Chapter/Day Six
By: Liz D
Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for playing along.Spoilers: Post-Paraguay / Pre Season 9
Written: September 2003 WEDNESDAY –Mac found herself in Harm's hallway. His door was ajar. Soft music and the aroma of dinner were wafting into the hall. She eased open the door and scanned the apartment. He was sitting in the dark in the chair by the window with his head back and his eyes closed completely rapped up in the music. She crept in as to not disturb him. She knelt down by the chair and took his hand in both of hers. She held the back of it to her face for a moment before turning it over and pressing the palm to her lips. He smelled like dish soap and garlic. He let his fingers stroke the side of her face, but he did not open his eyes. She leaned up and brushed his lips lightly with hers. His eyes still did not open. She again pressed her lips to his, a little more firmly. Without opening his eyes, his hands went to her face. He pulled her to him – soft at first – as if to keep him in the dream he was in – but then got more intense as if the reality of the woman he was kissing dawned on him. She tried to pull away but he would not let her get too far; their eyes locked inches apart. The intimacy was exhilarating. He pulled her down on to his lap and cradled her in his arms. She wrapped hers around his neck and pulled his mouth down to cover her own. The intensity was growing. The passion was escalating. The desire was palpable. Hearts were pounding. Blood was racing. Hands were exploring. There was no way that this was going to be cut short. They had gone past the point of no return – and she did not want to stop. She wouldn't let it.
"Mac," a voice pulled her from her fantasy. "Colonel." The admiral called to her from the open door. "Do you have a moment?" The colonel dazed to reality and attempted to come to attention. "As you were."
"Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Please come in."
She tried to shake the image and the feelings the daydream inspired, but they still felt so real. Her desire was still strong. She could still feel his lips, his arms, his passion. The smell of him filled her nose, the music still lay upon her ears. Had she ever desired a man the way she desired him? Why was that? Because of the taboo? Because of the risk involved? Because of the seven years of un-acted upon feelings? Or was it because of the emotional intimacy that they already had? Or maybe it was the reality of that all too brief experience they had shared the other night. Did that make the physical ache for him so much more powerful? Or was it because she thought she had finally lost him?
'Secure it marine!' She chided herself.
What was happening to her? She had been able to keep those feelings in check for so long. What had happened to make that now impossible? Maybe it was all of them leaving her in the space of twenty-four hours. Maybe she was forced to face the fact that of the three the only one she thought about was Harm – well thought about in that way. No - thought about in anyway. She had barely given Mic a second thought after she left the restaurant, but her guilt was now gone. As for Clay, she was now free to think of him or not, but was not worried that she was going to have to 'let him down easy' at any given moment during that day. Now every extra thought she had was of Harm – well she and Harm – together. Together in ways that they never had been. It was not longer only in her dreams. It now was invading her waking day – her working day. It had to end, and end now. SECURE IT MARINE!
"Mac?"
"What can I do for you, sir?"
"You seem a little out of sorts Colonel and I just wanted to check in."
"Do I sir? I'm sorry I didn't realize--."
"You don't need to apologize Colonel. I was just concerned. You can tell me to butt out and I will not take it as a sign of disrespect."
"Sir?"
"I am just concerned."
"Everything is fine sir."
He closed the door and sat down. "I am glad to hear it," he took a deep breath. "Colonel – things are not fine with me. May I?" She nodded for him to continue. "I am having – second thoughts."
"Sir?"
"Not about Meredith – not about her per se – well I am just not sure about the whole marriage thing. Things are great right now, better than great. We are good together – I don't want to screw that up."
"You think if you advance to the next level things might change?"
"I do," he sighed. "I thought you might have some insight."
"I sir?"
"Yes, you know Meredith and you know me about at well as anyone – do you think – I don't want – we are both over the – what I am trying to say is --."
"That you worry about keeping the . . . interest alive."
"We aren't kids anymore Colonel and I don't want what we have to turn into some late winter companionship between senior citizens. Marriage – fidelity – hell even just saying the words out loud has a way of zapping the life out of a relationship."
