Ithink this is a little shorter than the last few, soIapologise for that. Thanks to chi no hana, kay1fire, Jashomara, Frostt, though i choose death instead of pointless pain, Kashila, darksaphire, missy andJuuichi-Gatsu for reviewing this story! If i've missed anybody out, please tell me. I'm so sorry this has been so slow in coming, I've had writer's block for agesand have been trying to beat it by starting random stories and oneshots. It hasn't particuarly worked, I've still got far too much updating to do! Anyway, hope you all enjoy this chapter! More Kai-torture! (starts laughing insanely) It's abit pointless, butI haven't really worked out where it's going from here and I didn't want to keep you wonderful readers waiting any longer, so I just randomly typed something down. Enjoy!
Ling looked uneasily at the unmoving form of his employee and casual friend. Kai hadn't moved since he sat down, unless you counted his fingers moving restlessly, ceaselessly over that strange necklace. Glassy, unseeing eyes gazed at an interminable point in the distance.

There was a commotion outside. With one last glance towards Kai, Ling opened the door and looked out.

A black-haired little girl on a bike, he never could tell ages with children, had just ridden straight into a lamppost. She was sitting on the floor crying, surrounded by concerned people.

"Isn't that Ray Kon's daughter?" Ling heard one of them mutter.

"Has to be, that kind of likeness. Where do you live, little girl? What's your name?" The little girl in question looked up, tears spiking her eyelashes.

"I'm Lynette, and I'm looking for Kai. You seen him?" she asked hopefully. Ling raised an eyebrow in surprise, already hurrying out.

"Kai's just in here, Lynette. Don't know whether he's in a state to see you, but he's here anyway." he called. Lynette's elfin face lit up and she stood up, brushing her scraped knees off carelessly. Suddenly, her eyes narrowed.

"How do I know you're not lying?" she asked suspiciously. Ling smirked. Smart girl for her age.

"You don't." he said matter-of-factly. "I could tell you that I'm not, but you wouldn't accept that, I'm sure."

"Gimme proof." Lynette demanded. Ling thought, then shrugged. It was worth a shot. He placed one hand on the side of his neck and dragged his fingers across it. Lynette's face cleared, and she bounded inside, grinning happily.

She dashed up to Kai and prodded him hard in the only part of him she could reach; his leg. "There you are, Kai!" she exclaimed joyfully. Kai's posture didn't change. Frowning in concentration, she took a few steps backwards, then ran forwards and took a flying leap, landing on the high wooden table with ease. She lay down on it, full length, and stared at Kai, her face transforming to worry. "Kai? You okay? Wake up!" she demanded. Kai's fingers stroked the necklace, showing no sign that he could heard hear

Ling moved forwards to take her aside, when, to his utter astonishment, Kai blinked and focused on the little girl only a few inches away from him.


Kai struggled to form a smile for Lynette. Groggily, he sat up a little, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings again. "Hey," he mouthed, his voice sticking in his throat. The seven year-old looked at him, concern clear in her bright amber eyes.

"Are you feeling sleepy?" she asked, patting him lightly on the arm. His head moved a fraction to confirm the question. "Okay. Do you want me to go away, so's you can go back to sleep?" He stared at her, his brain struggling to cope with translating. In her concern, Lynette was switching between English and Mandarin without knowing it, and it was too much work for his confused, foggy mind. He began to slip out of reality again, finding a sick kind of comfort in this fresh confirmation of his inability to live in the civilised world when he had forgotten to take his medication.

"Do you want to know what insanity feels like, Lynette?" His voice seemed to be coming from far away, the question out of nowhere. Without waiting for a reply, he started talking in a soft monotone. "I've always thought of it as centred around the world's biggest cliff, and you're bungee-jumping off it. You go from solid ground under your feet to this sick feeling of fear and excitement as you plunge over the edge. You know you'll always be saved…that the bungee cord will always snap taut and pull you back just when you start getting scared, and the adrenalin is so addictive that you just can't resist testing your boundaries and plunging down over and over again.

"But one day, the cord snaps and you fall and fall…screaming…hoping for a miracle… Then you hit the ground. It's the worst feeling in the world, just lying there, helpless, knowing that you've failed, your whole body burning with pain… Deep inside, you're still waiting for the cord to go taut and pull you up, but it doesn't…it doesn't happen…

"Then the ambulance arrives, they scoop you up, patch you up, shove you in a hospital to get over your ordeal. And they try to help…they try to push you back up that cliff, back towards solid ground…but that don't know. They've never felt what it's like to lie there, crying out for someone to save you, and everyone who could is up there, up on the cliff, safe and sound. They rip your harness, your only hope of a successful climb away from you without even asking whether you want it or not. You get used to it…used to lying there, looking up at the world going on above you. You fight those helping hands, you jump off the cliff and land back where you were. Staring up at the sky, watching clouds, watching the people like ants up in the sky. You hurt, but you don't notice, lost in your peaceful world. Why would you want to climb? What have you got left up there?

