over to the sniper and saw that his giant slingshot up primed and ready to go. It was now or never.

"Hey!" He shouted, drawing the zombie's attention. "Pay attention! If it was up to me, I'd keep fighting you until I couldn't lift my swords, but we're almost out of time! What do you say we end this right now?" That was an appeal that even Luffy would've like: a knockout fight with high stakes.

"Okay!" Oars boomed.

"SHISHISHISHI!" Moria was laughing again. "Oh, we'll end this, but be honest: Do don't think that you can actually win after that beating you took, do you?"

"Uh-huh," came the immediate reply. Zoro radiated confidence despite the odds, his eyes sharp with a beast-like fury.

"My! We've got a real optimist here, don't we?" The warlord jeered.

Zoro pointed the Shusui right at Moria's head. "I'm pretty stubborn when I set my sights on something."

"Don't we know it, lover boy!" Nami called, unable to keep her mouth shut even at a serious time like this.

"Shut up, Nami!" He snapped the redhead before turning back to the diabolic duo. "Now let's see what you've got! Finish me if you can!" Zoro sounded so badass at that moment, and he looked so badass when he deflected Oar's jumping Gum-Gum Pistol, sending the giant careening to the side with his Two Gorilla Slash. Oars' fist got stuck in the ground and he struggled to pull it free. Using the opportunity, Zoro unleashed his Demonic Raven and made talon-like wounds up the zombie's right arm that they'd been focusing on since Chopper had determined it to be the best target. Standing on the giant's arm, Zoro glanced down towards Usopp, distracted by trying to see if he was ready yet, but Oars was really pissed off and tried to punch the man again. Zoro leaped into the air but was shocked to see that the zombie had disappeared in the split second that he'd looked away. It wasn't until the giant knee hit him that he realized that Oars had used Luffy's Shave against him. He screamed for only a moment before he was crushed through a wall.

The pain was so great that he was barely hanging onto consciousness as he fell to the ground. Blood dripped from his mouth, and he was sure that several of his ribs were broken. He couldn't breathe properly, and a fiery agony licked at his insides. Everything was hazy as his eyes rolled around aimlessly. He barely saw Usopp bull's-eye Oars' mouth with the salt. He barely saw Moria's shadow snatch Usopp's and Nami's joy away when it reappeared in the zombie's mouth with the retrieved salt. He barely saw Moria mocking the pair. And he barely saw Usopp getting stomped and Nami getting thrown to the ground from the impact before he passed out.

And this was how Nightmare Luffy had found his crew – beaten, broken demoralized, and on the brink of annihilation. He's snatched Usopp and Nami from underneath Oars' foot before they could be harmed more, holding one of them in each of his massive hands. His bloodshot eyes moved from one unconscious member of his crew to the next, taking in their injuries with a cool fury that simmered just below the surface of his blue skin. His anger flared for each of his fallen comrades, but especially when his gaze landed on Zoro's bruised and bloody body. No words could describe the rage welling up inside Luffy's chest; it nearly consumed his every thought. He growled, his eyes snapping back to his zombie with a burning desire to slaughter it. His body and soul raged at the destruction around him, the one hundred shadows stuffed inside him clamoring for vengeance against their former puppet master. The rubber man set the sniper and navigator down and got ready to kick some ass. Luffy was going to Oars was prompted into action by Moria, and the giant flung his arm back into a Gum-Gum Rifle. Usopp and Nami screamed as the massive fist came spinning towards them again, but Luffy didn't panic. He held up his right hand, fingers splayed, and stopped the attack dead in its tracks. The shockwave of air, dust, and debris exploded all around them, and everyone stared in shock at the monstrous man.

"There's only one Luffy," the nightmare growled, clenching his left hand into a fist. "And it's ME! YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!" And with a regular old punch, the pirate threw the zombie giant off his feet and sent him flying backward.

Oars flew over the mansion's wall and landed in the forest on his head, but Luffy wasn't giving him any time to recover. He relentlessly attacked both the zombie and the Warlord, knowing that his power-up was quickly running out. He put his all into beating the shit out of both Moria and Oars, screaming his fury, the shadows inside him roaring for more. His own wrath was barely appeased and continued to bay for more violence. No matter how many times Oars got up after being thrown through buildings, Luffy was always there to pound him some more. Pissed off, the giant tried to squish the pirate with a Gum-Gum Axe but was rebuffed again before being assaulted with Luffy's spinning Gum-Gum Star. To the horror of all the zombies watching the fight, Oars and Moria were pounded and pushed back continuously by a flurry of unrelenting punches, the giant little more than a ragdoll against the man's assault. To the delight of all the victims of Thriller Bark watching the fight, Oars came crashing down into the mansion again like a felled tree and did not get up. Usopp and Nami couldn't believe it! The monster they'd all tried so hard to defeat was finally unconscious, because of their dork of a captain!

But as happy as they both were, they became worried when said captain crashed to the ground as well, groaning in pain. He tottered to his feet, only giving out another series of painful cries as the shadows oozed out of his body, flying off into the gloomy morning. As more and more shadows left his body, Luffy shrank and regained his normal color before he collapsed. Taking in all the shadows to begin with made him want to vomit and die, but having them leave was just as bad, if not worse. Luffy couldn't stand the exhaustion and agony that he was in, so he konked out, worrying Usopp and Nami in the process. He was clearly in no condition to continue fighting, but to everyone's horror, while Luffy was still unconscious, Oars got back up on his feet. This sent the victims of Thriller Bark into a panic.

"Most of the Straw Hats are down for the count! They were our best shot!"

"We've already used the shadows against him and it still wasn't enough!"

"He really is a demon! We can't win!" They lamented their pitiable state, but their wails were cut short when a sound of metal on stone reached their ears. Zoro had just stood up! Beaten and bloody but still alive, the swordsman gripped his blades tightly as one of them dragged on the ground. He was equal parts proud and livid at the destruction around him. It was clear that Luffy had been there, but at the same time, seeing an unconscious Luffy in Usopp's arms ticked him off. If only I had been strong enough to take care of it for him…

"I'm not sure how it was for Luffy," he hissed, "But Oars took one hell of a beating!" He sent his demon glare towards the towering zombie, gritting his teeth in anger. He could taste blood on his lips and felt each and every ache in his body, but the ache in his heart was even worse when he spotted Luffy lying prostrate on the ground. He wasn't the only Straw Hat standing now; the rest of the crew (and Brook) were getting ready to fight as well. An evil smile danced across Zoro's face as Luffy's fist slammed into the ground.

