Carina POV

"Arizona comes back to live in Seattle. Permanently, I mean... I found out today. I wanted you to know."

You don't seem particularly surprised.

"Ah" is all I get for an answer. I don't have much more to add to what I said. So, to fill this silence, I drink some beer too. It gets a little easier now that you know. Not that the news reflects in any way on our relationship, but it was wrong to hide it from you and what's more I dread to imagine what reaction you would have had to learning the news from someone else who knows when.

"When did you find out? Did she tell you that?" answer, in a tone that sounds almost edgy.

"Yes, she told me about it this morning, as soon as we saw each other..."

"Do you mean when you saw each other at breakfast?" you reply. I wasn't wrong, there was actually something strange in your voice. You down another swig of beer as you finish your sentence. How did you find out? I mean, I would have told you... or at least I want to believe I did.

"How do you know we went out to breakfast together?" I ask you. Your face is puzzled by my question. In fact, I could have worded it better... it's just that this thing caught me off guard slightly. "Really?! All you can tell me is how I found out, Carina?" you reply, visibly annoyed. You snap out of your chair, clapping your hands on the table. I stiffen at this gesture of yours: I know I'm in the wrong, but that doesn't justify such an impetuous reaction. You turn around, your back to me, and seeing you lower your head I can tell you've already regretted your reaction. I hear your breathing get deeper, you try to regain your composure, control of you.

"She… she asked me to find a moment to talk…" it's the only thing I can say.

"...and?"

"And... we met for coffee. That's all"... I answer you. Flip your face lightly and I feel you believe my words. But you don't look at me, you don't say a word, which makes my blood cold.

"Maya, please... say something", I beg you. I need to know what you're thinking, what's going on in your head, what's going on in your heart right now.

"Okay..." you sentence. A simple word which in your opinion seems to be a sufficient answer to my request. But I need something more. Now I need you. And anything else you want to throw at me. "Okay what?" I get up too and walk towards you, slowly. I walk around the table until I get within three feet of you.

"If you tell me that's all, that's enough for me," you say. You still can't turn your gaze towards me though, so I take your hand between mine. You turn to me, your eyes glazing over.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away... I should have, I was wrong..." I say, not taking my eyes off you for a second.

"No, no, Carina, please… please, don't apologize. I'm the one who overreacted, it's just..."

You freeze, hesitate. I understand, though, that what you're trying so hard to get out is important, and you want to make sure the words you say are the right ones. I move even closer to you and take your face in my hands gently.

"Maya, you know you can tell me anything," I say, for reassurance.

"Grrrr... it's so hard..."

It's almost like you're fighting with yourself, I can see it on your face. On your face I find signs of this difficulty, which becomes almost physical, to bring out your emotions, what you're feeling. At last your eyes cross mine, and I see a reflection of a fragility that you know how to hide from everyone but not from me. And that's probably one of the things that made me fall in love with you. You think you won me over with your disdainful act that night at Joe's. But it was the first time I saw you in all your fragility that I realized how special you are.

"I'm afraid you might choose her"... you say, finally opening up to me. And this sentence is like a blade slowly penetrating my side. Yours isn't just jealousy. It's not about that. It's fear of losing me.

"Don't... don't even say that as a joke. I'm in love with you, Maya!"

My words don't seem to be enough, though. I understand you need more, more than this, but I feel like I don't have all the pieces of the puzzle yet.

"Arizona... Arizona, don't leave me", you whisper as you lower your eyes. And right now I really don't understand what you're saying, or what are you playing at... whether what you're doing is a grotesque caricature of who you think I am with her or you just want to remind me how I felt when I said those words, when I felt my heart breaking. I know you, though, and I know that if your purpose was only to hurt me, your contemptuous gaze would have been on me. You want to see me feel bad at every word you say, or rather, that's what the old Maya would have done. But you're not that person anymore, at least I think. And hope.

"Maya, talk to me… let's talk about this! I... I still don't understand…"

My words are increasingly uncertain.

"You said that in your sleep the other night," I hear those words and my response comes instinctively. "Maya, I'm not sure exactly what tricks my subconscious may have played on me in my sleep, but I think it's understandable that seeing her again may have messed me up a little," I reply, firm but without aggression in my voice.

