Disclaimer: Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.
Spring Break's over. Sigh.
Sorry about the lack of updates, I've been busy. But thank you so much for the reviews/constructive criticisms; they really helped, a lot. So here you go guys, another chapter (a long chapter, teehee) from moi. :D
Warning: Minor cursing.
The white room was blinding me…oh my god…
I see chairs. Like those kinds of chairs you see in emergency rooms…
A little tube coming from this pump above me hanging on this metal stand and connected to my left hand (what's it called again?)…water flowing into me…
And I realized that I was in a hospital.
Jeez.
Was I like…oh I don't know accident-prone or something? Because I seem to be ending up in hospitals a lot lately. Thank god not in the ICU or anything like that because I don't think I have any serious damages.
What the hell happened anyways?
I turned my head to the side and my head felt like it was going to explode. I felt a prickle of blood gush out of the side of my head but weird as it is, it didn't come flowing down my face.
I touched the side of my head and a bandage was wrapped around it, my head, I mean.
What happened? My mind was vague.
I closed my eyes.
I was getting freaked out already. First I don't even know where I got the cut from, and second, I don't know why I'm in a hospital.
Someone entered the room and I opened my eyes and tried to lift up my head to see who it was.
"Easy there," the lady said, walking right beside my bed. She lifted my head and fluffed my pillow. "Feeling okay?" she smiled at me. She put my head back down.
Her face was very familiar…she had black hair and tanned face, natural tan. She had brown eyes and was probably in her mid-30s or early-40s.
"Amanda, wake up, darling." A female voice pleaded. "Amy, get up now, I have a special surprise for you…." Someone was shaking me.
I got up and looked around. I can see the sun shining through my window. "What time is it?"
" 11:30, in the morning." Lucy answered.
"Is it really that early?" I sighed. "What day is it today?"
"Friday, June the 3rd."
"Okay…can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, sure, go ahead. What is it?"
"How long have I been here?" I asked. "In this hospital, I mean."
She stopped fussing around the room and turned to face me. "Do you really want to know?" she asked.
I nodded.
She sighed, a big one, actually. "6 months."
"I've been here for six months…?"
"Yes, Amy. Now get up and go take a shower."
I wasn't listening. I stayed frozen at the foot of my bed. All I could think about was why I've been in this place for so long and why no one came to get me. "Why? What happened to me?"
She suddenly turned pale. It didn't seem like a good idea any more since it might be some bad news. "Do you really want to know?"
I nodded and managed to swallow the lump in my throat.
"Ahh!" I winced. My head hurt like a bitch.
Father D…another flashback. Damn.
I adjusted my head on the pillow and stared at her. My mouth felt dry, it was hard to swallow. "Is your name Lucy?" I asked her hoarsely, feeling my throat burn.
She stared at me wide-eyed. Her gaze made me pretty uncomfortable, as if I was invading something that's personal to her.
"Um, you know what. Ignore my question. It's just that you look very familiar…" I said.
Lucy nodded and heaved a sigh. "Okay," she smiled again. "Just call me when you need anything. The doctor will be checking up on you fairly soon. Okay, A―Suze?"
I nodded and with a last concerned look from Lucy, she left.
Then everything just came tumbling back. Why I was in the hospital…but not exactly everything. My mind was fuzzy, like what happens when it's raining and the satellite gets damage and all you see on TV is grey static.
And an image of a person came to me.
A bit blurry but I knew who it was. I knew his face too well.
Paul.
Paul…I― he did something to me.
Something I was terrified of that I didn't know about.
And I didn't dare think about it. It was just too much for a girl like me to handle.
The only thing I could remember was Father D telling me something and I had a flashback. In the memory I was hit at the side of my head, what happened before that?
I sighed in discontentment.
But in the memory…if I got hit in the head there, and I didn't get hit literally…then how did I get the cut?
Could it be another shifting ability that I could do?
No…but I'm pretty sure I didn't hit my head or anything.
I winced. The pain was unbearable. My head felt as if it was going to burst any moment now.
Maybe it was the memory. Maybe that memory caused it. Maybe…just maybe, my power got out of control and it caused me to harm myself.
That can't be. Well…it could be possible…but…I guess better ask Father D.
There were still many questions floating in my mind about Paul and shifting.
But the most important question I've been asking myself ever since I overheard the conversation between Father D and Juliana was who caused me to lose my memory?
…Who was even powerful enough to do such thing and why?
Why did they want to screw up my life even more?
Why did they want me to forget my life and everyone in it?
Was it because something terrible happened and they didn't want me to remember?
Sigh.
I better make a note to ask Juliana also. She might know at least something about it, something she could tell me. I mean, she was the one who mentioned it.
I sat up and looked around the room. The room was painted yellow― but a bit orangeier ―, a vase of flowers was placed on the table right beside my bed, paintings were hung on the walls, a mirror hung next to the vase. Nice room.
I played with the hem of my hospital gown I was wearing and closed my eyes again, trying to envision what had happened earlier. When nothing came, I opened my eyes.
Damn.
How was I supposed to remember EVERYTHING? It's just not logically possible, in my opinion. One of these days…sigh.