"I'd like to give him…one more punch!" The rubber man was panting, clearly exhausted, but having regained consciousness. "But I can't move, damn it! My body's too worn out to get up right now!" Zoro was over by him in an instant, sheathing his swords so that he could haul Luffy to his feet. Despite the crowd of near-strangers around them and the impending smackdown, Luffy kissed the green-haired man's cheek briefly as thanks.

"You look like shit," Zoro sighed as his boyfriend coughed violently.

"You look like shit too," Luffy looked his boyfriend up and down, grimacing at all of his wounds.

"We'll just have to look like shit a little longer, okay? Can you finish that bastard off?"

Luffy gave the swordsman a confident grin. "'Course I can! If you guys'll give me a little help!"

"Aye, aye, Captain."

With that, the Straw Hat crew burst into action. Despite having their asses handed to them previously, everyone worked through their exhaustion and pain to defeat Moria and Oars once and for all. Franky and Usopp rigged up an ingenious supersized wind cannon that froze Nami's Rain Tempo and trapped Oars' feet to the ground. Sanji and Chopper further restrained the giant with one of the island ship's huge chains, straightening the zombie's spine. Zoro passed his lover to Brook, the skeleton springing up the island's huge mast with the literal footholds Robin materialized until they reached the top. Then, the swordsman attacked the zombie's stomach with his Three Thousand Worlds, causing the giant to spit up gallons of blood as he was moved into the prime position to take the full force of Luffy's attack. And said attack required that Brook toss the captain down all the way from the top of the mast at high speed! Zoro watched in satisfaction as his boyfriend unleashed his Third Gear: Bone Balloon, making his own fists giant-sized as he careened towards the zombie. Though Oars tried to counter with his own attack, his right arm refused to work, too damaged from all of their earlier attacks to be of any use. It was just as well, the crew had no doubt that even if the zombie had the ability to fight back, their captain would've prevailed anyway.

Never has a falling man looked so sexy, Zoro thought as Luffy's giant hands and disproportionately tiny body got closer by the second. "Time to finish him off and take back your shadow!" Zoro grinned, his heart warming as he thought of Luffy being alive and safe.

"Gum-Gum…GIANT BAZOOOOOOOKAAAAAA!" The shattering seemed to shake the whole island as the rubber man's giant hands crushed Oar's jaw and remaining tusk, the rest of his body compacting as his spine snapped under the pressure. The cracking bones were clear to hear and everyone cheered as the giant zombie finally crashed to the ground for the final time. Ever loyal, Zoro let the others celebrate as he found and sat down next to a tiny Luffy. The swordsman took one little hand in his own, smirking ruefully at how little he'd become.

With the zombie finally out of the way, all they had to do was beat a surrender out of Moria and get their shadows back. But of course, the Warlord wasn't going to make it easy. He emerged from the zombie's stomach, bloodied, but quaking with wrath. He unleashed his Shadow-Shadow Fruit powers, and sent inky trails out onto the island, sucking up all the shadows that he'd stolen and taking them into his own body. Just like how the Rolling Pirates had used the shadows to increase Luffy's strength, Moria was doing the same to himself. He grew in size, his massive stature expanding towards Oars' height as he powered up. His skin rippled, shoes and clothing bust to accommodate the growing bulk, and Moria's shrill voice deepened taking on a monstrous quality. He laughed maniacally, his fat body quivering as he relished the power. Everyone stared in shock as the hideous form of Moria towered over them, grotesque and bulging. Not only was he ugly, but he was also now ten times stronger than Luffy had been when he'd beat Oars, how could any of them stand up to that?! There was no hope left in the victims of Thriller Bark. The morning was upon them and there was nothing they could do to save themselves as long as that monster held all of their shadows captive.

Luffy sighed in relief as he went back to normal, the drawback of Third Gear finally wearing off. He stood, dragging Zoro up with him, but still keeping a hold of his hand. "I'm going to do something crazy," he said, giving his lover a side glance and a grin.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," the green-haired man replied, ready to back him up.

Morai left out a wheezing scream, lifting his giant hands in the air before punching the ground. The victims fled and the Straw Hats jumped out of the way as the impact cracked the very foundations of the island. Some of the victims that ran away crossed beams of the morning sun filtering through the crumbling ruins of the island, their skin catching fire and burning. But no matter the destruction around them, Luffy's crew did not move. They stood with their captain and faced the monster before them. (Okay, Usopp was frozen in fear, but it still counted.) They were in this for better or for worse, winning or losing. They would finish this fight, or die trying.

"What's with you guys?! Are you out of your damn minds?! There's no way we can win here!" The taller of the Risky Brothers shouted. He thought his own captain was crazy for standing her ground and putting herself in harm's way as the sun rose, but the Straw Hats were even crazier! "He's a monster with the strength of a thousand people!"

"Exactly! Think for a minute!" The other Risky Brother added. "He's got your shadows trapped in there too! Which means he's got your powers! On top of that, you've only got a few minutes!"

"Shut your mouth if you're not going to help us out," Zoro shot back calmly, giving Luffy's hand a comforting squeeze. "This battle is already over. Moria knows he's lost. Our real enemy here is the sun. In other words, it's a fight against the clock. Moria sucking in all those shadows was just a desperate move to try and buy some time." The swordsman let go of his lover's hand, letting him get ready to fight once again. Luffy activated his Second Gear, steam from his overworking body floating in the morning air.

A giant, black fist came hurtling down at him, but Luffy dodged it with unnatural speed. It became a game of cat and mouse, with Moria trying to catch the little imp in his paws and Luffy escaping only to punch or kick the grotesque man in front of him. Each hit had the Warlord vomiting up shadows no matter how hard he tried to keep them inside his body, but Moria eventually trapped Luffy with his own shadow using Brick Bat. The inky bat enclosed him in a Black Box which slammed its lid shut on him. He panicked for a moment at the sudden darkness, but then something was slamming into the box, crushing it and him! The Straw Hat crew gasped in shock and the entire side of the mansion's main mast collapsed under the blow from the fist that cracked the island. Zoro held back a cry as a crunched box clattered to the ground with Luffy trapped inside. The steam from his Second Gear was still pouring out of it, but that was little consolation when Moria's massive foot stomped on it. This time, a cry did escape his lips as the box rebounded into the air, Luffy's arm dangling from a crack in the black surface.

