Chapter/Day Eight
By: Liz D
Normal Disclaimers – Thanks for playing along.Spoilers: Post-Paraguay / Pre Season 9
Written: September 2003
FRIDAY - 1836 ESTJAG Headquarters
Falls Church, VAThe judge entered and sat. The members, prosecution, defense and the gallery sat. The judge looked to the prosecution and the defense. She reviewed the gallery and the members' box. The president of the members was standing.
"Mr. President, have the members reached a verdict?"
"We have your honor." The note was passed to the judge and back. "Will the defendant and counsel please rise." Mac and the defendant rose. "Mr. President, please publish your findings."
"On the counts one, two, three, five, and six of Article 108 Sale of Military Property we find the defendant guilty." The defendant made a loud snorting noise and several women in the audience swooned. The president continued. "On counts four, seven and eight, we find the defendant not guilty,"
"Are the members ready to pass sentence?"
"Yes, ma'am. We find that the defendant, Chief Warrant Officer Victor Brandon, should be dishonorably discharged, all pay and allowances to be forfeited and he should be forthwith confined in Leavenworth for a period not less than 25 years." There were audible weeps from the gallery.
Mac forced her head not to drop. She did not hear the judge thank and dismiss the members and close the case. All she heard was the cries of the petty officer's mother, wife and sisters being escorted from the room. She heard the client threaten to bring her up on dereliction of duty charges and felt the full weight of his vehemence using language that no self-respecting Petty Officer would use when speaking to a superior officer indeed no gentleman would use toward a lady … in fact no human should use toward his fellow man or woman. The bailiff had to restrain him
She stood motionless until the room had cleared. She then folded into her chair and heaved a heavy sigh. It had been on hell of a week, and she needed to get away from the whole stinking mess. She gathered up her notes with renewed vigor as she attempted to secure a plan – nothing came. Her frustration, her bitterness, her sense of injustice at the events of the week were building up in her. She had one more item to take care of before she secured for the week – but she was going to blow it off. She slammed out of the courtroom and blew by the elevators. She was headed for the stairs.
"Mac?" Harm called to her.
She ignored him and ran down the stairs. Nothing was going to stand in her way of getting as far away from everything that she knew as she could get – the faster the better.
Harm called to her down the stairwell.
She made no response.
She got to the parking lot – she needed to drive – to get away. She had no vehicle. She had turned in the one she had borrowed to go to Norfolk because the brakes were so bad she nearly rear-ended a semi. She thought about calling a cab but it wasn't going to be fast enough. She started walking … power walking.
By the time Harm caught up with her, she was nearly a mile away.
"MAC," he ran up behind her.
"Harm --- I am in no mood," she told him flatly.
"Been a tough week for you, eh Colonel?"
"An understatement, Commander."
"Mac, would you just wait," he kept pace with her.
She stopped dead in her tracks, Harm had to come back a few steps when he realized she was no longer with him.
"I am serious Harm … I can't do this right now … I can't take one more scolding … one more lecture …one more person telling me what a jerk I am."
"Mac … I wasn't --."
"I have nothing left to give … I have nothing left to be taken from me … whatever evils I have done … I have paid dearly for them this week."
"Mac … I .. uh …"
"Look … fine … I get it … OK?" She railed at him. "I'm sorry … OK?" She wasn't. "I'm sorry I'm not a good enough lawyer to get a guy off who was guilty as sin … Daniel Webster wouldn't have been able to get this guy off."
"He's lucky he didn't get the firing squad."
She ignored him. "I'm sorry that my investigative skills didn't uncover a sexual harassment case in a simple lovers spat."
"I dismissed the charges," Harm announced to deaf ears.
"I'm sorry that I couldn't care about Webb the way he wanted me to so he had to leave the country … probably going to get himself killed and that will be my fault too."
"Mac … stop."
"I'm sorry that I couldn't reason with the admiral's cold feet and convince him to go through with the wedding … OK? … I'm sorry … I didn't think the stakes were that high … He loves her … and when he left my office the wedding was back on."
"It is."
"I'm sorry I didn't love Mic enough to go through with the wedding … WAIT … No I am not sorry about that … he showed his true colors … and I am glad to be rid of him," she nodded like she had found some minor point of victory.
"Mac," he wondered how long he should let her rant go on.
"And yes … I am sorry for every screw up, mix up, misunderstanding, miscommunication and misdirection with you," she held up her hand. "I am sorry that I needed to hear words from you … that actions weren't enough … I am sorry that I couldn't throw caution, my career and a friendship to the wind on an assumption that you MIGHT feel something more … I am sorry that I went with every man that asked while you didn't, wouldn't, couldn't or were waiting for the absolute right moment … I am sorry that Mic was there to pick up the pieces of my broken ego when you refused me in Sydney and I am even sorry that I ran away when you walked away from me to finish with Renee … I'm sorry that your saving my life in Paraguay confused the hell out of me to the point that I didn't thank you for the sacrifices you made and the risks that you took," she looked at him quickly. "THANK YOU."