"I understand."
"So what do I do?"
"Speaking freely," she waited for the nod even though this line of questioning more than implied it. "Admiral I have never thought of you as a senior citizen and I'm sure Meredith doesn't either," she leaned back in her chair. "Candidly sir, I think you are in a very unique position this time to do it right. You are both very vital people and don't have the complications of youth or career goals in your way. You can now focus on the things that are important to you – the both of you."
"You have a point there, colonel."
"I think this is just a little cold feet, sir."
"You are probably right. Thank you Colonel. I knew I could count on you to shed a different light on the matter," he sighed and stood up but paused on his way out the door. "Mac, what about you?"
"Me sir?"
"I couldn't help but notice that Brumby was back."
"Yes sir," she nodded and looked out into the bullpen wondering who was gossiping about what. "That ship has sailed sir."
"Does he know that?"
"Yes, sir."
"And I understand Webb was here last night."
"Yes sir," she was frustrated that she had to say this out loud and more frustrated that her personal life was office scuttlebutt. "Clayton has taken a very long, very dangerous mission in the Middle East. We won't be hearing from him for quite awhile."
"You are Ok with that?"
She paused because there were so many things wrong with his question, but she chose not to call him on any of them. "Yes, sir."
"Good," he looked over at Harm's empty office. It was hard for the admiral not to show his preference. "Anyone else?"
She followed his eye and shook her head. "No sir. Of course I am not looking."
"In my experience Mac, you don't look for it, it finds you. And sometimes – when it finally finds you - it feels like it has been tracking you for miles and it leads you right into a trap."
"Yes sir."
"And when you are backed into a corner with only one way to turn – that is when you do stupid things and ruin it."
"Ruin it, sir?"
"Take this from an old man, Mac. Don't let complications or career goals keep you from enjoying what youth has to offer. I consider myself very lucky to have found Meredith, but there is no guarantee that any of us will meet the right person at the right time. In fact it is pretty much a given that the right person will come along at the exact wrong time."
She smiled at the truth of that statement.
"Thank you colonel." Mac nodded and the admiral left.
The right person at the exact wrong time? How about the wrong person at the right time? Or the wrong person at all the wrong times? She had spent the eighteen hours trying to figure out what it was about Harm that kept her coming back for more. Was it his smile, the glint in his eyes when he thought he knew more than the rest of the world or was it just the fact that he was sexy as hell? Was he the kind of guy you bed once, twice, maybe three times and toss on the side of the road because there was no substance? No, Harm had substance – but did he have it for her? Did he think of her as just a woman to have a torrid affair with? Maybe that is why he had never acted on it before – can't have a torrid affair with a woman you are going to see across a courtroom every day – particularly when the affair was over. Or did he look at her as a woman to pick out a Minivan with? The minivan woman defines the word procrastination because – well – who rushes into a minivan? Who gets hot and bothered about a minivan? Was he an affair or a minivan to her? It didn't matter anymore. Like most women, she wanted both. Could it still happen? Did she want it to?
It didn't matter anymore what Harm thought of her – at least not as it pertained to the thoughts she was having. The fact of the matter was that that scene on Friday night awoke something in her that she could no longer keep quiet. Until she could get past that – there was no point in thinking about anything else. It threw her into her own tailspin – all her intellectual, rational, common sense arguments that kept her safe for the last seven years were now all moot. She had been fantasizing about him for the past week. What it would be like, how it would fill her desire, what he would do and how she would react – it played in her head and she could no longer control it.
She shook herself hard. She needed to get a handle on it before he got back. She needed to get a handle on it period.
"Excuse me Ma'am." Bud voice brought her back again to the real world.
"Yes Bud?"
"Lt. Commander Brian Sanger is here."
"Sanger?"
"The sexual harassment case?"
"Oh yes, please send him in."