"Consider this your punishment, you little snot!" Moria crooned, smiling sharply. "Know your place in the world! Nails that stick out are only asking to get hammered back in!" The Warlord stomped on Luffy again. A third time. A fourth time.

"Stop it!" Chopper cried, saying what all of them were feeling. Moria did stop, but only to appreciate his squished masterpiece. All was quiet for a few moments, everyone holding their breath. All the pirates and victims prayed that Straw Hat was okay, while Moria was hoping for just the opposite. Then suddenly, there came a bang from inside the Black Box. And another. And another! A collective, joyous gasp sounded when Luffy tore the box away. He was tottering on his feet but was still standing and Zoro couldn't help but smile.

"Maybe I am a 'little snot,' maybe I am a nail that sticks out," Luffy growled defiantly. "But I'll tell you this: No one will ever hammer me down!"

"You really believe that, don't you!" Moria's grin was sickening, even as he panted and wheezed with effort. "It's almost impressive how damn arrogant you are, kid! What the hell makes you think that you're so indestructible?!"

"'Cause rubber bounces back!" Came the juvenile response. And that put a smile on his crew's faces. "Mark my words…I'm going to make you spit out all those shadows!"

The sun finally rose above the horizon, several beams shooting through the ruins all around the mansion. People wailed as they caught fire, trying to find shady places to hide while the Straw Hats and the pirate Lola stood firm. Luffy, knowing that these last few moments would mean life or death for some of his crew, including his lover, resolved to push himself to the limit. If he could save them, he would. He activated his Bone Balloon once again, gearing up to put it all on the line even as his body screamed at him to stop. His legs trembled, but he would not falter with everyone counting on him. Even if he hurt himself, even if he had to keep straining and stretching himself, there was no other way. He had to do this because nobody else could.

Franky gaped. "He's gonna bump it up to Third Gear?!"

"Is he out of his mind!?" Usopp wailed. "You've got to stop, Luffy! You're going way too far! Did you forget that Second Gear wears out your body too?! Don't you remember what happened the last time you used that?!" The sniper thought back to Enies Lobby, where after kicking Lucci's ass, Luffy couldn't move an inch and was almost pulverized by Marine cannons. That was probably one of the most single horrifying, heart-wrenching moments in their lives, and Luffy was now willing to risk that again!

"This is too reckless!" Chopper agreed, "Even for you! You can't handle it! Your body is going to burst!"

Luffy gritted his teeth as he moved the air from his fist into his torso, feeling all of his bones expand and stretch painfully. I can do this…I can do this! For them! "Gum-Gum…Giant…JET SHELL!" The rubber man leaped into the air, making himself as big as possible, and rammed into Moria's chest. The Warlord started losing shadows as his body compressed, but clapped his hands over his mouth, screaming for control. Luffy hit the ground hard and bounced a few times before settling. He was exhausted but tried to get up again. Moria struggled to keep a lid on his captives, and his floundering gave Luffy the little boost he needed and he rose to his feet once again. He rammed into Moria again with all the force he could muster. The Warlord choked and fell backward, crashing into the tower as Luffy flew into the sky, deflating comically for such a serious moment. As the mansion's main mast finally collapsed, pinning Moria underneath it, Zoro was running to catch his boyfriend before he hit the ground. He had to jump to get to him in time but managed to grab onto the tiny Luffy. He wasn't paying attention to Moria finally coughing up shadows, or to the cheers of the victims; he only had eyes from the panting, bruised, and exhausted child-looking man in his arms. He held onto Luffy tightly, not wanting to let him go for a second.

But even as they celebrated their victory, once again the joy was snatched from their grasp. The massive mast broke, the strain of the angle forcing it to crumble and let the sunlight stream into the courtyard. Bodies burst into flames, beginning their disintegration as pained screams rent the air. Zoro's, Sanji's, Robin's and Luffy's heads burst into flames along with Lola's and the Rolling Pirates' bodies, the sunlight whittling them down inch by inch.

"This can't be happening!" Nami wailed, her eyes filled with tears as the flames spread from their heads down to their chests.

"No! Please no!" Usopp pleaded. "We beat Moria and got the shadows out of him, so why?!" Chopper burst into tears, his little hooves reaching towards his friends.

"Were we too late?!" Franky lamented, eyes wide in shock as this friend's bodies lost their torsos to the flames. Several agonizing seconds passed as they disappeared more and more and then suddenly, the unaffected Straw Hats (and Brook) heard relieved laugher. It was Zoro! Zoro was laughing!

"Whoo, look at that!" He smiled, suddenly finding himself with a torso, arms, and a head again. "I guess it wasn't my day to die after all!" The swordsman looked down to check on Luffy and the vice in his chest loosened to see that his little boyfriend was whole as well.

Robin sighed in relief, placing a soft hand on her face. "I thought I was on my way to heaven there for a moment."

"That sounds good to me!" Sanji cooed, pervert hearts in his eyes. "It would be like heaven two times over if I was with you!"

"Stop that you jackasses!" Usopp blubbered. "Half of your bodies were gone! We thought you were all dead!"

"That was scary!" Nami and Chopper both said as they collapsed onto the ground together.

Behind the Straw Hat crew, the victims of Thriller Bark were rejoicing at the new freedom. Everyone seemed to have gotten their shadows back and were cheering and relishing the sunlight. Zoro sank to the ground with a sigh and hugged a growing Luffy close to him. He pressed a soft kiss onto his scratched forehead as Chopper came over to check on their captain. You did it, Luffy, the swordsman thought, even as he had to relinquish his hold so that the sleeping man could be laid on a sturdy piece of rubble. After that however, he kept one of Luffy's hands in his that even the doctor couldn't make him give up. You did it.