Let's be honest here. I, Suze, am getting sick of this shit. How do they think I'm going to remember? Just snap my fingers and say Avada Kedavra? Okay, that was a bit Harry Potter of me (and besides, if I were a witch, whatever, I could totally kill myself or a person by saying it). It's just that…what they were telling me and want me to do was very discombobulating.
Discombobulating? Where did THAT come from?
I stopped thinking for a moment. Okay, maybe THAT'S not possible but you get what I mean.
There were people talking just outside of my room. Who could it be? Visitors? Nah. Likely but I doubt it. I got off the bed and strode over to the mirror to fix my hair, taking the metal stand with the pump hanging on the hook. What? It could be a guy, a good-looking guy. I wish.
After fixing my hair― not that it was possible, my head was wrapped with a bandage so you can't really do much with it― I opened the door slightly.
But I was wrong on that account. You see, it wasn't a cute guy at all. Nope. No guy even, nada, zero, zilch.
It was Lucy and a doctor talking in low whispers down the hall. About what? I don't know.
That was why I tiptoed out of my room to the other side of the wall to hide myself and to get a better hearing.
"She remembers me…well, not exactly, but she said I looked familiar," Lucy said to the woman.
"It still doesn't prove a lot, Lucy," the woman said.
Lucy narrowed her eyes a little. " But Dr. Robinson, she asked me if my name was Lucy. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
Dr. Robinson raised her voice. "Of course it does. It just means that she's progressing but that doesn't mean she fully remembers it all. She lost her memory TWICE, Lucy. Don't expect her to have a full recovery just yet."
"Don't you think Suze has gone so much trouble already for a teenager? It must be hard for her," Lucy sighed. "She lost her memory twice, got called Amanda Smith for 6 months…" she drifted off. "How did we even get THAT name?"
I lost my memory twice…so was that what Father D meant about the accident? And how DID I get the name Amanda Smith. This was just getting more and more confusing.
"Yes, I agree with you to an extent. Apparently, the person who brought her here the first time gave us the false name. For what reason, I do not know. Don't ask me anymore," Dr. Robinson said firmly. "Let's just leave it at this and we'll see how she's doing for the next couple of weeks, unless her parents tell us differently."
Lucy sighed again. "Yes, Dr. Robinson. I'll go…do something. Goodbye," Dr. Robinson nodded and they both left, walking the other way. Thank goodness.
Walking back to my room, I couldn't help but wonder…what's this person trying to hide from me?
Ugh. Why bother. It's not like I'm capable of knowing what happened anyways. It's not going to happen. Nothing good ever happens…
When I got into my room, I closed the door behind me quietly and flopped down on my bed.
After a couple of minutes, there was a knock on my door.
"Come in," I called.
Lucy opened the door and walked in looking a bit rushed. "Suze, you have a visitor," she said.
Thinking it was one of my parents visiting I said, "Okay, let them in. Thanks." I smiled at her. She returned the smile and left, closing the door behind her.
Was my mom finally getting me out of this forsaken hole? Okay so it's not that bad, it's actually pretty nice. But c'mon, staying in a hospital for weeks? Hell no.
The door creaked open.
Yay! Home, here I come!
Unfortunately, I was wrong.
"Mom…" I started to say but drifted off when I saw holy freaking Jesse standing there, grinning at me, and holding a bouquet of carnations!
To sum it all up, I was startled, shocked, and happy. I could feel a blush creeping up my cheeks. He brought me carnations! Thankfully not roses because I think roses are too… hackneyed.
"Oh, it's you," I mumbled, trying to hide the fact that I was happy to see him when inside, my heart was beating rapidly.
His grin widened some more. He strode to the seat beside my bed and sat on it.
"Are you feeling better Susannah?" Jesse asked, placing the carnations on the table.
"Well let's see, I have a super big ass head ache, I have a cut that's probably as long as a hammer and I don't know how I got it. What do you think?" I asked him.
He frowned slightly but it still didn't hide the amusement in his eyes.
"I guess you are," he said and smiled. He reached for my hand and held it. "Do you know how scared I got when I found out that you were in the hospital again, querida?"
I smiled. Because finding out that he cared was really comforting. I mean it. He got scared, because of me!
"Really?" I asked, forgetting the fact that I was supposed to act tough around him.
He nodded.
"Thanks for the flowers by the way, you didn't have too…" I said, and he leaned down to kiss me. Don't get your hopes up. It was only a friendly kiss on the cheek…sadly. But kiss on cheek whatsoever, it still made me feel all warm inside.
I blushed. "Um, okay."
Jesse opened his mouth to say something, but he was interrupted by the commotion going on outside of my room.
The door opened and revealed the one and only…Paul Slater.
Shit.
I could hear Lucy yelling down the hall. "We are only allowed to send one visitor at once, Mister!"
"Like I give a shit," Paul muttered. He glanced around the room and his gaze fell on my hand. The hand Jesse was holding.
More shit.
I quickly let go of Jesse's hand. "Hi, Paul," I greeted. Jesse's eyes were on me. I could feel them. Burning a whole through me. Searing into me. And it made me tingle inside. But confusion was included in that stare too.
