Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I own a hairy otter.

Chapter 26: The Return of the Arse

All Tonks wanted to do was just go home. While Remus's company had been reasonably pleasant, she was sick of people and wanted them to just go away. Seeing that she had had a bit too much to drink to apparate safely, Remus insisted on taking her home. Hogshead, as it turned out, wasn't connected to the Floo network because of its customers ending up in random fireplaces, so Tonks and Remus had to walk to Three Broomsticks.

"Remus, I don't see why you need to help me. While I will admit that I am not completely sober, I am still perfectly capable of—" Tonks tripped over a rock and fell to the ground "—walking there by myself."

"I'm sure you are," grinned Remus, helping her up.

"Stupefy!" came a voice out of nowhere. The spell hit Remus dead on, causing him to fall to the ground, unconscious. Tonks, who hadn't quite gotten her footing, fell as well.

"Expelliramus!" came the voice again, this Spell hitting Tonks. She cursed as her wand flew out of her hands.

A dark figure came out of the shadows. Tonks dived for Remus's wand, only to be thrown back by another spell. "If you will please cooperate this shall be over quickly," said the figure, whom seemed to probably be a man. The voice seemed familiar.

"Well, you have picked the wrong witch because I am the least cooperative one you will find; ask anyone," said Tonks.

"That is for sure," said the man. "I see you are still fraternizing with the werewolf."

"I assume you mean Remus," said Tonks, who now found herself cornered without a wand by the man.

"He was never good enough—he is a pathetic excuse for a wizard," said the man, seeming to change his insult mid-sentence.

"He's not the one who is cornering slightly-unsober, angry women."

"Why are you such a fool?"

"Who the hell are you?"

"Answer me!" said the man, pointing his wand threateningly.

"I thought that was more of a rhetorical question," spat Tonks, giving the man a withering look.

"You should be dead."

"Tell me about it."

"Dammit, why do you have to be you!" shouted the man.

"DNA?"

"I never wanted this! Bloody woman, I don't have—feelings."

"I see that," said Tonks, hoping that by making the man angry, he would get the point.

"I could just had you dead and rid myself of this! But, no, I had save you because it killed me to see what he did to you, what I did to you."

"Now this is just getting weird." Tonks frowned. She knew she had heard his voice before, but in her unsober state, she didn't know where.

"Oh fuck you. You're the cause of all this. I could be perfectly happy right now if not for you," grumbled the man. "Can't you just damn die so I don't have to think about it."

"Snape?" asked Tonks, finally recognizing the voice. "I don't know about me dying, but I can certainly put you out of your misery. Missing your master already?"

"Damn you."

"Damn you too, bastard," said Tonks. "Now tell me why I'm still alive before I attack you barehanded."

"Voldemort was the biggest fool of us all. The potions I gave you weren't as potent as he thought."

"You let me out of his power?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"He didn't have what it took. He was weak," said Snape. "Then again, so am I."

"You helped our side."

"I did what was necessary, nothing more," he said bluntly.

"You fought against the Death Eaters, didn't you? You killed Bellatrix," said Tonks coming to a revelation.

"Yes, I did what was necessary."

"Yet, you hide as a wanted wizard?"

"I know the world; always looking for a story. I won't be their story."

"And Draco?"

"I sent the brat to the Ministry. He fought against Voldemort as well. You can clear him."

"Wormtail?"

"Once a rat, always a rat," said Snape, pulling a small cage out of his robes. He handed it to Tonks. "It's unbreakable. He tried to run when he found out that Voldemort was dead."

"I wouldn't doubt it. Now, are you a good guy or bad guy?" asked Tonks, very confused.

"Always ready to get out your little boxes, aren't you? I am not on your side; I don't care what I did."

"You're just in it for yourself, aren't you?" asked Tonks.

"That's all life is. You survive based on you actions to save yourself. Nobility gets you nowhere. You bloody Gryffindors have always been too thick to figure that out."

"That doesn't make you any less of a greasy bastard. Unfortunately, I owe you my life. Damn wizard's debt. I bloody hate you, but I can get you cleared."

"You forget that I am still a murderer."

"Why did you kill Dumbledore?"

"It was necessary. He understood that."

"Why do you make it so bloody hard to hate you?" asked Tonks finally, trying to sort out her messed up and confusing feelings.

"I believe I have done nothing to make that difficult," said Snape in a slightly softer voice. Then it hardened again, "Either way, you have to deal with your own problems."

"Do you ever feel guilty?" asked Tonks, for some reason feeling quite tipsier than before and feeling like her mouth was running away from her brain.

"I have nothing to feel guilty for."

"You feel like you have made your amends?"

"I have never had any amends to make. Are you done questioning me yet?"

"No. Did you kill your father as Voldemort asked?"

"How do you—?"

"Not all your potions were intentionally botched."

" I see. I said I was a murderer."

"So you did, and dammit, I should be arresting you now."

"So you should. I led the world to where the righteous rule."

"Fortunately for you, I have had too much to drink to actually go through with my threats," said Tonks yet again letting her mouth run away from her brain.

"I was counting on you to make this easy," said Snape, his subtle insult not sliding passed Tonks.

"Did I mention that I don't like you?"

"A few times."

"I'm leaving."

"You're welcome to."

"You have my wand."

"So I do."

"Remus is unconscious."

"So he is."

"You really do have a nice arse."

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A/N: Only one more chapter and a short epilogue. As always, thank you to everyone for reading and to everyone who reviewed.

---Perplexity

P.S.

Pink Padfoot: I never had even considered that the man could have been Draco. I had almost forgotten about him. Perhaps it was so obvious after all. Thank you.