Nothing Happened

After all they had been through, after all they had suffered, their victory had been snatched from their grip. Sanji had beaten Absalom, kicking the perverted animal man into next week before he had married Nami. Usopp had (surprisingly) beaten Perona, the Goth Princess thwarted by tricks and cockroach toys. The zombie Ryuma had been liberated of his shadow by Zoro and it had returned to Brook. Franky and Robin had taken down the kidnapping mastermind Taranran and his Spider Mice. The evil Dr. Hogback had escaped total retribution by Chopper, but unbeknownst to the Straw Hats, he'd been stomped on by Oars (and that was enough). They had beaten Oars, cracked his spine, and given him a beating with great panache. Then Luffy had kicked Moria's ass, the giant white onion having been beaten into unconsciousness just in time to save those of the Straw Hats who had had their shadows stolen, and the shadows of the many prisoners of Thriller Bark and victims all around the world. Everything should have been fine, they should've been free to celebrate, to rest, and to leave, but now their doom had reared its ugly head yet again and was staring down the battered group of survivors. Its name was Bartholomew Kuma. There were no words to describe the hopelessness engulfing the still conscious survivors of the night, all of them staring up at the imposing figure of the Warlord. He was as tall as Moria was, with blank eyes and a low voice that belayed his massive form.

"This is a direct order from the World Government: Obliterate the Straw Hat crew and everyone else on Thriller Bark. Leave no one alive." The statement, said through the Transponder Snail with such calm detachment, had damned everyone on the island.

With Luffy out of commission, Zoro had stepped up to handle the Tyrant, representing his captain's will, but everyone could see that he was worn out. They all were. But even with the threat of death, the swordsman couldn't back down. He had realized the gravity of the situation they were in before anyone else. With a fresh Warlord on the loose, people were going to die if someone didn't make the hard choices. Kuma had the strange ability to be wherever he wanted to be in a split second, going from the top of the fallen mast to getting past everyone without their even knowing it. He sent people flying barely a touch and then reappeared back in front of Zoro with no effort. When challenging the swordsman to a fight, he'd dodged every attack effortlessly, and sent his own careening through layers of solid stone. Zoro only managed to dodge the first attack, but the second attack barely brushed the side of his head. It felt like a ton of steel scraped against his skull, sending him rolling and crashing into ruins. He sat up, clutching at his head, blood trickling down his face. In retaliation, Zoro sent a 36-Caliber Phoenix careening towards him, only for it to be deflected.

Kuma's Devil Fruit allowed him to deflect anything he wished, and he demonstrated his Pad Cannon on Franky's iron body, who was blown away and he was almost knocked unconscious by the force of the air. (The insult of saying that the Warlord had "kitten hands" may have been the main cause of the petty, but utterly terrifying, demonstration.) The man explained that he deflects air at light speed, which then creates a shockwave that can pierce through anything, which actually meant that they were all still lucky to be alive. He then followed up his demonstration with the statement, "I don't believe in mercy," before unleashing his Thrust Pad Cannon, which consisted of many rapid-fire Pad Cannons sent in a continuous stream. Zoro had barely enough time to put the Wado Ichimonji in his mouth before he was streaming himself through the fray like a fish swimming through a torrent of currents. He bent and twisted himself in ways that even Luffy would've found impressive, and managed to seamlessly move forward while dodging the attacks and the debris from the explosions they caused behind him until he was within range. He would've been able to get a point-blank hit in if Kuma's pads hadn't deflected his swords once again and sent him flying backward. When the dust started to clear, the spectators found Zoro crumpled on the ground, panting with exhaustion. He could barely move; each breath a clear struggle.

The swordsman struggled to rise, cursing under his breath as he stared Kuma down. His fight with Oars had already caught up with him twice over, but he still gripped his swords, determined to fulfill his duties as the unofficial first mate of the Straw Hat crew and protect his friends. It would've been Luffy's ass on the line if he weren't unconscious, so Zoro had to do what he could in his place. But not only that, Zoro desperately wanted to protect his love, no matter what. Despite his resolve, the man's vision was blurring with pain and beginning to fade and his hands trembled as he hung onto the Kitetsu III and the Shusui. Several of his probably broken ribs ground in his chest, sending out flares of pain, not to mention countless other wounds and bruises that littered his body. He was barely hanging on but refused to give up.

"Zoro! Look behind you! Run!" Usopp's shout got his attention and the swordsman realized that his focus had lapsed for those few moments, and Kuma was poised above his curled back, ready to shoot a Pad Cannon right through his body. Before the Warlord could attack however, Sanji interrupted the fight and spun a kick right into Kuma's jaw. Zoro was pissed that the cook had interrupted the fight, but his anger slipped off his face as Sanji grunted in pain, holding his right leg and falling to the ground. From his suppressed screams, the blond had fractured a bone in his leg at least, but that kick should've busted in Kuma's skull! As much as Zoro hated the pervert, he had no doubt in his skills as a fighter. What was Kuma made of?! The Straw Hats were cornered, again. They were worn out, beaten up, and exhausted with no way to recover against the force of nature that was Bartholomew Kuma. The two most powerful members of the crew below Luffy couldn't even faze him.

But all of that was nothing compared to what he'd done next.

Kuma let out a small sigh and spoke softly. "I knew from the start that killing a crew of injured weaklings like you would bring me no joy. Not to mention that it's not a fair fight. But orders are orders, even if I don't fully agree with them." It was so jarring to hear such a polite voice emerge from a beast. This man was full of contradictions: an almost comical appearance that hid his true strength, ridiculous-looking Devil Fruit paws that gave him immense power, a sense of honor that was undermined by his determination to follow his orders, even if he didn't fully agree with them, and taking no joy in killing a "crew of weaklings" despite his title of Tyrant.

Kuma had then started compressing a huge amount of air, making it smaller and smaller until it fit in between his closed cupped hands. While this was going on, Robin's eyes widened as she theorized that with that much compressed air, releasing the pressure would create a shockwave like an enormous bomb going off at point-blank range. Horrified, the spectators felt their dread deepen, stomachs roiling in fear, hearts beating faster until it was almost painful. Kuma literally held their fate in his hands, ready to destroy them at a moment's notice. The paw-ball shined brightly through the cracks in his hands, strangely beautiful and mesmerizing, making the threat of destruction all the more horrifying. Nobody moved for a few quiet moments, and then Kuma faced the crowd on onlookers straight on, knowing that the two men at his feet were in no position to attack him. "I've thought it over and made a decision." His quiet voice almost rang out in the all-consuming silence while everyone waited for the inevitable. "I will spare you lives-" he stopped as gasps of relief punctuated the air before interrupting the elation, "But on one condition: In exchange for this act of magnanimity, you give me the head of Straw Hat Luffy."