"Mac."
"I am sorry I make excuses for you … I am sorry that I need the excuses to keep me sane," she looked at him directly. "I am sorry that I can't, won't or just didn't talk to you about my feelings for you at any point in the last week, year or near decade because I was afraid … afraid that you would feel less for me … want less … give less. I am sorry that I can't reconcile appropriately how I am supposed to feel about a man who doesn't feel the same about me."
He shook his head.
"I am sorry I am such a chicken shit," she finally looked like she was going to stop talking.
"Feel better?" He smiled.
"Not really … I really needed to hit something … something hard … something immovable."
"Hit me," he stated simply. "As far as … you and I are concerned … I'm as immovable as the Rock of Gibraltar."
She smiled. "I don't want to hit you, Harm."
He smiled back. "Good … you have a hell of a right cross."
She sank back onto the grass by the side of the road. "What a long strange week it's been."
He sat down next to her. "You said it."
"I suppose you heard about my car."
"I did. I called the police and they think they might have a lead."
"You did?" She was touched that he cared enough to call. "Should I call them?"
"They know where to find you." He leaned back onto the grass ignoring what might happen to his summer whites. "The cleaners just dropped off a bunch of stuff for you too. Looks like uniforms."
"Well at least I don't have to replace them," she was trying really hard to add stuff to her PLUS column.
"I also over heard the Petty Officer talking to you landlord. Looks like it will be a least a month before you can get back into your apartment."
"Great," she shook her head.
"And I heard that you were going to need a lawyer and I'm here to offer my legal services."
"Is that a joke?"
"Not a very funny one apparently," he waited for her to say something about it but she didn't so he forged on. "So what is this all about?"
"It is nothing. I saw the judge this morning. The whole thing was a mistake that got way out of control. The judge apologized."
"What judge would issue a bench warrant like that? Stalking for God sake. You live in the same building. It's absurd."
"A new one – one that is overloaded and understaffed. She didn't even notice the addresses."
"That is no excuse."
"The guy is a little off - I think he is a schizophrenic. Two months ago he filed a civil suit against Mrs. Janus for disturbing the peace. She is eighty-five, deaf as a post and talks loudly. He must be off his meds again. He is really not a bad guy he is just a little too paranoid. He is very intelligent and you would never know if you didn't KNOW."
"Mac you need to do something about that."
"It's over. It doesn't matter. It was dismissed and he was taken to the hospital," she shook her head. "I would have had this all taken care of yesterday but so much happened at once I couldn't pick just one thing deal with."
"You have had one hell of a week."
"Thank God it's Friday."
"Harriet told me about Brumby, are you OK?"
"I am."
"He played you a little bit this time, didn't he?"
"It's not important, Harm. It's over now."
"And Webb?"
"Webb does what he always does – he takes care of himself first. He wouldn't have gone if it were not the best thing for him. I just hope he knows how to keep his head down."
"He'll be fine – as you said – he takes care of himself," he added. "You are not to blame for his choice."
She nodded thinking that he did the best he could to take care of her during their time in Paraguay (something she would not bring up to Harm considering his role in that mess) but she didn't need to take responsibility for the rest of his life because of that.
"I saw the Admiral on the way out … in case you didn't hear me … the wedding is back on," he took a beat. "You and Meredith are going to be OK?"
"Fine," she said easily. "She needed to take it out on someone and I was an easy target."
"Like you have been for a lot of people recently."
She smirked. "It has been a week for that," she stretched her neck to get some of the kinks out.
"So you are just going to try to forget the last four – five – seven days?"
"Most of it. Most of it will take care of itself – I hope," she stood up. "One thing that you haven't mentioned – the worse thing that happened all week – something that won't take care of itself - is that I lost my best friend."
"If you are referring to me – you haven't lost anyone."
"I'm sorry … I mean sincerely sorry that I didn't call you," she shook her head. "I really don't know why I didn't but I don't think it was for the reasons you thought."
"I had no right saying or even implying the things I did. I'm sorry," he smiled.
"I'm sorry I didn't make time to talk to you - before," her sincerity this time was real.
"Yeah," he swallowed hard and nodded the comment away. "So, Colonel, what are you going to do now?" he asked.
"Go to Disneyland." They both laughed. "I think I would like to crawl under a rock – but I may just settle for a blanket."
"Why don't you let me take you out to dinner?" he was very gentle.
"I am not sure I could face another person – just another opportunity to piss someone else off."
"Ok – how about I take you to my apartment and cook you dinner. We'll turn off the phones, lock the door and turn the music up."
