Disclaimer: Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.

Alright, alright. Here's the real chapter. :D

So, enjoy!

PS: Thanks for the birthday greetings! hugs


The next few days had been a breeze. They went by fast. I haven't see Jesse nor talked to Paul ever since that incident. I never told any one about what happened either, who knows what would have gone around the school if I did? Rumors…uh huh, that's right.

"Suze!" Paul called behind me. I was walking to my locker and decided to walk faster.

Its just not my day is it? Have I told you that this is what I have been for the past few days? Avoiding Paul like a plague, I mean.

"Suze, wait!"

"Leave me alone, Paul," I said, not stopping.

I kept walking until I was sure that he stopped following me and that I had the right locker this time.

Sadly, luck wasn't on my side today― but thank heavens it was the right locker.

"Suze, just listen to me, please," he said, out of breath, and made a grab for my wrist.

I glared at him. "How many times do I have to tell you, Paul?" I asked him. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Why?" he asked. "Is it because of Jesse? Why are you defending him anyways? You don't know him as well as you know me."

Somehow, his tone ticked me off. As if I shouldn't be doing such thing…as if it were a crime. But oh well, what does he know?

"…It's not about Jesse, alright? And I'm not defending him. I know him. I think I know him much better than I know you," Which is so not true.

But Jesse and I…we have a connection, if not physical, then an emotional one. Something I never found in Paul. And I find it odd how Paul strikes me as someone who's dangerous…whereas…Jesse…he strikes me as something else, something I can't comprehend. He wasn't anything like Paul. If anything, he'd never be like Paul.

"Are you sure about that, Suze?" he asked and next thing I knew his lips crashed down on mine. But no matter how much my mind resented what he just did; my body didn't care because I was…kissing him back.

I tried to pull away but his grip on me was like steel.

His kisses always feel good that's why I always have a hard time pulling away. I think I might have a screw loose or something. "Paul, stop manipulating me with this crap," I wanted to say but just couldn't, since you know, you can't really talk when a hot-guy-who-is-your-boyfriend-but-you-don't-really-like-him is kissing you.

I opened my eyes and thank god his was closed. If my mother was here right now, she'd lecture me on how it was inappropriate to kiss someone with your eyes open…which was really a disturbing thought. Thinking of my mother watching me kiss a guy, I mean. Ew.

I looked over his shoulder and couldn't believe what I just saw.

Jesse. He was staring at us. Well, mainly me.

His eyes, I noticed before were black-brown…eyes that had depth in it…eyes that look as if they were searing into your soul every time he looks at you.

He looked so angry and sad at the same time. He looked as if he wanted to be in Paul's place right now, kissing me.

The idea of Jesse kissing me seemed pretty good but I still didn't understand…why?

Did we have anything to do with each other in the past? Was that why I was getting all these flashbacks? No…

We locked gazes.

After a few moments, he nodded at me and left.

What was that all about?

I needed to talk to Jesse and ask him what he meant by it. The only way I could do that was to have Paul stop kissing me.

I know that we're a couple and all but I don't really care. When I need to do some thing, I do it.

That was why I did what I did next and I'm terribly sorry for it. I'm serious. I gave Paul a swift kick in the groin. Well, it worked. He released me. He fell to his knees and started groaning.

"I'm so sorry Paul. I just have to do…something." I said and started to run where Jesse was.

When I got there, I didn't see Jesse anywhere. It was as if he just disappeared. But a moment later, I was proven wrong. I saw him in the parking lot, about to start his car.

"Jesse!" I called, hoping that he would hear me. He didn't. I started to run.

"Jeffrey!" I yelled again. This time he heard me. He looked around. He found me. I was standing right in the middle of the parking lot. Then, something hit me at the side. It hurt, a lot. I couldn't breathe. It was painful. I tried to gasp for breath, but I couldn't. I tumbled down the parking lot. Bleeding. I looked around, it was a car. It was a car that hit me. I looked at Jeffrey once more; he was running towards me, calling me Susannah.

I stopped right in front of his car. Talk about déjà vu…Jeffrey? Possibly another flashback?

I sighed. This was just getting weirder and weirder.

I walked to Jesse's side of the car and stared at him, trying to catch his eye. There was something in his eyes, perhaps fear? Guilt? Anger? …and I don't know if I'm right or wrong, but I also saw…but–maybe, just maybe, love? Love for me? I wish. Suze! You have a boyfriend! I know that. But he hid it away quickly, not even looking at me.

"Jesse…" I said. "Jesse, look at me."

He sighed and turned his head to face me, locking his eyes with mine.

