"I never thought we would ever come back here."
Yazoo agreed with his brother whole heartedly. They were outside a small dilapidated and abandoned house on the very edge of the ruins of Midgar. One side of it was almost buried in rubble but it still stood, which was about all that could be said about it. It had been the closest thing to a home they had ever known.
After they had escaped from the labs there had been almost a year before they had begun to search for Mother. This was one place they had stayed when they were not on the road, which was often as Kadaj could not stand being in one place for long. But when one of them was injured or sick they would come here until they had recovered.
Yazoo and Loz had decided to come back to gather the cache of clothes and weapons they had stored here. Leather got uncomfortable after awhile and neither wanted to borrow clothes. Reno and Rude had come with them, the small black sedan was parked in the alley in an attempt to keep anyone from coming near without them knowing.
Loz walked up the almost collapsing front stairs to the door. He pushed it open and Yazoo followed him inside. The two Turks came in a moment later. The inside wasn't as bad as the outside in the fact that it was actually clean and somewhat organized. Reno walked around the small living room while Rude stood guard by the door.
Loz walked back to the bedroom they had shared. Yazoo pulled a coarse rug away from its place in the floor and lifted a floorboard to reveal the hole underneath where they kept parts for Loz's Dual Hound and extra ammunition for the Velvet Nightmares. Underneath that were diagrams of how both weapons were designed and made, Loz would need them to help assemble the parts he had and Yazoo would need to try and rebuild the Velvet Nightmares from scratch.
"All three of you were here, under our noses, long before we met you at the Northern Crater?" Reno was staring out one of the windows but was speaking to the clone.
Yazoo didn't see the need to respond to that. He stood and made his way toward the bedroom where Loz had gone. He pushed open the brittle door to see Loz sitting on the edge of the large mattress they had salvaged long ago for them all to sleep. He was holding a small pile of Kadaj's old clothes, tears streaming down his face.
There was a pain in Yazoo's chest at the sight. He came forward into the room and knelt in front of Loz, when his brother didn't look up Yazoo raised a hand to gently brush the tears away from his face.
"He was just a kid really, it wasn't his fault…" Loz said quietly. Yazoo sighed, he could feel something inside of him rising, like a tide that would overwhelm him if he let it. Instead he pushed it down ruthlessly. He had to be strong and calm now for Loz, he rarely lost his cool detachment and he sure as hell wouldn't do it now.
Yazoo took the clothes from Loz and set them to the side. "You are right. But there never was anything we could do." Loz nodded and took a deep breath, pulling himself back together.
Apparently Loz had been in the middle of packing when the tears had come because a battered knapsack sat by the bed already half filled with clothes. Yazoo finished, putting Kadaj's clothes into a side pocket as an afterthought. He went back to the living room to give Loz a little space and to pack what had been beneath the floor.
Reno was in the hallway leaning against the wall with his hands crossed over his chest. It was obvious he had heard Loz crying. Yazoo shot him a look that said 'mention it and you'll regret it'. Reno just shrugged, it didn't affect him.
They waited in the front of the house for Loz when he came striding past them and into the kitchen. Loz quickly turned on all the burners on the gas stove and retrieved a small bottle of high proof alcohol they had used to treat injuries. Yazoo knew what he was going to do and knew it wasn't wise to be standing in the exit. He turned to go when he saw Reno standing there with a raised eyebrow. Crazy Turk…
After a moments hesitation Yazoo grabbed Reno's arm and pulled him through the doorway and down the steps bringing the knapsack with him. Rude, who had been standing outside, gave them a questioning look but moved away from the house with them.
"What about Loz?" Reno said while watching the windows and door for a sign of him.
Yazoo tilted his head "He's fine, he knows what he's doing."
As if on cue Loz came running out the front door. They could see flames already consuming the inside behind him when the door swung open. Loz stopped when he reached them and turned back to watch. The flames rose quickly but Loz didn't want to watch till it was completely burned he just wanted to know that it would catch well enough. When he was sure there would be nothing left but ashes he turned and walked back towards the car.
Yazoo stood for a moment longer watching the flames. This was how Loz would say goodbye to Kadaj, to Mother, to their former life. It was brazen and unyielding just like him. That feeling of something wanting to overtake him welled up again and he pushed it down once more, but not before it stung his eyes and weakened his knees.
He shook his head to clear it and turned to go back to the car where everyone was waiting. There was a movement in the corner of the alley, Yazoo caught a flash of steel and blonde hair. Cloud. When he saw Yazoo's eyes on him he came into the light, his large sword in his hand.
Yazoo backed away a step, he didn't want to fight Cloud, especially unarmed. He hoped that the blonde hadn't seen the car where his brother and the Turks were just yet. If he could make it there then he could probably get out if this without a fight. Doesn't this guy have a life? He must have been at the nearby church and seen the damn smoke.
