Disclaimer: Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.
Thanks for the reviews!
Anyways, I suggest you read the last chapter because I added a part in the end.
Suffice to say, I'm not very proud of this chapter. I just think this one went WAY TOO FAST. So I'll probably go back to it in the end and edit it.
Just calm down, Suze… don't panic.
Breathe in, breathe out.
He's not going to hurt you. I think. Just follow him and he won't do anything bad to you.
I know, start stalling!
I kept up with his pace but I almost lost my balance when we started walking on big rocks. Darn rocks.
His sudden stop made me trip over my own feet and almost fall flat on my face but he caught me by the shoulders. "Are you okay?" he asked.
What a guy…
First treating me like a goddess, then a complete utter shit and then back to a goddess.
How does he do it?
'Are you okay?' I mentally mocked him.
Asshole.
Why couldn't I just break up with him if he was such an asshole?
Because I was deathly afraid of him since I knew that he was capable of hurting me, even beyond physical hurt.
I shrugged, nodded and he grabbed my wrist, which was probably red and has a hand mark on it, and started to walk again.
Stall Suze! Stall! A little voice inside my head said, well more like chanted.
I looked down trying to ignore it, staring at the ground instead. Then I noticed his feet, trying not to trip, I squinted down at it to see if my guess was right.
Paul had big feet. At least ten inches…
I tried to hold back a laugh because the thought of the theory about feet and… appendages were slightly amusing.
I cleared my throat. "So um Paul, is that theory true?" I tried to say gravely.
He focused on the path ahead. After five seconds, he stopped. He turned to me, still holding on to my wrist, and said, "What theory?"
Stupid me, I broke down and started laughing.
Paul looked at me all funny, confusion etched on his face. There's something to say about hot guys having no clue what you're talking or laughing about because it feels as if you're the one in CONTROL, which I have not felt for a long time. Because to me, it felt like I was NOT the one controlling MY OWN LIFE and that somebody else was, sucking the power and life out of me, just giving me directions on what to do.
Paul glared at me and growled.
"Okay, jeez, I'll stop," I smirked and he frowned.
He tightened his grip some more. I swear if he kept up with this, he was going to get some big whooping in the end because my wrist felt as if it was about to fall off.
I rolled my eyes at him and he frowned some more.
"Where are we going anyways?" I asked him while we were walking. "This path leads to the graveyard, I know that. But why are we going to the graveyard?"
Paul smiled a little, "For privacy," and that little smile turned to an evocative smirk.
Why that little bugger.
After a long, because I was always tripping over my own feet, five minutes, he stopped. Well, me being a klutz, I didn't know he stopped and bumped into his back and made a strangled sound. He let go of my wrist. I stared down at the red hand mark wrapped around it and I looked up.
He flinched as he stared at what he had done. "I'm sorry, Suze."
I shrugged, because I didn't mind the pain so much anymore. "It's just going to be bruised. What are you sorry for?"
"No," he said, locking his eyes with mine. "No, Suze. I'm sorry for everything." He backed away from me and started walking back and forth. He was deep in thought.
Why was he acting so weird?
I cleared my throat. "Um, hate to break it to you but you haven't done anything bad to me except drag me down here in a freaking cemetery."
He stopped and stared at me. "You don't get it do you Suze?"
I wrapped my arms around myself. His gaze was sending chills up my spine and it was getting cold. "Get what?"
Paul sighed. "You'll forever hate me for this. But I think you have the right to know… I can't watch you get hurt anymore, by me." He took my hand. "Suze, I think it's time you should know the truth."
"Paul, what are you talking about? You're scaring m―"
He cut me off. "Will you shut up for a minute? I HAVE TO TELL YOU…" he drifted off.
"Tell me what?"
He gripped my hand. "I'm the one who…"
"You're the one who what?" I asked, my voice getting higher. Suddenly, I didn't feel so good anymore because I think I know where this was going. And it wasn't good.
Paul looked around as if to make sure no one was there watching us.
"It's okay if you hate me after this, I deserve it…," he started, "but first, I gotta tell you. I didn't intend for you to lose everything. What I wanted was to erase that memory of me…hurting you. That was it. But something happened. I don't know what and it caused you to lose everything. After I found out what had happened, my intentions became more…harsher. I just wanted you Suze. I tried to help you. I brought you to the hospital. That's why I gave you to them under a false name because I didn't want anyone to find out yet."
"But De Silva caught up with me right when I stepped out of the hospital and beat the shit out of me. I got so pissed at him for not letting me explain, and I forgot all about you. Everyone was all asking me questions of what had happened; I couldn't answer them because if I did, I had to tell them the truth. The only ones who knew were Jesse, Juliana and Father Dominic because they found out through Jesse. I didn't know how they handled it but suddenly, everyone started calling you Amanda because that was who you thought you were. Everyone else had to pretend to be someone else for the better. I couldn't show my face to you back then either because I thought it had come back to you all of a sudden and you'd accuse me. And then you got hit by a car and lost your memory the second time. I didn't know what to do next, I couldn't help. I asked Juliana but she hated me. She didn't dare speak to me."
I just stood there listening to him, because I didn't know what he was talking about.
"Suze, when you came back, I couldn't help but see the empty look in your eyes, it hurts to se you like this, not knowing anything. And it was entirely my fault. At first I didn't mind, because I knew you wouldn't remember just yet. Then, I had suspicions that you were starting to remember and you were probably plotting something against me," he shrugged. "I guess my feelings got in the way because no matter how much I wanted to hurt you for choosing Jesse, I still cared about you. That's why I'm telling you this right now. And I'm hoping that when you remember, you'll forgive me. It doesn't have to be now but I just wanted to know that you'll forgive me." He caressed my hand. "Suze?"
I couldn't answer, I was stunned.
I felt so dizzy, wanting to throw up because I couldn't take it all in.
Paul held me by the shoulders and pulled me close. Someone sniffed and I knew it wasn't me. I realized that Paul was crying.
"Please Suze; just tell me you're going to forgive me someday."
I nodded, still not knowing what he meant because I just wanted to collapse.
Next thing I knew, Paul's warm lips were on my cold ones and he was kissing me. I whimpered from the sudden contact. He broke off the kiss after a few seconds, letting go of me and looked at me intently.
Seeing the sincere look in his eyes, I finally understood what he had meant.
He was the one who had caused my screwed up life.
He was the one who had caused me to forget everything and every one in my life.
He was the one who had caused me to lose the ones I love.
But no matter how much I wanted to hate him, I couldn't. Because he had helped me, he had admitted he made a mistake and knowing him, it wasn't easy.
And now what I wanted was to be there for him, Paul, I mean. Tell him that it was okay, that it wasn't his fault. That I understood what he did what he did but at the same time, I didn't.
All I knew was that after all this was done, after Paul tells me everything from start to finish, I wanted to be with Jesse. I've been longing for his touch far too long, I wanted to kiss him, hug him and tell him that I love him.
How do I know?
Because I finally remember, remember everything. All it took was one last kiss to bid goodbye because both he and I knew that after all this, our friendship was done, we both weren't anything anymore.
I wanted to ask him some more questions except, my knees went weak, and I collapsed on the ground. My eyes were closing in lethargy and I succumbed into a deep sleep; only hearing Paul and another female voice, sounding very much like Juliana, calling for me.
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