Yen
Alecto's Muse
August 13, 2006
I don't Avatar: The Last Airbender etc. etc.
A/N. Thanks to everyone who reviewed. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint you too much.
Chapter 2.
It was long past sunrise but I had yet to get up. Iroh's been gone for hours, leaving me alone… again. Not that I'm complaining. I wanted, no, needed it. I would have spoken to him, but sometimes it's just easier not to. And sometimes I don't need to. To anyone else, I would have appeared to be asleep, but he knows me well enough now…he invited me to join him when I was rested. The insomnia that has plagued me periodically since I was first exiled has returned with a vengeance since leaving the North Pole. I sleep not at all during the nights, and very little in the mornings. I don't why. What is there worth caring about? I have already lost everything that mattered. Well, almost everything. All I have left is my life, and how pitiful an existence it is. Never letting my guard down. Always looking over my shoulder, waiting for my past to catch up to me. Relying on the kindness of strangers. I'm sick of it.
It's almost a relief now that I no longer have the option of proving my honour by returning with the avatar. I have none left. What a hypocrite I would be to pretend otherwise. It's a slippery slope. In the beginning, it's easy to justify the little things, like stealing food when you're hungry. By the time you realise you've begun to change, you're so far gone, you don't know how to get back. I'm already lost. I'm sick of the poverty. I'm sick of the dirt. I'm even sick of this war. I'm just sick of the utter futility of this life. Is this all I have to look forward to? Is this all there is? What hope is there for people like me?
I would scream, but that would take considerably more energy than I have at the moment. I could cry, but it feels like everything that was capable of feeling inside of me dried up a long time ago.
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Peace, peace
Let there be peace, peace, peace
Let there be peace all over the earth
Let there be peace, peace, peace
Let there be peace
No one needs war, sorrow or pain
Love is the answer to all that we face
Let there be peace all over the earth.
The lyrics were simplistic, but I can see how other people might find them touching. Out of sheer habit, I pull my wide-brimmed hat further down my face, although it's unlikely that anyone would be searching for me here. Unless she had a specific reason, like capturing, torturing, or maiming enemies of the fire nation, Azula wouldn't be caught dead mingling with peasant folk. In fact I am fairly sure she would have flayed her own eardrums rather than listening to the not altogether melodious efforts of the schoolchildren "in concert."
Unfortunately this was exactly the kind of event that Uncle Iroh enjoyed. When I finally see him bartering over some exotic teas at a nearby stall, I let out an unintentional sigh. At times like these, I can hardly believe we are all related.
The children had mercifully finished now and there was a split second of silence as they waited expectantly before the large crowd that had gathered in front of the small makeshift stage. A tall, matronly woman - their teacher perhaps - came forward clapping loudly, spearheading applause from the audience. Many also dropped coins in the humongous tin that read "the…. fund." I can't decipher the illegible scrawl and don't bother to try. I can't bring myself to clap, having never been a particularly good liar, but some unidentifiable force drives me to withdraw a small copper piece from my meagre purse.
I decide to make my way over to Iroh before the old man could squander what little money we have on tea, and whatever worthless trinkets catch his eye.
Sometimes, I swear the old man has eyes in the back of his head, because without turning around, he says. "I'm glad you decided to join me, nephew." He looked around with a smile as he gathered up his purchases.
"I'm beginning to regret changing my mind. I can't believe I left the tranquillity of the forest for this." I respond, glancing over Uncle's shoulder. I realise with horror that there are posters advertising a Pai Sho competition. If Uncle sees them, we'll never get to Ba Sing Se. I wonder whether I can simply divert him away from the posters and over to the much more harmless looking fortune teller stall. Ordinarily, I despise seers, but this would be the lesser of two evils. Of course it would be completely ineffective if Iroh's already seen the posters. Then I'll have wasted twice the amount of time.
I sigh lightly. If there is one thing we have in abundance, it's time. Why deprive the old man of a little enjoyment? "Uncle, They're holding a Pai Sho contest here, if you're interested."
"Good looking out, Zuko. Of course, I have already purchased a ticket to enter, but thank you."
Of course you have.
"I knew it was only a matter of time before you grew to appreciate the game. There is still some time before the competition begins. Perhaps I could show you the finer aspects of Pai Sho. We could even get you a ticket."
I almost feel guilty at the look of happiness on Uncle's face, but this has to be nipped in the bud.
"I only suggested it because of the prize money, which would really come in handy, so, do try to win. Besides, I have other plans for the afternoon." Like tracking the movements of the sun across the sky, or watching my hair grow, or even, and let's hope it doesn't come to this, going back to the concert.
