Disclaimer: Characters are created by Meg Cabot unless stated otherwise.

I haven't updated in a long time so I won't be surprised if this story's already forgotten and don't get any reviews. I'm just going to persevere through this and finish it, even if I don't remember most of the plot. Ha-ha. We'll see.

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Maybe I'm the only shifter in the world this happens to. You know, like every time you pass out, you end up in Shadowland. Well, for me I do… End up in Shadowland… Most of the time... When something's really troubling me... And there is. Something troubling me, I mean. I can't even form coherent sentences without my head feeling like it's going to explode. Gosh. My head hurt. Did I bonk my head or something again?

No.

Maybe it was because I just found out something that was too much to take in and process?

Yes.

My heart started beating rapidly as memories played back in my head. My hand flew to my heart all of a sudden, as if it was going to prevent my heart from exploding through my chest. There was Jesse… Father D… my mom… my dad… Andy… my stepbrothers… Juliana… people from my school… Gina… CeeCee… Adam… and… a–and… Paul.

The hand that was against my heart started getting clammy. This happens when I'm nervous or scared shitless. And right now, I was both. Nervous and scared shitless.

I just found out that Paul almost tried to off me just because I ended up with Jesse. Who does that to a girl he 'supposedly' loved? I knew Paul was sincere about his apology, which was why I wasn't going to give him a hard time about it.

I was going to forgive and forget.

A hard task for a Simon to do… but… I really just wanted to forget the past and move on. The past was too painful for me. People whom I thought I could trust… they took advantage of me. They made me think I was someone else, someone who didn't exist. They gave me this whole…new identity. That was why I never felt like myself…because it wasn't ME. And I just didn't want to go through that again.

Paul's words kept on replaying in my head. It wouldn't stop. It wanted me to remember. It wanted the words to be engraved in my mind so that I wouldn't forget and make the same mistake again.

It was my entire fault…

My hand reached for a doorknob, and I hoisted myself up. I winced, not because my legs hurt or anything, it was because my head did… it hurt like a bitch.

Suddenly, everything just came crashing down again. I finally remembered, and I didn't know what to feel. A part of me was happy, because then, I didn't have to pretend, I could be myself again. But I knew it wasn't going to work out…because after all this it wasn't going to be the same. I mean, I'm not a virgin anymore, I probably screwed up my relationship with Jesse…yeah, that's the sad part of me, the cons of getting my memory back. Though…I didn't care about the pros and cons, I just wanted answers to get this whole thing done and over with.

So I did what I had to do. I shifted back to the cemetery even if I had the biggest shifting headache ever.

When I knew that I made it safely back to the cemetery, I couldn't get over how NOISY it was. What was happening? Who were these people shouting at each other?

Alas, when I slowly opened my eyes, I figured who they were. They suddenly stopped their bickering, looked at my finally conscious body and ran to my side.

It was Paul and Juliana. Go figure.

Juliana was the first one to speak. She brushed the hair away from my eyes, all motherly, and asked, in a concerned voice, "Susannah, what happened?" She took my hand and relief flooded through her face. I wonder why… Did I look dead when I was unconscious? Well I probably did since unconscious people DO look dead sometimes and… okay, shutting up now.

Paul rolled her eyes and said in a concerned-but-kind-of-bored voice, "Juliana, don't you think we shouldn't ask her questions just yet and TAKE her to Father D?" That sounded like a good idea.

Juliana glared at him.

I couldn't utter a word; I don't know what's wrong with me. It seemed like I lost my voice, but I knew I didn't because there was something in me that just wanted to scream.

I just stared at them both, wide-eyed.

I sighed inwardly.

I closed my eyes again and breathed heavily.

"Susannah! Susannah!" Juliana shrieked. "We're losing her again! Paul, what should we do?" She took my wrist to feel its pulse. "She's still alive. But what's wrong with her? Why did she close her eyes!"

Paul, I knew, just rolled his eyes. "She's getting sick of your constant worrying and bickering." I don't know how Juliana reacted to his but Paul suddenly said, "Relax…she's just resting." Paul took my hand in his, and the warmth from it comforted me.

I opened my eyes again, only to find them hovering over me. They were clearly watching my face for some kind of reaction or something. I sat up and looked at both of them. "Hi," I said, my mouth felt dry.

Paul seeing that I was okay, said, "Okay, let's go to Father D now."

Juliana just nodded, smiled at me and dematerialized.

Paul stood up to help me stand up. He picked me up and started to carry me to the office. I looked at face and saw that it was etched with worry. He looked my way and his eyes told me he was sorry. I smiled at him to let him know everything was going to be okay, that I've forgiven him. He smiled back and sighed with relief, a comfortable silence taking over the awkward one.

»»»»»»»»»

After Paul told Father D the story ―which I completely tuned out because I didn't want to hear it again. Hearing it once was good enough for me―, Father D gave this REALLY long pep talk about abstinence, no pun intended.

I knew Juliana didn't listen much either to Father D's pep talk, because I saw her rolling her eyes at about it. Father D stopped talking because Juliana had interrupted him.

"Dominic, do you know what caused Susannah to gain her memory back?" she asked.

"I―" Father D started to say but Paul interrupted him again. "I think I have the answer to this Father D. It might be in one of my grandfather's books about Shifting…the ones I…uh, used," he said.

Father D beamed at Paul. "Excellent!" he exclaimed, clasping his hands together. "Would you kindly get it for us Paul?"

Paul nodded and stood up to shift. "I'll be back in a moment," he said and shifted to Dr. Slaski's house.

That moment took about…half an hour, I think, and he still wasn't back. Psh. What was taking Paul so long? All Father D, Juliana, and I did was eye each other across the room, not wanting to say anything.

I just kept to myself and didn't say a word. There was no point. Besides, what WAS there left to talk about?

In the corner of my eye, I saw Juliana mouth, 'TALK', to Father D. In response to this, Father D shook his head. Juliana glared at him.

They made a pretty cute couple. You could see the real chemistry between them…and it was so touching. Even if they weren't together…you could tell they were still deeply in love with one another. This made me wonder what caused the big gap between their relationship and whether this might happen with me and Jesse…

Jesse. Shit.

I completely forgot about him! Father D and Juliana must've caught my stunned expression since they asked in unison, "What's wrong, Susannah?"

"Jesse," I whispered. I looked at both of them. "Where's Jesse?" I asked. I wanted to see him… no, I NEEDED to see him. I needed him to be with me… to hold me… I needed him with me; it's been long… too long. I couldn't live a minute longer without him.

I shook my head as I realized who Father D and Juliana were talking about before. Hector. It was Jesse. He… he thought I wanted to be with Paul. I need to tell Jesse that it's him who I wanted to be with…before it was too late.

Juliana smiled at me kindly. I smiled back and Father D said, "I think he's back at his apartment but―"

I didn't wait for Father D to finish his sentence, I ran out of the office as fast as I could. I heard Father D call for me, "Susannah! Wait! Don't you want to know what caused it? PAUL WILL BE BACK ANY MINUTE WITH THE EXPLANATION!"

I smirked. I didn't care. The explanation, whatever, can wait. Because my heart couldn't wait any longer, it was yearning for Jesse. And that's what it's going to get.

Jesse.

Once and for all.

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Finally. I got this off my chest. It took me so long to write this chapter (and some procrastination in my part. Sshh!). But finally, it's out. I have the next chapter all outlined and stuff, probably a couple more chapters to go and I'll be done with this. D

Once again, I am very very sorry for the long wait. Please make me happy and review! Since you know, I stayed up until 1AM to finish this –grins-. Haha.

Love, Claudine