It became deathly quiet as the crowd of victims and the Straw Hat crew stared at the towering man in alarm. Zoro's previous exhausted face set itself, his eyebrows furrowing in anger, his mouth set in a hard line. If anyone tried to lay a hand on Luffy, victim or Warlord, friend or foe, he would kill them. There was no way he was letting anyone take away his precious Luffy. He defiantly glared at the Warlord, bloodlust shining in his eyes. But he needn't have worried: The victims of Thriller Bark would not betray their savior and his crew, and the Straw Hats were not going to betray their friend and captain. Fear turned into fatalistic confidence, quailing hearts became loyalty brave, and trembling hands became strong fists of resolve. When Kuma demanded that they hand the unconscious man over, the threat of annihilation still shining between the cracks in his fingers, he got his answer in a chorus of outraged cries:

"NEVER!"

"This was your choice," came the unmoved reply. "Now suffer the Ursa Shock." He let the little orb go, the glowing beacon of destruction floating out into the open and slowly expanding for several breathless moments before everything went white.

The whole island rocked with the shockwave, solid stone fracturing from the pressure, the sea roiling as its waters were violently disturbed. It expanded to well beyond Thriller Bark, the effects of such an attack seeming to sway the entire ocean. Bodies were thrown like ragdolls under the force of such destruction, trees, boulders, and whole buildings following suit. Windows shattered, the island cracked a second time and harsh winds ripped at Thriller Bark's tattered sails as the island was brought to ruin. Kuma stood in the wake of his devastation, the only sound the still whirling winds and the flapping of tattered sails, his impassive face calm and emotionless. He walked serenely over to Straw Hat Luffy, stepping over the bodies strewn all around him. They were bloodied and tattered, their faces marred with horrific expressions. But he didn't care. He did what he had to do. Now, he could take Straw Hat and leave the ruined island. He stared down at the unconscious boy for several seconds, noticing that the pirate's arm was pinned under a sizable boulder. He used his Paw-Paw power to deflect the boulder away with a single touch, sending it flying out to sea, before stooping down to pick him up. Just as he started to lift the boy up by his shirt, a single footfall was all the warning he got before something slammed into him.

"Lion's Song…" a ragged voice wheezed, his blades flashing in the sunlight.

Zoro hadn't gotten to Luffy fast enough before the shockwave, but he'd made sure to get there this time. He had felt more than seen that Kuma was on the move, and when he'd managed to crack his eyes open, surprised to still be alive, he blearily realized that Kuma was reaching down to grab Luffy's shirt. With speed and strength that he thought he didn't have any more, he managed to slice the Warlord's shoulder open, forcing him to let go of Luffy, standing in the Warlord's way once again. Vision finally focusing, what he saw shocked him: Kuma's shoulder and arm were a mix of muscle and mechanics, even more advanced than Franky's body. His body sparked with electricity and steam rose up from the wound. Of course Sanji's kicks weren't as effective; the man's body was made up of metal stronger than whatever made up the cyborg.

The swordsman wiped blood out of his eyes and coughed, still struggling for every breath. But like a cornered animal, he was going to fight until he died. But even with that burst of bloodlust, he was still on the ropes. Kuma opened his mouth and a beam of light shot from the maw. Zoro yelled in shock, barely dodging and getting caught up in the explosion. He hit the ground hard and struggled to rise again. His limbs didn't want to cooperate, his muscles spasming in pain and terror, but even as he shook, Zoro got to his knees. His mouth tasted like blood and he couldn't breathe properly. Whatever air he gasped in was filled with dust and heat. He glanced under his arm to see that a bar of steel had been melted through by the heat of whatever it was Kuma had done. Unable to rise any further, Zoro flung himself to face the Warlord on his knees, arms bracing up his body. He couldn't win. He knew he couldn't, not against whatever the hell Kuma was.

As if reading his mind, Kuma began explaining himself. "I'm a creation known as a Pasifista, an in-development human weapon project of the World Government. I was created by the government's most renowned scientist, Dr. Vega Punk, one of the greatest geniuses the world has ever known. To put that into perspective: His discoveries are so sophisticated that it is believed that it will take the rest of the world 500 years to catch up to him."

"Technology that advanced…and you have Devil Fruit powers…" Zoro panted, a small smile gracing his bloody lips, "I'm starting to think that you have an advantage over me." But even with his bravado, he was done and he knew it. There was no way for him to win this fight in his current condition. "This is embarrassing, but my body is shutting down. It won't listen to me anymore." He panted all the harder, feeling that his chest and head were the only parts of him still working. He glanced at the still sleeping Luffy, wincing as he caught sight of new bloody wounds littering his skin. His heart gave a twinge, knowing that they'd all screwed up, even if it couldn't be helped in the face of such a monster, and that Luffy was still paying some of the price. Zoro squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out his pain and failing. But a plan was forming in his mind, a possible way out with the most devastating of sacrifices.

"The only way you'll back down…is if we give you Luffy's head…?" he asked with a cough.

Kuma didn't even blink before answering. "That is the only compromise I'm willing to offer."

Still breathing hard, Zoro closed his eyes for a few moments, resolving to follow through with his decision until the end. He knew that he was done, running entirely on his last reserves of willpower and determination. Much like Luffy, huh? He let a quick smile light up his tired face before speaking, serious once again. "You want a head? Then I'll give you a head. However…I can't…give you my captain's!" The proud man fell forward, placing his hands on the ground and bowed his own head. "You'll have…to take mine instead! Please! Settle for that!"

Kuma's usually impassive face showed a bit of shock, first by the self-sacrifice he was being offered, and second by the intensity of the emotions being shown. This young man was still strong, still prideful despite the pleading. He was not weak at all, but willing to offer himself up for any number of unknown tortures for another – what kind of man inspired that kind of loyalty? Zoro continued on before the Warlord deigned to speak, still breathing heavily. "I may not have the same bounty on my head as Luffy at the moment…but I swear to you…that I am destined to become the greatest swordsman the world has ever known! Surely that must be worth something!" It has to be worth something! Zoro thought, desperately hoping. It has to be enough to save him! If I can't do this, I'm not worthy to love a man who'd push himself to the brink of death for his friends.

"You possess that much ambition, and yet you're willing to give it all up?" Kuma stated, not passing judgment quiet yet. "And exchange your life for his?"

"The way things are lookin'…I don't see any other way to save the rest of my crew. What's the point of having ambition if I can't save them and the man I love?" Zoro's face hardened, his eyes shining with both ferocity and pride. "Luffy is the man who will become King of the Pirates!" He declared, never more sure of anything in his life. Both Warlord and swordsman stared each other down, neither budging.