"You saw your friends walk away as you took that fateful jump, confident that you're untouchable, that nothing will ever hurt you, because they don't know about the addiction, about the urge to jump over the edge that's been with you for so many years now. They've never returned, never peered over the edge from their comfortable, safe world and seen you lying there, broken, ruined. They don't need you. Your harness is gone and no one will tell you where it is, so how are you supposed to feel safe when you're climbing? Because you do start climbing again. Of course you do. It's human nature to keep trying, refuse to give in, and yours more than most. Slowly, you climb, up and up, closer and closer towards the cliff edge, towards the stability that you took as granted so, so long ago. You climb relentlessly, applying all of your once-legendary tenacity to the task of getting back where you were.

"And so, eventually, you pull yourself up, swing yourself back onto solid ground again. The world is so different from the one you recall. No one knows you unless they strain their memories; you're old news. All those wonderful accomplishments, even the shock of your fall, no one remembers it.

"So now you're up there again, but only just. You're clinging to the edge with all your might, held in place with ropes and secondary harnesses. Every now and then, if you forget to tighten them, they let you fall, and you grab hold of the edge and hang on, tightening them as best you can until they can pull you up again." He lifted his head and looked straight at Ray, who was standing in the doorway, a look of mingled shock, anger and hurt clear on his face. Kai's mouth twitched up into a nasty smirk as he continued talking about himself in the second person. "You're not like other people, you're never going to be fully stable ever again. It just takes some people a while to catch on, and they don't like it when they do."

"That's enough, Kai." Ray said steadily, his calm voice cutting through the atmosphere in the room like a hot knife through butter. He held out a hand. "Lynnie, come with me. We're going home." Committing an almost unheard-of act for a Chinese child, Lynette scowled and shook her head furiously. Ray's gaze sharpened. "Lynette!" he snapped. The little girl cringed, afraid of the sudden anger in her father's usually benevolent eyes.

"Why are you angry at Kai?" she demanded.

"He has no right to be telling you such things."

"Daddy, he's just unhappy!" Lynette defended the silent man just a few inches away from her. "He's just unhappy, that's all!"

"He's more than unhappy if he thought that he could get away with not taking his medication." Ray stated. "I'm not putting you girls in any danger."

"You were perfectly happy to, before you found out." Kai commented quietly.

"Kai wouldn't hurt me, or Rosie!" Lynette declared.

"You don't know that." both men said in unison. With a sigh, Ray walked over and sat down next to Kai. Kai looked at him, his eyes empty of emotion. "Talk to me, Kai," he almost whispered. "I don't know where I stand in this."


Kai stared blankly. Ray's honey-coloured eyes looked huge, filled with uncertainty and a determination to try and do the right thing.

"What could I tell you?" he murmured, his attention drifting. "I'm clinically insane, you know that now." He reached inside his shirt and brought out the necklace, rubbing his fingers over it in a pattern that had been worked out long ago. Suddenly, he felt something soft brush his ruined throat. He watched detachedly out as the corner of his eye as Lynette touched his throat. "I wouldn't do that." he whispered. "You can't fix that." A tear slid down his cheek. He made no effort to stop it, an empty feeling settling over him, heavy on his chest. "You can't…fix me…" he murmured, to whom, he didn't know. Another tear slid down his cheek, then another, then another. He blinked as he felt Lynette wrap her arms round him in a tight hug.

"Come on, Kai. You need to take your medication." Ray's voice seemed to be coming from a long way away. "Come back with us." Mechanically, he rose to his feet and followed the two black-haired, graceful Chinese citizens out of the door.


Mariah knocked on the door and, receiving no reply, tentatively pushed it open.

"Is that always how you check whether someone wants you in the room?" Kai asked icily from his seat by the window, in the corner of the room.

"Do I care whether you want me in the room?" Mariah retorted, irritated. Kai turned to her.

"You should do." His expression was closed-off, unfathomable, his eyes dark and menacing. Mariah swallowed despite herself.

"Just take your medication!" she ordered, pointing to the four bottles and a glass of water on the tray that she was carrying. Nervousness sharpened her voice. "Or I'll get Ray and we'll force it down you." She glared at him, unfazed by the dangerous look that she was getting in return. "I wasn't afraid of you sane, Hiwatari, and I'll be damned if you scare me now!" With a short nod of acceptance, Kai reached out and took the tray from her with a threatening, suspicious look. He unscrewed the top of one and swallowed two of the pills in one gulp. Slowly, some of the tension eased out of his rigid stance. He looked up at her and chuckled humourlessly.

"You know, I think you understand better than Ray." he commented, turning away in a clear dismissal. "Now, go away." His voice became intimidating again. Mariah shivered despite herself and left the room obediently.

By instinct, she went straight to her bedroom drawer and checked on Galux, breathing a silent sigh of relief when she saw the bit-beast firmly in place. Call her paranoid, but when Kai sounded like that, she wasn't taking any chances.


Okay, that's that done! If anyone understands what Kai's going on about with the whole bungee-jumping thing, well done! If you don't, it doesn't matter, you just need to know that he was talking about his experiences going mad. He was talking about them in the second person because it was easier for him to bear.

In the end few paragraphs, where he's scaring the shit out of Mariah, that's the paranoid part of him starting to take over. Everything before is just him slipping out of control.

Hope that's clear to everyone! Please, please review!