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I thought the two large men performing an ear-aching rendition of an old folk tune was dreadful (although few would say so to their faces), but with the couple currently massacring a love song, a pattern of progressively worse acts was being established. As it turns out, I may have underestimated the relative entertainment value of Pai Sho. I'm beginning to rethink this decision, when I see her, all long hair and flashing eyes. She moves around now with a relaxed air, casually eyeing the wares being touted to her. I wonder if I should do something like go over and talk to her. It would certainly be awkward. The decision is taken out of my hands when she looks across the vendors and sees me. For a moment our eyes are locked, before she turns and walks away in the opposite direction.
True, I had worked assiduously in the hours before Katara had come, and I had taken care of him for the days he remained unconscious. However, I had taken all the credit for the recovery, knowing that without her help, the outcome may have been very different. I don't have to do anything; she was the one who had walked away. I could just forget it ever happened, after all, I hadn't asked for her help, quite the opposite in fact. I don't owe her anything.
It's not difficult to figure out where she's heading. To make up for lost time, I take the long way around the stalls where there are few people, while she threads her way through the crowd. I beat her to the main path away from the clearing, and wait for her to get to me. I took a deep breath or two. I didn't realize I'd been running. I also didn't realize how out of shape I had become; winded from a short sprint? My fourteen-year-old self could kick the ass of my current self and still have time for a workout. Pathetic. If the little waterbender could see me now, or worse, my sister... I vow silently to begin training again, immediately after this exchange, and every morning hereafter, at the crack of dawn.
As intent as she was on watching her steps, she didn't notice me until she was right in front of me. She jumped back a bit, and while she didn't go into a fighting stance, her posture suggested a readiness to take me on that was faintly amusing. Not even in the worst shape of my life, waterbender. That fluke incident at the North Pole doesn't count. I have to give her credit grudgingly – she's a plucky little thing.
"Relax, Katara. I… I came to say thank you."
She looks back at me, mildly surprised, but apparently not tremendously moved or impressed. Sigh. Isn't that enough?
Finally, her gaze drops and she murmurs, "It was nothing."
"No, it wasn't. You took a chance doing what you did. I…heavy sigh… I don't like feeling indebted to anyone, but I owe you Katara."
"Yeah, you're welcome… I guess. You know, As far as thank yous go, that was probably not one of the better ones. And, for the record, I don't want anything from you Zuko, so now that you've fulfilled your duty, you can happily go away." There go those flashing blue eyes again.
"Very well." I swallowed the angry words invading my thoughts, and my pride, and step aside to let her pass. Who says I can't control my temper?
She pauses, before stepping past me. As though someone else is directing me, at the last moment, I grab her arm, whirling her around. "It must be nice, to live on that pedestal - the poor martyr, selflessly healing the evil fire nation general. Are you afraid, Katara? Afraid that accepting my gratitude might blur the lines between us? Its hard to be morally superior, if the enemy isn't really a monster, isn't it?"
"My superior attitude? You smug condescending bastard, you're the one who couldn't say a simple thank you like a normal person, like you meant it. You had to show me how much you hated having to say it. It must be really painful for you, living with the knowledge that a simple waterbending peasant girl did what you couldn't."
She doesn't mince words does she? That rang a little too close to home.
I release her abruptly, too abruptly, as she almost falls. I quickly extend my arm to help her regain her balance. She seizes it in the moment, pushing me away again as soon as she was steady.
"Sorry." I mumbled under my breath, then kicked myself mentally as I realised I was repeating what she had just accused me of.
"I know it's a poor excuse, Katara, but I haven't had a lot of practice apologising, or saying 'thank you' for that matter. I apologise for offending you; that was never my intention."
Her eyes widened, and suddenly she smiled. "That was pretty good. I'm sorry too, for insulting you."
I hesitate, before saying "My uncle will be wondering where I am." Another mental kick. Could I sound more like an awkward teenager, afraid of angering his parents? I am, was, a Prince for Agni's sake. I answer to no-one.
"Sure. Ummm…Goodbye then."
"I meant what I said, though." I wait for her to look up at me. She does, with puzzled blue eyes. "I owe you. If you ever need anything, and I'm…around, I promise to do everything in my power to help."
She holds my gaze, silently giving her assent to our agreement, before slipping away.
I walk slowly back to the centre of activities, where I find Iroh, sitting in front of a much younger opponent. This guy didn't have a chance. "You've been gone awhile, nephew. I was beginning to think you'd found a nice young lady, whose company was much more enjoyable than your old uncle's."
I pretend to be too busy pulling a seat close to him to respond. Folding my arms across my chest, I observed him warily. "Don't get too excited uncle; I'm only here because I have little else to do."
Iroh smiled faintly as he moved his piece into position on the board.
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Excerpt from an old song. I don't know the artiste or writer.
