Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek or the song Epiphany by STAIND

Chapter 1

The water ran across Derek Venturi's back with a vengence. The scalding water sent steam through the top of the shower as he leaned against the wall, hoping for all his thoughts to just fade with the memories pounding in his head and the water beating him red. The tears had stopped, but the numbness had yet to come.

-Your words they make just a whisper, Your face is so unclear, I try to pay attention, and the words just disappear-

Derek turned around and threw his head back, the water pelting his face as he rubbed it, trying to rid himself of the pain he was feeling. He could never say anything quite right, never say the right words, or kiss her the right way. He got tongue tied and nervous and scared when he was around her. But underneath all that, he never felt happier or more sure of himself then when he was in her presence, because to him she was a goddess worthy of praise. An opponent that could match anything and anyone in her way. Her name was Casey MacDonald.

-Cause it's always raining in my head, Forget all the things I should have said, So I speak to you in riddles, Cause my words get in my way-

She'd been his for awhile, they'd lay in his bed together for hours; talking, kissing, listening to music, just being there together. He couldn't stop smiling when he thought of those times, but then again he couldn't stop crying either. She'd stopped it all. She couldn't take seeing him at school, anywhere outside of that room knowing she wasn't his at that moment. Knowing that he wouldn't admit he loved her, he played with her. He played mind games and hoped upon hope that she'd figure it out, he'd hoped in vain. Because she never did. Yet she still came to the rooms each night, she'd stand in his door frame and for the longest time they'd just stare at each other. Derek shut off the water.

-I smoke the whole thing to my head, And feel it wash away, Cause I can't take anymore of this, I wanna come apart-

Wrapping a towel around his waist and opening the door Derek entered the hall, for a moment believing that he could look out the door and see her standing there, but knowing he wouldn't. He was alone, in his own apartment, with himself. Casey had their daughter for the weekend, Derek was alone. Eighteen, free of his kid and ex-girlfriend/step-sister, what couldn't he do? Derek knew the answer...anything. His head was always pounding with thoughts of her, thoughts of their three year old daughter Tracie. He had made sure it ended with and ee sound, she looked just like Casey.

Running his hand through his hair Derek slipped on a pair of boxers and headed towards his kitchen, hoping he could stomach some good food and a movie, but moving down the hall seeing the black and white picture of him, Casey, and Tracie he stopped. The photographer had been so amazed by the two girls eyes he'd made the only color in the photograph their amazing blue eyes. As Derek's own eyes connected with Casey's in the photo. The photo was on a couch. Derek was sitting on the edge, Casey was laying on it her head next to Tracie's who was on Derek's lap, Derek's arm was around Casey's waist, holding her hand. We smiled before feeling the tears falling down his face. Which soon turned to racking sobs. They'd been fifteen when their daughter was born, shortly after turning sixteen. He thought they'd last forever. But you can never expect something to last forever if you can hardly admit it's there.

-And dig myself a little hole inside your precious herat, cause it's always raining inmy head, forget all the things I should've said-

Derek hugged himself and headed back to his bedroom. All he could do was sleep lately. Unless Tracie was around, his little ray of sunshine in his once bright life. Everything Derek had planned for his life was ruined, all because he couldn't say what he felt or meant to say. All he could say was someday, one day, eventually, which in the end Casey took as never. He hoped she'd come back. He hoped one day she'd let him crawl back into that little part of her heart where he belonged. With his hopes he drifted off to sleep, hoping one day...one day...wouldn't be never.

-I am nothing more than a little boy inside, that cries out for attention, that I always try to hide-

The morning was bright as Casey MacDonald stepped out of her Suburu, taking Tracie's hand tightly in hers and crossing the street to Derek's apartment complex. Derek. Casey faked a smile for her daughter as they entered the elevator. Tracie, her only lasting connection with Derek. What Casey wouldn't give for Derek to take her in his arms and kiss her like had so long ago. What she wouldn't give for him to just admit how he had felt, what she wouldn't give...but that's all it was. What he wouldn't give, what he didn't give. Now they had a daughter that was the only thing that kept them together. Their family didn't invite them home together, no matter how badly they wanted to see at least one old Casey vs. Derek fight.

"Mommy, daddy's gonna be sleepy." Tracie said with a toothy smile. Casey nodded at her wearily, that's all Derek did, was sleep. Casey shrugged, what did it matter to her? She wasn't in his life anymore. She didn't matter to him. They reached their floor and walked into Derek's unlocked apartment. Casey made a mental note to tell him to make sure it was locked when Tracie was home. "Daddy!" Tracie ran towards her father who was in his boxers yet again, walking down the hallway.

"Lil T, babe I missed you," He said with a smile, Kissing her on the cheek before setting her down and telling her to put her stuff in her room. Casey tried to look nonchalant as he caught her looking at his six pack and arms. He smiled. "Hey Case," He said, walking towards her. The first time they were alone because once T was in her room it'd take a crane to get her out.

-Cause I talk to you like children, though I don't know how I feel, but I know I'll do the right thing, if the right thing is in fear-

"I missed you Case," Derek said, brushing a strand of hair from her face, his hand resting on her cheek, his thumb running on her bottom lip.

"Derek," She searched his eyes. They were full of so many different things, things she knew he wouldn't say, then the realization came, things he couldn't say...after years of wanting and waiting...he couldn't say them because he knew she'd never be able to say them back the same way. He couldn't handle it.

"I'm sorry Case..." He whispered before pressing his lips to hers, kissing her hoping it'd say all he needed to, even more so hoping she'd say it back. She did. Putting her arms around his neck she pulled him closer, his hands closing around her waist. She pulled away slowly as the kiss slowed.

"Derek I...I can't..." She whispered, tears falling down her face, her hand flying to her mouth. "Not yet...not until...just not yet...I'll be back for Tracie in a couple days." She said, fleeing the room. Leaving Derek to do whatever it is he felt he had to do. Whether it was to smile, to laugh, or to cry. She had to get out before she saw any of it...not yet.

-Cause it's always raining in my head, forget all the things I should have said.-

Derek stood alone in the room in silence, tears falling down a smiling face. She'd kissed back. She felt it back. And although pain still clouded his mind. The sunrise of hope was there. He felt it in him and he knew, one day he'd have Casey back. And when he did he wouldn't fail to say so.

Casey stood by her car, sobbing hysterically as she got in. Her lips burning from his kiss her waist on fire from his touch. She felt so much for him. But why couldn't they make it work? Could they make it work? She sighed, she didn't know what was going to happen the next time she went there, because everytime she did it was the same. Not yet...not yet...

The light turned green and she drove away..

tbc