Their tense conversation was interrupted by the stumbling sounds of footsteps as Sanji faltered his way over to the pair. "Real cute. Stop trying to show me up!" he snarked. Zoro's face slipped into shock, taking in the cook's bedraggled condition, appearing to be near the edge of unconsciousness even as he walked. His hands were in his pockets like always, but his pant legs were scuffed and torn, far from the picture of his usual suaveness. "You've got the right idea, but what about your dreams? You can't accomplish anything if you're dead, stubborn fool!"

"Don't tell me…" Zoro whispered as Sanji came to stand in between him and Kuma.

"Listen you giant oaf!" The cook addressed the Warlord, stepping in as a representative in place of the swordsman. Zoro's warning "Hey!" went ignored. "Don't bother with Moss-Head here. If you're taking a head, you're taking mine! The government might not consider me a serious threat right now, but you'll regret not taking my head over his once I start making trouble! Now's your chance to take on Black Leg Sanji!" Even as he tried to look badass and bargain for his captain's and rival's lives, Sanji's whole body was shaking with the effort of just standing up straight. His unspoken, Luffy would never forgive himself for letting you die, was clear to the swordsman.

"You jackass!" Zoro hissed, furious that someone else was trying to take his place, make a sacrifice that he'd already decided that he was going to make. The cook knew just how to piss him off. Like always.

Kuma stared at the two half-dead men before him, considering, and glanced over at the unconscious Straw Hat. Two of his best fighters were putting their heads on the chopping block just for him, something which any normal person would quail from. And Kuma had the suspicion that if Luffy were in the place of his crewmates, he would've been doing the exact same thing more or less.

"Go on and get it over with!" Sanji demanded, still tottering on his feet. "The only head you're taking is mine! Forget about these fools! Kill me and get out of here! I'm just as ready to sacrifice myself as he is. I've fed people my whole life and now I'll feed the worms." After a short pause, the blond addressed his rival. "Hey, do me a favor…tell everyone I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye. I hate to put you guys out…but it looks like you'll have to find a new cook."

Unable to hear any more and having already made up his mind, Zoro forced his body into action, slamming the hilt of Shusui into the dumass' ribs in a devastating blow. Sanji had barely any time to register the hit but managed to turn and weakly grab onto Zoro's shoulder. "Moss-Head…you son of a bitch!" But Sanji knew that he had lost. Zoro's face was set in determined lines while he was losing consciousness. His hand slid down his comrade's arm, trying to hang on but failing as he collapsed to the ground. Zoro stared down at the cook, grateful that his body heeded his commands this one last time. He took a deep, painful breath, and stood tall.

"Now show me you've got some honor." He pulled the Kitetsu III and the Wado Ichimonji from his waist and tossed all three of his swords away from him while addressing Kuma. The crew could at least have those if there wasn't a body to bury. The image of a devastated Luffy hugging his swords flitted across his mind, causing a profound sadness to well up in his chest, but he pushed the emotion down before it could overwhelm him.

Kuma sighed, resigned to his next decision. "You've made sure that I can't touch Straw Hat, unless I want to shame myself."

"Then you've got my respect," Zoro replied, his chest unclenching just a tiny bit. I've saved my crew and my captain. That at least, I can give them.

The Warlord took two huge steps over to the prone form of Luffy and started to reach down. "If that's what you want, I give you my word: I won't take Straw Hat's head." His huge hand picked the captain up quite gently. Seeing his lover in the hands of another was maddening, but Kuma continued on before Zoro could act. "But if you're intent on taking his place, you will experience a living hell."

Kuma pressed his paw palm on Luffy's torso, and a red-tinged paw-bubble emerged from his body, growing in size until it was even taller than the Warlord. It floated in the air, feeling ominous for something that seemed so harmless. But Zoro knew first hand that most of what Kuma could do was completely insane and merciless, despite looking innocent enough. The towering man put Luffy down on the ground again. "I've just repelled all physical injury from Straw Hat's body – his exhaustion, his pain. What rests before you is the sum total of anguish he endured during his battle with Moria. If you truly wish to take his place, then you must accept and inflict his agony upon yourself. Share in his suffering." He surveyed the condition Roronoa was in, half- dead as he was, before continuing. "As close to death as you are already, not only will it undoubtedly kill you, it will do so painfully. Why don't you have a taste?" He swiped his hand through the bubble, breaking off a piece that could fit in the palm of Zoro's hand and sending it floating his way. Zoro calmly watched it approach him, steeling his nerves as it entered his chest. Nothing could have prepared him for what followed.

Agony. Pure, unadulterated agony. Indescribable pain. Unbearable anguish.

His body convulsed. He was sure he was screaming, but the sounds he made didn't sound human at all. He was disconnected and at the same time intimately aware of every nerve ending in his body, fire running through his veins and melting his mind. This was Luffy's pain. Every time he got hit. Every time he'd used a Gear. Every time he'd been bitten, scratched, punched, and stabbed. Every time he got stomped on. Every time he'd stood back up and defended them. It was all right here, shredding Zoro's chest. Nothing he'd experienced with Oars was even close to what Luffy had gone through. And that wasn't even all of it. Zoro knew that he was falling, hitting the ground so hard that little bits of rubble flew into the air from the force. He couldn't breathe while lying face down, so he flipped his body over to gulp at the air around him. Two thoughts entered his mind in that moment: How had Luffy endured such pain? and How am I going to?

"Do you still want it?" Kuma asked, still calm in the face of his torture.

Zoro clenched his hands into fists, making his final request. "Please let me…do this…somewhere else…!" I can't let their first sight of me be what is going to be left if I do die.

He got on his hands and knees, and crawled over to Luffy, slowly, painfully. It was like he was moving underwater, or in a strong gale; each movement nearly futile, but he continued on. He carefully leaned down when he got to his beloved; trying not to disturb him as much as possible as he gently pressed his lips to Luffy's forehead. He moved to his cheek, kissing down his jaw before softly placing a last kiss on his lover's lips. His own lips came away bloody, but whose blood it was he could not tell. It was probably both of theirs; a testament of just how much they'd gone through that night. "Please forgive me," he whispered. "I love you." Zoro couldn't help but kiss Luffy one more time, savoring the scant warmth, before pulling himself to his feet.