Paul narrowed his eyes at me for a second then he smiled. "Hey Suze," he said, walking towards me. "You okay?"
I thought it was nice of him to ask if I was okay. But Jesse did too…so I guess that makes them pretty even in my book…NOT.
I was scared of Paul. There was an evil glint in his eyes, I saw, when he walked in but he covered it up pretty quickly.
There was something about him that just wasn't right.
And I didn't know what it was. But I was willing to find out.
One way or another.
»»»»»»»»»
I don't know what's happening…does she remember?
Damn.
De Silva must've told her everything when I visited the hospital. That son of a bitch.
No, that wasn't right. I looked at the visitors' clipboard in the front desk. Jesse got there ten minutes before me. There's NO way he could've told her everything by then.
If he keeps this up…he's going to mess up everything. Everything between Suze, him, their friends, family and me.
Could De Silva have told somebody else?
Of course he did, he would be a fool not to.
De Silva, De Silva, he shouldn't be messing with a powerful shifter.
I smirked to myself.
She won't know what will hit her. Or Jesse for that matter, the guy's crushed. His poor querida doesn't even REMEMBER him. She thinks that I'M her BOYFRIEND.
It was time to put my plan into action: winning her heart before De Silva does. If that doesn't work…then we'll just have to start over won't we?
I waited by Suze's locker. Today was the day she was coming back. And today was the day I was planning on starting my plan.
I gazed at the parking lot and saw Suze with her friends.
Pathetic.
They sold her to me so easily, making her believe that I was her boyfriend.
I grinned, recalling that night. The night when I had her all for myself. The night where I heard her screams…mixed with pleasure and pain. And I caused those emotions, screams…I took something of hers that she can't get back. De Silva can't do anything about it. It was gone.
But I still cared about her. I knew what I was doing.
I didn't know what got into me that night. Maybe because I was drunk.
I got myself drunk because the woman I loved picked someone else over me.
I pretended, put on a façade, making her think I was an overall good guy.
She fell for it. No sooner than later, she trusted me, trusted me with her life. But still…she still loved De Silva.
I offered to help her, help her with being a shifter, teaching her many ways to use her power…
…To lure her into a trap.
She fell for the façade. She told De Silva not to worry.
But De Silva didn't trust me and never will.
I was mad, pissed, and furious with her. I wanted to make her feel bad. I wanted to make her suffer that night.
I did what I had wanted to do with her the first time I met her. I did things to her that you can only IMAGINE doing.
I tortured her…held her captive…
And I didn't…not once…regretted what I did.
In fact I enjoyed it. Enjoyed it more than life itself.
I didn't care about what happened to her, whether she was hurt, in pain…whatever.
I just wanted to see her cry…moan…struggle, calling for her one and only Jesse. He didn't come, not at all.
When she realized no one was going to come and rescue her, she lost hope, and she stopped struggling.
And I didn't like it one bit.
I stopped what I was doing and did what I did.
Just one simple thing made her forget everything, made her lose her memory. I knew it was a risk because of her family…friends…
I needed to do it.
But all that was left to do was to have Suze not remember.
That was my purpose because if she did, she would hate me more than she hated me before. And that could cause her shifting power to…
I didn't dare think about it.
I tried to help her too, when all was over. Being the voice inside her head, the one she had been listening to all this time, making her believe that her name was Amanda. She didn't know that it was me behind it all. And I don't think she does. Not yet.
Being a shifter has a lot of advantages.
But being a shifter also, makes a lot of mistakes.
And that was a good plan…until that fucking accident. It screwed things up.
Don't look at me like that.
I'm just human okay? I'm no Mr. Perfect.
But people seem to think so, so all is good.
I shook my head.
Suze waved goodbye to her friends and she walked towards her locker. I watched her as she was walking.
God, she was beautiful…
I sighed.
She looked straight ahead and saw me.
She stopped and took a step back…shaking.
Why? I didn't know.
I walked towards her instead and clasped my hands behind my back. "Hello Suze." I said with a smile. "You're back."
She just stared at me. Her eyes. Fear was showing in them. WHY WAS SHE AFRAID OF ME DAMNIT?
I was tired of playing this game. I needed to act fast.
Wiping the smile off my face, I unclasped my hands and grabbed her wrist.
"You," I hissed, "are coming with me."
She winced. "Where are you taking me?"
I didn't answer. I just walked, holding her wrist, dragging her right behind me.
She tried to pry my hand off her wrist, but she was too weak for me.
I saw it all that night.
Everything she was hiding.
She was vulnerable.
Very vulnerable.
I smirked; once again, things were going my way.
But it wasn't at the same time because seeing her like this made me feel...guilty. I already took something of hers, something she was saving, so why hurt her more? She didn't deserve it. All these things that I have done to her were just something I wanted not needed. I didn't expect it to turn out this way. It was all a mistake and I wasn't afraid to admit it.
Yes, I'm human.
That was why I put my hatred and everything else aside, vanquishing them because I didn't want to feel that way anymore and gathered up my feelings, preparing for what was to come next.
And I knew that no matter what happens, no matter how many times I make her forget everything, Jesse was always going to be in her heart.
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