"I'm sorry," I said softly even though I didn't know what I was sorry for. Somehow, an apology seemed like the right thing to do, but…it was as if kissing Paul wasn't the only thing I was sorry for, it was something more, something BIG.

He scoffed. "Why should you be? You didn't do anything wrong." I knew that from the moment he said it, he regretted it. "I'm sorry, Susannah. I didn't mean to…I…goodbye, querida," He started the ignition and drove off, leaving me in the parking lot, gaping.

I pulled myself together (and feelings, for that matter, I was really hurt, you know) and walked back to where I left Paul.

I found him standing by my locker, smiling at me. Not a trace of anger in his eyes. What's he on about?

I smiled sweetly at him. "Hi, Paul. How are you doing?"

"Cut it out with the fake crap, Simon," God. I was just trying to start conversation. Way to make your girlfriend feel welcome. "Why did you kick me?"

I started blushing. "Oh yeah…about that. Um, I'm really sorry. I just needed to do some…thing." I managed to croak.

He looked at me for a moment and sighed. "Okay, then."

I looked at him in bewilderment. "That's it? You're not going to lecture me on how bad of a girlfriend I am?"

He shrugged and smirked at me. "Why should I? You're a great person."

I blushed some more, not because of shame and embarrassment, because his compliment was just so…nice, despite the smirk that came before that.

"Is that true?" I asked.

He nodded and smiled. "Yeah, so will I see you later?"

I cleared my throat. "Uh…sure, I guess?"

Paul gave me a peck on the lips and said, "Bye, Suze, see you later."

I came to my senses and blushed some more. My cheeks were probably blood red, I am so sure.

After he left, I groaned, giving my locker a little kick. I fell to the ground and leaned against the cool metal. I wanted to cry but couldn't bring myself to show any emotion.

Why is everything becoming so hard?

…I don't know who I am or where I belong anymore. Not that I knew in the first place. Sure, I have parents, brothers, friends, you know, almost the whole package…but…I don't know. I just…don't.

And Jesse…I feel something for him but I'm just not sure. I feel something for Paul too…it's as if both of them have this power over me, power over my emotions.

It's as if they're the ones who's controlling my life not me.

I don't know who I'm supposed to be with: Jesse or Paul? Paul or Jesse? Perhaps neither of them? No…that's not right. I'm supposed to be with one of them…I'm sure, I know it.

What else has been bugging me? Well, it's the fact that what if everyone I know is lying to me? What am I to do?

What if CeeCee and Adam aren't really my friends?

What if my mother isn't really my mother?

What if…

I…I don't know who to trust anymore. Why? Why? WHY? Why me…?

There were weird things happening around me, how people act when I'm around.

I groaned to myself some more and stood up.

I needed answers, and the only person who can give them to me was Father Dom.

And I sure do hope I get them, answers, I mean.

Sighing, I started to walk down to Father Dominic's office.

Luckily, the secretary wasn't there. Don't get me wrong, the secretary is nice and all but right now, I didn't need her to tell me to 'turn that frown, upside down'. It's just not happening.

The door to Father D's office was slightly open. I could hear Father D talking in a low voice and another.

I couldn't help but to place my ear against the wooden door and listen to what they were talking about.

"Why did you choose to leave instead of being with…me?" Father Dominic said softly. "Juliana…answer me, please. Why?"

"Dominic now is not the time to talk about our past. We have to do something with Susannah," Me? …wait. Juliana…she's the ghost who's been visiting me. How do they know each other? What was their past? "That boy who did this to her must be punished! Shifters can not use their powers to manipulate another. It's just wrong!" Who did what to me? Was the boy the reason why I lost my memory? If so, then how? And….Shifters? Wait, Father Dominic told me I'm a shifter too! And that could only mean one thing…no…that's not right.

"I'm afraid I can not do anything about it. If there was a way, surely I would have done it a long time ago, before the car accident happened. That accident just made matters worse," Father Dominic replied, shaking his head.

Juliana sighed. "Hector…he told me that if Susannah feels that she needed to be with that…that boy, then she is free to do so. But if she follows her heart…she may remember everything," she said. "We need to get her and Hector together…again. They are meant to be. Dominic, are you with me on this one?" Who's Hector? I slightly opened the crack more to get a better view and hearing.

"As much as I want to, I can not do such thing. I can not force Susannah to be with someone she can not even remember. And in the eyes of God and the church, it would be wrong to do so."