Cloud lunged at him, bringing his sword in a downward ark. It was the move that Yazoo needed, he darted around Cloud and ran down the alley towards the car. Rude was standing by the drivers side door, Reno was leaning against the hood and Loz looked like he was just beginning to come and get him. Without pause Yazoo kept running, stepped up and onto the hood of the black car, ran up and over the windshield, overhead panel and down the back. Effectively putting the car between himself and Cloud.
Loz and Rude had caught on and were standing in front of the car, facing the direction he had come, shoulders tense and hands gloved. Yazoo saw Cloud come to a stop when he saw them, he let his sword rest with the tip on the ground. Yazoo came to stand beside his brother while Reno went into the no mans land between them and the swordsman.
"Hey Strife, you know there are ways to deal with disagreements other than dismemberment right? Geez man lighten up."
Cloud smirked. "That's odd coming from you Reno. Are you protecting them now?"
Reno shrugged "We're business partners. They don't really need protection in my opinion but we cant just let you go slicing and dicing our colleagues can we?"
Cloud sheathed his sword. "You should kill them before they cause any more damage."
"Yes it must have been real heroic to kill a seventeen year old boy" Loz snarled. Oddly enough, Cloud flinched at his words. Yazoo saw the signs that told him Loz would try and pound Cloud into dust, with or without any weaponry. Yazoo laid a hand on his brothers arm to stay him.
"Not now and not here Loz" he said softly. Loz looked at him in astonishment. They didn't need words, Yazoo knew everything that Loz was feeling. Why wouldn't Yazoo let him avenge Kadaj? Yazoo of all people should want to see Cloud dead…
Without taking his hand away from Loz, Yazoo opened the car door and motioned him inside. Loz shot a deadly look at Cloud then obeyed. Reno smirked and followed. "See ya around Strife!"
Rude whipped the car out of the alley blowing passed the place Cloud had been. Yazoo ignored the angry looks Loz was giving him. The car was full of a tense silence until Reno turned on the radio to some station that played music with loud guitars and screaming voices. Yazoo let himself drift, not really thinking about anything in particular. It was familiar territory inside his own mind and it was times like this that he had been able to hear Jenova. Her voice was like a song in many ways, it could wrap around him and take him to another plane of existence. A place where there was no pain, no loneliness or sadness and he felt complete just like…
Yazoo mentally jerked himself away. Had that been her? It had been so faint but it was unmistakably her, Mother, Jenova…
Hate filled him at the thought and he closed his mind and bolted every entrance he could think of against her. She had used them for her own ends and Kadaj had died as a result. She had never wanted them, just Sephiroth and this planet that would give her what she wanted. Yazoo closed his eyes and leaned his head against the cold glass of the window. He just wanted to forget.
The car came to a stop behind Healin Lodge. Yazoo looked up at the building. Was this home to him now? Rufus had moved him and Loz into a spacious two bedroom apartment that Reno had said was almost identical to what he and Rude shared, as well as absolutely immodest paychecks. It wasn't completely necessary that the Turks come with them into Midgar but no one had been doing anything else and Tseng had subtly hinted that it would be preferable. Yazoo could see why now. Although Loz burning buildings down probably didn't help them being unnoticed either.
They all made their way back inside and towards their apartments. They were all in the same section of the building and Reno and Rude were directly across from Yazoo and Loz with Elena of to the left and Tseng farther down the hall. Loz's anger hadn't dissipated at all on the trip back and he brushed passed everyone to get inside their new living quarters.
Reno and Rude both gave Yazoo sympathetic looks knowing he would be the one to deal with Loz for the rest of the day. Reno cleared his throat to gain Yazoo's attention.
"Hey, me and Rude were gonna go and knock back a few drinks later. Wanna come?" If Yazoo didn't know better he would have sworn that Reno had a twinge of nervousness when he asked. Yazoo wasn't sure what his answer would be but then the sound of something heavy hitting the floor from the inside of his apartment made him wince.
"Sure. When?" Reno covered any other emotion he may have had at Yazoo's acceptance and gave that signature cocky smirk.
"We head out around nine, meet us out back?" Yazoo nodded and Reno turned and unlocked his own door. Rude turned to Yazoo before following his partner inside.
"If Loz feels up to it later he is welcome as well" the stoic man added. Yazoo inclined his head in a gesture of thanks and went inside himself.
It was dark with only a few spots of light creeping in from around the windows in the living room. Loz was standing at the kitchen table with his back to Yazoo. Something about the way he was standing told Yazoo that there was something very very wrong here.
"Loz" Yazoo moved to stand behind his brother but hesitated to touch him. Why was every instinct he had warning him of danger? The only person in the room was Loz, he wasn't a threat…
Loz turned around to face him and suddenly Yazoo wasn't so sure. There was fury in his eyes. "You don't even care do you? Cloud killed Kadaj and you just pretend it didn't happen. You haven't shed a single tear, had a moment of grief over our brother over your-
"That's not true and you know it." Yazoo cut his brother off again. He didn't want to hear what Loz was about to say.