"Your apartment?"
"No one would think to look for you there," he suggested.
"I couldn't ask you to do that."
"You aren't asking, I am offering – and if you answer yes now, you might just get a back rub in the bargain," he smiled.
She sighed at the thought of a back rub. It would be so nice to have strong hands work the knots out of her. "Why are you being so nice to me?"
"I am always nice to you," he smirked. "Well usually, can't a guy be nice without there being some ulterior motive?"
"Not usually – not to me."
"You've had a tough week, you could use a little TLC and – well – cause I love you, Mac." The 'I love you' was said very casually – like it was on the side, not a big deal, like you would tell your sister or your friend that you loved her. She took it in that spirit and read nothing more into it.
"Don't we have to talk – I mean shouldn't we --."
"No," he shook his head. "We don't have to talk about anything – not tonight. In fact I think we ought to table any agenda items for at least twelve to eighteen hours," he smiled. "Had a strained week myself."
She paused to look at him. "How are you?" she asked. She had been worried about him but was afraid to ask.
"I'm OK. Been pretty self absorbed for a while and it is now time to think about someone other than me."
"And you chose me?"
"My first choice," he smiled. "Come on – let me take you home and feed you, you'll feel better," he reached out his hand to her. She took it reluctantly. The sensation for each was sheer comfort. Slowly they both rose.
Mac had to let go of his hand to collect all her stuff. He most of the items from her.
"Mac?" He said softly and gently. She turned to look at him. "There is just this one thing." Because his voice was so full of care she was not afraid about anything he was about to say.
"Just one?"
He smiled. "For tonight," he stepped closer to her, put a gentle hand on her face and pulled her to him for a kiss. It was not a sympathetic kiss. It was not a friend who wants to give another friend some support. It was also not a down and dirty kiss meant to be the prelude to something wild and crazy. It was a full on loving kiss. It was not meant to be anything more and it was not received as if it were more. It was just a kiss, but it lasted longer than most 'just a kiss' kisses last. It ultimately involved more bodily contact than most 'just a kiss' kisses do and it took both their breath away. But in the end – it was just a kiss.
He pulled back totally satisfied and pleased with himself that he was able to act on that desire without feeling the need to hide from it, ignore it or justify it either before or after. Of course then there was brief panic moment, when he considered that maybe Mac was not at the same point.
"OK?"
"Very OK," she smiled slightly.
"Nothing to say?"
"Looking for me to give you an excuse?" she grinned.
He laughed. "I can be very arrogant at times."
"Part of your charm."
"So?"
"So nothing – do you have something to say?"
"I wanted to, so I did."
"Good," she nodded.
"Yes it was."
"What's for dinner?"
"Sea Bass."
"You knew I would accept?"
"I hoped you might."
"Harm?"
"Yes."
"Does the 'wanting' and the 'doing' work in both directions?"
"I think it should."
"Good," she touched his face for a moment and they headed back to JAG to get his car.
X X X X X X X X XHarm was true to his word. He took Mac to his apartment. Let her take a long hot shower to wash away the week. He gave her some sweats. There was some good-hearted banter about her being caught dead in Navy sweats, but nothing really serious. The phones were turned off. The music was turned up and the doors were locked. They talked about almost nothing of import.
"Where did you get the cat?" Mac asked as Eternity jumped in her lap and curled up. "Her name is Eternity?" She resisted saying 'the wait must be over.'
"My grandmother." Harm watched for a moment as the cat settled herself. "She likes you. I was beginning to think she only liked men."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, Kate stopped by the other night – the cat didn't like her at all."
"Probably recognized her own kind invading her territory."
Harm smiled.
"So how was it seeing Kate again?"
"Fine," he shrugged.
"Fine?" she queried. "How was breakfast?"
"Are you asking if she spent the night?"
"I wasn't." Mac looked away. "Did she?"
"She didn't." It was hard for Harm to hide his delight that Mac cared enough to ask.
"OK."
He made a wonderful dinner and gave her a very complete shoulder rub – they both felt that a back rub was a little too – leading. Shortly after it was difficult for Mac to keep her eyes open. Harm picked her up and carried her to the bedroom and nestled her in his bed.
In a very sleepy state she mumbled. "I'm going to need to go home … to the hotel … can't remember the name," she stretched. "Can you call me a cab?" she yawned. "I'm just going to take a little nap while I wait."
She was out. Harm was pleased to know that she could relax so much with him. Normally she would be so self-conscious – particularly in his bedroom - that he couldn't get her to sit still. She was asleep in his bed. He pulled the covers up over her and tucked her in well. She looked like such a different person when she slept. No walls, no agendas, no fears or defenses of any kind. She was just Sarah. He lay down on the bed next to her – on top of the covers – and cradled her as she slept. Soon he was a sleep too.