"Oh, for God's sake, Dominic! Susannah's memory is at stake here, HER LIFE IS AT STAKE HERE! For once, stop talking about following God's footsteps!" the woman shrieked. She yelled at a priest. SHE yelled at a PRIEST. What's going on? "See, this is the problem between you and me, Dominic. Ever since I met you, you―"

I don't know how it happened but the door opened wide and I stumbled inside the room.

"Um…hi?" I squeaked, straightening myself up. This was just so embarrassing. They were probably having a lover's quarrel, and I just had to eavesdrop.

"Hello, Susannah," Juliana said to me sharply. "Dominic, think about what we just talked about," she said to Father Dominic, using the same tone of voice, and glanced at me. Father D nodded weakly and she dematerialized.

Father Dominic serenely walked to his chair behind the big desk and just sat there, on the chair, I mean. Staring off into space. He didn't even acknowledge my presence.

I just stood there staring at him. Why? I was confused. About what? About how Juliana and Father D knows each other…and about that thing involving me, a boy, and another guy named Hector.

The name Hector does sound oddly familiar…I just don't know where I've heard, or seen it.

There I was walking in the graveyard, reminiscing about the times I spent there…A familiar figure was just standing there, right in front of the spot I was headed. I walked towards it and stopped right beside the man who was caressing the tombstone.

"Here lies Hector 'Jesse' De Silva. 1820-1850. A son, a brother, and a friend," the tombstone read.

Jesse looked at me, gratefulness in his eyes. "Susannah, you do not know how grateful I am to have you in my life. You gave me a second chance. You risked your life for me," he lightly touched my cheek with his fingertips. "Susannah, I do not know how I can repay you."

I smiled up at him. "Loving me is enough, Jesse. Because that's all I want. All I want is you. You're the reason why I'm still living, because without you, I don't make sense."

He smiled back. "I love you, mi querida, forever and for always. You mean so much to me," he whispered. "Te amo con to do mi corazon,"

"I love you too," I whispered back.

And with that, his lips came crushing down on mine, gently caressing it.

Jesse. Not again. I shook my head. That was just…unbelievable. This is what now, my 2nd, 3rd, 4th time having a flashback with Jesse and me together?

I shuddered. Somehow…I liked that idea. Having Jesse by my side and being carefree, oblivious to our surroundings.

I shook my head again, but this time in despair. It's just not possible.

"Um, Father D?" I said.

I swear, if Father D wasn't sitting on the chair, he could've jumped a mile. Was my voice really that startling?

"H-how did you get here?" he asked.

I scrunched up my nose. "You mean you didn't see me fall?"

"I don't think I did…" he said, drifting off.

Getting to the point, "How do you know Juliana?"

Father D looked at me. "…how much did you hear?"

"Enough."

"Oh boy…" he said, shaking his head.

"So, are you going to answer my question?" I asked. "How do you know Juliana?"

I walked to the seat in front of the table and sat down, crossing my arms over my chest.

His mouth twitched upwards as if he wanted to smile, but he frowned instead. "Juliana…what can I say about her?" He sighed. "She was and still is a remarkable lady. She reminded me of you when you first came to this school." A shocker there…

"So if you knew her then, why were you surprised to see her?"

"I guess there is no way of getting out of this one, is there?" he asked.

"Nope," I answered.

"Well, as you know, Juliana and I knew each other then. You can call us…" he cleared his throat. "….you can call us…lovers. That's one way to put it." Lovers? I echoed in my mind.

"Was she a ghost when you two fell in love?" I asked softly.

"Unfortunately…yes." His voice started to shake and I felt guilty for bringing up the topic. They must have had quite a past if it stirred such emotions in Father Dominic's heart.

I cleared my throat. "You know what Father D? Let's not talk about this right now, maybe some other time. I have some more questions to ask you about what I…over…heard."

He nodded. "A wise choice, Susannah," he closed his eyes, as if wanting to shut out a memory. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. "So what are the questions you need answers from?"

I tapped my foot on the hardwood floor. "I overheard you and Juliana talk about a guy named Hector and I was won…"

"Wondering who he is," Father Dominic finished for me. "Am I right?"

I nodded.

"Just like what Juliana told you, the time is not right," he said. "I know you have overheard her saying that you and J― Hector have to be together to be able to have your memory come back…but you have to be able to get it back yourself. You need to remember it all on your own. Everything…every single memory. So if it means…having Hector fall in love with you, then so be it, but you are not going to get help from us. I am certain though that Hector lo―" He stopped himself before revealing too much. "The important thing you should know is that you know him, Hector, I mean, even from before. In fact, you know him quite well."

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"All I'm saying is Susannah, if we try to help you, it may not work. What happened to you…it's difficult to understand how it was done. It might make things more complicated for all of us. For all I know, it might mess things up."