"I didn't mean that night... but the night before we met her..."

This I have to admit is a little unsettling. I don't really know what to say to that, but in this, thankfully, you come through for me.

Maya POV

I can't believe I actually brought that phrase up. You're gonna think I'm an idiot for giving weight to words I said in my sleep, and I'm the first one to think that.

"I'm not saying that words are important, but I've been keeping it inside for days. In my brain, in my heart, every moment when we were together. And this weird coincidence... it's like somehow a part of you already feels like she was coming back."

I realized that if I want to get better, if I really want to give our relationship a chance, I have to learn not to keep my emotions hidden, otherwise I will end up hurting you, sooner or later.

"When we saw her, I was honestly blown away. I'd found a picture of you, inside your boxes when you moved in, but I didn't think she could be like that... when we introduced ourselves I had a feeling I couldn't hold a candle to a woman like her... and it only took me 30 seconds to realize it."

There you have it, the insecure, fragile, weak Maya coming totally out of the closet. Until not long ago I would have been ashamed of it, I would have looked at myself as a pathetic stranger.

Then I started therapy, and you were there for me every step of the way, with a strength and a love that maybe I never fully deserved, but I'm working on it, we're working on it.

"Maya... don't say that, please. Look at me, look at me... eyes on me!"

Eyes on me. Over time, it's become a kind of magic formula for hard times, when feelings and thoughts start to disturb me. You know, with those simple words I always come back to you. Your eyes are so intense, it almost takes my breath away, it makes me feel at home. You are my home, and I don't want to lose you.

"Maya, listen to me. The story with Arizona was important, I can't deny it. And she has charisma, she knows how to charm anyone in front of her. But the way she left me, without even turning back, I can't forget, much less erase. Honestly, I don't even think about doing that!"

You're right, that woman has charisma to sell. But I wonder if without having heard those words, the night before we met her, I would have felt just as much awe.

"When things got tough she gave up. She took the easy way out. Instead, you fought for us, for our clove. You had hurt me, humiliated me, and I had built a wall between us, to defend myself... but you didn't give up, you didn't quit. You fought for a chance to right your wrong, we faced difficulties together and rebuilt our relationship from scratch. Together... that's the point, Maya! We did it together."

Looks like I got one thing right after all. I realized I had to come back to you. And I will always come back to you.

"Baciami, bambina..." you ask. I place my lips on yours, for a kiss that wants to give you all of myself, my insecurities, my frailties, and asks only one thing in return... that you continue to love me for who I am.

"I'm not going anywhere, Maya," you whisper, as if to make a point. Deep down I need it and you know that.

Your lips touch mine repeatedly, while your body pushes against mine, making me backwards, until my back is against the wall. Your kisses are getting greedy, your hands on my face lure it even closer to yours if possible. My hands go from your hips up along your back, while I hold you to me, feeling every shape of you against my body. You interrupt our kissing, and for a second it's like I'm short of breath, like you're my oxygen. I take the edges of your shirt, I lift it up until you take it off, and as soon as you get rid of it, your lips slip again on mine, even more hungry, even more passionate.

You're driving me crazy, but the moment you bring your mouth closer to my ear, I know I'm totally at your mercy.

"Fammi tua, Maya...", you whisper, and your warm breath radiates shivers of pleasure.

My perplexed face makes you understand I don't have any idea of what you said. So you decide to make me completely lose my mind.

"Make me yours"

Three words, which seem to be enough to tilt my brain for a few seconds. I lift you up, your legs around my waist, while with you in my arms I walk towards our room. When we get to our room, I'll put you down on the bed and watch you lie down comfortably.

I quickly slip off my shirt, which I roll up before tossing on the floor. Without taking my eyes off you for even a second, I pull down my sweatpants, before dropping them and slipping them off with a quick shuffle of my feet. You bite your lip, before kneeling on the bed and coming towards me. With a feline gesture, you pass your hand down the back of my neck and kiss me while you drag me onto the bed with you, eager to make me yours.