Loz only became more heated. "Do I? You are so cold Yazoo. You were quick to side us with Shinra, I cant help but wonder. How dedicated were you ever to us? To Mother?"
Anger that felt like ice washed through Yazoo's veins. " I would die for either of you! I would trade places with Kadaj of I could and you know it! Its Mother you should be angry at, that lying bitch is the one who killed Kadaj. She let him believe in her fantasy about a Promised Land with him as her angel and he died for it just like she knew he would all along!" He didn't raise his voice, he gave no outward sign of his anger but to clench his fists at his sides and the jade green of his eyes went hard.
How dare Loz question his loyalty? Yazoo had given just as much sacrificed everything, just as all of them had…
He was lost in his anger and didn't see the blow coming. He had stumbled back into the wall before he realized that Loz had struck him across the face. His lip had split and was bleeding but it was the only external injury. Yazoo looked up at Loz who still had his hand raised and then quickly looked away.
"Don't talk about either of them like that" his brother growled.
Loz had never struck him in anger. Ever. He had always been the older, supportive brother who Yazoo could trust. This broke through his iron control that he had been using to hold his emotions back and they came in a flood.
Yazoo walked up to Loz and stood close, deliberately invading his space. "You are blind brother. It was all a lie. We believed it too and we were betrayed. Open your eyes! Would you turn against me for her sake? You are right in some ways, I was always more dedicated to you two than to her. Was I deceived by you as well?"
He knew that the surest way to hurt Loz would be to make him feel guilty. It may not have been the best idea to provoke him but Yazoo didn't care. He felt like the insides of his skull would burst with hurtful sadness, the anger and the chaotic misery within him.
"No more than you deceived Kadaj. Tell me Yazoo, when you had him in your bed writhing beneath you, did you lie when you told him you loved him?" Loz had hit right to the core. Yazoo felt like the breath had been knocked out of him. He had thought Loz had gone as far as he could by hitting him but this was worse.
Yazoo gripped the nearby table for support. "How could you say something like that to me Loz? Of anyone you should know, I know I'm cold, I know I'm detached but under all that I thought you at least would know….I thought you would know how much it …" His voice was breathless and had a clear note of pain laced in.
It had never been a secret among them that Yazoo and Kadaj had a relationship that went beyond brotherhood. Loz hadn't minded at the time and it had never affected how close Yazoo and Loz were. Yazoo had never expected Loz to use this as a weapon against him. The night before they had found Mother and Kadaj had died he had argued with him.
They had been up half the night almost screaming at each other. Yazoo begged Kadaj to be careful, to make sure he was near them at all times. Kadaj had been only been angered by his concern. He screamed that Yazoo didn't trust him, that he thought he was incapable of the Reunion. The next day Kadaj had woken up with something to prove. Yazoo knew that things would go wrong when he saw that look on Kadaj's face. And they had, they had gone horribly wrong. If Kadaj would have waited for them, found some way to stall Cloud so they would be by his side….
If only Yazoo had been able to say it that night. It had come so easy at other times, but he had just stood there with his calm expression and cold eyes. If he could have just told Kadaj that he worried because he loved him then maybe it would have soothed him. He wouldn't have gone alone…
"I never lied to him Loz. You have to believe I didn't…" Yazoo could feel the tears stinging behind his eyes. He bent his head and let them come. Yazoo never cried, that was Loz's area of expertise but this time it just hurt too much.
Loz's anger dissipated at the sight. He put a hand on his Yazoo's thin shoulder, at first he thought Yazoo would push him away but he just turned towards him and buried his face in Loz's chest. Loz just held him and stroked his hair gently. He regretted what he had said and told Yazoo so in small whispers over the silver strands, he hadn't meant to hurt Yazoo so badly or become so angry.
Yazoo eventually pulled away. Loz was startled sometimes at how beautiful his brother could be, sexuality had nothing to do with it, he was ethereal and like something from a myth at times. Now was one of those times. His long lashes were heavy with tears and his skin was flushed with just a hint of a blush high on his cheek. The thing that took you captive though was the expression. His eyes were open in the sense that you could see the riot of emotion behind them and he had a kind of serene sadness that tugged at the heart. Loz had to admit that he had been immensely unfair to call Yazoo cold. His brother felt things deeply, maybe so keenly that he needed to keep them at arms length to be able to keep a sense of self.
Yazoo picked up the knapsack they had brought back and quietly walked to his bedroom and closed the door softly behind him.
AN- Thanks to all who have been reviewing and to Rezuri for the suggestions. It just smacked me upside the head when I read your review. ELENA! Just who I needed! Thanks so much. I'm not sure why this didn't hit me before. I know this probably doesnt make much sense since I'm talking a few chaps ahead but you certainly jump started my brain for me so thanks again. I will have to disappiont you though on the doctors thing. ( I myself HATE doctors. I dont know why but it filters into my fics to because I just cant write them. Besides you would be really surprised what you can heal at home with mass amounts of duct tapt and super glue. sweatdrops
Anyways, let me know what ya think! You guys/gals are great!