Suddenly, rage surged through my veins, I don't know why. I felt like crying, different kinds of emotions were bubbling up inside of me.

How dare he not tell me?

How dare he?

I wanted to have a fit, but couldn't bring myself up to it. Father Dominic was helping me, and…I can't get mad at him for helping me, along with Juliana.

Instead of expressing my fury by having an outburst, instead, I managed to say softly, "My heart is breaking, bit by bit. I don't know who I'm supposed to be with but I know he's out there somewhere…this someone. I don't know who I am or the world around me. I'm frustrated and confused with everything that's happening, especially all these flashbacks that are coming to me," I remembered my dream last night, the one at the hospital…with the doctors…and Paul. The tears that I was trying to hold from escaping got out." And I need an explanation for all the things that are happening. Y–you can't shut me out of my o–own life. You can't." I sobbed. "You just can't." I wiped my tears with my sleeves before Father D could see me crying. He didn't though it was pretty much obvious since my eyes get all puffy very easily when I cry.

Father D blinked at me and he clasped his hands together. "You are so much like her…Juliana…" he said, shaking his head.

I tried to smile but it was forced. A fake and forced smile.

"What do you need to know?" He asked, tapping his fingers.

I closed my eyes, blocking the tears that we're threatening to fall again. "Who is this boy and what did he do to me?"

The tapping stopped and I opened my eyes. He looked at me. "Susannah, are you sure you want to know such thing?"

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat.

"Yes, I do."

"Well then."

"So…who is he and what did he do?"

"His name is―"

I was laying on something…soft. A bed.

Both my wrists were tied to the head board and my ankles tied to a post too.

I realized that I was undressed, I wasn't wearing anything. I was covered by a cover, meaning that if someone takes the cover from me, I'd be revealed. I'd be naked in their eyes.

I didn't want anybody to see me naked but Jesse. I was saving myself for him! He wanted us to wait…

I started panicking. What's happening? Where's Jesse?

Jesse!

JESSE!

I screamed inwardly.

JESSE! Help me…

Then, I remembered that Jesse wasn't a ghost anymore. He was alive…which means he can't help me. No!

My eyes traveled to the figure that was in front of me.

He had a menacing smile on his face. He was looking at me as if I were a piece of meat waiting to be eaten. I was frightened of him…no.

"Hello, Susie," he whispered.

He climbed on top of me and straddled me.

He caressed my cheek. "Do you know how long I've been waiting to do this, Suze?" he said. "To touch you and not worry if De Silva's going to come…It's your fault. You made him alive. Now his ghost can't save you. You hear that Suze? CAN'T," he laughed.

He placed both his large hands on my breasts.

I whimpered from his sudden touch. His hands were warm…and it soothed me, relaxing me…NO! You can't think that! That's just wrong!

"Please…don't do this," I said between gasps.

He smirked. "Yeah, right, like I'm going to pass up this opportunity."

I started thrashing around; he gripped his hold on my breasts tighter, I winced and screamed.

He took his hands off my chest and kissed me hard on the lips. I didn't want to kiss him back…but I found myself doing it.

By then, tears were already streaming down my face. I wanted everything to just…stop. But I didn't have the power.

No one could help me.

No one.

While he was doing that, I noticed that his hands went under the cover and his fingers were traveling up my thigh…

Jesse…

"Paul, NO!" I screamed. "STOP IT!"

Next thing I knew, a hard blow came from the side of my head and I blacked out.

"Oh my god," I whispered.

"Susannah, are you okay?" Father Dominic asked concern in his voice.

I was getting dizzy… everything around me was spinning.

Everything was getting darker…and darker…

Darkness was enclosing me…and I blacked out.


Anyways, this chapter was a bit rushed but oh wells. :D

However, I want CONSTRUCTIVE criticisms, no flames. I need to know what I'm doing wrong or right, because I want to improve this story and mainly my writing.

I also don't want things like, "This should be a PS/JS" yadayadayada because I haven't made up my mind yet.

So for the people who's been itching to say something but were too scared to get their heads bitten off by me (Kidding), speak now…I mean, TYPE now, or forever hold your peace.

But remember, I am the author and I get to do whatever I like. So if that means killing Paul or Jesse, then…yeah, kidding again. There's NO way I'm going to kill them unless it's absolutely necessary.

Mwuahahaha! ;) evil grin

PS: I don't know if my plan for Paul being nice is going to work…we'll see because there are so many ideas floating in my mind for this story.

Much love, Claudine

Please review!