Kuma watched this display with one eyebrow raised but said nothing. Then, he was following the half-dead man towards the forest, away from the unconscious crowd. And that's where Kuma left the swordsman of the Straw Hat crew, staring at his own death. Zoro took a couple dozen more breathes, knowing that they could be his last, fully prepared to die if that was his fate. Then, his face hardened and his teeth clenched with determination. He moved, plunging his arms into the sum of all Luffy had suffered, embracing it and taking it all in. The skin of his arms was cast in red as the bubble ruptured, his last thoughts flying to his crew and his lover. His world collapsed in on itself, shrinking down until all that was left was pain and darkness.

The crowd of Thriller Bark's victims and the Straw Hat crew were waking up, calling out to see if others were awake. They all started struggling to their feet, checking on each other. Everyone was surprised to be alive, and some guessed that Kuma had just assumed they were dead and left the island. Some of them wished they were dead because they hurt so badly. But that was not the case with Luffy.

"Whoohoo!" The rubber man whooped and jumped around like he was perfectly fine despite the beating that he'd taken.

"Come on! You've got to be kidding me!" Franky groaned, not believing his eyes. "How are you bouncing around like that?"

"This is awesome! My body feels as good as new!" Luffy looked banged up but he didn't feel banged up. However, Chopper still yelled at him to calm down because he could still have injuries.

"It's possible that he took so much damaged to the brain that it knocked him silly," Robin commented.

"Let's hope not! He was too damn silly to begin with," Franky replied.

It was at this moment that Sanji woke, shooting straight up as he looked around. He saw that his crew was up and talking, but as he scanned the ruins of the courtyard, he didn't see dumb Moss-Head. He ignored the commotion around Luffy and caught sight of Zoro's swords lying discarded on the ground. That did not bode well. He had to find that dumbass; he was the only one who knew what had happened after the explosion. The cook started running, ignoring his own aches and pains as he picked his way through the ruins. He slid down a huge slap of mansion and kept running.

"There no way that asshole just let us go! Damn it Zoro! What'd you do?!" He kept running until something that wasn't rubble caught his eye. He skidded to a halt immediately, finding Zoro standing with his back facing him. "That's him!" The blond made his way over to the swordsman, jumping over more slabs of stone. "You really freaked me out there! So, what happened to the Warlord?" His questions were cut short as shock stopped him; the sight before him stunned him into silence.

Zoro was standing in a massive circle of blood, his own skin and what was left on his tattered shirt soaked through as well. His green haramaki was drenched as well, little rivers of red running down his waist and pants before dripping onto the ground. He should've been dead from the blood loss alone, but there he was, standing straight and tall, arms crossed and face stoic.

"Where'd the hell at this blood come from!? Hey! Are you still alive?!" Sanji's words sounded harsh, but a fierce worry leached into his voice. "Where'd that paw-guy go?! What the hell happened here?!"

Zoro made a noise that wasn't quite a groan, signaling that he was still alive. He opened his bloodshot eyes, blood dribbling out of the corners of his mouth. "What happened here…?" he started, "Nothing at all." That's all he got out before collapsing onto the ground.

Loud Enough To Wake the Dead (Or Not)

The Straw Hat Crew, Brook, and all the victims on Thriller Bark were throwing a huge party to celebrate their victory and liberation. They'd all taken a day to rest, and sunbathe for those who had been without their shadows for years, but now they all wanted to have some fun. The Straw Hats had hauled a crap ton of food and most of Sanji's kitchen tools into the ruined mansion. And despite Chopper wanting everyone to rest some more – especially Luffy since he'd taken the worst beating besides Zoro – most of the crew helped haul things in. Luffy's sudden energy was the damndest thing, as while he was still injured, he seemed to have the vitality of a non-injured Luffy, so keeping him down was practically impossible. Zoro was the exact opposite though, having been comatose for over a day now, and still suffering from many major injuries. Luffy had been very confused when Sanji had run off after everyone had woken up in the courtyard, then he'd run back just to grab Chopper, and run off with him again. The cook wouldn't let anyone else close to whatever he was concerned about, but a short while later he and Chopper hauled Zoro back to the courtyard, wrapped in so many bandages that he looked like one of the many zombies now lifeless on Thriller Bark. Luffy had rushed over, grabbing a limp hand and calling for Zoro to wake up, incredibly worried at the state of his boyfriend. But nothing happened, not even an eyelid flutter, which only made Luffy worry more. The swordsman had been in that state ever since, and that didn't look like that would be changing for a while.

So, the party continued on without the swordsman, though he was brought into the ruined hall so that Chopper could be in on the fun. Good food and good drinks were being passed around, everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves. Luffy was satisfied with everything after he'd gotten Brook to join the crew, who surprisingly was the friend that Laboon was waiting for at the Twin Capes. Luffy had told the skeleton that they'd made a promise with Laboon too and that the whale was still waiting for all of them to return. Brook had cried like a baby, so happy that his friend was doing well and still waiting for him even after all of this time. Luffy had briefly marveled at how small the world was that they'd actually met one of the friends that Laboon had been waiting for despite the 50 years that had passed, and how all their actions and circumstances had made the meeting possible. However, he'd totally forgotten his profound thoughts after Brook had started paying "Bink's Brew" on the piano, leading into an unexpected, but completely welcome sing-along. Everyone reveled in their good fortune of being alive and having good company around them.

Suddenly, a decisively not-party commotion broke out when Luffy started yelling. "Oi! Stop it!"

Sanji's head popped up to see what was going on, keeping one eye on the hot skillet he was cooking on. "What is it this time?"

"I don't know," Nami replied, her conversation with Lola interrupted. "Luffy's mad about something."

"Yo, Luffy!" Franky called, his hands that had a barrel of booze just two seconds ago were now empty. "What the hell are you doing?" The rubber man was standing on a table, holding the stolen barrel between his legs as he stretched out his arms again. He grabbed two more barrels that were being carried by the Risky Brothers, both of them finding their hands empty just as Franky had. When they went back for two more, those were also stolen and the Straw Hat captain was now hoarding five barrels of booze in his stretchy arms with a hurt, but angry, look on his face. Franky was slightly pissed at the selfish behavior, even when it was coming from Luffy who was notorious for being selfish. "I said 'What the hell,' Luffy!"

"You're all drinking too much!"

