Carina POV
My eyes are still closed as my lips break that contact. I feel her hand grasp the back of my neck, asking for more, asking me not to leave them, not yet. And that's when I realize that it's not the woman I love that I just kissed, it's not Maya asking me more... and that I just fucked up colossally. I pull away, trying hard to put some distance between us, as if to push away what just happened, or rather, what I just did. I run my hand over my forehead, covering my eyes for a second, and then thread my fingers through my hair.
I can't believe I did that. I jerk up from the bench, trying to put even more distance between me and her. I walk back and forth, hoping the green leaves I see on the trees will help me calm down, taking long breaths, as if I need to catch my breath after a run. Because that kiss took my breath away... Arizona still knows how to take my breath away.
"Arizona, I'm sorry...I don't..." I babble, bewildered by my own actions, unable to find words to express the frenzy in my heart right now.
"Carina, please..." she replies, her eyes filled with a resigned joy.
"It shouldn't have happened, I'm sorry… I don't know what came over me, I mean it..."
My tone becomes more and more guilty with each word, just as I realize more and more with each passing second how unforgivable my act is.
"I think you do instead" she reply, in a confident, almost confident tone. Her gaze... I can't hold it, I can't feel it on me, feel the way it seems to burn my skin, so much it destroys me to have allowed myself to have such a fragile moment.
"No, Arizona...please don't! It's hard enough as it is!"
A simple sentence, that is all I can say at the moment, before I turn my back and leave, without giving her the right of reply. She tries to hold me back, but I can't... I can't allow it. I'm not proud of that, but I just have an instinct to save myself now.
Arizona POV
It's hard to describe how it feels to hear your lips again leaning on mine after so long. And to feel the taste of your kisses again... I didn't think I'd miss you so much, but now... now I have the ultimate proof. You detach yourself, you get away from me, and your words, well, make me feel cold, emptiness, absence again. I'm here with you, and yet I'm alone again. I had you for a moment, a fleeting moment destined to remain so, according to your words.
You keep telling me you're sorry, but I know what I heard and I recognized the Carina of when we were together, the way our faces searched for each other, the gentle pressure of your head on my shoulder, as often happened after a hard day, hugging on the bed after making love, when the tiredness was so much that we couldn't even find the strength to put some clothes on us.
I know our lives went on, that your life is now with someone else, but how can I honestly say that I can or want to erase this kiss from my mind? I know what I felt, I know you were here with me for a second, but I also know that now your mind's only purpose is to figure out what to do to get you out of this mess. I come to you in the hope that I can at least help you calm down, but as soon as I touch your arm you fade away, avoiding even the simplest contact between us.
"Sorry, Arizona, I have to go", you say, leaving me here, still stunned by what happened. There was something, a small piece of our past came back to the surface at that simple touch of lips. And I can't ignore it, any more than you can. I've never forgotten you. I've really tried, but coming back here to Seattle, to this hospital, running into you again in the hallways, being close to you, it all convinced me that I never stopped loving you.
I sit on this bench, searching my mind for as many images of this moment of us as I can. I want to fix them in my mind while I still can. And if this is even a small sign that there might still be a faint hope of getting you back... well, I'll be damned if I'm not going to do everything I can to have you back!
Maya POV
"Herrera, I leave you in charge. It's an hour until the end of the shift, if there are any calls you know what to do," I say, grabbing my jacket and heading for the door, under Andy's puzzled gaze.
"Did something happen, Maya?" she asks, chasing me out of my office. I don't have time to answer, that from the entrance of the barracks comes a messenger with a bouquet of roses.
"Hi, thank you. Just set them down here on the counter," I tell him. I pull out my wallet and sign his receipt, letting him off the hook in no time. Now there are four eyes looking intently at me.
Vic and Andy seem to want an explanation.
"Oh, Maya, what have you done this time?" asks Vic, sitting on the other side of the counter. If I want to get there in time for you to finish your shift, I have to move, so she and Andy will have to cut the details out, at least for now.
"Why the hell should I have done something?"
In fact, my long line of one-night stands before I met you would prove them right. Not to mention the mistakes I made with you.
But now it's different. Everything's different with you. I leave the barracks and run to the car. A few minutes and I'll be with you, I can finally be close to you, as I've thought all day.
I park and wait for you, standing against the car door. I just now realize I walked out of my office wearing my uniform. I was in such a hurry. I lean my neck against the cold metal of the car, enjoying this moment where all I have to do is wait... wait for you.
You come out 15 minutes after the end of your shift, as accurate as a Swiss watch. Now I realize this is how long it takes you to get ready, get your things and get to the parking lot. And I trusted that, otherwise I would have been the late one. And I would've missed the chance to make you this simple surprise.
You don't see me right away, but I can read on your face the signs of the bad day you had, of the impact of the loss of your patient.
You walk briskly to your car, so I decide to take my phone out of my pocket and call you.
"Hey where do you think you're going?" I ask you on the phone. You reawake and turn around, finally meeting my gaze.
Carina POV
Like an automaton I leave the hospital: I feel absolutely helpless, empty... in short, a mess. I just want to go home. Or rather, I'm not sure. Going home means facing what I've done... it's inevitable. I have to tell you, I have to, it's just that today... today has been a bad day and I don't know where to find the strength to do it.
Okay, in the car I'll work out a plan, find the right words to say to you.
My phone vibrates and it's yours the name I read. I answer immediately and I don't know if it's the tiredness playing tricks on me but I seem to hear your voice coming not only from the phone. Instinctively I turn around and see you there, leaning against your car, still in uniform, with a bouquet of roses. Why are you so damn romantic? The day that "hey, want to hear the latest? I kissed Arizona!"
This morning I called you, saying I lost a patient, and you made sure to be here at the end of my day, ready to make me feel loved and a little less broken as possible.
"Wow... are these for me?" I ask you, trying to disguise my voice behind an apparent normality. You stroke my face as I hold these beautiful flowers in my arms, and I follow that touch with my face, trying to make this contact last as long as possible. I leave you a slight kiss on the wrist, almost as if to thank you for loving me so much.
And I feel my heart speeding, and my eyes swell with tears. I burst into an uncontrolled cry and you immediately embrace me, trying to comfort me, thinking you know why I'm like this. But I don't deserve it. And that only makes the situation worse.