This ought to take her mind off of Harm – a sexual harassment case between a pilot and her RIO. Sure nothing that would make her think of him in any of that.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
Harm did not get the jump on the day that he wanted to. He had decided not to close up the house; he found a caretaker to live there. The Hopkins had a granddaughter and Harm needed to wait to interview her. It was all going to work out fine, but it took all day. He came up the stairs with the cat under his arm – she would not leave his side – to find a woman standing in his hallway.
"Can I help you?" He asked.
Kate Pike turned to greet him with her characteristic grin. "Harmon Rabb." The cat hissed. "Never thought of you as a cat person."
"As I live and breathe, Commander Caitlin Pike. What are you doing in my hallway?"
"Looking for some paper to leave you a note."
He opened the door. "Well come on in, I have some right on the desk," he grinned.
She followed him in and closed the door behind her. Harm placed the cat on the couch but she jumped down and started investigating the house.
"A cat, Rabb?"
"Only female I can get into my bed these days," he grinned offering her a beer, which she took.
"I'll bet there are plenty of females willing to curl up with you," she smiled a sly grin. "Some of them closer than you think," she took a sip from her beer.
"Maybe, but the cat scratches less," he smiled. "So what are you doing here?"
She got serious. "I came to offer my condolences for Sarah."
"Thank you."
"She was a great woman, Harm."
"I forgot you had met her," he nodded. "Yeah, you were the last woman I took up there."
"And for good reason. She didn't like me much. Thought I was a bad influence on you."
"Only that you would lead me down that path of sin and temptation."
"You had her fooled, huh? It was you that was leading me."
"I?" He pulled an innocent look from somewhere in his youth. "Pure as the driven snow until I met you," he took her into a hug. "It is good to see you Kate."
"And to be seen."
He let her go and directed them over to the living room. "So you didn't come 8000 miles to offer your condolences."
"I am defending Velma Keelson in the sexual harassment case you felt the need to prosecute."
"I am off that case at the moment, and you are going to have a tough time."
"So who is prosecuting?"
"Mac, I think."
"So how goes it with Mac?" She smiled. "You figured out that you are in love with her yet?"
"Kate," she shook his head.
"Don't 'Kate' me Rabb. I know you and I know that look. So what are you going to do about it?"
"Not sure there is anything to do. Remember Mic? Well he is back in town."
"So – you stopped it before."
"How do you know?"
"I keep tabs on you. Paying attention to the dramas in your life are more entertaining than the dreck they put on TV."
"And then there is this other guy."
"Harm – please – you are not trying to tell me that you would be so noble as to step out of the way for another man?"
"Don't I always?"
"Then who is the real fool?"
"Look, Mac and I have other issues besides the other men in her life."
"So she is one of those female you can't seem to get her into your bed?" Kate grinned.
Harm shook his head at her brazenness. "Waiting for you to come back into my life."
"Get over yourself Harm. You couldn't handle me for more than a weekend. You are too – too – too much of a boy scout."
"I earned my Pike merit badge."
"I'll say."
"I do miss you Kate."
"Nah, you are not for me Harm. You need someone like Mac. Someone to keep you on the straight and narrow. Pull you off the edge of that envelope."
"How well do you know Mac anyway?"
"I know her better than you think I do. Or at least her style," she smiled at him sadly. "You are not meant to be alone, Rabb. You are meant to have a wife and kids and a dog – or a cat I guess. You can have that with Mac – she'll challenge you, god knows she sexy --."
"Sexy … this is you calling another woman sexy?"
"I got eyes, Rabb. I can see. I know what men like … I know what you need. You need her. She'll still give you all that Middle America stuff that you both crave. She is the right one for you. If you'll both just wise up."
"Not sure I would agree with that. But there is something between us. Not sure there is any future to it. But it sure makes the present interesting – and frustrating and confusing," he looked at her for a moment. "What about you?"
"Lone wolf. Always was and always will be."
"I don't think so. I think you have convinced yourself that you are, but there is the right guy waiting for you."
He leaned over and kissed her – a friendly kiss. The cat jumped in his lap, cried loudly and hissed again at Kate.
"Don't tell me this is your grandmother's cat," she said.
Harm just smiled.