The whole hall was shocked into silence, Brook's hands hovering above the piano keys as the notes faded away. Everyone was confused. They were having a party after all, and you were supposed to drink lots of good booze at parties and eat lots of good food, right? Not one person understood what the problem was with the strange young man. Once a decent amount of time passed, Sanji spoke up. "This coming from the guy who has a bottomless stomach for food and drink? What's the deal, Luffy?"

The captain's pout deepened as his arms wrapped and tightened around his hoard of booze. "If you drink it all, Zoro won't have any when he wakes up!" As if on cue, the majority of the Straw Hat crew slapped their hands to their foreheads and sighed, confusing Lola and her crew even more.

Forging ahead through the over-dramatics, Robin became the voice of reason and suggested, "Why don't you ask our little doctor how much to save for the swordsman?"

"Good idea, Robin!" Luffy whipped around and asked insistently, "How many barrels can he have?" Chopper struggled with how to tell his captain that Zoro shouldn't be having alcohol at all, let alone whole barrels for himself, but Luffy piped up again. "Four?" He set one of the barrels aside and it was immediately snatched up by the Risky Brothers.

"No!" Chopper disagreed.

Luffy's pout was back but he put down another barrel, which the Usopp immediately made off with. "Then three!"

"Luffy! He really shouldn't be having any!"

"But Zoro loves booze! It'll make him happy and he'll get better faster!"

"He needs medicine, not booze!" Chopper argued, but then seeing how worried Luffy looked and how desperate he seemed to want to do something, the doctor relented. "He can have one barrel to himself-"

"Two it is!" The smiling boy interrupted, much to the reindeer's frustration.

"If you weren't going to listen to me, why did you ask in the first place?!" The third barrel Luffy set down was whisked away by Franky, pleased to have his booty back, no hard feelings. The rubber man hauled the two remaining barrels over to his unconscious boyfriend a set them down next to his sickbed.

"Zoro, these are for you when you wake up!" He said, his voice staying cheerful even as his chest tightened in worry. Chopper had done a good job patching him up, but the doctor had said that the swordsman had been teetering on the edge of death, and several other crew members had wondered at his additional injuries, since when they'd all been awake when Kuma attacked he hadn't been in nearly as bad a condition. Looking over the sheer amount of bandages wrapped around his torso and limbs, the rubber man's brow furrowed. He hated seeing Zoro like this, especially since the swordsman had had to protect the crew while he'd been unconscious. Since he was worried, Luffy decided that he was going to take a "break" from the party by eating an entire platter of meat by himself while sitting next to his boyfriend (having stolen his snack out of someone else's hands again).

The rubber man sat down on "Zoro's Portion," one of the barrels becoming his impromptu stool, and stretched his mouth wide as he shoved a massive piece of meat into his mouth, nearly taking the bone with it (though he had eaten bones, and possibly tableware, on many occasions). He chewed hugely and dropped the bare bone back onto the plate before grabbing another, continuing to eat while he held Zoro's hand. When that plate was empty of everything except bones, he stretched his arms to grab another plate of delicious food right out of Sanji's hands, causing the cook to yell at him and head back to his temporary cooking station to replace the dish. Luffy upended the entire plate of lobster in his mouth, garnishments and all, and then tossed it back at Sanji's retreating back. The cook caught the plate effortlessly and added it to the dirty dishes that he was going to make Franky clean and dry later. Luffy looked around the hall and laughed at the dance Usopp, Franky, and Chopper were doing and turned to point it out to Zoro by habit. The smile slipped just a little as the usual reaction the swordsman would've given was absent.

"Zoro, you need to wake up and join this crazy party," he murmured, "It's only half as fun without you." He missed the man's laughter and demands for more booze. He missed the precious smile that broke the serious expressions on his face when Luffy did something especially silly. He missed feeling the warm hand in his grip squeeze back comfortingly. Luffy wasn't used to being this melancholy, even though he still had a ready smile to show his friends, but there was nothing to do about it until his love woke up.

What had happened between the short time when Luffy had kicked the shit out of Moria and when he'd woken up? What had happened to Zoro? Would Sanji tell him if he asked? The captain looked over at the cook, knowing that the blond knew something. The Risky Brothers knew something too, but they'd been just as tightlipped as Sanji when prodded. But even as Luffy pondered his unanswered questions, gobbling up yet another platter of food, he realized that if Zoro wanted him to know, he'd tell him what had happened. It was enough that the dumbass was still alive. And if it was important, he'd find out eventually; he wouldn't let himself worry about it for too long. But for now, he'd worry as much as he liked.

The hours passed much like that, the rubber man taking little breaks to stay by his boyfriend's side, spending the rest dancing with Chopper, laughing at Brook's skull jokes, and singing with everyone as the sun traveled across the sky. The celebration lasted into the night as well, especially with the Rolling Pirates' inclination to a nocturnal schedule due to their years without shadows. But as it always was, they all tired out eventually. Every surface in the hall was used as a bed: tables with the dishes pushed out of the way, chairs pushed together to make beds, people were propped up against walls, Brook was hunched over the closed piano lid, and the floor was littered with sleeping bodies as well. Luffy, having found a much better place than the floor, lay down next to Zoro, curling up next to his side and wrapping his arms around one of the man's bandaged arms carefully. He snuggled in close as he dared, not wanting to risk Chopper's wrath if he dislodged bandages or opened up wounds again. The bandages were scratchy against his skin, but he could still feel Zoro's warmth even through the cloth. He listened to the swordsman's even breathing, taking comfort in watching the steady rise and fall of his chest as his own eyes began to droop shut. Still not feeling quite close enough, Luffy very gently slid his leg in between Zoro's and tangled them together. He figured that Zoro wouldn't mind, since nothing around him or done to him had disturbed him thus far.

Now that Luffy was comfortable, he let his eyes drift completely shut, but before sleep took him, he clumsily left a soft kiss on his beloved's cheek. He took a moment to nuzzle his green hair too, before kissing his bandaged shoulder and then settling down again.

"I love you, Zoro. Please, wake up soon." Luffy's sleepy words were soft, unheard by their intended listener. He pressed his cheek into the hard muscle of his love's shoulder and quickly fell into sleep, becoming one of many snoring pirates. Before, they'd all been loud enough to wake the dead with their partying, but now, only the soft sounds of the sleeping echoed in the quiet night air.

To be Continued...

A/N: Thanks for reading! Since the next chapter is for a short arc, it should be out soon!